Mum Knows Best

Hey diddle dee I’m stuck up a tree

With my trousers all shredded and torn

I should be more wary, avoid such things scary

Not climbing huge trees in a storm

My Mum sure knew best when she said “Wear a vest

You know how your chest is so weak”

But I thought I knew better until I got wetter

Caught the ‘flu and no longer could speak

The moral is clear you should never have fear

And remain in good cheer, never glum

But whatever you do remember this clue

You should always listen to Mum!

Oblique Thunking

I thought a thunk

it went kerplunk

and fell onto the floor.

I picked it up

and supped a cup

then thought a little more.

.

This thought was bland,

quite out of hand,

of little consequence;

It had no bulk

and made me sulk

it really made no sense.

.

I often think

that there’s a kink

within my thinking works

it shows my mind

to be some kind

of prittle prattle quirks

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Some say it’s really obvious,

as plain as day to see,

but really it is complicad

and that’s because it’s me!

Seven Deadly Sins

I died.  I did, I really did; I died and went to heaven.

St Peter asked if I had sinned. I said “Oh, just the seven!”

I had to tell each sorry tale; you’d think they’d know already.

I asked him for a whisky sour to keep my nerves more steady.

.

So off we go with avarice, the toad depicts this sin.

Followed close by envy and a snake with deadly grin.

The wrath of lion and sloth of snail with gluttony of pig

Then lust of goat and peacock’s pride but no sin very big.

.

However, deadly sins they were, and those are never spent.

No matter I was sorry or how much I’d repent.

They listened most intently as each sin I’d retell,

Then closed the gates and waved me off as I went on to hell!

Fickle Tickles

Each one surmises Devizes wins prizes
but wise is the man who surprises his wife
I am the wise man whose size can surprise man
But you’d be surprised how my life’s full of strife
You may think this nonsense but not in this one sense
It makes perfect sense when it’s sent to the moon
And surely it’s common when wearing a sporran
To find fickle tickles arising too soon
I’m sure that the pure will arrive before long
And the wanton waifs will not be waiting behind
It seems to be safe that a poor wanton waif
Will be seen as a factual figment of mind
Concluding conundrums can only be right
I’m sure you’ll agree with this fact
When closely examined and with second sight
It is true that life’s simply an act!

Tread Carefully!

Have you ever seen:

.

A flirty flamingo?

a dangerous duck?

a superman spider?

a mink in the muck?

a mouse up a mountain?

a toad in a tree?

then if you have not

come walking with me!

I talk to the trees

and wriggle with worms.

I tickle a toadstool

but stop if it squirms.

I’ll argue with ants,

debate with a deer,

and when greeting lions

I show them no fear.

I’ve ridden a hippo

and that’s hard to do.

Their hides are quite slippy

when covered with poo

I once met a cow

who told me a story.

I won’t tell it here,

It’s sleazy and gory.

So keep your eyes open

and watch where you tread.

If you step on a ‘gator

you may end up dead!

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Body Image #2

BERJAYA

Fallen arches, turkey neck

Large love handles, what the heck

Liver spots on face and hands

Double chin and swollen glands

Knock my hand and there’s a bruise

Doesn’t happen to Tom Cruise

Wake each morn with shoulders aching

Feel as if my back is breaking

Prostate problems, hemorrhoids

Swellings where there once were voids

Teenage spots on ancient faces

Sagging skin in various places

Any day I’ll start to drool

They never warned of this at school!

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See also  Body Image from July 2022 https://pollymermaid.wordpress.com/2022/07/08/body-image/#comments

Pro Scribe Pro Fanity – A Potty Pondering Poem

This is in response to Sammi Cox’s Weekend Writing Prompt #337 where the given word is SCRIBE, and the word count is 98.

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Scribe a super script of scripture

Chant a tune of amazing grace

Raise your arms above your head

I’ll punch you in the bloody face

Be obnoxious every day

Exactly as you wish

See what happens when you do

Chips go well with fish

Real men don’t eat pasta

I’m well aware of that

But what if they like inky squid

Escalloped with a hat

Surely you have gathered

Cannelloni stinks

Really I have no idea

Inside my head are thinks

Because there’s so much nonsense I really must admit

Everything here scribed is really just pure shit!