I get a call from a caller as soon as the lines open at 9 AM.

Caller: “When is the technician arriving!? You said he would be here at 9 AM!”

Me: “No, ma’am, we said from 9 AM. The window is between 9 and 11 AM, but I can tell you based on the location the ETA is forty-five to fifty minutes.”

Caller: “Well, what is it? Forty-five or fifty?!”

Me: “The ETA is between forty-five and fifty minutes. That’s the best information I can give you, ma’am.”

They mutter something but hang up. They call back exactly forty-five minutes later.

Caller: “Your ETA expired!”

Me: “He will be there within the next five minutes. I can see the location of the van literally three blocks away.”

Caller: “But the ETA said forty-five minutes! How can you give me a time and not be able to stick to it?!”

Me: “Well, it is an ETA, ma’am.”

Caller: “I don’t care! I don’t want guesses!”

Me: “Ma’am, an ETA by nature is an estimate.”

Caller: “Says who?!”

Me: “The ‘E’ part.”

Caller: “Well, your ETA’s need to be accurate!”

I hear the caller’s doorbell go off.

Caller: “Who the f*** is ringing my doorbell so early in the morning?!” *Click.*

That lucky technician… I’m sure she’s about to be a DELIGHT to deal with…

I’m working in a hotel restaurant. A large group has just enjoyed a late-night Sunday dinner.

Guest: “Charge it all to me at [room number].”

Me: “Of course, sir.”

Guest: “And the cocktail was lovely. Can you send a couple of glasses up to my room?”

Me: “Of course, sir.”

This is all squared away, and I continue my business. The restaurant closes at 11 PM, and we go about our cleaning duties. The kitchen stays partially open for late-night room service until 2 AM, and I take a call from a guest expecting one of those.

Guest: “Hello! I had a couple of glasses of [Cocktail] brought up to my room earlier, and they were delicious! I’d like two more!”

Me: “I remember, sir, and I am happy you enjoyed them. Unfortunately, as it is now 1 AM, we’re unable to serve any more liquor until tomorrow.”

Guest: “If it’s past midnight, then it’s already tomorrow!”

Me: “We’ll be able to serve liquor again when alcohol service resumes tomorrow morning. Also, it would be illegal in the state of Utah for me to bring any liquor up to your room right now.”

Guest: “You kidding?! Back home I can drink until 2 AM!”

Me: “This is state law in Utah, sir.”

Guest: “I knew something was up when my minibar only had sodas!”

Me: “I can bring you any non-alcoholic drink, sir. I can even make a non-alcoholic version of that cocktail if you—”

Guest: “—Bring me two of those cocktails, with alcohol, and I’ll tip you a hundred.”

Me: “Sir, it’s not a matter of—”

Guest: “—Did you hear me?! A hundred!”

Me: “Hmm, well, sir, for requests that break hotel policy, I charge three times my annual salary. This is to give me time to look for a new career after I’m barred from working in every hotel and restaurant in the state ever again. For requests that also break the law, I charge ten times my annual salary for the impending bail money and legal fees.”

Guest: *Click.*

It’s almost ten at night, and the night crew is beginning to unload pallets from the deliveries that are going to come in throughout the night. Despite seeing this happen, a customer chooses to yell at me:

Customer: “Why are so many shelves empty?! There are no tacos!”

I’m about to explain that it’s late at night and we’re about to start restocking.

Me: “Because it’s late, and—”

Customer: “—Because [Store] is racist! That’s why!”

I pause, confused.

Customer: “[Store] is racist against Mexicans and you purposely let the shelves go empty because this is the only time of day we can shop!”

Me: “First of all, I’m Hispanic.”

The customer squints their eyes at me.

Customer: “Bah! Doesn’t count! You’re White-passing!”

Me: “Second of all, it’s 10 PM, and we close in an hour. We’ve been getting slammed for fifteen hours, so of course some of the shelves are empty.”

Customer: “Then why—”

Me: “—Thirdly! A store’s main objective is to SELL STUFF. It’s our number one priority to keep the shelf stocked as much as possible so we can sell stuff and make more money. Why would we purposely NOT sell stuff?! Now, if you’re looking for something specific and I know it’s in the back, I can go and get it for you. If not, come back another time. That’s the only way this conversation continues.”

Customer: “Tacos… and cilantro.” 

I wordlessly went to the back, grabbed a couple of each from some pallets that were due to come out in the next hour, and hand it to the customer. They grabbed it without saying thank you and stormed away. I just shouted “Adios!”, which got me a glare, but made me smile.

Caller: “I’m calling because I bought that mobile Internet thingy from you a couple of days ago.”

Me: “Oh, hi, sir? Are you the one doing the cross-country drive in the RV?”

Caller: “Yeah! You remember! I got the internet thingy because I still wanted to get my local channels from [Hometown].”

Me: “Yes, I remember I helped you download their app.”

Caller: “Yeah, but it ain’t working! I think you screwed up the Internet settings!”

Me: “Oh no! What’s the issue you’re having?”

Caller: “I wanted to watch [Game Show], and it usually starts at five, but it’s not on yet!”

I check the time, and it’s 5:15 PM.

Me: “Have you started your journey?”

Caller: “Yeah, a couple of days ago! I’m in [Other State].”

Me: “Oh! It’s 4:15 PM there right now, sir.”

Caller: “Huh?”

Me: “[State] is in another time zone. If [Game Show] is on at five at home, it will be on at six where you are.”

Caller: “But that messes with my timing. I want it on at five! Fix it!”

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid that can’t be done. It’s a matter of time zones.”

Customer: “Well, I waive that time zone thing! Change it in the settings or something.”

Me: “I can’t, sir.”

Customer: “Then let me talk to your supervisor. I’m sure he can do something about it! All these modern technologies with all these extra features I didn’t ask for!”

Normally, when a customer comes in within thirty minutes of closing (we close at 7 PM as we’re more of a lunch spot), I grin and bear it. Does it mean I work later? Yes. But my boss doesn’t turn away anyone, and I get paid for the extra time, so usually I can deal with it.

However, on the day when this story takes place, there were a couple of mitigating factors.

1. I had forgotten to wear my knee braces.
2. The air conditioning was broken, so the door was propped open, letting ALLLL the humidity inside.
3. My allergy pill wasn’t working, so my eyes and throat had been burning all day.
4. I hadn’t had a chance to eat other than cramming a piece of bread down my gullet because we had an all-day rush.

These factors made me far less amenable to late arrivals, so when a party of three (dad, mom, teenage daughter) walked in at 6:40 PM, and the mom said their order was to go, I wilted a bit with relief.

However, then the teenage daughter piped up.

Teenage Daughter: “Mom, no! We can eat here!”

Mom: “I have stuff to do.”

The daughter, back turned to me, insisted again on staying. The mom seemed pretty set on a to-go order, but I didn’t want to take any chances. After checking that my boss was busy, I turned back to them with a smile on my face.

Me: “Please consider, we do close at seven. So, if it takes twenty minutes to make your food, and an average of fifteen minutes to half an hour for you to eat it…”

Immediately, the dad and daughter checked their phones. The dad nodded and put it back; the daughter turned pink and dropped eye contact. The mom, vindicated, said:

Mom: “To go, thank you.”

Sweet, sweet victory! I got to go home on time that day.

Was it mean to directly address the daughter? Having once been a teenage girl myself, I knew well how embarrassing my actions would be to her. But in the end, it was a mere sting to her pride, and hopefully she’ll remember it in the future, so she arrives and orders at restaurants at considerate times.