An Invincible Summer - A Woman's Journey

WORD FOR THE DAY Strength means...acknowledging each of those feelings, your questions and ideas and faith and terror, and meeting what comes with the full force of your heart. BRENDA SHAUGHNESSY When experiencing unpleasant feelings, I would shove, squelch or rage. Mostly rage. Those feelings COULDN'T BE FELT! I would blame the people who were involved in creating those feelings inside instead of dealing with them. There were times that it seemed as if I would die. I know that sounds melodramatic but now I know anxiety and panic can tell my brain lies. I still don't like them and I still don't always act appropriately but I am now more aware and I am doing much better than last year. last month and even yesterday. I am starting to feel the pain of fear and betrayal, grief and sadness and not run around like a crazy woman trying desperately to FIX IT. Do you feel freely or do you avoid and, if so, how do you avoid?

Day 2 of 30 Acts of Self Love for 30 Days of Happiness. Day 2 - Find an old picture of you and a family member. Write a comment about how this person has helped you without expecting anything back and give thanks. It can be on Facebook or anywhere else. Easy!!! This picture is of a dear old family friend and my sisters. Although there may be conflict on occasion, these three ladies have been my dearest friends and confidants through thick and thin. Over the last two or three years, each of them has held my hand, listened to my broken heart and fed my broken body. What do people do without sisters? I don't even want to consider it.  In the early days of the  craziness  that had become my life, Pam would text me every day with a hug and a kind word.  She would get off of work and drive an hour to bring food and sit to make sure I was eating. As my weight had dropped to under 100 lbs...she would not take no for an answer. I’d get a daily remi...

Not a day goes by that I don't miss her but some days there is a stronger feeling of longing. The desire to be held in the arms of her unconditional, unwavering love. When do we outgrow that yearning? No idea but not yet. Thankfully, I can also feel gratitude for that love that she doled out to all 6 of us in equal measure. And I can be strong, because I saw her do it, when at about 40 and without the ability to drive, she was left with 5 kids still at home. Having never been employed outside the home, she did whatever she had to do to make it, week after week, month after month. It was a struggle and I cannot imagine how lonely she must have been.  When I think about how, at times, I feel like there is such a heavy load on my shoulders...it is good for me to remember what she went through. My kids are no longer children, I own a successful business, I have resources and a wonderful family and great friends to help whenever I need it. So grateful for a extraordinar...

It makes everyone more comfortable to think I'm ok, looking up to me for my strength, or being off the hook for having to be concerned. There are days I can handle it, my shoulders feel strong. And then there are the other days.....