I work in a supermarket that has recently employed the trick of pumping the smell of freshly baked bread onto the high street to lure customers in. It’s a cheap trick, but hey, I just work here; I don’t make the decisions. 

One day I see a woman walk in with the largest dog I have ever seen, a big boy Mastiff.

Me: “Sorry, miss, you can’t bring dogs in here.”

Customer: “This boy weighs 90kg and he can smell croissants. You want to stop him? Because I can’t.”

It’s then apparent that she’s not walking the dog; the dog is walking her. I’m not really sure what to do, so I call the manager. He comes over and tells her the same thing.

Customer: “Once he realises there’s no fresh bread, he’ll get bored and leave. I can’t physically do anything until then.”

Manager: “Madam, maybe you should take a dog for a walk that you’re unable to physically manage.”

Customer: “And maybe you shouldn’t pump fake baking smells into the street to confuse dogs that walk in perfectly straight lines until then.”

I laughed a little because she had us there.

The woman refused to change her walking route. The Mastiff would always come and investigate the smell as he walked past. The manager told head office, and they eventually allowed us to stop pumping the smell out onto the street.

I heard that it didn’t damage or improve sales one bit.

I work in careers and employment support, not tech support. I’ve been running training sessions on Zoom and have been getting a lot of emails from clients that are struggling. The below is paraphrased slightly from memory and to be anonymous.

Client: “Hi, I can’t access Zoom, please assist.”

Me: “No problem, what exactly is the issue?”

Client: “I can’t get Zoom to open.”

Me: “Okay, so when you click the ‘start Zoom’ button on our training platform, do you get an error message of some kind, or does the screen change at all?”

Client: “It just won’t open.”

Me: “Okay, if you can provide specific details, that really helps. Are you clicking the ‘start Zoom’ button?”

Client: “There is no ‘start Zoom’ button.”

Me: “Are you on page X of the learning platform?”

Client: “No, I’m on page Y.”

Me: “Okay, so that’s the problem: if you go to page X and click ‘start Zoom’, it will open the meeting for you. If you open the instruction document you were sent, it includes some screenshots of exactly what page you need to be on and what you need to click. I hope that helps.”

Client: “I don’t have the instruction document.”

Me: “I’ll reattach it for you now. Please let me know if you have any more problems.”

A few hours later…

Client: “Hi, I missed the training as I couldn’t get into Zoom. Can you book another one in for me? Also, I need help getting into Zoom next time.”

Me: “Sure, no problem.” 🤦‍♀️

A little old lady comes waddling past me at the checkouts, empty-handed, and leans over to say something to me as she passes. She looks like she’s about to whisper, but then she blurts out loud enough for everyone nearby to hear:

Customer: “I clogged the toilet.”

Me: “Oh… uh…”

Customer: “But don’t worry! I used more paper to cover my poo!”

She continues waddling out, happy as anything.

Me: “Thank… you?”

I was on the tills during a busy afternoon shift. I called down the next customers, a lady and her husband, and started scanning as normal, making lighthearted conversation as I packed their stuff away. They seemed like a generally nice couple.

Oh, how wrong was I. 

When it came to pay, the lady gave me a £20 note. Their shopping came to £16, so I gave her £4 change.

Customer: “YOU’VE SHORT CHANGED ME BY A POUND. I WANT MY POUND!”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “YOU’VE ONLY GIVEN ME £4, I NEED £5!”

Me: *Completely puzzled look on my face.* “I’m sorry, but you gave me £20, so I gave you the right amount of change back; it even says on the receipt.”

Customer: “NO! YOU ARE WRONG!” *She counts on her fingers.* “16, 17, 18, 19, 20! THAT IS FIVE! GET ME THE MANAGER!”

So, I awkwardly explain to my manager the situation, and he is just as puzzled as I am. He tries to explain to the lady that she has the correct change, but she is still screaming, so at this point my manager just gives her a pound coin so she will go away.

As she was walking out, she shouted:

Customer: “LEARN HOW TO COUNT!”

I don’t miss working there.

I’m installing a new washing machine into a home. The customer did not purchase a new hose.

Me: “As per company policy, we can’t install the washing machine without new hoses, but you can just screw in your old ones, and you shouldn’t have a problem.”

Customer: “The hose just connects into the back here?”

Me: “Yes, just like a garden hose.”

Everything is perfectly fine at this point. But then the customer picks up the washing machine’s plug that is literally just a regular plug in that you plug into an electrical socket.

Customer: *Eyes widen, visibly angry.* “Okay, this is getting too complicated! Send it back! I’m never shopping at your shop ever again!”

I tried one more time to show him where the hose went, but he wasn’t having any of it, and we were forced to take the washing machine all the way back to the warehouse.