I just finished binge-watching a compelling limited mini-series on Netflix called Unbelievable, which tells the true story of a horrifying crime and miscarriage of justice.

The main character was an 18-year old girl who was raped by an intruder in her bedroom in the middle of the night; when she reported the assault to the local police they questioned her credibility. They focused on her troubled past and life in the foster care system, as well as on the minor inconsistencies in her recollection of the event (even though this a common occurrence following a trauma).

There was one scene that was particularly pivotal. But first, some context…

Episode after episode, you watch this poor girl sit by meekly as people disrespect her, attack her and treat her like a low-life liar – all in spite of the fact that she was sexually assaulted. You want to reach into the television, grab this character, and urge her to, “Speak up! Tell them it really happened. Do something!”

Yet that’s what makes the story so authentic. This was a girl who was mistreated her entire life. She never felt safe or loved, never knew what it was like to feel that someone had her back. Instead of fighting for herself, she withdrew. In psychology, there are primarily two ways someone can respond to that kind of abuse: fight or flight, and neither one is necessarily better than the other. Both can have disruptive consequences.

As someone who witnessed domestic violence as a child between my divorced mother and her then long-term boyfriend, I can attest to the fact that it can leave deep, invisible scars that you may not know are even there. Some clues can crop up in your early years when you might settle for someone who emotionally abuses you, disrespects you, cheats on you or just plain doesn’t make you feel safe. Or maybe you accept a job that isn’t good enough or a lifestyle that isn’t what you imagined for yourself. Whatever it may be, you have not asked for what was rightfully yours, and why you haven’t asked often stems from old belief systems that have no root in reality.

So back to the pivotal scene of emerging self worth (spoiler alert follows). Once it becomes apparent that this rape did in fact happen, she goes to a lawyer to sue the city. In his office, she explains to him that she’s always just taken what she was given because she figured it was good enough. But not this time. The lawyer then says to her, “You know what happens when you decide you’re not going to just take what you can get anymore? You get more.”

There’s something that happens in life when you realize you are good enough. Suddenly you will not settle for less. You accept life’s bounty and the possibility that your cup can runneth over. You think, “there’s so much more out there, and you know what? I deserve it.” In the case of this victim, she was able to garner the strength to live her life at an even higher level than prior to this devastating crime. It is true that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and in her case, and many of our own, what makes you stronger isn’t always pretty.