Harvey Milk 1930 - 1978

"Every gay person must come out.  As difficult as it is, you must tell your immediate family.  You must tell your relatives.  You must tell your friends if indeed they are your friends.  You must tell the people you work with.  You must tell the people in the stores you shop in.  Once they realize that we are indeed their children, that we are indeed everywhere, every myth, every lie, every innuendo will be destroyed once and all.  And once you do, you will feel so much better."

Harvey Milk died thirty-five years ago today.  

Harvey Milk is one of my heroes.  He was an ordinary person who did an extraordinary thing, he fought and died for the freedom of gay people.

Harvey Milk with President Carter

The words he uttered at the beginning of this post was and has been my mantra since I came out of my personal closet in April of 1963.  I made a decision then not to live my life as a gay man according to others' terms but on my own terms.  Of course there was a price to pay, sometimes a high price for demanding my freedom but it was worth it.  Harvey Milk fought on a much larger stage than I did and he paid the ultimate price, his life.  

On this day before our national Thanksgiving holiday, I pause not to remember the false myth of the Pilgrims who shared bread with the native Indians of this America but one of the true heroes and martyrs for freedom in this country, Harvey Milk.  A man who gave his life for the right of all gay people to choose who they want to love without fear of social ostracization or bodily harm. A man who gave hope, as the first elected gay official, for gay people to live their lives in freedom equal to their fellow Americans.  On this Thanksgiving, I thank Harvey Milk.

Getting Back In The Groove

Day Two of my regular routine since my six week stint of working full time. It is nice to wake up at my usual time of 6 AM and turning on "Morning Joe" and watch Joe Scarborough make a fool out of himself (one of my favorite past times) and watch his guests discuss the political landscape of the day. I love the freedom of rolling out of the bed when I feel like it. That's what retirement is all about, freedom. Even though I work part time, I still feel the freedom. That freedom was lost when I work full time. During my six week marathon run of working full time, my garden maintenance fell behind. Also, I wasn't able to make my usual daily blog entries. My other activities that I had to suspend was cooking and cleaning the house. All back on track now. Yesterday, I made an absolutely delicious dish from my crop of tomatoes. When I lived in Pennsylvania, I couldn't grow tomatoes because I lived in the middle of the woods. I didn't get enough sun to grow vegetables and whatever vegetables I did grow, the local deer population would quickly devour them. One thing I'm finding in my old age that my best recipes are the ones I make up myself. I just put in ingredients that I like. Yesterday's recipe was to brown several cloves of garlic in olive oil. Then chop two boneless chicken breast in medallion shape (done when the chicken breasts partially thawed.) Brown in the olive oil with the garlic and chopped onion. Cover with four cups of peeled plum tomatoes and a bunch of chopped fresh Italian parsley and fresh basil (from my garden.) Add one cup of Sauterne wine and simmer for about a half an hour. Serve over rice. DELICIOUS! At my age I have trouble digesting processed foods with a additives and preservatives. My "Chicken Ron" is the perfect meal for my sensitive stomach. Then I pushed my luck and made a fresh snacking apple cake. I had a recipe for a snack apple cake (8 inch pan size) but I didn't like the the usage of shortening. So, instead I substituted 1/4 cup vegetable oil and added a cup of sour cream. Again, DELICIOUS! In the summer I don't always have time to go to this kind of trouble to cook from scratch, especially cakes. But I do have a sweet tooth. I've tried different cakes that I purchased at the local supermarkets. None of them work. They don't taste good and they give my stomach a workout because of all the additives and preservatives in the store bought cakes. I ended the day with a nice walk through the development behind where I live. Now I am really getting back in the groove.

Gossip - Part Two

Lots of feedback on my blog about gossip. That's good. Someone is reading my blog! Gossip. What is the first thing that come into your mind when you hear that word? It is apparent by the e-mails I've received about my blog on gossip, that the word gossip means different things to different people. My sister-in-law Barbara sent me a articulate and well thought out e-mail explaining why she doesn't engage in "gossip." She gave me the example of a lady friend she is helping with her computer skills. This woman often discusses with her "some problem with one of their kids or something else, just needing a listening ear." Barbara states that she would never repeat what she says to someone else as it could cause family problems for them. "One never know who know and who will repeat things yet again and they will get back to the person about whom you were speaking and cause hurt feelings. She needs my support and prayers, not my repeating and spreading what she has said." Of course I agree with Barbara, I would never repeat anything someone told me in confidence, even if they didn't mention that it was in confidence. Where I work, I frequently am on the listening end from one or another of my co-workers about some grievance they have against another co-worker or the owner. Never, never, never would I repeat anything I heard to another co-worker. I would not even repeat this information to my friends because they don't know my co-workers and it wouldn't be fair to them to tell complete strangers their personal business. To me this is just common sense. I have the same rule with friends, I would never repeat what one friend said to me about another friend (unless it was complimentary.) Why cause hurt feelings and what is to be gained by passing on such information? However, where I take exception with the advice my sister-in-law gave me was her advice "Talk about the weather, music, politics, even yourself if you have to, or talk about someone who is present." Okay, I'm going to wait until Hillary Clinton or Barrack Obama is present so I can talk about them? This just isn't practical. I am a human being with opinions and live in a country where we have the free will to express such opinions. For instance, one of my friends recently went through a very traumatic breakup of a long time relationship. When another mutual friend asks how this person was doing, I gave my honest opinion. I didn't change the subject to weather just because he wasn't at the table "to defend himself." My opinion (which could be way off base) was that he was handling his breakup as well as could be but that he still carried a deep seated anger at being deceived for so long. We have all discussed this situation. The same was true of a situation I had a few weeks ago with friends I have dinner with on Sunday night at the Purple Parrot in Rehoboth Beach. Things were going along fine until I took offense to something a friend said. I overreacted and caused a scene. The next two weeks I did not attend the weekly meeting of friends. Did they talk about me in my absence? I would think so. I doubt that they would talk only of the weather of some other benign subject. Do I take offense that they talked about me without me being present? No. I expected them to talk. How else would they resolve the issue? Last week one of the group asked me to attend the Sunday dinner. I did. Did they talk about me after I left? I'm sure they did. Do I object? No, it is part of life. Now, if I told one of them something in confidence, which I have on occasion, and that information was passed on I would be upset. However, I believe I have a good group of friends who would never betray a confidence as I wouldn't betray their confidence. Have I made mistakes in the past? Yes. One time I mentioned to another party that my friend recently went through a breakup. That was a misjudgement on my part for which I was properly and duly chastised by my friend. Will I make mistakes in the future? I hope not but it could happen. The best I can do, and will endeavor to do with all my will power, is to respect the confidences of my friends but, at the same time I will continue to live, observe life around me, have opinions, and express those opinions. To me that is freedom. There is more to my life than just talking about the weather, politics and myself (how boring is that?) As another friend of mine stated:

It is the nature of the human beast to share in gossip--the malicious thing is the quality of gossip. I don't believe you would ever intentionally hurt another, in fact I would err on the side of good--you would try and preserve the integrity of the person just by your nature. And that is why you wouldn't make a good politician!

She knows me well. While I am by no means a perfect person, it is the "nature of the human beast to share in gossip". I would never engage in malicious gossip nor intentionally hurt another. When one engages in that sort of activity, it has a tendency to come back on them. No good comes of that kind of activity.

I just received a phone call from a friend of mine. She is going to Pennsylvania to see her friend whose husband is dying. Is she engaging in gossip with me? I don't know these other people personally. I've never met them. Should I instead discuss the weather with her since her friend wasn't present during this conversation? When she told me this information, I told her that friend's sister died over the weekend after a short illness. He knew she was dying and made a trip to visit her one last time. Am I engaging in gossip because he wasn't present during this conversation with my friend on the phone this morning who he has never personally met? I think not. If my life consisted of just discussing weather and politics, and, even worse, myself, what a dull boy I would be.

There are various views and definitions on gossip. Perhaps the following definitions from Wikipedia explain it the best:

Various views on gossip:
Some see gossip as trivial, hurtful and socially and/or intellectually unproductive. The Bahá'í Faith, for instance, refers to gossip as backbiting, and condemns and prohibits the practice, viewing it as a cause of disunity.
Some people view gossip as a lighthearted way of spreading information.
In a more sinister interpretation, restrictions on gossip could potentially paralyse the free flow of information and enforce straight-jacketed thinking and censorship in a community. The term "gossip" typically labels discussion the speaker disapproves of ("I discuss, you speculate, he gossips"). Compare freedom of speech

A feminist definition of gossip presents it as "a way of talking between women, intimate in style, personal and domestic in scope and setting, a female cultural event which springs from and perpetuates the restrictions of the female role, but also gives the comfort of validation." (Jones, 1990:243)

Perhaps the word "gossip" isn't the correct definition of what the information and opinions I am sharing. I am in the group that views gossip as a lighthearted way of spreading information. I prefer the free flow of ideas and not be a subject to straight-jacketed thinking and censorship in a community. Thus, I will continue to engage in one of the most precious freedoms in this country, freedom of speech. I just won't yell "FIRE!" in a crowded theater.

What Retirement Means To Me

Retirement to me can be summed up in one word, freedom. I have the freedom to do what I want to do, when I want to do it. That is such a simple goal but it is so hard to achieve. If you think about it, most of us work at jobs our whole life to survive. We all yearn towards that one goal, freedom. Thus we sacrifice most of our years working at jobs that we don’t like. Working with people we normally would not associate with. We spend our best years accommodating our personal life to the Job. Then comes that time when we retire. To quote Martin Luther King:

“Free at last! Free at last! Thank God almighty I’m free at last!”

After years of toil, boil, and trouble, the magic day finally arrives. A tremendous burden is lifted off of your shoulders. FREE! Now what? Spend endless days golfing until you die on the links? Take exotic cruises to foreign ports until you become a sad parody of the Ugly American? Or do you become a couch potato and provide a daily frustrating obstacle to your partner’s housecleaning chores? Or, maybe you get a job that you really enjoy. Perhaps you get a job to supplement your income because your retirement income isn’t enough for you to continue living the lifestyle to which you have become accustomed. The job could be part-time or full-time. The type of job you get would depend on your personality and the station in life you wish to maintain. The main thing about the job after retirement is that it isn’t dependent on your financial survival. If you planned right, you now have an income base of Social Security plus any retirement pensions you managed to accumulated during your 40 plus years of servitude in the workplace. If you’re really lucky, you’ve managed to save some money through 401K retirement plans that were invested in the stock market, but not many of us are that fortunate. The main thing is you are now FREE! Now there is a four letter word that is powerful. FREE.

That is what this blog of mine will be all about. I will share with the readers of this blog my new found freedom that retirement has allowed me.