Stranger in the Passenger Seat
a story in three parts.
Author: 
riastarstruck Rating: R
Summary: This is the tale of how they met, fell in love and got their lives back to where they were meant to be on a road trip to LA
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the order of words
Warning: a bit angsty at times…. Shut up, I know, I’m terrible. Oh yeah, and its unbeta’d
Author's Notes: So this is for the wonderfulbluespire , who wanted a story about the moment of attraction, the tensions both sexual and emotional before BANG! It happens. I think I got it…. I hope you like it, tell me what you think!The Beginning,
The Middle( The EndCollapse )The EndHow does an ending exist? How can a story simply finish at the closing of a book?
The loose ends get tied up, some stray ends cut and others tucked neatly away out of sight and mind.
It’s a marker placed in the sand which says this, here, this is the end of everything. But a story never ends as long as breath is still drawn, the adventures continue. A different page, a different chapter but the flip book shifts from one to the other with little fanfare between. The story continues when the last page is turned, spreading out past the restriction of the cover page.
But maybe we call it the ending because everything which happens afterwards feel different somehow, changed by everything that had come earlier. Our actions are changed by the revelations of before. ‘The ending’ is a neat way of saying this is where the world changes because how can you describe a life? A hundred stories which come off like branches stripped bare by winter, exposed to the elements and twisting up with tangled bark towards every direction but still just a part of the overall story.
How can a story end when the characters are still alive? When the author still breathes and the world keeps turning?
Chapter Three
The sun leaves the biggest impression on Bam; it seems to fill the corners of his mind and the entire world, at times. As he drives along he feels consumed by it; the hot strips it paints across his skin, the blush of burn across shoulders and cheeks. His eyes are tender from the glare as he drives towards the west, the world painted in shades of orange and red and golden brown. Dry dirt and grit across his face and sweat beading across skin, sinking into the cracks of his hands and the hidden crevices of his body, shimmering in the late afternoon light as the heat of the hood seems to burn right through skin and bone, leaving hot patches of flesh that grow numb before slowly fading away into the overall heat of existence.
Perhaps it’s strange to feel so consumed by the sun when there are so many other things happening around them, two near strangers on a dirty never ending road across the country shouldn’t seem so monumental to him, shouldn’t seem like it’s the rod that the rest of the world turns on. But on that never ending road there are the hundred unmentioned things between them closing in tight in the heat and confines of the small car along with the hundred other secrets two strangers have.
Ville wasn’t like most of the people Bam surrounded himself with his whole life, he was alternatively quiet and loud, he could go for miles at a time staring out the window at the bland scenery which rushed past them. Bam got the impression he was rewriting the world in that complicated mind of his, seeing everything and thinking up a name for each.
Other times Ville would laugh and sing along with Bam, his voice spilling out of his wide mouth to rumble above the hum of the engine, a soothing baritone which wrapped itself around Bam like a blanket, pressing close against him.
He spoke with his hands, large words and roundabout way of speaking; he made everything sound like poetry. The world took on newer, brighter colours when he was with him, it was like Ville pushed him to take a moment and see the unremarkable as something beautiful. Bam wasn’t entirely sure why he was effected by the other man so much, this strange exotic figure who seemed to know something about everything, who sometimes fumbled for the right English word but could quote Poe and Baudelaire like it was the alphabet, like it was engraved into his very soul.
He desired him; he was man enough to admit that to himself. He had never really thought about another guy in that way before, but Ville made it so easy to imagine it, to get swept away in what if but he was terrified of it at the same time. As the distance between him and the home he had always known stretched out behind him like their shadows which lengthened with the heat of the day, he felt himself changing, growing, the distance created something within him. He didn’t know if he would recognise himself at the end of it all. That alone was terrifying, he didn’t want to wake up one day living in a shithole apartment in LA drinking cheap booze and working as a waiter and coming home to his foreign gay lover. He left West Chester so he could follow his dreams, but as LA loomed before him the nagging doubts began to set in. he practiced with more vigour, letting himself be consumed by his need to be the best, to improve to make it. He tried not to think about how he would be alright with at least one thing out of that nightmare fantasy.
Bam had never been an introspective man; he lived his life by the moment, one second which overshadowed the one before. His memories were a blur of images a flick book which jumped from place to place. Blurs of colours and smells and sensations which stick in his memory, and if he happened to think back on something he thinks back on all of it in a drunken reminiscence.
When he was younger he had no need to look back, everyone in those memories where around him every day, every second was spent making new memories which overshadowed the previous, more jokes more laughs, building on those that came before, growing and sparking around him.
Even now he doesn’t look back because his memories they are overshadowed by the absence of all those that once filled his days.
He pulled into a service station and rubbed his eyes. That was the problem with driving so long, there was plenty of time for his thoughts to consume him, filling his mind and making his muscles lock with terror. He glanced over at Ville’s sleeping form, his long limbs bent at odd angles as he found some kind of rest. Bam watched his steady slow breaths for a moment, matching his own to the measured pace before getting out of the car and heading to the toilets.
He stared at himself in the grotty bathroom mirror, he was tired and strung out from driving so long, but his skin was tanned golden and warm and his face had the signs of a man who was on the brink of finding out something crucial about himself. He sighed and focused on washing his hands, watching as the currents of water flowed over his skin, kissing the roughness off his knuckles and pressing coolness through his tan and into his blood. He stood there letting the water rush over him, losing himself in empty thoughts until the door banged open and a trucker entered the small room, glancing at him before walking over to the urinal. Bam left, hunching his shoulders against the sun and made is way across the parking lot towards his mum’s car.
Bam glanced through the window as he approached and was surprised to see Ville wasn’t in the passenger seat where he’d left him. A quick glance around revealed him standing towards the edge of the parking lot, staring at a patch of trees a little way away. Not for the first time Bam thought Ville could be a little odd.
The man remained still, gaze fixed at the trees as Bam approached, shooting Bam a glance as he got near offering a small smile before turning his focus back to the trees.
“There’s a bee hive in the middle tree.” Bam looked blankly at the trees than back at Ville.
“So why are you standing near it?” Ville didn’t look away or reply.
Bam turned back to the trees, this time seeing a few small black bodies darting around the foliage and the low hum of bees seemed to get louder. The more Bam looked the more bees he saw, small black shapes which flew around in what appeared to be random patterns, silhouetted against the pale blue sky, the drone of hundreds of bees working together shifting in volume and frequency. It was oddly soothing to watch the hive alive with movement and sound calm despite the chaos of their actions. After a while Bam looked again at Ville who still hadn’t moved, his body loose and his hair alight with the afternoon sun.
“We’d better get going.” Ville nodded without speaking and together they turned away from the hive and made their way back to the car. the silence comfortable between them in a way Bam never had with any of his other friends, there was always so much to say and so much time and silence to fill up. The closest Bam had gotten was with Novak, who early on would sit with Bam in the back yard as they drank cheap beers, not needing to say anything just knowing that the other one was there.
~*~*~VvV~*~*~
Ville knew they were quickly getting closer to LA, the miles disappeared so quickly and the feeling of dread grew inside him even as it was counted by the soothing presence of Bam at his side. But that wasn’t enough to calm the quite terror he felt growing, the anxiety which ate him up inside,. His mind dreamt up new expressions of fury and disappointment of his friends faces, new levels of contempt which Ville knew in his heart wouldn’t be true, his friends love him and know him too well to turn their backs on him when he had been in such obvious distress when he’d last seen them.
Ville could also see the anxiety growing in his companion, Bam hid it well but Ville could see the way his fists would clench around the steering wheel when they passed signs which proclaimed LA looming before them. He practiced more, letting himself become possessed to perfect his tricks and Ville would watch from the side lines, a mixture of awe and fear for his new friend. He knew how devastating it could be to lose a dream and he couldn’t bare it if Bam had to find out what it was like, he wanted Bam to succeed with everything in him, as though if Bam could make it, this strange man he had followed across the country, then perhaps he could find it in himself to get back to his own dream.
They had stopped for the night, the last time they would before they reached LA late tomorrow.
They had shared some grotty motel rooms on their adventure across country, Ville always opened the door with an excited trepidation, enjoying the romance of the run down motel rooms, with their out of date furnishings and history which was written in the mess and marks left from the previous occupants. In the late hours when he couldn’t sleep he would imagine the stories of the people that had been there before him, outlandish tales of romance and heartache, the emotion of such love stories seemed so much more fitting in the worn old surroundings, with the smell of must and the sounds of the road just beyond and the other rooms which surrounded them.
Bam didn’t see the rooms with quite the same exuberance, he rolled his eyes and laughed at the tacky decorations and out of date décor but he would smile almost fondly as Ville set to exploring, finding the forgotten items and sharing the stories he made up.
After the first night of sharing the last bed in the place they had had more luck, sharing rooms with matching beds, the ugly bed covers tucked neatly across the mattresses which filled the small space, the warped mirrors dotted around the rooms reflecting them back to Ville's watching gaze, two strangers in matching beds, uncomfortable in the unfamiliar surroundings and strange in the worn colourful cheer of aged rooms.
Ville had lain awake listening to the traffic, attempting to ignore how there was less than a day of driving before they reached LA, he had finally drifted off to sleep around midnight listening to Bam's heavy breaths, matching his own to the drawn out exhales and deep inhales.
He was woken up some time later, his eyes adjusting to the dimness of the room quickly, revealing Bam sitting on the edge of his own bed, staring at Ville across the small gap between the floral bed sheets.
“What are you doing?” Ville's voice felt like it was lodged behind a wall, rough and cracking in the middle from sleep. Bam jumped at the unexpected noise, his eyes darting guiltily up to Ville’s face before shrugging, the soft glow of the neon light outside shading him in strange green.
“Couldn’t sleep.” He whispered despite the empty room, the late hour seeming too oppressive perhaps for a normal voice.
“What’s wrong?” Ville whispered, not moving from his sprawl across the bed. Bam shrugged again.
“Dunno, too cold, too restless.” Ville thinks he might have nodded. They plunged into silence again. He saw Bam's shape shiver in the cool night air and without thinking he shuffled over on the bed, tucking his long limbs neatly to one side and lifted the covers.
“Come on,” he rumbled, glad for the darkness which covered his blush, “I’m tired and I can’t sleep with you watching me.” Bam ducked his head and Ville wished he could see the blush he knew would be staining his cheeks.
“Sorry.” He mumbled but climbing into Ville's bed. His movements seemed slow and careful, not rocking the bed too much and keeping to his side of the mattress. Ville felt a pang of longing for the warmth of Bam he had felt that one time they had shared beds, his strong arm around Ville's waist and the weight of his presence along Ville's side.
They stared at each other in the darkness for a moment, the warmth of two bodies heating the sheets quickly. The light reflected off Bam's eyes making them glitter in the darkness.
“You’re going to do great.” Ville finally said, not looking away from the glitter of Bam's eyes. “You’re going to kick their arses and wow everyone.” Bam huffed out a laugh and it smelt minty and warm, Ville shuffled closer without thinking, Bam raised his hand to rest hesitantly on Ville's hip, Ville swallowed at the warm heavy presence.
“Thanks.” They remained frozen like that for a while longer, Ville felt his eyelids grow heavy and his breaths grow long. Bam's hand remained on his side.
~*~*~VvV~*~*~
They made it to LA the next afternoon, the golden light of the LA sky bled through the windows of the car reflecting off Bam's sunglasses as the roads filled quickly from the dead empty expanses they had grown used to in the past few days. Bam swore loudly in the traffic, his fists clenched tight around the steering wheel as they made their way through the late afternoon traffic.
The tension was building within the car as they made their way through the crowded streets. There was a feeling of growing expectation, every second felt like they were waiting for something. The competition was the next day, Bam had made the required phone calls to ensure his place in the competition and now all they had to do was wait.
They found a shitty motel in a rundown street off a main highway, the roads as worn and unkempt as the buildings that lined each side. They ordered pizza to the rooms and watched crappy reruns of nineties cop shows. Bam laughed, loud and open, the sound filling the space as he teased Ville for being drawn into the badly scripted action. They wrestled and joked around; the smell of mothballs and old sheets was comforting in its familiarity, no matter where in America you were that smell could always be found in budged lodgings along the highway.
But as the night shadows lengthened Bam fell quiet, his body growing tense as he paced from table to bed to bathroom, his tight frame seeming to fill the room with nervous energy. Ville watched him from his sprawl on one of the beds, admired the curve of his shoulders and the slope of his legs as he moved gracefully, despite the agitated quick movements he made.
On his fifth circuit around the room Ville intercepted him, placing himself in Bam's immediate path and smiling when Bam jumped back instantly when their bodies met abruptly. Bam's eyes darted back to the bed Ville had been lounging on moments before than back at Ville standing close to him, his taller frame seeming to loom above him.
“Calm down.” Ville commanded smirking when Bam glared, crossing his arms defensively over his torso.
“I am fucking calm.” Ville mused that an exaggerate eye twitch wouldn’t have been out of place.
“Liar.” It wasn’t the wittiest of comebacks but Ville figured Bam wasn’t really in any state to judge the merit of his retorts. Bam heaved a sigh and glared at the carpet.
“I don’t know why I’m here, this is fucking stupid.” Bam ground his teeth and Ville watched the muscle on his jaw jump. “Do you know how many kids try out at these things? They are younger, and fitter and more talented than me. Why would Element want a twenty-something year old when they can have a sixteen year old who can skate for longer?” Ville clasped Bam's shoulder and lead him over to the bed, but Bam still wouldn’t look at him, his gaze averted to the middle distance his face whitening with dread. Ville stepped closer, into Bam's personal space until his legs stood on either side of Bam's knees.
“They signed you before.” He murmured, not really knowing how to deal with a crisis of self, he just ran away when the pressure ago too bad. Bam scoffed his gaze hardening to an angry glare.
“When I was the teenager.” He closed his eyes, his bow furrowing in a pained frown. “This is so fucking stupid.” He ground out through clenched teeth.
Ville straightened up, looking down at the man below him and strengthened his resolve before breathing deeply. With one move he pushed Bam down onto the top of the bed, his feet still set firmly on the ground, than with one silent prayer to a god he didn’t believe in Ville straddled Bam's hips and leaned forward, bracing himself on one arm as he turned Bam's face to look at him with the other.
Bam's clear blue eyes were open wide and his mouth had slackened slightly with the shock. Ville didn’t really need to hold his face in place but he kept his hand there anyway, the bristles of Bam's stubble was sharp under the pads of his fingers.
“You’re a good skateboarder, fucking great at it. And it’s not because you practice your arse off whenever we have a moment of down time, and it’s not because you’ve got some magical gift. You’re good because you love it.” Bam opened his mouth to speak but Ville pressed his fingers harder against his jaw. “No, shut up. I can see that you do, the way you relax, you zone out, a stripper could be flashing her tits at you and you wouldn’t notice if you’re on your board. My daddy told me when I got my first guitar that if you love something enough you will make it work.” He sat up, releasing Bam's jaw and ignoring how their bodies still pressed close, and how Bam's face was flushed as he lay beneath Ville. “You love it enough. This isn’t stupid, you’re nervous, I get that, but you shouldn’t be.” He fumbled as he stood up before straightening out and moving to sit on the foot of his own bed, watching the starting credits for Colombo in tense silence, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment and a prickle of arousal. Bam stayed on his back, staring at the ceiling, his hands folded neatly across his stomach.
~*~*~VvV~*~*~
There was the crush of bodies and the uneven grass under his feet as he made his way through the arena. The swarm of young people around him was a familiar sight, as was the sound of hundreds of wheels on ply wood and paint. He led Ville through the crowds, falling into step with the flow and rhythm of the group easily, this was his playground and it never changed no matter where it was held. This group of strangers brought together in the heat of the day to watch an art which so few appreciated. He pulled Ville towards the main pavilion; he could see the graceful arc of figures though the air above the gawping faces of the onlookers Ville pressed close to his side in the swarm of people, his thin body seeming out of place in the rough chaos of Bam's world.
Bam existed in a bubble of quiet panic, he had calmed down from his freak out the night before but some part of him still doubted. He didn’t really want to draw Ville’s attention to his nerves; he didn’t think he could handle another of Ville’s talking-to’s. Though he had said the right things, they echoed around Bam's mind now even as he flushed with remembrance of Ville’s intimate hold. He licked his lips and tried to banish the image of Ville lying across him, face intense and eyes stern.
He breathed the smell of the lot in deeply, running though the tricks he knew best and was most comfortable with in his mind to calm himself down.
One of the tryouts fell, his body skidding down the deep drop of the ramp to crumple at the bottom of the dip. Bam watched him critically, he’d misjudged the height of his flip, had to land too soon and it set the rest of the landing off. Bam nodded to himself as he shifted his gaze to another contestant, he wasn’t comfortable with the heights of the ramps, probably wasn’t used to the pro standards, he was good though but his nervousness would bring him down. The scouts could smell fear Novak had told him once.
He felt Ville’s hand slip into his, hidden by the rush of the crowd and the press of bodies to all sides. “You’re better than them.” Bam knew it but hearing someone else say it made it see more real somehow, like this wasn’t just his own arrogance. He shot Ville a smile and leant against his side for a heartbeat. He smelt like sweat and Bam's soap again. Bam supressed a smile.
“Yeah, I totally fucking am.” Ville's mouth spread wide in a smile and his eye twinkled with laughter. Bam matched it, but felt his own falter when an announcement went over for the next contestants. He was up.
“Break a leg.” Ville frowned, “No, that’s theatre. Don’t break a leg.” Bam laughed out loud the sound startled from him as the new tension melted away and he squeezed Ville’s hand tightly when he winked at him.
The world seemed to still in that moment, their eyes locked and their bodies pressed close by the crowd around them. Ville smiled softly, his lashes fluttering quickly as he leant forward to brush his lips against Bam's. Bam's breath caught and his lips quivered despite himself as he pressed closer. The world ended and began in that moment when their lips met in a languid kiss.
Ville pulled away with a huff of laughter, Bam smiled as he felt the warm breath caress his face. They looked at each other for a moment as the rest of the world melted away. “Good luck.” Ville whispered but it was loud above the sound of the music and the crowds. Bam grinned; he felt it spread his cheeks wide as he nodded once before turning and weaving between people on wobbly legs. Bam sucked his lips into his mouth to try and hide the giddy smile he knew was spreading across his face, ducking his head as he made it to the side of the first arena. He flashed his papers at the man there and he was lead towards the start.
As he climbed the first ramp his board clutched in his hands he cast his eyes down to the crowd of onlookers. He spotted Ville close to the railing, his eyes fixed on Bam. Bam nodded once and breathed deep. He imagined he could still smell the tang of Ville’s scent in the air though he knew it was just fantasy.
With a nod to his competition he waited for the music before plummeting over the edge. Then all that existed was the sound of his wheels on wood, the thrum of it singing to him like Ville had on numerous occasions since the car broke down. He let all his worries melt away, all that mattered was him, his board and Ville’s grinning face the last thing he saw before it all melted away into the blur of adrenaline and the feeling of being home.
~*~*~VvV~*~*~
Bam was laughing and he couldn’t help himself as he staggered away from the course, Ville met him at the railing, his smile wide and proud. Bam fell into his arms, the hard metal railing pressing against his stomach as Ville pulled him into a crushing hug.
Bam laughed just because he could, his eyes alight as his hands still shook from adrenaline. The crowd was loud in his ears as they congratulated him over the music which had started up again. Ville was laughing as he hugged him, no reason to their giddiness beside the victory which still tingled against Bam's fingertips. The sun was warm against his face and Ville's arms were strong and bony around him.
Bam pulled free from Ville's embrace to shake hands with his competition, he was young and blond and smiled wide when their hands met, he muttered about Bam being awesome before being dragged over the railing by his own friends.
Bam leapt over the wobbly metal fence in one jump before staggering back into Ville’s hug. They were laughing like mad at nothing, the crowd smiling on at them, some joining in though nobody knew what they were laughing at. Bam felt Ville nuzzle his nose against Bam's hairline and Bam imagined he could smell the sweat and energy and victory on his skin.
“Bam?” it took Bam a second to realise his name had been called and that Ville's arms had spasmed around him before he grew still.
Bam turned around and felt the laughter and the smile crumble on his lips. “Mum?” Ape looked strange amidst the crowd of skateboarders. Her neat blonde bob seemed almost comical, as did her tidy brightly coloured clothes. Bam blinked again but she was still there, standing less than three feet away her eyes wide and a smile across her lips.
“Oh Bam honey, you did so well.” Bam stared at her, it was only when Ville nudged him forward did he snap out of his shock.
“What are you doing here?” Apes smile faltered slightly before she straightened her shoulders proudly.
“I was there when they signed you the first time, I’ll be there when they sign you today.” A smile bloomed on his face and it felt like a balloon was growing somewhere in his chest. He took a step forward and pulled her into a quick, embarrassed hug. He murmured his thanks to her as he took in her smell of perfume and his childhood.
Stepping back away from his mum he noticed her eye flicking towards Ville. He flushed as he realised she must have seen him hugging Ville rather excitedly after his round.
“Uh,” he started, flicking his gaze to Ville nervously. “This is Ville. He’s a friend who came with me.” Bam could see Ape searching her memories for any mention of the other man before; she found none and forced a smile as she extended her hand, which Ville shook, smiling charmingly.
The trio sunk into uncomfortable silence before Bam clapped his hands loudly and lead them away through the crowd and to a clear patch of grass away from the noise of the main stage.
“I left your father at one of the food stalls, why don’t I go grab him while your deal with Element?” Bam nodded and she made her way towards a cluster of food stalls some way away.
“Was it just me or was that really awkward?” Ville murmured. Bam laughed and punched him in the shoulder.
“Shut up.” But he was laughing again, the feeling of elation finding its way back into his bones as he checked the forms clasped in his hand. The forms that promised him the life he knew he was meant to have.
“So, you going to sign that?” Ville was smiling at him, his eyes warm and his smile teasing. Bam smiled back at him, imagining the rest of the world melted away and it was just the two of them and Bam's dream.
~*~*~VvV~*~*~
Bam shot a glance at Ville standing on the opposite side of the small motel room as he rummaged through his rucksack in search of something. Bam was damp from the shower he had just taken, the sweat and grime of adrenaline washing away down the drain, swirling around his feet to disappear forever.
Bam knew what he wanted, had known since Ville kissed him that afternoon, but yet he couldn’t grasp more than an abstract idea, he knew he wanted Ville, he just didn’t entirely know
how.
He clutched his shirt in front of him as he watched Ville, his jeans were clammy and sticking to his still damp legs and he concentrated on that feeling as Ville turned round to face him. He didn’t look entirely surprised to see Bam standing there watching him. Bam looked down at the t-shirt he was slowly strangling and forced himself to release his stranglehold.
“You were great today.” Bam blushed, he could feel his cheeks prickling with the heat and he glanced down hoping in vain Ville wouldn’t be able to see. He didn’t like this shy schoolboy who took over his body at random moments. He should be able to laugh, slap Ville on the back in thanks and they’d drink some beers comfortable as anything. “Look Bam, I’m not going to apologise about-”
“I don’t want you to.” Silence settled around them. It was awkward, which was strange, Bam realised it was the first time it had ever been awkward between them, they had been strangers five days ago but the small space of the car had always been comfortable for the both of them.
“Can I kiss you again?” Bam's eye shot up to look at Ville, a playful smile curled the edges of his mouth and Bam felt one begin to grow on his own.
“Gee man, I don’t know. Can you?” Ville’s smile widened even more and Bam bit his lip to hold in the joyous laughter he felt bubbling up inside him.
Bam had kissed guys before, laughter filled pecks on the lips and drunken toungings designed to shock. But Bam had never desired a man before, never eyed the long expanse of torso through a shirt and wondered what it would feel like pressed against his own; and though he’d been around naked men before he had never before wanted to make one naked.
It was different to making out with a chick, not only was Ville taller than him, his hands broad and rough and his jaw rough with stubble, but when Bam pressed close, his form was wiry and hard under his own. Ville's hands settled on Bam's hips, warm heavy contact against Bam's bare skin, they made him shiver and press closer, the pressure different to all the girls he’d been with over the years.
They moved onto the bed, crushed between Ville's rucksack and Bam's skateboard. Bam felt his shoulders arch back into the lumpy mattress as Ville let his hands wander up Bam's torso, fingering his nipples and scratching along his ribs. Bam felt like he was on fire, and when he opened his eyes and stared into Ville’s wide green orbs he knew he wasn’t alone. They fumbled as they found a way to slip together, their bodies locked tight against each other’s, Ville’s long thigh tucked tightly between Bam's and his long fingers tangled in brown curls as Bam's hands wandered over the narrow torso above him.
It wasn’t the most elegant coupling, their movements were hurried and clumsy, both too used to the curves of a woman and over excited by the adrenaline that found itself at home in their veins. Bam cursed through clenched teeth as Ville bit into his shoulder, lapping at the wound as his hips jerked erratically against Bam's.
Their breaths filled the room, loud panting gasps which trailed off into desperate keening moans, grunts of exertion fading into whimpers of desire. Bam felt Ville’s hands spasm against his hair when Bam pulled his hips tighter against his own, one hand clasping a rounded arse cheek as his own thighs spread in invitation.
It wasn’t particularly neat, their pants undone and hands tucked inside the rough openings of jeans as they sped towards completion. In the last seconds of Bam's sound mind, before he plummeted over the edge into oblivion, he felt the world still, his eyes met Ville’s and they shard ragged gasping breaths before he had to squeeze his eyes shut as oblivion took over, he heard Ville say his name like a curse before the taller man collapsed onto him. Silence took over the room, the only sounds were their deep breaths as their hearts tried to slow down. Bam's eyes felt heavy, he wrapped his arms around Ville’s back and succumbed to sleep.
Bam woke some time later. The room was dark and warm. The green glow of the neons outside illuminated Ville’s thin frame perched on the edge of the mattress, his head bowed as though in prayer. Bam blinked groggily before looking again, in Ville’s lap sat his worn guitar. Bam had seen it out of its case a lot more since Ville had had to busk to pay for the car to be fixed several miles back across the country, and each time he had seen it Ville held it with the same reverence, it made Bam feel like he was catching a glimpse of something truly personal.
“Are you going to see them?” Ville jerked at Bam's voice, glancing back at him almost guiltily.
“Who?”
“Don’t play stupid Ville, your band.” When Ville did speak about his past the same names always showed up, the same smile would spread across his face and his eyes would dart to his guitar as though reminding himself its real. Bam knew Ville loved his music, loved his band and his band mates he just wasn’t sure why Ville seemed to think they didn’t love him back.
“I doubt I have a band anymore.” His voice was snarled with cynicism though he tried to hide it behind a crooked smile which looked frightening and painful in the dim green tinged lighting.
“I doubt they’d replace you.” Ville huffed, not really having anything to say to him. Bam felt the bed rock as Ville placed his guitar back in its case and moved to curl up beside Bam.
“I don’t think I’m made for that world.” His voice was barely a whisper against the skin of Bam's shoulder. Bam raised a hand to tangle in the dark curls.
“You love it?”
“Yeah.”
“Than you’re made for it.” Bam felt Ville smile against his skin as he stared up at the ceiling, watching the lights flicker across the surface.
“Maybe once upon a time, but…. I fucked up pretty bad.” He sounded like a small child who didn’t know what to do, lost and afraid. Bam was torn between wanting to shake him and hug him.
“You don’t get to pick out the parts of yourself you don’t like and sew in clockwork, it doesn’t work that way.” He had tried it himself two years ago, letting his sponsorship dissolve, believing somehow that he could go on living without that part of himself, it took him less than a year to realise he was wrong.
“Clockwork huh?”
“It’s how you act without it, how you acted when we met.” Perhaps there were better words, better metaphors or whatever, but clockwork made sense in Bam's brain, the neat, but complex routines that kept him going. They remained silent for a while, listening to the cars passing by out the window before Ville spoke again.
“They might not want me back.” and Bam realised that was his real fear, that his friends might not miss him the way he misses them.
“They might.” He tugged on one of Ville's curls, knowing he was right this time.
“Will you come with me? At least to the hotel?” Bam was abruptly reminded of asking a complete stranger to go with him to the hospital, at least Ville got to know his strangers first before baring his should to them.
“Sure.” He rolled out of the bed and reached down to help Ville up. He stared up at Bam with wide eyes. “No time like the present.” Bam said with forced cheer, neatening his clothes and grabbing the car keys from the small table under the window. Ville watched him for a moment, his body tense as he lounged across the bed before he too rolled off and began the task of putting himself in order.
~*~*~VvV~*~*~
Linde was standing under a streetlight outside the hotel when Bam pulled the car up. Ville sat and watched him for a moment; he was smoking and staring up at the sky, though what he was looking for Ville had no idea. He clutched Bam's hand around the gear stick and sunk into his seat; a moment of terror flashed through him before Bam leant across and mouthed a kiss against his jaw. Ville smiled into the darkness linking his fingers though Bam's, squeezing gently before pushing to door open.
“You know where I’m staying if you need me.” Ville nodded as he looked into the car. The dashboard lights where flickering across Bam's grinning face and Ville wanted to get back in the car and tell Bam to never stop driving. But with a final smile and a wave good bye he stood up. He let his fingers run across the panels of the car as it slowly pulled out and onto the road. He stood staring blindly across the road before turning around. He took firm sure steps towards Linde, admiring how the streetlight played with his hair, making it seem like liquid light caught somehow in a halo around his friends head. Linde watched him approach in silence.
“Hey” the simple word in Finish rang through Ville's mind and soothed him almost instantly, he had missed his language, as much as he loved and coveted English there was nothing like hearing the language of your childhood after being away for months.
“Hey.” Ville felt his voice crack with emotion. Linde was watching him steadily, his long body slumped against the side of the building.
“We’ve been worried about you.” He flicked the butt of his cigarette to the ground and didn’t look at Ville. Ville swallowed and shoved his hands further into his pockets, eying the butt on the pavement.
“Yeah I’m…” he didn’t apologise, shooting a glance back at Linde’s face he finished lamely. “I needed to get away.”
“Figured.”
Silence settled in the warm evening air. He could smell petrol, pollution and sweat. It smelt different when he wasn’t with Bam, not worst or better, just different. He fixed his gaze on Linde’s angular face, searching it for some clue but Linde had always been hard to read.
“Did I fuck this all up?” he was talking about so many things in that one sentence, the deal, the band, his friendships.
“It was pretty fucked up before you left.” He wondered if Linde was purposely focusing on the deal or if he honestly didn’t think Ville disappearing for months on end in the middle of recording an album could fuck with the band or their friendship.
“Did I make it worst?”
“No.” Ville heaved a sigh of relief; at least he didn’t ruin everything. Linde finally looked him straight in the face, his thoughts still masked behind his cold exterior, but Ville could see the emotions glittering through his eyes. “Where’d you go, we were worried.”
“Ends of the earth. Tried to jump off.” True he supposed, in his roundabout way of speaking. When Linde’s eyes widened he knew he had understood what he was trying to say. How do you tell one of your best friends you had thought about killing yourself in the past two months than in the rest of his life put together.
“Why didn’t you?” his voice was a low rumble and the streetlight shone on his blonde hair making it glitter like fire.
Ville paused before replying. He took a deep breath to steady himself before taking the plunge. “Might have, possibly, fallen in love.” Linde’s eyes widened slightly, but he schooled his features into calm indifference.
“Someone other than your music?” Linde had always understood Ville’s love affair with music, he out of everyone else in the band was as consumed by it as Ville was. He wondered if he could ever understand the agony of the last few months; of not having that one failsafe to fall back on, that one spot of comfort in the whole world elude him. It had begun when he was still with the band, he knew Linde had noticed.
“He gave it back to me.” Sometimes he spoke cryptically just because he didn’t know how to say what it was he actually wanted to, he couldn’t find the words to describe how Bam had helped him, without even knowing it.
“We haven’t recorded since you left. He went ape shit. We’re a little stuck in limbo at the moment.” Ville appreciate the brisk rundown of events, he could always rely on Linde for that, he could brush off an emotional conversation like no one else, but yet he still managed to make it seem like he was listening and caring, he just knew when a conversation had to end, when there was nothing more to say.
“I’m sorry.” Ville finally said,
for everything he silently taped on the end, he knew Linde heard it anyway.
“Don’t be. Just don’t do it again.” Ville smiled and nodded, following Linde back into the hotel. It wasn’t the end, he would have to explain to everyone else, stories would be told of his adventures across America but for now it was enough to brush shoulders with his oldest friend as they walked towards his band and his music.
The End
A/N And here endith this tale. Very very late…
You almost didn’t get a sex scene, if you can call it that, I had a lot of trouble with it, I kept wandering away from my computer and coming back in the vain hope that it would have been done in my absence. But I got there eventually!
I really hope you liked my little story, please tell me what you think!
And so you all know, i am now on twitter! as of.. about five seconds ago... i'm under the same name (riastarstruck) check me out!
cold
creative![[info]](/makepkg/implementing-https-l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=1){kind=small}
slasher48 / ![[info]](/makepkg/implementing-https-l-stat.livejournal.com/img/user_ontd.gif?v=1){kind=small}
insane_pyro_grl for assuring me that this was not complete idiocy when I need it most and talking me down from the ledge of "I'll delete this and start over" I was on. 
accomplished
lilafilly2 for the 
vamidays fic swap. She asked for realistic mpreg. And while this chapter is not what she is looking for, I promise, I do get into the real stuff in the next nine chapters. I hope you like it, lady. 