What a way to end the year! Yesterday I got rear ended.
On not "that" rear ended, that's not my thing. Really.
Yesterday, while I was making my almost daily run to my local supermarket, I was waiting for the light to change so I could make a left hand turn on Rt. 16.
Then "BOOM!" WTF?
At first I thought someone banged my car with their open palm. Then I realized what happened, a truck behind me just bumped into me. WTF?
I immediately got out of my car to check the damage. And what do I see? A well worn truck full of Mexican landscapers. One of the short Mexicans (aren't they all short?) slid his short body down from his open driver's door to "meet" me.
I checked the damage to my car and sure enough, I had a "puncture" in the rear bumper. Not a huge dent but a puncture nonetheless less. Great! WTF?
Rear ended yesterday
I immediately asked him for his insurance papers and registration and driver's license. Of course he had none. Of course. He had a lot of papers but none of those. He just shrugged his shoulders in exasperation. I actually felt a little sorry for him, and his crew. Not a whole lot but a little. I understand accidents happen. That could have easily been me. But it wasn't and now I had this complication for my day which I didn't want. My life is complicated enough. Neither of us wanted this. He gave some kind of explantation for why he bumped into my car but I couldn't understand him through his heavy Spanish accent.
By now the line was piling up behind us of other vehicles waiting to make a left hand turn. A few cars pulled out of the line and continued northward on Route One. Great! How long before someone becomes impatient and a nasty confrontation scene develops? I made a quick decision to pull through the intersection and pull over to the side of the road.
The guy who hit me followed me, and pulled in beside me. I decided to call the police to report the accident. I told her that I no one was hurt but that there was damage to my car. She said if I wanted to report the damage to my insurance company I would need a police report unless I "wanted to work something out beside the road." Ah ha! I think that is what I want to do and also my Mexican counterpart. I pointed to the damage and said "Five hundred." He said "three hundred." I said "OK". He pulled out four $50 bills from his pocket. He said something to one of his passengers and that guy pulled out another two $50 bills. He handed the six $50 bills to me. Hmmm, what are they doing with all that cash? Of course I'm being facetious. The Mexican landscapers I hire all insist on being paid in cash, which I do. Usually $50 bills. I wonder if they report that income to the IRS. Again, I'm being facetious. I'm not that all upset about that, after all they're just trying to make a better life for themselves and their families here in the US. And they do do a good job for a reasonable price. Most of the time anyway. Sometimes I get a greedy one that I have to remind I'm not one of those rich guys. Pat calls me "Ronald McDuck" but that's a running joke between us.
We completed the transaction and we both went our ways. Just another day In The Life. And how was your day yesterday?
This is the time of year I dislike the most, the week between Christmas and New Year's. There is nothing on TV. All the regular hosts are on well deserved vacations. And worse, which I really hate is the recap of the previous year's news. Oh how I hate that. I already know the news folks, that's just filler.
Oh well, could be worse as I often say. This is a First World Problem. I could be living in Ukraine where Putin is raining death and destruction on that innocent country who only wants to live in peace and not under Russian Rule.
Here at Casa Tipton-Kelly life goes on. Bill had another infection on his right leg which I've been dressing every day. We went several months without infections on his edema affected lower limbs but our luck ran out. Thankfully that infection is now clearing up. Bill hates to hate the dressing changed daily but that is the only way to clear up the infection before it gets worse. Tomorrow we have an appointment at the local audiologist. Bill has "vintage" hearing aids that just aren't working as well for him with his profound hearing loss. We got new state of the art hearing aids for him last year but he couldn't get used to them. The volume was controlled by an app on my iPhone. That didn't work because Bill doesn't use my iPhone and couldn't even if he wanted to because of his blindness and confusion. I'm all for WIFI and apps but come one folks, most 94 year old men (and women) who have suffered strokes don't use iPhones. The audiologist assured me that there was another option and that's what we're going to do tomorrow at this time.
It is damn cold outside. We missed the horrendous snowstorms that affected some areas of our country but we got the wind. Now I many branches of the three river birch trees to clean up. My newly installed fish pond is frozen over. It's deep enough though for the seven goldfish and two carp to survive these freezing temperatures. I'm always amazed at how hardy goldfish are. When we lived in Pennsylvania my goldfish always made it through the winter in their outdoor ponds. Oh how I miss those ponds. Of course the new owner never took care of them. A few years later Bill and I went up to visit the now abandoned property (it went into foreclosure) and the ponds were still there, clogged with leaves. Amazingly I saw movement in that sludge. Something was down there in that mess. I hope it wasn't goldfish.
My mind is all over the place this morning. I've been thinking a lot about where we will be this time next year. I have a feeling there will be big changes. Time goes by so fast though. We may be at the same place we are now just another year older.
Better late than never! Merry Christmas to all my blogger followers!
Believe it or not I just got up from a LONG afternoon nap. Wow.
Usually my afternoon naps are about an hour or longer. This afternoon, it was THREE HOURS!
When I woke up, after lying down at about 2:30 PM, all was dark. Bill was in his bedroom, done for the day. Usually I get up from my daily afternoon naps at about 4 PM to 5 PM. I make Bill's "dinner" of oatmeal at five and give him his sleeping pill and her medications. This afternoon I woke up at 6:15 PM! Casa Tipton-Kelly was enveloped in quietness and darkness. I rushed downstairs to find Bill already in his recliner, gone for the day. He wasn't asleep. I told him to come upstairs for his dinner but he said he wasn't hungry. Well, he will be tomorrow because at dinnertime I don't only give him his oatmeal soaked in half and half or egg nog (this time of year) but his nightly dessert of pudding. I made butterscotch pudding for him last night. It's nice and cold for him. I top it off with a generous dollop of whipped cream. Not tonight though, he's in bedtime mode. He wasn't mad, just tired on this strongly quiet day.
Our 82 year old widowed neighbor had his extended family over. Two daughters, their husbands and their adult children plus his crazy dog Cleo. His name is Bob and I just got off the phone with him. He called to wish me a merry Christmas and told me his turkey is still cooking in the oven and won't be done until about 7:30. Late dinner for those folks tonight. His dog, who loves attention, is gettin plenty of attention tonight. He invited me to stop over tomorrow and say "Hi!" to everyone. I may do that.
I just got off FaceTime with Pat. Cold up there in Hamilton, Ontario Canada tonight. Pat had a quiet day too. He briefly met up with his friends Paul and Deb to exchange presents. We're going to call our friend Don in Philly later tonight. Don is spending this Christmas alone too. The fate of older gay guys. Not as bad as you would think. None of us wants to desires to have all that family commotion of Christmas but I'm glad for those that do.
After breakfast this morning I cleaned out my freezer chest and took out all the meals I had frozen this past year to feed to the seagulls in the BJ's parking lot.
The weather is in the teens down here. The birds really appreciated their Christmas treat and I cleared out my freezer for my meals for the new year.
I'm going to update my online Scrabble games with Pat now, have a late Christmas Day dinner of left over Butterball turkey that I made last week and call it a day. I hope I can sleep tonight after this long Christmas Day afternoon nap. Wow.
Brrrr! It is COLD here in southern Delaware this morning.
Fourteen degrees on this sunny snowless (thank goodness) morning here at Casa Tipton-Kelly. Our house is warm and cozy. Our propane gas heating system is working well heating the whole house. However, Bill said he was too hot last night but that is because his little cubby bedroom is right next to the HVAC system in our basement.
After I finish this blog post and update my online (Facebook) Scrabble games, Bill and I are going for our daily ride on this frigid Christmas Eve day. Today I have to get more of those delicious biscuits from Royal Farms. I also have to get gas which I'm dreading pumping gas in this cold weather. The wind is ferocious whipping down those gas pumps. I no fan of that kind of cold pain. What's worse? The extreme cold or suffocating humid heat? We get both here in southern Delaware.
This Christmas Eve day will be like any other day here at Casa Tipton-Kelly. After our daily ride, I'll have lunch then take my afternoon nap. My bedroom is ideally situated for cold sunny winter days. It gets that passive solar warmth. I didn't plan the bedroom placement that way, I got lucky. That's one thing I will miss if I ever move from here.
Tomorrow for Christmas we will have our usual day. We stopped exchanging presents over thirty years ago. Until Bill lost his eyesight, exchanging Christmas cards was our thing at Christmas. We don't do that now because Bill can't see the card. We're together, that's what counts. On Christmas Day or any other day of the year.
I awoke at 3:30 for a bathroom visit. This morning I couldn't go back to sleep. I'm not sure why, perhaps because of a series of recent deaths of folks I liked and knew well.
One was my great aunt who lived in Johnston City, Tennessee. She was the daughter of my great grandfather Isaac Lewis who was born in 1854. I was always fascinated by that fact. Her father married twice, his second wife was forty years younger than he was.
Daisy Lewis Buckles 1915-2022
Back in 1994 when I was researching my paternal line, she was of a great help to me. She was a gracious and classy lady. We exchanged Christmas cards every year. This year I didn't get a card so I checked the Internet and sure enough I found her obituary. She was 96 years old so she had a good run. Still, I will miss her phone calls and occasional old photos that she would send to me. Rest in peace Aunt Daisy.
Another loss was my cousin Sandy. We were both the same age. We were also classmates in high school.
Me with my maternal cousins Sandy and Elaine 1941 - 2022
Her father and my grandfather were brothers thus making us first cousins, one removed. Again, a very kind and gracious woman who helped me with my research on my maternal ancestry line. Although I feel she left this life too early, Sandy also led a good life, leaving behind four sons and many grandchildren and loving memories. Rest in peace cousin Sandy.
And the last loss was of a friend of my good friend Don McK. David and I got off to a bad start (he was a little too aggressive in letting me know he wanted to have sex with me) but he apologized for his bad (groping) behavior. I accepted his apology and became secondary friends with him.
David R. 1943-2022
I only saw David when I visited my friend Don in Philadelphia but his visits were always memorable. David did not help me one iota with my family tree research but I enjoyed his wit and friendship even though Don mentioned he could be difficult.
All three of these fine people will not be here this Christmas. Wherever they are, I wish them ever lasting peace.
This Christmas I remember again the best pet I ever had, Horace the Pomeranian.
I "adopted" him from a pet store window on impulse on my way to lunch one summer day in 1982.
It was quite a surprise to Bill when he picked me up at the train station at the end of the day like he always did when I commuted from Downingtown to my bank job in center city Philadelphia. I told him "I have something in the box."
The next sixteen years were pure bliss. I had a dog who actually choose me as his daddy.
Adult Horace 1986
I never heard this wonderful, delightful orange fur ball growl or show any form of aggression. I never, never had to discipline him once for anything. He was literally my Angel on Earth.
Horace died in 1998, after having blessed my life for sixteen years.
Old Horace 1998
Maybe someday Horace I will see you again if there is a Heaven.
Bill listening to his radio in our sunroom tonight.
This time next year Christmas 2022 will be another memory.
I'm always amazed at how fast time goes by. Here we are, another year almost gone.
The photo above is of Bill sitting in our sun room. Bill spends most of his day sitting in our sun room. When he doesn't, like this morning, means that I'm occupied with trying to contain him from doing any more damage around here. Because of Bill's blindness, he cannot do what he used to do. But I understand he wants to do something because he doesn't want to just sit in our sunroom all day. I understand that.
This morning he was down in is bedroom hammering. "What is he doing now?" I thought? He was hanging a picture. Oh God.
I stopped doing what I was doing during one of my Me Time and went downstairs to help him. He wanted to pull the wires from the wire that he from one of his many previous projects. I don't know if I got through to him this morning that he doesn't have to wire our house anymore because things are done wireless (WIFI) now days. He doesn't understand how that works. Bill's career was as an electronics technician for RCA and then GE. He never progressed past the 80's when he retired.
This past weekend we wanted to hook up a new doorbell. Yes, a doorbell, the old fashion kind. I explained to him that I now have Ring Doorbell which sounds like a real doorbell (rings in the house) and that I can access through my iPhone. I told him that I could be in California and I can still access whoever is at the front door with my iPhone. He doesn't understand.
I don't want to bore the readers of this blog but I guess you can get the gist that I'm a bit frustrated today. Yes, I have my good days and then my bad days. Today was a bad day. I'm venting.
I am so tired. January will be two years of total caregiving for Bill. I cannot and Bill will not accept any other way at this time of his life. I cannot put him in a facility. We can't afford it and I wouldn't do it if I could. I couldn't sleep at night knowing he was under the "care" of some impersonal "facility" that is actually a warehouse for people at the end of their lives whose family does not or cannot care for them.
I fully realize that my situation is a "First World Problem." I'm not living in Ukraine where monster Putin is torturing a whole country for his megalomania. Bill is ambulatory. He can get around. He's not mean or nasty. He's appreciative. My life could be a lot worse and in many ways I'm very lucky. But still, this isn't easy folks.
You know as exhausting it was to have that kitten a few weeks ago, I miss her. She bonded with me right away and was a comfort to me. She was a stress reliever. I will never get another cat as long as I'm caring for Bill but I think I will if I ever make to being alone again. That little, bright, whip smart kitten provided something I'm missing right now, peace. Now it makes sense what Bill said the second day I had the kitten. He said "I think you care more about that cat than you do me." I said "She's just a kitten, she's trying to get used to her new surroundings." But right away I realized that I was robbing Peter to pay Paul and that wasn't working. Thus, I got rid of the cat.
Talking to Pat last night (on FaceTime) I told him I always yearned to live alone. I grew up in a very chaotic household. When I was about twelve years old my goal when I grew up and left home was to have my own place. I just wanted to live alone. The irony is that only happened for two brief periods in my life. Once when I got out of the Army and the few months before I met Bill in 1964. After a six month courtship he wanted me to move in with him. I declined, just wanting to be "friends." That was the first time he got angry in our relationship. He said if I didn't move in with him he would end our relationship. He did say that if I moved in with him I could "go out" anytime I wanted to. He would never 'hold me back." And true to his promise, he never did. The other time I lived by myself was in 1980 when we were building our dream house in Pennsylvania. We had sold our town house in Center City Philadelphia and our dream house in the country wasn't finished. Ah, those days when I didn't have a problem selling a house. At that time I got an apartment in Center City for a year. Our house in the country was finished a few months before my lease was up and Bill begged me to move to our house in the country. He said "Please make it a home." So I left my lease three months early. And now here I am, eighty-one years old never having really lived alone or having a cat. Again a "First World Problem."
Thanks for listening to my vent folks. Just getting through each day one day at a time.
Cool Joe Biden with his aviator glasses ready to sign the Respect for Marriage Act
President Biden signed the Marriage Equality Act today. This means same sex and interracial marriages are LEGAL in all fifty states. Hear that Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas? Recently Justice Thomas said those acts should be "reconsidered." This while Thomas and his fellow conservative Supreme Court Justices reversed Roe Versus Wade, a woman's right to choose what to do with her own body.
Say what you want about Joe Biden. He has trouble talking. Reads a speech poorly from the TelePrompter but his heart is in the right place.
Remember in 2013 when Joe Biden was on one of those Sunday talk shows and was asked about same sex marriage. He got into BIG trouble with the White House (President Obama included) when he said he approved of same sex marriage. That took courage and for that I will be eternally appreciative to Joe Biden for signing the Respect For Marriage Act into law.
I remember how disappointed I was with former President Clinton who promised that gays could serve in the military. Then when crunch time came to pass a law, he buckled and signed a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" bill which was chickenshit and he knew it. Again, Republicans or Democrats, all seem to find gay people like me expendable. By the way, that's when I lost respect for Clinton. Even arch conservative senator Barry Goldwater urged him to sign a stronger bill legalizing gays to service in the military. He told Clinton "You're the president, issue the order and any general or admiral who doesn't want to follow your order, fire them or let them resign." Clinton of course did not do that because Clinton was/is a weasel. Not as bad as Trump, who is truly evil and the greatest threat this country has ever faced, but just a weasel. Remember how allowing gays to openly serve in the military was going to "ruin" the military? How did that work out? Of course I knew it would because I was in the military for three long years and had many gay friends in the military. In fact I didn't know anybody else who was gay until I was in the military. And were we all swinging naked from the chandeliers harassing the straight guys to have sex? Of course not! And if any gay did that he of course would be kicked out of the military just like any straight guy harassing a woman. End of discussion.
Same with same sex marriage. Why are so many straight people afraid, yes AFRAID of same sex couples marrying? That's something I never understood. That we should have the same rights and protections and tax table (yes, taxes) that straight couples have. Lord knows we paid in excess of taxes lo these many years before same sex marriages because legal. And here comes Clarence Thomas, full of himself after he and his fellow conservative Supreme Court Justices effectively repealed Roe Versus Wade which stood for forty-nine years and gave women the right over their own bodies. Thomas spews out we should "reconsider" those laws including the one that gives same sex couples the right for intimacy in the privacy of their own bedrooms. What an asshole Thomas is! Yes, I said it. Asshole.
I'm getting all worked up now. Time to wrap this up. Thank you Joe Biden, stutter and all, for signing this bill that simply gives me and Bill (or whoever I'm married to) the right to live just like any other couple in this country.
President Biden signs the Respect for Marriage Act
The last few weeks, since I discovered classic disco DJ mixes on my Premium You Tube channel, I've been reviewing many compilations. Some are good, some are not so good and some are just going through the motions. But this mix, it is the BEST I've heard so far. Puts me in a good mood. And I need to be in a good mood because I almost tripped over another goddamn mouse in our house yesterday.
I was making my homemade applesauce and I opened the pantry door to get a bowl and the little bugger scurried out! WHERE ARE THESE MICE COMING FROM?!
This has to be the worst year for field mice invasion of Casa Tipton-Kelly. Honest to God, these frigging mice! I am not sharing my house with mice!
I think this is the same mouse that was in my bedroom last month. I don't know where it's been hanging out since then because I totally cleaned out my bedroom including pulling all the rugs out from underneath my bed., where I had them stored. I put cedar wood in between the rugs. Mice don't like that smell.
I sprayed with mint last night. They HATE that smell. It's a bit overpowering for me too. I don't want to do that all the time.
I pulled out the rest of my mousetraps. The lethal kind and the TinCat which catches them live where I dispose of them at the Broadkill River (appropriately named although I do let them out live, after I relocate them it's up to them to survive).
Last night I briefly considered getting another cat, this time an adult cat. I checked the Humane Association's website and there was a thirteen and a half year old calico kitty up for adoption, no fee. Her name was "Sweetie Pie", which is a term of endearment I've often used with my favorite pets and people. I filled out the adoption papers online before I went to bed. When I informed Bill this morning of what I had done, he wasn't for it. He said "Just get more mouse traps", and you know what? He's right. I really can't take care of him and a cat, at the same time. Plus, cats no matter what their age, like to climb counters and Bill (and I) hate to see a cat in a sink. My brother's cat practically lives in his sink (she likes to drink from the tap). So this morning I sent the Humane Association an e-mail withdrawing my application for an adoption. It's just as well, having a cat or any pet would severely restrict my future travel plans.
I was feeling down about this whole situation this morning but my spirits are miraculously lifted now listening to this DJ disco mix. Brings back great memories of when I used to go to the after hours club in Philly and totally immerse my self in the beat while I danced with my sticks. I still have those sticks too. Maybe someday, when I get out of the caregiving business and disposing of field mice invading my house I'll have a few more opportunities to immerse myself into The Beat. But for now, I have a mouse to catch.
Ever wonder how I spend my mornings after I take care of Bill, and have my breakfast? Of course you have!
After breakfast I tell Bill "I'm going to my office." This is MY TIME. There are two times during the day that I set aside for MY TIME. This time in the morning and in the evening after Bill goes to bed (usually about 6 PM).
This is when I check my online scrabble games. Last week there was a glitch on FaceTime with ScrabbleGo and I couldn't play my Scrabble games. That threw my whole MY TIME schedule off balance. Thank God they fixed that now I can resume my regular stress reducing activity.
When I play my online Scrabble games I also play a continuous DJ disco mix from my premium YouTube account. I'm not much of a dancer but I do enjoy dancing or at least moving to the beat. We all find ways to relieve stress, this is my way.
I don't know how much of this YouTube video will play on my blog because I received a notice that I violated a copy write with one or more of the songs on this video. Oh EXCUSE me! Anyway, this is my method for living my new life since taking care of Bill. I no longer have my part-time work at the hotel or my quarterly trips with Pat vary my life.
This morning I had my annual visit to my urologist. My visit was delayed by a few months because he had to have emergency surgery. I asked him if I could ask him what happen and he said "Sure, I'll tell you. I've told everyone." He said he awoke one morning and had this terrible pain in his forehead, "the worst pain I've ever experienced." This from my urologist who has heard more stories from his patients about their kidneys stone pain which, to me, is the worst pain possible. I've been through that experience several times and I hope to hell I never have to go through it again in my life.
He said he was taken to the Emergency Room and after X-rays they detected a tumor in his frontal lobe that was bleeding! He was taken by ambulance to Thomas Jefferson University Hospital in Philadelphia, the same hospital that saved my Bill's life two years ago (and wanted to perform brain surgery to relieve the swelling on his brain, which I turned them down). He said they removed the tumor through his nose! Thank God it was a non cancerous tumor and he back to normal now. He is only fifty-four years old.
Just goes to show you how fragile our lives are. Again, proves the point to me to make every day count. Take nothing for granted and be grateful for all the good things in your life and try to get by the bad things for tomorrow my be our last day.
When I was young I didn't think of such frailty of life even though I almost lost my life through hospital neglect when I contacted a staph infection through a routine hernia operation. After I got over than near miss, I thought I would live forever. Nowadays I am thankful for each day that I am of sound mind and can get around on my own two feet without falling flat on my face (which I've done more than a few times in the past few years).
Now it's almost time for our second doctor's appointment today. This one for Bill at his audiologist to get his ears cleaned and check his hearing aids. This Friday I have a full body check at my dermatologist, which I am dreading. This body at my age? You don't want to know.
More stream of conscientious tomorrow folks. This is fun!
As I sit here this cold December morning in my comfy home office (smallest bedroom at Casa Tipton-Kelly which I converted in my home office), random thought race through my mind.
Generally I like my blog posts to have a specific subject but this one will be scattered. So fasten your seatbelts folks and come along with me for the ride.
On the weekends I usually like to watch one of my DVD that I've rented from Netflix. Generally most of the movies I chose are gawd awful. Last night was no exception. One was "Bodies, Bodies, Bodies." Absolutely terrible! I could only get through ten minutes of that crap. It opens with two women sucking each other's faces. Okay, okay I get it. It's a "with it" movie. Watching two women, or two men for that matter, swapping spit does NOTHING for me. Hear that movie makers? Once I got past that gross opening, there was a gathering of young folks at a country house. I had read a synopsis of the movie and knew it was going to be a "Scream" type movie, lost of slashing and funny. What was I thinking? Sure, none of the characters were sympathetic so maybe I wanted to see them disappear but this movie, soooo bad. I couldn't even make it to the slasher part. And Pete Davidson? What is his talent? I don't get him. I guess I am officially an Old Fuddy Duddy Bah Humbug Old Man.
The second movie I didn't even want to put in my DVD player. It was "American Underdog". I read the reviews and was put off by the miscasting. The actor playing the main character was too old, something that so many movies do. Having twenty-somethings playing high school teenagers. Doesn't work casting directors. Pat liked the movie but I wasn't in for a miscast movie.
The third movie was the latest "Downton Abbey." Pat thinks Downton Abbey is so boring. Not me, I love all those class conflict soap opera stories. And last night was no exception. I've seen all the episodes of "Downton Abbey" and now both movies and I was not disappointed. I won't give away anything but I can tell you my tears were triggered TWICE from two story lines. Of course I knew I was being manipulated but I LOVED IT! And how nice to find that Thomas the butler finally found happiness.
Last week I watched the first three episodes of "White Lotus". I LOVED IT! That's my next DVD!
Change of subject, I can no longer access my Scrabble GO games on Facebook. How disappointing! Pat and I always have eight games going plus I have one with Sassy Bear. So much fun each morning and evening to update my games. Now that is gone too. But of course I have to remind myself this is only a First World Problem. The Russians are bombing the hell out of the Ukrainians and Trump the Criminal is still on the loose. My "problems", such as they are, are NOTHING in comparison. Plus my blogger friend Jon in Tennessee is going through a rough patch. By comparison I am living the Life of Riley.
I miss my kitty, Fiona the calico kitten I adopted from the local SPCA last month. I've checked their website and I don't see where she is up for adoption so I assume (I hope) she has found a good home to keep her interest and take good care of her. I would love to have kept her but it just wasn't possible. Taking care of Bill and myself, that takes all my resources. A fact which quickly became apparent the two weeks she was here. Maybe sometime in the future I'll adopt another cat, but then maybe not. Should I survive Bill I would like to resume my travel trips with Pat and having a pet would interfere with those plans. I would like to travel while I can still get around on my own, which is getting more difficult each day. My arthritis is creeping up on me.
As I am typing this blog I'm also listening to a Studio 54 track of non stop continuous disco music. Normally I would be updating my Scrabble games but since Scopley has screwed that up, I'll probably be typing more blog entries. Aren't you lucky?
After I finish this posting I'm going to Food Lion to check out the turkeys. Every year at Thanksgiving and Christmas I miss having a turkey dinner. I've decided that I'm going to roast a turkey breast. Bill can't eat (chew) any food so all this will be for me. I tried a Healthy Choice frozen turkey dinner last night but it tasted like cardboard like all frozen foods tastes to me. Why I keep going back to those frozen entrees is beyond me. Maybe I'm expecting them to get it right finally. Yesterday I made candied sweet potatoes and they were SO GOOD. That's what has me on the turkey now.
For the past months I've been making homemade potato salad. Folks, I'm going to shamelessly brag and tell you I make the BEST potato salad. I also make the best cabbage and hamburger soup. All these years cooking and I finally figured out that I don't have to follow printed recipes exactly. I do my own recipes and they are the BEST.
Folks, I am happy to report I haven't heard any more "HO! HO! HO!"s I heard one in a commercial last month and I thought, "Uh oh, here we go!" I cannot stand that fake Santa "HO! HO! HO!"
Lately I've been having a lot of dreams. Almost every afternoon (the exception being when I have some kind of appointment), I take a nap. The duration is usually at least an hour or two. This time is where I've been having the dreams. Most of them are disturbing. Not nightmares, I don't think I've ever had a nightmare in my life. I've had some intense dreams (like losing my iPhone) but no dreams where I wake up screaming like they do in the movies. But I do have these dreams, most of which I forget eventually, but I do remember whether they were good or bad. Many of my dreams are of my former pets, family and friends. The one yesterday was of one of my friends. One of my gay friends ("Ron" was also his name) who was also my platonic friend. But in my dreams he wanted to be more than platonic. And I didn't want to be. Strictly platonic Ron. I kept pushing him aways until I finally got out of the situation and woke up. What was THAT all about?
Yesterday I mailed all of our Christmas cards out, only twenty-eight this year. There was a time when I mailed as many as sixty. Most of the cards were mailed to former co-workers, friends and family who I never see in person. However, most of them have died off now and as a result my world is shrinking. I'm fading out folks.
My youngest brother John checked out this past September. He was only seventy-eight years old. He teased me about being 80 years old. He said in his card that he didn't think he would reach 80. He was right. Poor John. He so enjoyed life. And he brought so much joy to his family. They miss him terribly. But he is at peace. I firmly believe when you die there is NOTHING. A total void. We who are left behind suffer the pain of your loss. Maybe, just maybe there is reincarnation. That's the only thing that makes sense to me. All these stories about Heaven, and an everlasting life. To me all made up stories to keep the serfs in line during the Middle Ages by the LORDS. No disrespect to any of my readers who find comfort in their beliefs, I'm just stating my belief. There is NOTHING when you die. Make the most of every day here on earth while you're alive. Survival is the name of the game. And if you can get a little time in for joy and happiness and satisfaction, all the better.
With all the trouble in the world I decided to post this happy dance video of Special Disco Studio 54 Paolotes, New York City.
The past few weeks here at Casa Tipton-Kelly have been a little down. I miss my kitty (Fiona) but it was not to be at this time of my life when I have to devote most of my time caring for Bill and maintaining our home. But rest assured if the day should ever come that I am alone here at Casa Tipton-Kelly I will get another little calico (my favorite color) kitty to keep me company and to keep her out of a shelter.
This morning I addressed my Christmas cards and had this You Tube video on as background to keep me in a good mood. To keep me from slipping into a funk. There are some other issues in my life which are personal that is also contributing to my melancholy which for reasons of privacy of the other party I'm not going to go into here in this public forum. I've learned my lesson from past blog posts be being too open. Whenever I feel myself slipping into that Black Hole of Depression I put a continuous disco mix on which never fails to lift my spirits. And I remind myself that all my "problems" are First World Problems. I remind myself self that I'm not living in Ukraine where the Russians are trying to bomb the Ukrainians into submission. I remind myself that eventually, The Criminal Trump and his enablers will be held accountable for his lifetime of crime and their treasonous activities that almost cost us our democracy. Life is fragile folks. Something I've learned in my four score years on this planet. We never get another go round. Make the most of every day while you can and be thankful for what you have now, imperfect as it may be. And sit back and play this video of Studio 54 music. I hope it makes you feel as good as it does for me.
This morning I had my annual ultra sound to check on the aneurism I have on my aorta valve. The technician said that it "looked better" than the image he took last year. He said it either "got better" or last year's picture was at a different/bad angle. He checked several angles this time and my aorta aneurism hadn't changed, which is GOOD NEWS.
That means for now I can put at rest the need for finding someone to care for Bill should I need surgery. No surgery for now or for the rest of my life I hope! I've had enough surgery in my life.
Now to continue with our life here on this rainy early winter day in southern Delaware.
It was nice while it lasted, my brief respite from doctors' appointments.
Tomorrow at 8:45 I have an appointment at my cardiologist's office for a vascular test. I've never had a vascular test before. I know I have hardening of my arteries. I'm old. I've read up on vascular testing and was relieved to find that it's not invasive or painful. Thank God, I've had enough of those procedures to last me a lifetime.
So they find I have hardening of my arteries. What's next? A stent? That could be anything from an outpatient procedure to a four to seen day hospital stay. Who will take care of Bill if I'm in the hospital? He can't take care of himself. I have an idea in mind. No strangers in our house though.
In a couple of weeks I am also scheduled for something called a Dopler test. I'll have to read up on that but again it is yet another test for my failing heart.
I also have my annual full body check at my dermatologist coming up in two weeks. That's painful because I have to expose my sagging body to the (usual) very nice young lady who checks out this body that's been around the track more than a few times. Almost always they find something to burn off. Hopefully no more skin cancer sightings and just the pre cancerous keratosis lesions that they have been burning off for the past forty years. All that working on my tan in my Foolish Youth, I'm paying the price now.
These days I have a constant respiratory problem. Phlegm constantly builds up on the base of my throat causing me to always clearing my throat. I take daily medication for this condition so at least I don't have the sensation of feeling like I'm choking. The medication moderates the condition but doesn't remove it.
One condition I have that is causing me concern in the weakness in my legs. I'm unsteady on my feet. I find it extremely difficult to climb stairs. And when I get down on the floor or ground, it is extremely difficult for me to get up because of the weakness in the back of my upper legs. I've had this condition going on over twenty-five years or more now. One of the reasons I wanted to move from our home in Pennsylvania that our house was on the side of a hill which I found difficult to walk around outside. I also had a problem walking upstairs to my bedroom and bathroom in that two story farmhouse style house. Here my bedroom is right round from the kitchen. We have three floors in this house though. When I go upstairs or downstairs to Bill's bedroom I have to hand on the bannister. I manage but it is getting more difficult.
I'm falling apart folks. Incrementally, but inevitably I am deteriorating. Now that I've bemoaned my failing physical condition I remind myself how lucky I am that I am still about to get around on my own and care for Bill. My eyesight is great now after my cataract surgery. I can hear good, even though I occasionally need my new hearing aids at the end of the day. My audiologist says I don't have "profound hearing loss" like Bill. By the way he has an audiology appointment next week.
Yes, even though I have this myriad of medical issues I am way better off than many of my contemporaries. I take nothing for granted folks. And I am appreciative that I can still drive my car and otherwise function around the house here. Granted, I did realize my limitations when I had that kitten for a couple weeks. As much as I loved that kitten (and yes, I still miss her, she was a sweetheart) caring for her showed me I do have limitations.
Now it is time for our Daily Ride. Today I'm making one of my almost daily trips to our local Food Lion supermarket. Have to get more egg nog for Bill's oatmeal. He LOVES that egg nog. It's made locally. Contains about 2,000 calories per cup, and cost $9.99. Yes, $9.99. That's up from $4.99 last year.
Folks, I try to restrain from getting too political on my blog but I just couldn't pass up this new campaign ad against Herschel Walker, the Trump picked Republican who is running for senator in Georgia. First of all Herschel doesn't even live in Georgia (he lives in Texas). Yeah, that works out real well Trump. Remember how Trump chose Dr. Oz, who lives in New Jersey to run for senator in Pennsylvania?
Today's MAGA Republicans and their cowardly enablers, have truly hit rock bottom with Herschel Walker. My God, the man is dumb as a rock.
Ally Mason and Mary Tipton now Mason at their wedding
Yesterday, my cousin Mary Tipton (first cousin once removed, her father John and I are first cousins) was married to her sweetheart Ally Mason. Bill and I were invited to the wedding but unfortunately we couldn't attend because of health and my caregiving responsibilities. Oh how I would like to have attended though.
Mary is one of four daughters of one of my favorite cousins, John Tipton. He has four beautiful daughters and he is one of the best dads around. I am so happy for them.
Cousin John with three of his beautiful daughters
Seeing my cousin getting married so publicly I can't help by remember the Bad Old Days when such a thing was unthinkable, a marriage between same sex couples. I can imagine what my Mother would say.
I never thought I would see the day where my relatives and others would so freely lives their lives even though they are gay. My brother's granddaughter is openly gay. She came out in high school and never apologized or looked back. Good for her!
Of course there have always been gays in our family, they just had to hide in the closet. I think of my Uncle George, my Mother's older brother. Every family has the Gay Uncle. I'm the Gay Uncle in my family.
George Lincoln Hadfield, Jr. - U. S. Army World War II
Uncle George never married (of course). I told my Mother that her brother was probably gay but she refused to believe it. I didn't press the point. I remember fondly when Uncle George used to come our house at Christmastime with our Christmas present, a money envelope. I always used to get a special feeling when he came around. Oh how I wish I could talk to him today about what his life was like growing up. He was born in 1920 and died in 1982.
Never in a million years did I think I would live long enough to see gay people live openly and love just like their straight counterparts. Even though these days The Right is trying to resurrect anti gay bias, the toothpaste is out of the tub folks. We're here and we aren't going anywhere, especially back in the closet.
Have a happy life cousin Mary with your love Ally!
Jose and his landscaping crew helping me to keep a respectable house in the neighborhood
Pictured are my "Nice Landscaping" crew which I hired to do my fall cleanup. Jose is the leader. I had to catch him before he returned to Mexico for his three month winter solstice.
There was a time when I was able to do my own fall cleanup. That was in the past. I noticed about ten years ago my body refused to cooperate with the all day labor required to do a proper fall cleanup. Year by year I noticed that I could no longer complete all my gardening chores.
I remember those times when we lived in Pennsylvania. I would come home from working all day at the bank and work until dark on our 6.875 acres of land and think nothing of it. Of course that was over twenty years ago when I was a young whippersnapper of forty-five to fifty years old. I'm eighty-one years now. I have trouble walking. My endurance level is rapidly sinking. I seem to be exhausted all the time. I need my afternoon nap just to stay awake at night.
My Mother encountered the same situation when she was in her sixties. She was used to working all day at Pepperidge Farms (frozen foods division, layer cake), coming home and hoeing four to eight rows of corn, and preparing a dinner for her family. By the way, remember when we used to all sit down for dinner? Wow, that was a different time wasn't it? But I digress. She noticed she was tired and went to the doctor to find out what the problem was. He asked her how old she was (he already knew). She told him and he responded "You're older. Your body is telling you to slow down. Conserve hour energy." Of course I'm paraphrasing but that's the first time she was confronted with the reality of getting older. Same here folks. I'm old and I need HELP with my backyard chores.
Having said all this, I still enjoy working outside in our backyard oasis. I especially love my new pond which has clear water now that the cold has killed whatever algae was living there. Jose, my landscaper helper, realized that when he said he would leave some for me to do. Not that there isn't always something to do. Always!
Jose and his crew did a great job. Today I texted Devon of Power Washing to clean our front sidewalk and porch from the algae and dirt that had accumulated over the summer from all the vegetation. I think I've made my last lawn mowing pass. Time to settle in for the winter cold.
In years past at this time I would be preparing for my annual late fall trip to Philadelphia with Pat to visit our friend Don. For the third year in a row we won't be doing that because of my caregiving responsibilities for Bill. We would also be preparing for our annual trip to Palm Springs in late January and early February for Modernism Week. Again for the third year in a row we won't be making that trip either. Sometimes I wonder if I ever will make any trips again. But I can't fret over that possibility because my first priority is caring for Bill, who is well on is way to reaching one hundred years of age. We joke about that goal all the time but it is a real possibility because he's only six years away from one hundred years of age. And we all know how fast six years go by. And another factor, would I even want to travel six years from now because I would be 87 years old! These are the things I think about folks. However, for the time being we have our routine here which we have settled into. We have these occasional "bumps"in the road (like the little kitty I recently adopted but had to give up, who I still miss) but things could be a lot worse. We actually have a pretty good life here so I will continue to hire help to help us keep Casa Tipton-Kelly in tip top shape.
Thanksgiving dinner 2003 at my friend's house - my last formal Thanksgiving dinner
My brother Isaac asked me a few days ago "What are you doing for Thanksgiving?" This is a question I was often asked when I had a job. I hated that question.
In the past I almost always worked on Thanksgiving Day. That was my preference, not a big sacrifice on my part.
Oh for sure I appreciate what Thanksgiving stands for. I have much to be thankful for. Some of which I will list later in this blog post. But as for the day itself, I think that's for extended families My brother Isaac has an extended family. Either his son or his daughter invite him to their Thanksgiving dinner with their families.
Once a few years ago a good friend and former longtime school classmate invited me to his families' Thanksgiving dinner. That was nice. His wife had brined the turkey the night before which resulted in the best turkey I ever tasted. The rest of the meal and the family gathering was wonderful. I so appreciated that he invited me but I suspect he was trying to fix me up with his single cousin. I did notice we were conveniently paired up. She was nice but the ploy didn't work. I'm gay. I have a husband. And a good friend. Nice try.
This year I'm not working so I will be at home with Bill. Our day will be like any other day. No complaints here other than I would like to have a turkey dinner but I'm just not going to go to all that trouble for myself. But that doesn't mean I'm not thankful. Here are a few things I'm thankful for:
That I'm able to care for Bill
That I'm still here after 81 years
That I'm in relative good health for an 81 year old
That I have a beautiful, comfortable home in a relatively friendly state for gay people (never completely free from homophobia).
That our home is paid for - for that I am VERY thankful for!
That I still have good friends after having lost so many friends to death.
That I live in this country, imperfect as it is, I would rather live no where else in the world.
There are many more things I am thankful for, but these few are the first that come to my mind.
I hope you all have an equally thankful Thanksgiving.
"Jim" preparing our meal in my shabby furnished apartment in Coatesville, PA circa 1963, a whole lifetime ago
Ever wonder what happened to your first boyfriend?
Lately I've been reviewing my past life (I'm really old at 81 year now).
Sixty years ago when I was 21 years old was the first time I went to a gay bar.
The year was 1963 and I was recently out of the Army after a three year stint.
My first gay bar was actually in Clairton, Pennsylvania, near Pittsburgh. I lived in Pittsburgh for three months but was very lonely. I didn't know what was all involved in being gay, believe it or not. I'll go into that in a later blog post. I have gone into my gay awakening in previous blog posts but I can do it again for those who haven't read my old posts.
Anyway, I moved back to my hometown of Downingtown. I got an apartment in Coatesville, Pennsylvania, near my former home with my parents. I still wanted to get "involved" in the gay life but on familiar ground and with friends nearby. As I said before I was very lonely in Pittsburgh. I only went to Pittsburgh after I got out of the Army because a friend of mine from the Air Force lived there. I didn't want to come out near where my parents lived because I didn't want to embarrass them. Remember, this was the Bad Old Times when being a HOMOSEXUAL was illegal and a shame that a family just couldn't deal with.
After I got my apartment in Coatesville I began going to the Westbury Bar in center city Philadelphia at 15th and Spruce Streets with my friends Ed and Ron H. One night I met a very nice guy who was about three years old than me whose name was Jim Groh.
He liked me and I liked him. I don't remember the exact details of our first "time" but I do remember he didn't have a car nor did I. Coatesville is about forty-two miles west of Philadelphia. Jim would take the train out from Philadelphia on a Friday night and we would spend the weekend together at my dumpy, two room, furnished apartment in Coatesville.
We enjoyed each others' company. We would usually play board games, cook, take a walk and talk and of course get in bed together. For several months that worked for us but me, being a young ready to go gay guy just discovering himself, wanted to "go out" again. Jim was reluctant to go out, back to the bar but he relented under my pressure. It didn't go well.
When we were in the Westbury he wasn't going to let me met anyone else. He literally had me cornered in the bar. Way too protective. Oh no, I wasn't ready to settle down. Whatever you think of me, that's just the way I felt in those heady days.
A few weeks after that disastrous visit to the Westbury Bar I broke off our relationship.
The last time I saw Jim was at Broad and Chestnut Streets in Philadelphia. By then I was with Bill (who didn't mind me "going out"). I had some of Jim's water color paintings and he wanted them back which, of course I was going to return them to him. I had arranged to met Jim outside the bank where I worked at lunchtime. As I gave him his watercolor pictures I saw the sadness on his face. I've never seen him since.
The past year or so I've been recalling different episodes of my early life, wondering who was still alive. Almost all of my previous boyfriends have died. However, I think I found Jim. I did an Internet search and found a "James A. Groh" who lives in an apartment in Northeast Philadelphia. The age was appropriate (three years old than me) and the "A" in his middle name stands for "Alexander." I wrote him a letter and sent it to his address but I haven't received an answer. I'm still pretty sure that "Jim" is my "Jim" so I have to assume he doesn't want to reconnect.
In years past I have contacted previous friends, both amorous and just friends. Two responded but not in person. Both have since died before I really had a chance to talk to them to find out what their lives were like the past fifty years or so. One didn't respond but did let us know (he was Bill's friend before me) he didn't want to reconnect. He also has since died.
So I will make one more attempt to reconnect with Jim with this blog post. If you're out there Jim let me know. If not, I understand, you have moved on. But if you do read this blog post know that I always cared for you and have often thought of you over the years and wondered what kind of life you had. I have always appreciated the kindness and generosity you showed to me when I was a young, foolish and selfish twenty-one year old gay guy. I hope you have had a good and rewarding life. And by the way, I still have that forty-five place setting you gave to me for Christmas in 1963.
Jim and me horse playing. These are the only two photos I have of us.
Sadly I have to report that Fiona the kitten no longer lives with us.
She came into our house November 4th. I returned her to the ASPCA on November 15th.
I am embarrassed and ashamed that I had to take this drastic action.
I take full responsibility for making the mistake of adopting a cat, especially a kitten, at this time of our lives.
I had to return her because she was exhausting both of us with her activity and destructiveness.
Fiona had two modes, either she was sleeping or she was racing around the house, climbing curtains, jumping on counters, playing with wires, getting behind (and sometimes stuck) tight spots (the refrigerator, I had to pull it out to get her when she couldn't get out).
When she first came I would have a playtime with her which she loves as you can tell by the video I posted on this blog. When she wasn't playing she wanted to lie in my lap, all the time. I did want a lap cat but she wanted to me in my lap every time she saw me sitting. I got to where I was standing up when I ate at our counter she would jump my clawing on my jacket. Of course she was always on our kitchen counter, even though she knew she should be there (she left paw prints on my cooktop).
During her stay I almost lost one of my favorite vases when it toppled over when she jumped on my Mother's doily to get to that table. I just caught the vase as it was falling to the ground. I had to put the vase away.
Then she was jumping up on the plants in the sun room. I had to take the plants out.
Of course she was clawing our living room furniture.
She loved to race around the house. I tried to wear her out with a laser light toy. All that did was wear me out.
Day by day I was wearing out, exhausted. I wasn't having time for Bill or Pat, who calls me frequently on FaceTime. Bill even said "You care more for that cat than you do me." He wouldn't have anything to do with her and I could understand his feelings.
When I was having my daily FaceTime with Pat, he noticed that I was paying more attention to the kitten in my lap than I was to him. Pat was too nice to say anything but I could tell he was, how should I say it, disappointed in the change in our relationship.
Fiona is a sweet, loving kitty but I was slowly coming to the realization that my life was changing, permanently for the rest of my life with these two most important men in my life.
The final straw happened on Sunday,November 13th, when she made a flying leap on one of Bill's antique lamps in our living room and knocked it over. Thank goodness the lamp didn't break but that was it. Bill said "I wish we didn't have that cat!" but he was willing to let me keep her. He said "We have a lot of nice things here" which we do and I realized that we soon wouldn't have a lot of nice things as long as we had a kitten living with us. I told him, "I'm taking her back." He said "Oh God! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! He was so relieved. I was too.
Part of my responsibility in taking care of Bill is to keep his remaining time here on this earth as stress free as possible. And I have to keep my health in order to take care of him. It was very irresponsible of my to think that I could take a kitten in our household at this time. And of course it's not fair to the kitten either, she deserves a home where she can be herself, even though she proved herself to be a "live wire" as my brother (who has had a cat companion for ten years) told me when I told him of my travails. I was naive and foolish to think I could bring a kitten in our house and selfish of course.
I couldn't return her to the ASPCA until Tuesday, at 12 PM, November 15th. The ASPCA is closed on Mondays.
If I had any second thoughts about returning her they were quickly dismissed the night before when she was at my bedroom door at 2:30 AM meowing. She wanted in. I had made the decision when I first brought her home that she wasn't to sleep with me. She was content to sleep in her favorite hiding place behind Bill's recliner until that Monday night or early morning. I tried to go back to sleep but she wasn't having it. She wanted in. So I got up and went into the kitchen to be with her.
Now I had to kill time until 12 PM when I could return her. I went into the kitchen and turned on the TV and played on of my recorded shows. While that was playing in the background I cleaned all my kitchen counters. She was content to be with me. And I did like the little sweet thing. She is adorable but as much as I knew I would miss her I convinced myself that the sooner I parted ways with her and returned to my normal life would be best. I had already bonded with her, and she with me, but the longer she stayed the more bonding would occur and the harder it would be to part ways. Best to cut the cord now.
I called the shelter and told them I was returning her. Of course my $150 adoption fee was not refundable but I have no problem with that. To me that $150 is going to a good cause, an animal shelter. I asked them if they could use all the amenities that I had purchased for Fiona with included two litter trays (one domed and one open), a cat condo (which she rarely used), a cat bed (she she never used, she preferred my lap of the chair with a pillow seat under the dining table), cat food, cat snacks, litter pellets and pads (and I just had brought about several month's worth from Walmart the previous day), and the cat toys (which she loved). All told about $400 for my stupid mistake of thinking two old men could live with a lively kitten. For once I didn't feel bad about "wasted" money because I don't consider this wasted money. It all goes to the shelter.
Another thing I didn't take into consideration was how much having a cat would restrict my travel plans. Just didn't think too much about it until I realized I would have to either get a cat sitter or board her. Very expensive propositions not to mention being stressful for the cat. I had briefly considered bringing the cat with us (me and Pat) but then dismissed that foolish idea because that wouldn't be a vacation, having to be concerned about her welfare and of course the trip would be just a stressful for her.
So where do I stand now? Of course I miss her. Even though she was only her for a very short period of time we did bond and I grew to love her. But as long as I'm caring for Bill and should Bill pass while I'm still alive (and that's no guarantee) I will continue to be cat free as long as I can travel (and that's no guarantee either with my health). But should Bill pass before me I would like to make a cross country trip with Pat to Palm Springs. Once before I die I would like to see the middle of this country instead of just the coasts which is all I have seen. Even when I joined the Army to "see the world" I never got off the East Coast in my whole three year enlistment (New Jersey, Maryland, and Massachusetts).
If there comes a time when I can't travel and I'm here along I may consider getting a cat but definitely not a kitten but an adult cat. Maybe I'll foster a series of cats before I find the one that would fit in my lifestyle at that time my life, assuming of course that I'm still alive and mobile (not guarantee either).
Thus another chapter of my very eventful life has concluded. All these years I wanted a cat (since I was ten years old). I got one and it turned out to be disastrous. I would never have dreamed that outcome but I feel confident that Fiona is now in a hope where she can spend a happy and contented life and will soon forget her brief foray in the House Of Old Men.
Fiona about an hour before I put her in the very nice cat carrier that I just got from Amazon. Yes, I left the cat carrier at the shelter too. I think she knew something was up. It will be a while before I get over this mistake. I'm pretty sure she's forgotten about us already. Have a good life Fiona!
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