Being British is all about:
Driving a German car
To an Irish themed pub
To drink Belgian beer
Then going home and buying an Indian takeaway
To sit on a Swedish sofa
In front of a Japanese television
To watch American shows
And all the while being suspicious of anything foreign!
§
Source Unknown
I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while using the same principles. Therefore, every day I walk down the street and tell passersby what I have eaten, how I feel at the moment, what I have done the night before, what I will do later, and with whom.
I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and of me gardening, taking things apart in the garage, watering the lawn, standing in front of landmarks, driving around town, having lunch, and doing what anybody and everybody does every day.
I also listen to their conversations, give them the “thumbs up” and tell them I like them.
And it works just like Facebook. I already have five people following me: Two police officers, a private investigator, a priest and a psychiatrist.
(source unknown)
John had to travel to London by train. Read his very funny/Not funny at all account of his journey here!
A horrendously overcrowded jam-packed standing-room-only journey by train from Nottingham to London. Somewhat surprised to get an email from East Midlands Railways enquiring if I enjoyed the trip. My reply is below: “What a splendid journey. We found ourselves lodged in the connecting corridor of two carriages, along with many other of your passengers, far…
The Joys of travelling by rail — Broadsides – A collection of bits and pieces
It’s a while since I took part in the Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge, co-hosted by GC and SueW. You can find the rules here if you wish to have a go.
The prompt this week is Carts, and GC’s introduction mentioned shopping carts which, of course, everyone knows, are really called shopping trolleys! Thus my entry is all about me wandering around doing the weekly shop, with mind in neutral.
§
I dream the dreams of youthful folly
whilst pushing round my shopping trolley
My mind unfocused, wandering free
Oh, just a sec, I need some tea
What was the name of that tall lass
who cut her knee on broken glass?
Was it Sarah? Sally? Sue?
Tonight, I think I’ll make a stew
And who was that who punched my nose?
I stamped his foot and broke his toes
Ah, pasta? Should I buy this week?
I must phone Joe, we need to speak!
My goodness it’s so cold – bejesus
It must be ‘cause I’m by the freezers
Now, should I buy some wine or not
Have we run out, I quite forgot
Well, maybe just in case we’re out
And while I’m here I’ll get some Stout
The fresh fruit doesn’t look quite ripe
Despite those adverts full of hype
What year was it that I first flew?
It’s p’raps too late to start that stew
This trolley has two wobbly wheels
My agèd frame knows how that feels!
This getting old is quite a curse
Abandon trolley – forgot my purse!!!!!!!!
This is in response to Sammi Cox’s Weekend Writing Prompt #252 where the given word is PURPORT and the word count is 64.
§
I purport to be a poet
but many disagree
I’d like to think I have some skill
learned on my mother’s knee
§
She used to bounce me up and down
and sing a little ditty
She’d then complain of nasty smells
and I have absolutely no idea why this should happen, but it did, very often, especially after she’d fed me hot chicken curry!
When I saw Sammi’s prompt, TEMERITY, this morning I immediately commented:
I wrote something last night that, coincidentally, will fit perfectly with this prompt, although it will involve a certain amount of cheating!
Now, before we go any further I must issue a WARNING. This post contains a word that may be offensive to some, so stop reading now before you get to the word FARTS. Oh shit, I’ve just written FARTS! Crap, I’ve done it again!
Now that I’ve had the temerity to besmirch my on line reputation, here is my response to Sammi Cox’s Weekend Writing Prompt #243 where the given word is TEMERITY and the word count is 69.
Hitches, itches, tums, and bums Is there a cure for broken hearts, a remedy for smelly farts? What d’ya do if legs drop off or ears waggle when you cough? Is there a cure for rumbly tums or real relief for itchy bums? And what d’ya do for smelly breath or raising people after death! It really is a thing I crave To solve these problems from the grave!
How to help your wife when you retire!
by guest columnist Hal Hickenlooper It’s important for men to remember that as women age, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same standards of housekeeping as when they were younger. But when you notice this happening with your wife, try not to yell at her. Some women are oversensitive, and God knows there’s nothing worse than […]
Advice for married men — bluebird of bitterness
Writephoto is a weekly challenge, hosted by KL, where a picture prompt is provided every Thursday and we are invited to create a post… poetry, prose, humour… light or dark, whatever we choose, as long as it is fairly family-friendly.
This week’s prompt post can be found here –
#WRITEPHOTO – DINOSAUR
Wally Mammoth
Standing by the pathway right beside the trees
I espy a mammoth who hasn’t any knees
He doesn’t want to talk at all, perhaps he’s been struck dumb
or maybe he’s just hanging round waiting for his Mum
……………
His colour’s sort of rusty red, his tusks are large and round
His floppy ears can hear it all, every little sound
He’s smiling right across his face, it goes from ear to ear
as if to say to everyone there is no need for fear
……………
He seems to breathe with little grunts, I thought there’d be more noise
Despite his size, and little eyes, he shows tremendous poise
As I approach much nearer he whispers with a hiss
Hello my lovely, come up close, and let me have a kiss!
It started when I gave up smoking and went from there!
The opinions expressed are those of the author. You go get your own opinions.
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