close

Windfalls.

Jul. 9th, 2026 08:42 pm
[personal profile] hannah
Today was another building resident's move-out day - the same person who gave me most of her non-perishables a little while ago. Today was everything she had left in her fridge and freezer, and whatever else happened to be around. Some eggs, some frozen strawberries, a lime, frozen cubed ginger, oat milk, tahini, olive oil, soy sauce, mirin, a couple avocados, shallots, sesame oil, agave syrup, some cauliflower, and other ends and odds. I composted the oyster sauce and most of the cheeses immediately, and the rest's going to get used up in due time.

Some of that due time was tonight. For lunch next week, I swept the kitchen and used up the cauliflower, the shallots, some garlic cloves, some garlic scapes, the last onion I had around, some tomatoes, and a bit of a bunch of spices. I cooked the last of a bag of basmati rice, and mixed it all with a can of kidney beans. It wouldn't have worked as well without the two cups of cubed cauliflower. It needed some vegetables in there.

I took some cleaning supplies, some bathroom stuff, and $11.79 in dimes, nickels, and pennies. As a favor, I took a bunch of old pillowcases and duvet covers to the appropriate recycling station. As a favor, I'll be taking a bag of electronics - extension cords and whatnot - to another appropriate recycling station. A tiny wooden turtle and two cutting boards. Some fancy cookbooks I'll see about taking down to the Strand.

Someone else came by when I was there to grab some large pieces of furniture. I helped him move it, and he was impressed I had such an easy time of it. I've often said I go to the gym to help people move furniture. And today, it finally happened.

I didn't go to the movies, spending the afternoon logging some letters and doing the sweep-the-kitchen cooking instead, acting for instead of against my better judgment. It was still a good day.

I also found out James Ortiz is on Cameo, and while I don't know if he'll accept the request - others have turned me down before - it'll still be worth it to ask him if he'll do some poetry reading for me. A friend suggested Jabberwocky. I was thinking The Litany or For What Binds Us. I may go with the Gioia.
[personal profile] shadowkat
The sun went away around 10 am this morning, it's been gloomy ever since, with spots of rain and downpours. Although we admittedly need rain. And I'm guessing most of the Western US would like to borrow some of it.

[Ah, we get a sunset - a kind of orange glow sunset, but not bad all in all.]

I bought Blink - Lubricant for Contacts and Blink Lubricant for Cleaning Contacts - mainly because I got confused and couldn't figure out which to get. Read more... )

It has been cooler at least. So the A/C is working quite well. It doesn't work nearly as well when it is 100 degrees - then it's usually 78-80 degrees in my apartment. But at 80 degrees - it's 75-76 degrees inside.

**

I'm in between television shows now - or have a television show hang-over.
Read more... )

**

Books, I'm doing better with. Enjoying Street of Five Moons by Elizabeth Peters - which is a comedic romantic gothic mystery. the audio book version )

[I got it fairly cheap - since it's an older book and not that popular.]

And The Thief (Queen's Thief Book 1) by Megan Whalen - Read more... )

Storygraph describes it as follows: The Thief (The Queen's Thief Series #1) by Megan Whalen Turner might appeal to readers who enjoy cleverly constructed mysteries and the intellectual satisfaction of unraveling a complex, layered deception.

I'd initially had issues getting into it - wasn't in the mood - but having picked it up again, it's rather gripping. There's a lot of mysterious aspects to it. I'd say it's a fantasy/mystery hybrid? I wouldn't put it in the YA genre, but others have. [That's the e-book.]

And still reading This Kingdom Will Not Kill ME in hardback, even though I finished the audio version.

***

Almost forgot - Bonnie Tyler died at 75. She's the singer who immortalized the little 1980s ditty... Total Eclipse of the Heart in 1983 and of course, the quintessential 1980s pop song Holding Out for a Hero - the theme song for Coverup, and in Flashdance.

***

Question a Day Meme - July

6. Today is the beginning of Great British Pea Week in the UK. Do you like eating peas? Have you ever grown them?

No. I don't like peas at all. Read more... )

7. It’s the seventh day of the seventh month, and in Japan, it’s the day of the Star Festival (Tanabata). For one day only, wishes, hopes, poetry and dreams are written onto streamers and tied to trees. What would you write on a streamer today?

I think "that everything goes well" - which it did for that day at least?

Re-read it - and thinking this is a broader theme thing? The US gets rid of its current administration, we get a new Supreme Court, the Republicans leave office, and things go back to normal. (I edited it and its still too long - I admittedly want too much.)

Or just World Peace?

8. Artemisia Gentileschi was born today in 1593. She was incredibly famous during her career, but largely forgotten until the 20th century. Have you ever seen any of her paintings?

I have no idea who she is. I had to look her up. Artemisia is the most celebrated female painter of the 17th century.

So probably? Read more... )

9. It’s World Misophonia Day. A person with this disorder has decreased tolerance for certain sounds as well as the stimuli that accompany those sounds (for example, loud chewing). Someone with the condition will experience feelings of distress, which may overwhelm them. Are there any sounds that you find irritating, even if you don’t suffer from this condition?

Yes, chalk on a chalk board, high pitched squeaking - like train wheels skidding on a rail, car alarms, barking, and high soprano or a high pitched voice. Also high pitched humming/whistling.

I had a friend who had it. She couldn't deal with movies being too loud, and had to wear ear plugs. She was constantly plugging her ears.

hands

Jul. 9th, 2026 08:26 pm
[personal profile] kradeelav
drawing a bunch of hands for this doujin (technically mine, through a self-insert) - keen eyes will notice i give myself quite large knuckles.

and it's making me remember one time i was at one of those fancy charity dinners for us/with a bunch of disabled kids (this one was for the hearing stuff. i had a lot to pick from).

and a boy, most of the kids there were eight-ish? ten? next to me in the lull of conversation point blank said: what's wrong with your hands?

definitely remember looking down at my hands like ?? eh? what do you mean? i wasn't... mad. i don't think i even really reacted much more other than a head tilt until the conversation moved on naturally. wasn't quite amused. bemused? puzzled? mostly i remember to this day the next distinctive thought was: huh, guess this kind of thing/comment can even happen here [aka among people who kinda should know better] i guess.

sometimes i still think about him. hope he doesn't remember it; while a smidge of temporary shame isn't always a bad thing, i don't wish the deep mortified permanent shame on anyone especially when sometimes kids don't have a filter yet. god knows i've done a few of those moments.

but since then i've always actually liked those knuckles, maybe slightly out of that contradictory whim. there's other parts of the body i've struggled a lot more with; but i've always liked my hands.

(funnily enough during my gunter fire emblem binge that re-affirmed that powerful affection; since then i've always thought of 'em as my old man knuckles, heh. there's also my favorite artwork by andreas deja, animator of jafar - when he was doodling out gestures of that character who had the exact same kind of hands; that artwork might be in the running for favorite piece of all time.)

Ma Xiuying's Desire

Jul. 9th, 2026 05:00 pm
[personal profile] rocky41_7
As if spilling some hard-won secret into the closeness between them, he [Zhu] said, low, "Learn to want something for yourself, Ma Xiuying. Not what someone says you should want. Not what you think you should want. Don't go through life only thinking of duty. When all we have are these brief spans between our nonexistences, why not make the most of the life you're living now? The price is worth it."
...
But in the same instant she saw the raw truth of him, she realized that was all it was: something that was true for him. A man could want anything the world offered and have a chance, no matter how small, of achieving it.
...
She rose to leave. "Maybe all your suffering is worth whatever it is you want to achieve," she said bitterly. "But mine wouldn't be."

-- Chapter 12

It couldn't have been real--it was absurd to think a man could feel for a woman--but somehow it was enough to dissolve her anger in a tide of pain. It hurt so much she gasped with it. Stop doing this to me, she thought, anguished, as she turned and fled. Don't make me want to want.

-- Chapter 13

Zhu spoke calmly, but beneath the surface Ma sensed a shivering horror. "Ma Xiuying. Do you see something here you want?"
...
With a sensation of vertiginous terror, Ma felt the rigid pattern of her future falling away, until all that was left was the blankness of pure possibility. She took Zhu's small, calloused hand and felt its warmth flow into her until the hollow space of her chest blazed with everything she'd never let herself feel. She was yielding to it, being consumed by it, and it was the most beautiful and frightening thing she'd ever felt. She wanted. She wanted everything Zhu was offering with that promise of difference.
... 
She said, "Yes."

-- Chapter 14

[Zhu] groped at Ma's waist for the tie that held her dress closed. It would only take a tug to undo, even for an awkwardly left-handed person. "You know, Yingzi," she said huskily. "I know how the business of rain and clouds works well enough, but I've never actually done it. I suppose we could figure it out together, if you wanted."

In answer, Ma put her hand over Zhu's and pulled, and her dress fell open. Underneath she was gorgeous and glowing and sweating, and as she helped Zhu work her dress over her shoulders she said, smiling, "I want it."

-- Chapter 19

(emphasis added)

Books read, June 2026

Jul. 9th, 2026 05:28 pm
[personal profile] swan_tower
The Tricky Business of Faerie Bargains, Reena McCarty. Something about the marketing of this one -- the cover art, the cover copy, and so forth -- made me think it's a cozy novel. It absolutely is not. Which isn't to say it's grimdark, because it isn't that, either; just that the stakes here are higher than cozy reaches for, and the trials the characters go through have sharper edges.

Which for me was a good thing, because I was extremely uncertain if I was going to like a cozy book about the fae. (That tips over into twee with shocking ease.) So I was very pleased to instead get a novel in a world where fae have always been known to exist, but Europe has largely -- and deliberately -- destroyed its own Otherworld, while the U.S. has set up strict laws governing how people are and are not permitted to make deals with the fae. The faerie courts are not the familiar Seelie and Unseelie, but they absolutely have their own politics, which unsurprisingly turn out to underlie the small-scale disaster the protagonist is trying to set right.

The fae themselves are pleasingly alien (even if I find the human-sounding ones like "Sloan" rather distracting). There's just enough echo of dysfunctional human patterns like narcissism to keep their weirdness from feeling random, and McCarty does a good job of selling the idea that the fae simply do not have the same priorities and mentalities as mortals do. The ending was particularly effective in that regard!

Below the Root, Zilpha Keatley Snyder. Discussed elsewhere.

The Murderer’s Tale, Margaret Frazer. I continue to gravitate toward shorter books at the moment, which is probably contributing to how many mysteries I've been reading lately.

By this point in the series, it is well established that the first scene will be from the viewpoint of the title character. So when you name your book The Murderer's Tale . . . yeah, Frazer is not faking you out. From the start, you know who the killer will be, and you can very rapidly guess who the victim will be, too. The killer is an unpleasant piece of work, thoroughly convinced of his own superior significance and misreading the motivations of everybody around him, who of course are lesser. Though I thought it was a deft touch when you see him being judgmental toward certain characters, and then soon after that you're in Frevisse's perspective and seeing her be judgmental toward them, too. Class distinctions are very real to these people. But this one really does read like a tragedy, because you see what's coming, it shouldn't happen, and of course you can't stop it.

A Case of Mice and Murder, Sally Smith. A newer mystery, set in 1901 London, about a barrister of the Inner Temple very comfortably settled into his routine, who gets piked out of it because the Lord Chief Justice has been murdered -- within the Temple! -- and the guy in charge of the place is extremely motivated to get the case solved as discreetly as possible. I very much like the central conceit here, which hinges on the fact that the Inner Temple's governance means the City of London police can only intervene there if asked; since the Temple is very much an elite bastion of the sort that thinks scandal is the kind of thing that should only happen to other people, having an insider investigate is exactly how such men would handle even a murder.

And Gabriel Ward is a congenial detective, very nerdy and obsessed not only with the law but with a whole array of historical tidbits. I like how Smith handles his very obvious OCD: another book might have made more emotional hay out of the stress and pressure of the condition, but Gabriel has long since arranged his life in ways that accommodate it. He does, over time, become more aware of the restrictions it places on him, but since he's a well-off gentleman cushioned by his residence in the Temple, it is not really a source of angst. It's just how his life works.

I enjoyed this one enough that I started out listening to it in audiobook and then transferred to ebook, not because the narrator was bad -- I liked him, despite fluctuating volume levels that sometimes made the quiet bits difficult to hear -- but because I have approximately 1-2 hours of audiobook listening time in a given week, and I didn't want to wait that long to get the whole story!

Cinder House, Freya Marske. This is the point at which I pivoted to reading the Hugo-nominated short fiction categories. I also read the short stories and novelettes this month, but since those weren't published under separate cover, they don't get tracked here.

It takes a fair bit of effort to make a Cinderella retelling feel original, but Marske manages it well -- starting with the fact that the protagonist gets murdered at the start of the novella and spends the rest of it as a ghost haunting the house now held by her stepmother and stepsisters. Marske also adds in a fresh layer by giving the prince his own story, with a curse that belongs nowhere in the original while fitting well into the general shape of fairy tale tropes. Be warned that there's some fairly heinous abuse here, quite apart from the murder; it turns out there are ways to torture a ghost who is more or less coterminous with the house she haunts, and one of the stepsisters eagerly explores those. The ending, however, finds a lovely and unusual resolution for the core problems.

Murder by Memory, Olivia Waite. SFnal murder mystery in space, aboard a vessel that's not so much a generation ship as a reincarnational one: people regularly save their memories to data "books" and upload the contents to their new body after their old one dies. The crux here is that someone has been murdered at the same time that several books were destroyed, with many complications ensuing.

I do tend to engage less with SF titles, but given the mystery kick I'm on right now, this one fit right in with my current mood. I enjoyed it a lot, even if I'm not sure it stands out in a way that would make me say it's award-worthy. There's another one out in the series and a third one on the way; I may well hunt them out.

Automatic Noodle, Annalee Newitz. Also SF, this time firmly in the cozy corner. In the aftermath of a war that saw California win independence from the United States, robots have their freedom . . . sort of. They're still discriminated against in a number of ways, many of which pose problems for a group of bots who want to open a restaurant.

I am extremely hit or miss with cozy books, because sometimes the warm fuzziness winds up making the perils feel a bit too toothless for my taste. Here, Staybehind lists at the outset several things that could go badly wrong, and then almost none of them happen. I suspect that actually dealing with those would have required this to be a novel, not a novella, and also it would have been markedly less cozy.

The River Has Roots, Amal El-Mohtar. This, on the other hand, is so firmly up my alley that I might as well have painted a target on myself. Folkloric-mood novella based on a murder ballad, with a central motif that plays off the connections between language and magic? YES PLEASE. And the writing is a lyrical (without being overwrought) as usual. If Amal wants to write another six of these, all riffing on different ballads, I will be first in line for them.

And All Between, Zilpha Keatley Snyder. Discussed elsewhere.

The Summer War, Naomi Novik. Last of the novellas, and I'm a little puzzled: in the Hugo packet it gets labeled as a "sample," and there's a link to request the whole thing on Netgalley. I wasn't minded to create an account just to do that, so I figured I would read what's here . . . and it feels like it's all but maybe the last two pages? Anybody who's read the full thing, I'd love to know how much the sample cuts off.

Anyway, I was feeling jaundiced because of that whole "sample" business, but this won me over. There's a tenuous peace between Faerie and the mortal world, but given the way faerie memory works, that means almost nothing: the events that set off the original war are as fresh today as the day they happened. The main character winds up in the thick of that, of course, and has to figure out how to protag from within very constrained circumstances.

The pacing of this one did feel a little odd to me, in that it spends a lot of time on setting the stage before we get to the main act. In ways I understand -- without that setup, much of the resolution would be less satisfying -- but it took me a bit longer to get into it as a result.

Until the Celebration, Zilpha Keatley Snyder. Discussed elsewhere.

A Case of Life and Limb, Sally Smith. Second of the Gabriel Ward mysteries, and the last for now, though there's a third coming next year. While eventually you get a murder here, much of the novel concerns someone sending packages with desiccated body parts to an assortment of men in the Inner Temple. (There's an entertaining discussion about whether this is even a crime, under the laws of the era.) Gabriel is once again tasked to investigate lest -- oh, the horror -- the journalists of Fleet Street find out and splash it all over their papers.

I should note that each book also involves some trial Gabriel is involved in, with the investigation taking away from the precious time he needs to prepare for that. I like that his trials are not murder trials; the first concerns a very tangled question of intellectual property rights around a beloved children's book, and this one concerns a defamation case brought by a popular stage entertainer. Topsy Tillotson is a delightful character, and I like how getting involved in her situation causes the rather mousy Gabriel to grow some unexpected teeth. (In my head he is played by Eddie Marsan, specifically channeling Mr. Norrell, sans that character's less admirable qualities.)

One other note I want to make, though, I'll put behind rot-13 -- not because it's directly spoilery, but because it might prejudice a reader's thoughts in spoilery directions: Gur jnl gung Tnoevry'f pheerag pnfr unf gb or gvrq va fbzrubj jvgu gur pevzr jvaqf hc aneebjvat gur svryq bs aneengvir cbffvovyvgvrf snveyl funecyl. Bs pbhefr vg jbhyq srry n yvggyr enaqbz vs vg jrera'g pbaarpgrq, ohg abarguryrff, gur aneebjvat fyvtugyl qvfncbvagf zr.

(originally posted at Swan Tower: https://www.swantower.com/2026/07/09/books-read-june-2026/)

July 28, 1982 (Day Ten), Part Two

Jul. 9th, 2026 12:20 pm
[personal profile] ahunter3
Nobody in our school was out as gay. At least as far as I know. Early to mid 1970s. Small town. Esoteric town, to be sure. But not a place where it was particularly safe to be different from the what people were familiar with. I’m sure there had always been gay guys but there was no role for out gay guy. Anyone opting for the role would have had to have created it from scratch. I can sure relate to that.

I have to go farther back. Valdosta Georgia, before our family relocated to Los Alamos. A bigger city, although no metropolis and also in the old south.

I had met Malcolm in seventh grade at Valdosta Junior High. We’d been in some youth church group which is where he knew me from. I don’t know, Methodist Summer Youth Program or equivalent. He did one of those “Hey, I recognize you” things, and although I’m slow to recognize people out of context, I thought I’d for sure seen him before, so when he explained, it fit.

Malcolm liked to talk to me, and early on seemed to find it amusing to try to shock me.

“Let me tell you about these people” was Malcolm’s general presentation.

“These people like feet”, he’d tell me. “Like they’re hot for it, you know? And they hang out around libraries...”

Malcolm, I think in retrospect, probably quickly reconfigured his estimate of my sophistication and experience. Way downward.

“Do you know Betty Johnson?”, he asked me. “She’s in our classroom for homeroom. Do you think she’s cute?”

I always had, since fourth grade. Betty had it.

“Well would you ever want to stick your hand up inside her skirt and feel around?”, he posed.

“Eww, I’ve known her for a long time, that’s creepy.”

Malcolm insisted, “She would. You don’t believe me? She would. She’d let you do that. Or somebody. But it could be you. She’d like it for the same reason you would.”



It’s not like I hadn’t read about it. That the girls have these same feelings for us like I did for them, interest in the shapes and textures and wanting to touch or perhaps to be touched like that... of course I hoped I was correctly connecting what I’d read about to what was personally true for me.

And yeah, I was a really näive twelve-year-old kid. Isolation does that to a person.





The way Malcolm was describing it back then... he was like a bridge person, honestly, echoing a lot of the things I’d overheard the boy boys say about girls; and still at the same time he made more sense to me. Nobody’d ever asked me about whether I’d want to put my hands up inside some girls’ skirt or not. Not that directly. I mean, not without mockery and talking about it like it’s dirty, the way the boys talk. Definitely not Betty Johnson. Or... maybe Betty Johnson. It really changes how you think about it if you think maybe they want it to happen. Malcolm was saying the girls liked it. But deep inside, part of me still worried about being a pervert, a creep, wanting to touch girl parts. I mean, I started having those feelings when I was just barely out of kindergarten, so I started off very self-conscious about it. From the grownups, I’d learned, back then, about how babies are made, they explained all that. And I’d heard stories and seen movies about people falling in love. But nobody’d ever bothered telling me anything about having an appetite for someone else’s body.



Yeah...so, Malcolm. We hung out during recess at Valdosta Junior High. I really didn’t have many friends so someone who wanted to hang out with me and be company, that was nice.

One of the interesting kinds of people Malcolm told me about at some point were boys who got fantasies about other boys, and wanted to touch them. Wanted to do sex with them, he told me.

My seventh grade self looked back blankly. I held up my hands and banged my index fingers, left and right, into each other, tip to tip. I told Malcolm, “That’s not possible, it wouldn’t work!”

Malcolm shook his head. “One of them goes up the butt of the other one. Like being with a girl. It feels a lot the same”

I ewwed a face at him. Gut reaction.

“Well they also lick and suck. With mouth and tongue.” Malcolm looked back at me, confident and gentle. “I’d like to do that if you’d let me.”

“Ha”, I replied. “I’ll pass.”



So that was my first real-life first-hand experience of gay guys. Totally not some creepy invasive thing where one guy has a lot of power over the other. Or some creepy salivating begging person who just seems pathetic to you. Or any other stereotype, really. We were both fascinated by difference. He had a lot of interesting tales to tell. I hadn’t thought about sexual variation as a plot device for a story, but yeah it was intrinsically fascinating. Got me thinking more about where the way I was might fit in to all that.

He hit on me. Yes, that happened. He didn’t act like I had no choice, or he was entitled, or fawn at me like oh please, I need this from you. He was okay with it not being something I wanted.

I mean, like, how much more respect does a homophobic hetero sissy guy like me need?



* * *



After eating lunch, I walk back toward the nurses’ station. I see Penelope is on shift. I nod to her and she comes to the counter.

“Hi! I... have a request, and I’d like you consider whether it’s appropriate,” I tell her, somewhat primly. “I want a chance to read my chart. I could either discuss it or not discuss it with the people who’ve, you know, written in it, I’m okay either way. But I want a chance to see myself through the eyes of the Elk Meadow staff, the way they talk to each other about me and from how the entries are written, how they feel about me and my progress and my goals and so on.”

She contemplates for a moment, and I watch her face below those red bangs. Then she tells me, “It’s not really appropriate. We’d have to censor or, you know, be careful how we said things if we had to take how you’d feel, thinking about you reading entries about yourself in your chart, having to take that into account whenever we were writing them. Honestly, I don’t think it would do you any harm, you personally. But if we let you, how would we defend not letting everyone else do it? And most people, you know they couldn’t deal with reading their own charts. Let’s get real.”

I nod, not in agreement so much as in acceptance of her logic.

But if patients don’t have the background for understanding the material the professionals put in their charts, they should be taught. It’s not right to take away patients’ involvement in their own care by not bothering to explain things. You don’t tell your heart patients they have “a heart problem” and will be taking “a red pill” every morning. You show them the x-ray, the lab tests, you tell them the explicit diagnosis and what it can mean if not treated and the prognosis if it is. You give them the name of the medicine, you show them the PDR entry for it, and all the possible side effects, and you discuss all this with them.

It isn’t done the same way in psychiatric settings in particular, because it’s about how we behave. They don’t expect us to have...what’s their term for it? “insight into our illness”. And also, I think, because their diagnostic categories aren’t based on quantitative lab results. Their diagnostics don’t rise above opinions. Okay, pattern recognition, to be fair, I’m not saying they aren’t the opinions of educated professionals. But the profession starts with pathology assumptions when trying to make sense of the behavioral patterns they see among people who are in any way different. So the patient often ends up being “helped” by someone with the attitude “who you are is all wrong”.

—————


My first book, GenderQueer: A Story From a Different Closet, is published by Sunstone Press. It is available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble in paperback, hardback, and ebook, and as ebook only from Apple, Kobo, and directly from Sunstone Press themselves.


My second book, That Guy in Our Women's Studies Class, has also now been published by Sunstone Press. It's a sequel to GenderQueer. It is available on Amazon and on Barnes & Noble in paperback and ebook, and as ebook only from Apple, Kobo, and directly from Sunstone Press themselves.




Links to published reviews and comments are listed on my Home Page, for both published books.

———————

This DreamWidth blog is echoed on Substack and LiveJournal. Please friend/link me from any of those environments on which you have an account.

————————


Index of all Blog Posts

Birdfeeding

Jul. 9th, 2026 11:12 am
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
Today is partly cloudy and warm.

I fed the birds.  I haven't seen any activity yet.

I put out water for the birds.

EDIT 7/9/26 -- I did a bit of work around the patio.





.
 

Book Review: The Light and the Dark

Jul. 9th, 2026 11:08 am
[personal profile] osprey_archer
A few weeks ago, scrolling through Tumblr, I was arrested by a quote:

“I can’t think what it’s like to be certain. I’m afraid that it’s impossible for me. There isn’t a place for me.”

His voice was tense, excited, full of passion. As he went on, it became louder, louder than the voice I was used to, but still very clear.

“Listen, Lewis. I could believe in all the rest. I could believe in the catholic church. I could believe in miracles. I could believe in the inquisition. I could believe in eternal damnation. If only I could believe in God.”

“But you can’t, I said, with his cry still in my ears.

“I can’t begin to,” he said, his tone quiet once more. “I can’t get as far as ‘help Thou mine unbelief.’”

We left the ridge of the Roman road, and began to cross the shining fields.

“The nearest I’ve got is this,” he said. “It has happened twice. It’s completely clear – and terrible. Each time has been on a night when I couldn’t sleep. I’ve had the absolute conviction – it’s much more real than anything one can see or touch – that God and His world exist. And everyone can enter and find their rest. Except me. I’m infinitely far away for ever. I am alone and apart and infinitesimally small – and I can’t come near.”


This comes from C. P. Snow’s The Light and the Dark, and of course I had to read it at once.

Now unfortunately this turns out to be one of those rare times when my book instincts have led me astray. The above excerpt electrified me, but the rest of the book was… it’s fine. It’s well-written. Our narrator (Lewis) is telling us the story of his friend Roy (the speaker in the above extract) and his struggles with recurring melancholia.

Roy hopes that if he can come to believe in God, that will cure his bouts of despair. When that doesn’t work, he decides to try the next best thing, “a feeble simulacrum of his search for God,” by attempting to embrace the Third Reich.

Given the kind of God Roy was looking for, based on his passionate declamation that “I could believe in the inquisition…in eternal damnation,” it strikes me the move from God to Hitler actually makes perfect sense. God the Fuhrer seems like just the sort of deity who would delight in damning people for the hell of it, too.

You might imagine that Roy’s flirtation with Nazism put me off the book, but in fact I had gotten annoyed with Roy much earlier, simply because I felt that the author was continually leaning over my shoulder breathing “Isn’t he dreamy?” Young, handsome, deeply and romantically sad; slender yet strong, intellectually brilliant, showered in honors to which he is indifferent; a notorious womanizer who had a brief gay love affair in his youth –

I did entertain the possibility that Snow may have meant us to read Roy as gay, adding an extra subtext to his despairing “There isn’t a place for me.” But upon reflection I think this briefly-alluded-to affair is simply meant to add to Roy’s aura of irresistible dreaminess. Women want him, men want to be him; but men also just want him. Don’t you, dear reader, also want…

“NO,” I said, heaping rejection like coals of fire on poor Roy’s head, like an angry god myself.

So in a way it was a bit of a relief when Roy started flirting with Nazism, as I felt released from any obligation to like this beautiful sad boy. Look how sad he is. How could you dislike anyone so sad and so beautiful at the same time? He does perhaps allow his sadness to lead him into excesses, but it’s just because he’s so darn SAD, don’t you understand? Well, look, I think we can all agree that “fanboy for the Third Reich” is simply an excess too far.

Unfortunately, now that I’d decided I was allowed to hate him, I began to find him far less annoying. It helps that when the war starts, he signs up to fly for the RAF, mostly because he knows the death rates for pilots is high, but at least he’s fighting for the right side even if he is also sighing re: the Nazis “If they had been just a little different, they would have been the last best hope.” Last best hope for WHAT, Roy? This is genuinely unclear to me, because he recoils whenever he has to interface with a specific example of Nazi doctrine, like their policies toward the Jews or their desire to conquer Europe, when considered as a concrete fact rather than in the abstract. (In the abstract he thinks unification is a good idea and, after all, it will never be accomplished peacefully.)

So he’s still fumbling about in basic political incoherence, but he nonetheless achieves a certain pathos in this section. Despite myself, I felt some of the tragedy of this beautiful sad full-grown man who is clearly always going to be spiritually a beloved boy in C. P. Snow’s heart.

Snow is actually quite a good writer, I think, but would have been even better if he could have gotten out of his own way. There’s no need to constantly point out Roy’s dreaminess. He’s put enough of it on the page that readers could notice it on their own, if they were only left alone.

2026.07.09

Jul. 9th, 2026 07:08 am
[personal profile] lsanderson
Voter registration audit largely validates Minnesota system but urges steps to avoid problems
Peter Cox
https://www.mprnews.org/story/2026/07/08/minnesota-voter-registration-audit-finds-few-flaws-with-system

‘Reservation Dogs’ star Dallas Goldtooth curates summer film series examining manhood at the Walker
Goldtooth said he chose films of the 1980s and ’90s that influenced his own exploration of masculinity and Native identity in his comedy and acting.
by Viktorie Spurná
https://sahanjournal.com/arts-culture/dallas-goldtooth-walker-arts-film-series-manhood/ Read more... )

Thursday ✎ Shivers & Shudders [DW]

Jul. 9th, 2026 08:42 am
[personal profile] creepy_shetan posting in [community profile] comment_fic
Hey, y'all! :3 Hope you're having a great week, and thanks for being here! Are you ready for our next theme? There's no need to be alarmed that...

Today's theme is shivers and shudders. Let's run our beloved characters through the gamut of chills and thrills! Not everyone gets goosebumps, y'know, but we sure can try to give 'em some! Physically shaking and quivering isn't strictly necessary, of course, just a certain category of responses to stimuli. Is it fear? Excitement? Spidey-sense? Anticipation? Arousal? The indoor A/C or the outdoor weather? Up to you.

Feel free to add specifics to your prompts, like whether you'd prefer a gen fill over something shippy, or if you have a squick or trigger you hope to avoid. Original fiction, fanfiction, and fanfic crossovers are always welcome. ~_^

Just a few rules:
No more than five prompts in a row.
No more than three prompts in the same fandom.
Use the character's full names and the fandom's full name
No spoilers in prompts for a month after airing, or use the spoiler cut option found here. Unfortunately, DW doesn’t have a cut tag, so use your best judgment when it comes to spoilers.
If your fill contains spoilers, warn and leave plenty of space, or use the above-mentioned spoiler cut.

Prompts should be formatted as follows: [Use the character's full names and fandom's full name]
Fandom, Character +/ Character, Prompt

Some examples to get things started...
+ The Hobbit and/or The Lord of the Rings (book or movie 'verse), any +/ any, feeling the presence of the Ring (and not understanding what it is?)
+ Andor/Rogue One (Star Wars), Cassian Andor +/ Erskin Semaj (+ Mon Mothma + any), more than enough excitement for one day
+ author's choice, any +/ any, Character A can't stop shivering and Character B helps

We are on AO3! If you fill a prompt and post it to AO3, please add it to the Bite Sized Bits of Fic from 2026 collection. See further notes on this option here.

Not feeling any of today’s prompts? You can use LJ’s advanced search options to limit keyword results to only comments in this community. Fret not, DW members; we are working on a way to search through old entries for prompts for you! As of right now, the best way to search for a lonely prompt on DW is to search the community’s archive, which can be found [[HERE]].

While the use of LJ's advanced search and DW’s archive are options, bookmarking the links of prompts you like might work better for searching in the future.

As a friendly reminder about our schedule, Lonely Prompts and sharing completed fills are encouraged on Sundays, while new themes and prompts are posted on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Saturdays are a Free for All day. We'll share our posts on DW and LJ for everyone's convenience. Keep an eye out for notifications!

If you have a Dreamwidth account and would feel more comfortable participating there, please feel free to do so… and spread the word! [community profile] comment_fic


tag=shiversandshudders
[personal profile] james_davis_nicoll
BERJAYA

Down these mean streets a raccoon must go who is not himself mean, who is neither tarnished nor afraid.

Green City Wars by Adrian Tchaikovsky
[personal profile] oursin

Brain’s sex differences are subtle and contradictory, large MRI study finds:

But even apparently null results, as in the current study, are useful, Sanchís Segura says, “because it’s important to talk about when men and women are similar” in a field that is biased toward finding bias. For example, the way brain activation mapped onto behavior was largely the same for men and women, the new study found.
“You can prove that a difference exists, but you cannot prove that a difference doesn’t exist,” she says. “You can put into PubMed, ‘sex differences,’ and you will have thousands of papers, but what if I want to look for the absence of differences? We don’t even have a word.”

Also about finding what you want to see there:

No evidence for ‘witches’ marks’ claims at old English buildings, historian says:

Over the years, English Heritage and Historic England have claimed to have identified large numbers of “witches’ marks” or “ritual protection symbols” on the walls of historic buildings, including medieval churches and houses.
Now a leading architectural historian has said there is “absolutely no evidence” that these marks have anything to do with witches or any “mystical meanings”.
Daisy wheels, or hexafoils, are among symbols that are no more than the marks of stonemasons who worked on those buildings, according to Jennifer Alexander, a professor of architectural history at Warwick University and author of a new study.

This one is a bit more niche, in that I had not actually come across it, but it resonates with other cases where there is A much-circulated Story which based on Something Somebody Told Someone based on their vague recollections or something they thought they saw, or, in fact, conflating several different stories....

What Do You Do with a Phantom Sailor Suit? A New Note with Some "New" Old Evidence on Cornell Woolrich, the Blackton Sisters and the Infamous Story of the Sex Diary

I had some vague knowledge of Woolrich, but pretty much only as 'er, wrote noir novels in the 30s or thereabouts? some of them became movies???'

I'm also slightly sceptical of the 'unconsummated marriage' alternative narrative simply because if you realised you had made A Dreadful Mistake this was probably an easy out via annulment? (will concede that I have personally written scholarly article deconstructing a famous allegedly non-consummated marriage narrative in the light of the British divorce laws of the early C20th)

But the whole 'create sensationalist account on basis of I think this happened/I made it all up' is not unfamiliar to moi.

Friday Five on Thursday

Jul. 9th, 2026 11:09 am
[personal profile] galadhir
  1. What would you do right now, if money were not an issue?

Move to Canada

  1. What would you do for the next three years, if money were not an issue?

Move to Canada - somewhere cooler. Maybe get a beach house next to one of the lakes, and offer my children a house each nearby.

  1. What is bringing you the most joy right now that requires little or no money?

Dancing - it's always dancing, although finding a place large enough to practice in does require money.

  1. What types of things do you find enjoyable that require no money?

I would have said morris dancing but even that requires some money, if only for petrol or fares to get to the events. Is there anything you can do that doesn't cost anything?

  1. Is there anything you've been meaning to do for a long time, but put off because of money?

Moving to a house on a canal, with attached mooring, and then buying a narrowboat for occasional cruises, and letting Son moor his narrowboat there too for free.

Community Thursdays

Jul. 9th, 2026 12:01 am
[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
This year I'm doing Community Thursdays. Some of my activity will involve maintaining communities I run, and my favorites. Some will involve checking my list of subscriptions and posting in lower-traffic ones. Today I have interacted with the following communities...


* Comment on Just One Thing (8 July 2026) in [community profile] awesomeers.

* Commented on Check-In Post - July 8th 2026 in [community profile] get_knitted.

* Commented on "Speak Up Saturday" in [community profile] tv_talk.

* Posted "Agriculture" in [community profile] first_nations_freaks.

Acceptable Apps

Jul. 8th, 2026 10:27 pm
[personal profile] armaina
I, as much as many people, am tired of the amount of things that force itself into app-hood, but there are a couple things I've installed on my phone as apps that I'm glad I did, namely, the Wikipedia app and the Merriam-Webster Dictionary App.

So much of small searches are either just checking spelling, a thesaurus check, or fact-checking on Wikipedia. The Wikipedia app's been great because it saves tabs of all my searches if I want it to, and the Dictionary app is great because it gets right to what I need it for, word checking that I have too often done with a search engine and have decided they don't need my clicks.

Just nice utilities to have around.

Community Thursday

Jul. 9th, 2026 06:07 am
[personal profile] vriddy
Community Thursday challenge: every Thursday, try to make an effort to engage with a community on Dreamwidth, whether that's posting, commenting, promoting, etc.

Over the last week...

Commented on [community profile] booknook.

Promoted [community profile] vocab_drabbles.
[personal profile] allekha
For the first time in the history of my AO3 account, I received a comment worth reporting to Abuse as harassment. Not upset or anything, but I'm curious to see if they handle it any faster than the usual. So far: response slower than the last few 'art scam' spammer comments I reported, though I hear there's a big sporting game on or something.

In better news, the zinnias and dianthus I planted are starting to bloom 🥰

I'm also getting back into using flashcards for Japanese, and I fiiiiiinally switched over to Anki like everyone else did a decade+ ago lol. Mnemosyne worked a lot better for me visually, but the latest version is quite slow and development seems to have ground to a halt, and it turns out Anki now has plugins to make it look nicer than a prison wall, and a better algorithm too. Since I needed to make a new deck anyway... Anki it is. It's been about three days, and with some colors poured into the UI, it's not so bad. 語彙力を高めなきゃ😤
Page generated Jul. 10th, 2026 01:37 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios