The lyrics are shown, so there is no excuse for not singing along. We all need to look on the bright side!
Tag: humour
Mum Knows Best
Hey diddle dee I’m stuck up a tree
With my trousers all shredded and torn
I should be more wary, avoid such things scary
Not climbing huge trees in a storm
My Mum sure knew best when she said “Wear a vest
You know how your chest is so weak”
But I thought I knew better until I got wetter
Caught the ‘flu and no longer could speak
The moral is clear you should never have fear
And remain in good cheer, never glum
But whatever you do remember this clue
You should always listen to Mum!
Oblique Thunking
I thought a thunk
it went kerplunk
and fell onto the floor.
I picked it up
and supped a cup
then thought a little more.
.
This thought was bland,
quite out of hand,
of little consequence;
It had no bulk
and made me sulk
it really made no sense.
.
I often think
that there’s a kink
within my thinking works
it shows my mind
to be some kind
of prittle prattle quirks
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Some say it’s really obvious,
as plain as day to see,
but really it is complicad
and that’s because it’s me!
Seven Deadly Sins
I died. I did, I really did; I died and went to heaven.
St Peter asked if I had sinned. I said “Oh, just the seven!”
I had to tell each sorry tale; you’d think they’d know already.
I asked him for a whisky sour to keep my nerves more steady.
.
So off we go with avarice, the toad depicts this sin.
Followed close by envy and a snake with deadly grin.
The wrath of lion and sloth of snail with gluttony of pig
Then lust of goat and peacock’s pride but no sin very big.
.
However, deadly sins they were, and those are never spent.
No matter I was sorry or how much I’d repent.
They listened most intently as each sin I’d retell,
Then closed the gates and waved me off as I went on to hell!
Fickle Tickles
Each one surmises Devizes wins prizes
but wise is the man who surprises his wife
I am the wise man whose size can surprise man
But you’d be surprised how my life’s full of strife
You may think this nonsense but not in this one sense
It makes perfect sense when it’s sent to the moon
And surely it’s common when wearing a sporran
To find fickle tickles arising too soon
I’m sure that the pure will arrive before long
And the wanton waifs will not be waiting behind
It seems to be safe that a poor wanton waif
Will be seen as a factual figment of mind
Concluding conundrums can only be right
I’m sure you’ll agree with this fact
When closely examined and with second sight
It is true that life’s simply an act!
Tread Carefully!
Have you ever seen:
.
A flirty flamingo?
a dangerous duck?
a superman spider?
a mink in the muck?
a mouse up a mountain?
a toad in a tree?
then if you have not
come walking with me!
I talk to the trees
and wriggle with worms.
I tickle a toadstool
but stop if it squirms.
I’ll argue with ants,
debate with a deer,
and when greeting lions
I show them no fear.
I’ve ridden a hippo
and that’s hard to do.
Their hides are quite slippy
when covered with poo
I once met a cow
who told me a story.
I won’t tell it here,
It’s sleazy and gory.
So keep your eyes open
and watch where you tread.
If you step on a ‘gator
you may end up dead!
§
Body Image #2

Fallen arches, turkey neck
Large love handles, what the heck
Liver spots on face and hands
Double chin and swollen glands
Knock my hand and there’s a bruise
Doesn’t happen to Tom Cruise
Wake each morn with shoulders aching
Feel as if my back is breaking
Prostate problems, hemorrhoids
Swellings where there once were voids
Teenage spots on ancient faces
Sagging skin in various places
Any day I’ll start to drool
They never warned of this at school!
§
See also Body Image from July 2022 https://pollymermaid.wordpress.com/2022/07/08/body-image/#comments
Pro Scribe Pro Fanity – A Potty Pondering Poem
This is in response to Sammi Cox’s Weekend Writing Prompt #337 where the given word is SCRIBE, and the word count is 98.
§
Scribe a super script of scripture
Chant a tune of amazing grace
Raise your arms above your head
I’ll punch you in the bloody face
Be obnoxious every day
Exactly as you wish
See what happens when you do
Chips go well with fish
Real men don’t eat pasta
I’m well aware of that
But what if they like inky squid
Escalloped with a hat
Surely you have gathered
Cannelloni stinks
Really I have no idea
Inside my head are thinks
Because there’s so much nonsense I really must admit
Everything here scribed is really just pure shit!


