Coffee Memories for (Dark_Light_Girl)

He wrote back letting out a gleeful sigh and thinking of the tearful fight he and Jussi shared because of his coming here. Jussi was pissed when the letter arrived and he was stunned he even got a letter for Christmas having given up that tradition of holiday cards and such years ago. The drummer didn't want him to come back, he not only voiced that opinion, he even threatened to spend the holiday with Jyrki if Ville so much as touched an airplane. Eventually they agreed to let Ville go and settle this once and for all so that they could get on with their lives.

"More coffee sir?"

He looked up at the young woman. Her small yet perfectly molded features giving away her youth. He smiled slightly missing when he was that young but also thinking about that big mistake he made when he was young and careless.

"Yes sweetheart, just one more."

She smiled back, wished him a Merry Christmas and sauntered off to get the coffee. He turned his attention to the notepad he had on the side of his plate of cookies and wrote down the time. 2:45pm on December 22. He knew he had been sitting in the same place for a whole hour and the person he was waiting for still hadn't called to explain the Christmas letter or to even say that they were running late. He sighed hoping he didn't come all this way, fight with his husband, and miss time at home just for nothing. He started drawing random Heartagrams on the page in different places eventually spelling out Jussi's name and smiling thinking of his bedhead in the morning. He was so preoccupied that he missed the sound of the little bell over the door, but he didn't miss those footsteps coming closer to his table. He could never forget those footsteps...

Ville swallowed deep in his throat trying to collect his thoughts. His hands started shaking so he placed them in his lap. He cleared his throat and stood up to embrace the person approaching him. He smelled that familiar cologne thinking vaguely that Jussi smelled uniquely different.

"Hello, how are you?" The voice from the other person said as they embraced back. He felt oddly out of place in this once comfortable place but he knew immediately it wasn't the place but the person he was with. They sat down and he finally took in the appearance of the person sitting across him, who was also the person he hadn't seen for two years. It was clear the other person was just as nervous about this meeting as he was, but they smiled and sat down anyway. Ville bit his lip and nodded before sitting too.

"So, how-how are things with the band?"

Small talk Ville thought turning to look down at his demolished cookies. He could handle small talk although he just assumed they would get down to the meaning of the letter.

"We're all doing fine. How about you and things on your end?"

"Good. Uh...how's Ju-Jussi?"

"He's fine, although he was pissed that I'm here today." Ville said hoping that would get them to the point. The person across from him looked away and down at their hands as if with shame. He knew he should feel bad about it but after all those years, he felt only sadness.

"Yeah that's...that's good he's ok. Look man I just wanted to say I'm sorry in person."

"Bam you could have come to see me in Finland instead of making me come all the way here. What's so special about this cafe?"

Bam, the one person he vowed to never let touch his heart after catching him cheating on him,and then lying to Ape and Phil that he was in a relationship with Ville, just stared at him. The cafe was just a cafe after all, and he had wasted time, airfund, and sleep coming all the way there.

"I could have but I know if I did you probably wouldn' t meet up with me alone. I'm...I'm trying to get on with this man. I still lo-"

"Don't say that. Just don't ok?" Ville said drinking his coffee and sighing deeply as he thought of what Jussi would do hearing Bam say those dreaded words he almost muttered. It had took years and years of growing up for Ville to realize that Bam's denying their love hadn't been his fault. Bam was a child, a cute, slightly chubbier child but still just a boy really. At 34, Ville no longer wondered what he did wrong to make this young lover flat out say he was never gay. Jussi had a large part to do with him learning to accept who he was, and that it was ok to be loved completely. He would not damage what he found by trying to make amends with what he lost.

"I'm just saying I don't want to just pretend we didn't happen anymore. It was dumb to do that anyway, and I...I miss you Willa."

"What do you expect me to say to that? I'm married now Bam, and I won't jeopardize that for something we both know won't work. Is that what the letter was about?"

Bam smiled sadly and nodded no. His hair had gotten longer while Ville's was shorter and Bam was shaggy looking with an overgrown beard. It was as if everything and nothing had changed inside that cafe. Years ago, they wouldn't have been as reserved as they were now not touching, only looking at each other with glances. Years ago they would have had their fingers entwined, Ville's curls hiding those secret words they would share over breakfast or dinner since that was the only time they could meet up. A skateboard lazily laid over Bam's lap like Ville would be hours later. The singer shook those thoughts away.

"I don't expect anything from you but your friendship. I wouldn't want to destroy you and Jussi that's beautiful Ville. But you know, I still wanna be able to laugh with you, share gifts with you, be close to you." Bam said almost pleading as he reached across the table and fingered Ville's wedding ring. Ville's green eyes drawn to where they were touching and wanting to pull his hand away but not moving.

"As long as you see that the closeness comes with a new line to it. We can't ever go as far as we did Bam. Never." Ville didn't wait for his answer he just smiled and grabbed his coat walking out the door and listening to that bell chime overhead. After all, the skater knew where he lived and had his number if he was serious about remaining friends, and he could pay the check. He laughed thinking that was his way of a Christmas gift, a cafe bill to pay. The smile Jussi would wear as he walked through the front door making it easier for him to continue walking away without looking back.