Happy Birthday Mom

My Mom - The Best Mom in the World (for me)

Today would have been my Mom's 88th birthday.  She was born December 24th, 1923.  She died September 16th, 2010.

Every year I always sent her a birthday card.  I always gave her separate birthday gifts wrapped in birthday paper.  I NEVER gave her Christmas gifts and said "This is for your birthday too."  She said that happened to her growing up so I always made sure that her birthday was special.



Last year was the first birthday that I didn't get her a card or a gift.  It was a difficult time for me because my Mom was my Best Friend also.  Sure, the last few years of her life she changed and was difficult at times but she was always my Mom.  She literally was always THERE for me.

My Mom and me (leaning on her as usual) and my two brothers  - 1951

Ever since she died I have felt less than whole.  I was fortunate to have had her as long as I did (68 years.)  She lost her mother when she wasn't quite two years old.  She always talked about this mysterious woman who was her mother.  I could tell the she never got over the pain of losing and not having her own mother. I tried to make that up to her by being a Good Son.  Most of the time I did alright.  However, sometimes I slipped but she always forgave me.

My Mom, me and my two brothers - 2005 (only formal portrait picture of us)

Later in her life she liked teddy bears.  Every Christmas I would give her a teddy bear.  Big teddy bears, little teddy bears.  Oh how she loved those teddy bears.

Mom and her Christmas Teddy Bear - 2000

She would put the big ones away after Christmas and bring them out the next Christmas.  The little ones she put in a basket next to her favorite chair in her living room.  After she died my brothers took all of her clothes and gave them to Goodwill.  I took the teddy bears.  I have the big ones in boxes in my basement storage room (much to the chagrin of Bill).  Some of the little ones I kept in her basket and put them on the bed in the room I reservers for her in our new house.  She never got to use Her Room because she spend the last year of her life being cared for my by brother John and his wife and daughter at John's home in Greenville, South Carolina.

The last picture of me and Mom

When I go into Mom's Room now and see her teddy bears looking at me, I feel her presence.  It is a good feeling.

Mom's Teddy Bears in Her Room waiting for her

Happy birthday Mom.

Mom - 1955

Mom's New Bathroom

On Saturday, October 17, 2009 my brother John (the Baby Brother) and his wife rented a large van and drove from their home in Greenville, South Carolina to our Mom’s home in Downingtown, Pennsylvania where she lived with my other younger brother Isaac, the Middle Brother.

My brothers and I had decided to move our Mom to the milder climate of Greenville for the winter. Mom was reluctant to move of course. She would be moving from the house she had lived in since 1958 and from Pennsylvania where she had lived for all of her eighty six years. However, she was showing the early signs of dementia that both of her older sisters suffered. She also has maneuverability problems and was increasingly in need of another woman to help her with her personal needs. Thus my brothers and I decided that my brother John’s home was the best place for our Mom at this time in her life. My brother’s occupation is a care pastor for his local fundamentalist Baptist church so he is well acquainted with the special needs of his elderly parishioners and very good at taking care of those needs.

John’s home already had a separate “mother-in-law” suite that he built for his mother-in-law who lived with his family until she passed away a few years ago. The suite consisted of a bedroom with a skylight to let in natural light. It also had a bathroom, small living room and a small kitchenette. It also had a modest deck that looked out on the enclosed backyard. It is just the kind of apartment that I would like to have when I’m in my eighties, should I ever be so fortunate to reach that age.

As expected, at first when Mom moved in she was ready to go back to her longtime home in Pennsylvania the following week. We explained to her that it wasn’t in her best interest to go back until at least the winter was over. After this past brutal winter, our decision to move her south was now looked upon as absolutely brilliant. After a few months Mom became more comfortable with her new living quarters at my brother’s home. However, there was one problem. Mom didn’t use the kitchenette. Our Mom, the Cook, no longer liked to cook. That was a shame because she made the best southern biscuits. Oh how we miss those biscuits. Her pie crusts weren’t too good (cardboardy) but her biscuits……ah, they were heaven.

The other problem was the bathroom. Mom has a problem with her legs. She is very unsteady on them thus getting in and out of a bathtub is very difficult for her. Plus, the bathroom area was a bit confined for her to move around in with her walker.

As the oldest brother it is not easy for me to admit this fact but my brother John is a very clever man as well as being an excellent carpenter. I've always assumed that since I was the Firstborn, I got all the smarts, good looks, and personality of my parent's three sons.  But, as I've grown older I have to reluctantly admit that both of my younger brothers have skills that I can never hope to possess. In fact both of my brothers are good builders as was my father. Unfortunately, I didn’t inherit that carpenter gene from my Pop. I can’t build a thing but I can cook and garden. Neither of my brothers like to garden but Isaac likes to cook. But I digress.

My clever brother John surveyed our Mom’s bathroom accommodations situation and came up with the solution. He decided to take out the kitchenette that wasn’t being used and, instead put in a nice long vanity counter.

Next he put in a type of bathtub that my Mother could walk into and lower herself by mechanical means. Don’t ask me how it works but John says the contraption now makes it much easier for Mom to take a bath. Of course now that Mom is living in a house with two other women (her daughter-in-law and her single adult grandchild), she has assistance for her personal needs instead of her big, awkward, and squeamish sons.

Baby Brother John also put in handrails for Mom to help her maneuver herself around her apartment.



Now, after six months Mom is quite comfortable in her new living quarters. She rarely talks about “going back home” to Pennsylvania. I think she now realizes that she is living in her new home. Sometimes she inquires about her cat Molly, a calico feral cat that she rescued about fourteen years ago. Molly always slept with my Mother. Mom used to call Molly her “hot water bottle.” But Molly has taken up with my other brother, Isaac. No need to worry about Molly. Besides, my Mother has a new friend in Maggie. Maggie is my sister-in-law's lovable mixed breed dog who has graciously consented to share her home with my Mom.  Maggie loves having a new friend to keep her company all day.  I think Mom feels the same way.

Admiring the pictures of Mom’s newly remodeled bathroom at my brother’s home I couldn’t help but think and hope that I would be as fortunate to have such nice living arrangements when I’m in my twilight years. I wish.  But for right now, I am very happy for my Mom that she has peace and comfort at this time of her life.  She worked hard all her life to provide for her family and this is the least we can do for our Mother.  Thank you Mom for all that you have done for us.  We all love you for than we can express in words.  You deserve nothing less than the best. 

Mom's Thanksgiving Dinner 2009

Here is my Mom yesterday at her Thanksgiving dinner at my brother's home in Greenville, South Carolina.  I am so thankful that my Mom had a proper Thanksgiving with friends and family. 

Bless her heart.  After all those years of doing for others she is now being treated like the queen that she is.  I'm so happy for you Mom!  I love that smile.

Mom's Old Dresses

Bill and I took off early this morning for Pennsylvania to visit my brother Isaac. My Mom was staying with him up until October 17th, 2009. At that time my other brother John and his wife came up from their home in a rented van and took our Mom back to live with them in Greenville, South Carolina.


My brother John is the care pastor in his church. Now that Mom is living with him she’s going to church. She needed a dress. She didn’t take any dresses with her. My sister-in-law Barbara took her out shopping for a dress. My Mother was in sticker shock at the prices of dresses, even at a discount store like Marshall’s. She swallowed hard and bought one but she clearly needed more. 


I called my brother Isaac to send some of Mom’s dresses down to her in South Carolina. Isaac didn’t know where to begin. I think Mom has every dress she has ever owned, in all the sizes. For many years she wore a size 16. We couldn’t send those dresses down to her; she would be swimming in them.



Thus, it was time for an emergency intervention by Number 1 Son (that would be me.) Bill asked to go along for the ride to PA. He wanted to see the old property were we used to live. That property is now in default (the owner has fallen behind in payments.) Unfortunately, our formerly beautiful wooded paradise now looks like Grey Gardens.

Even though we left early this morning we ran into a number of delays on the way to Pennsylvania. Traffic was stalled to a crawl over the C & O Canal Bridge on the southern side of Newark, Delaware. Then once we would our way through the center of Newark, we got stuck behind a car averaging 25 MPH in a 45 MPH zone. This is the downside of avoiding traveling I-95 and traveling Route 896 instead. Route 896 is only has two lane driving, north south. So my choice is traveling on an 6 to 8 lane highway (I-95) at 75 MPH or more, with vehicle passing me on both sides or the back country, scenic drive up Rt. 896, and take a chance I get caught behind a tractor or an Old Man Taking a County Drive like I did today. I choose the country, scenic route and take my changes.



We arrive at the Old Props (our former home) about three hours later. After walking around the leaf and branch strewn grounds and taking many pictures, we leave dejected wondering why we put ourselves through this torture. I would buy this property back tomorrow if I had the money. Tonight is another Powerball drawing. One can always hope.

After leaving the Old Props, Bill and I drove over to Mom’s home, where my brother Isaac lives. I told Ike I was there to look for some dresses to send to Mom. Thus we began to sort through all her accumulation of clothes over the years. Ike was right when he said he hadn’t even gotten through the “first layer.” What a task. All I could find at first were her “tops” and many, many pants. No dresses.



Then I checked the spare bedroom which she was using to store her excess canned goods (she gets them on sale and stocks them in the spare bedroom on shelves.) There, in the cedar lined armoire were her dresses! I sort through them, discarding most of them because they are too big (size 16.)



Then I found them! There were three two and three piece outfits which appear to be a smaller size, which will fit her now. I handed them to Ike to box and send them to her. Then I checked her jewelry box. Viola! I found her crystal necklace! It’s her favorite. Sure, it’s an inexpensive necklace but it is her favorite. I think it is so because it reminds her of Reverend Pennlington’s wife, who always wore a crystal necklace. I remembered how much my Mother admired that necklace so I bought her one many years ago. I handed it to Ike to put in with her dresses to be mailed to her. I also gave Ike two sparkly pins that I bought at Strawbridge’s one Christmas. They will be the perfect accessory for her new gray suit. I also gave Ike a Christmas pin to put in the Dress Care Package.

I asked Bill to take a couple of pictures of me with Ike and then we were off, back to Delaware. But not before stopping at Wegmans for a quick lunch. Oh how I miss having a Wegmans in Delaware. I don’t miss the screaming kids in the store but I miss the choice, variety, and vitality of a supermarket like Wegmans. My choices in Delaware are Food Lion, Giant, or Safeway. There is no comparison.



Bill and I had an easy trip back to Delaware. Without delays, the trip is 2 ½ hours. Even so, we’re both very stiff when we get out of my red Subaru Forester in our driveway. This trip takes a lot out of us but it is well worth it.



We had a good visit with my brother. We found Mom’s dresses plus some of her jewelry to make her feel good when she goes out. And, as sad as it makes us feel, we had a good nostalgic trip back to our former home. Bill misses it so. I miss it also but I am very happy with where I live now. All is not lost with our old property though. As we got out of my car after we drove up the leaf covered lane, a small herd of deer rustled the leaves as they rose to their feet to see who was invading their sanctuary. Well, at least some good has come of the sad overgrown state of our former property

Mom's New Dress

Mom is now living with my brother John and his wife Barbara in South Carolina. They came up to her home in Pennsylvania to pick her up and take her back with them to their home for the winter.




My brother John is the care pastor at his church. Shortly after Mom unpacked it was discovered that she did not have a dress.



Quick action was called for and my sister-in-law took Mom to the local Marshall's store. Here is Mom in her first dress in years. Mom is looking good.



The only thing her outfit is missing is Mom's crystal necklace. I called my brother Isaac in PA and asked where Mom’s jewelry was. She left all of it in PA.



This week I will go up to PA and inventory her jewelry. All of her jewelry, except her 50th wedding anniversary ring (and I picked that out for my father) are gifts that came from me over the years.



It does my heart good to see my Mom getting dressed up and going out in public and meeting people. Now we just have to put the icing on the cake. She was always had such a big smile when she wore her jewelry out in public. I want to see that smile again.

Mom Moves South

On the same day I arrived in Pennsylvania (last Saturday, October 17th) for my 50th class reunion, my brother John and his wife took Mom back with them to their home in Greenville, South Carolina.

Mom is going to spend the winter with John and Barb in the warmer climes of the south. I feel so relieved now that Mom will be in a better environment than her small, dark, cluttered home in Downingtown, PA.



My other brother Isaac was living with her and taking care of her at her Pennsylvania home. But at this time of her live (she is 86 years old) Mom needs the help and companionship of another woman. She will get that at John's home with John's wife Barbara and his daughter Nancy, who also lives with them.



Mom will have her own full apartment located in John's house. She will even have her own deck. There is plenty of room for Mom to do her daily exercise with her walker. She wouldn't be able to do this if she stayed in PA for the winter. Once her driveway iced over in the depths of winter, she had to wait until the spring meltdown to get out and do her exercises.

Mom didn't want to move. She wanted to stay in her home in PA of 51 years. That's where she felt safe and comfortable. But it just wasn't working anymore. It was jut a matter of time before she fell in her cluttered house and broke something then we would have to move her. It's better for her to move on her own accord now than moving later to a nursing home because she fell and broke her hip. Plus, we also want to have more activity in her life. She was becoming very depressed and sleeping most of the day.

I feel so relieved now knowing that my Mom has finally made the move to a safer environment. The adjustment to her new surroundings will take some time but once she is settled in I am confident she will know that this is best for her.



I talked to John yesterday. He told me Mom hasn't stopped smiling since she arrived at his home. I knew the move was the right thing to do. I hope that if I reach her age, someone would do as much for me. I would love to winter in the south. But, I can't worry about that now. Right now, I’m very happy for my Mom.