Isn’t it “funny”
those whom possess richly hued melanated skin, often referred to as African American, are unjustifiably feared more than any man? They don’t form lynch mobs nor march through streets with high powered weapons exercising their “right” to open carry. They don’t line City Halls forming a crew cut line-now donning masks with rifles in hands. Lest I remind you of Americans Hi(S)tory and the complexion that made slaves and raped women, beat bodies while stringing others from trees, burned crosses, wore hoods and terrorized the night? And yet, our very complexion is viewed as the ultimate indiscretion, something we are not so simply born with, has been weaponized repeatedly in the name of fear; conscious of the Caucasian cleared as they kneel on our necks, beat our broken bodies, follow us from stores or as we jog, provoke an argument because music is too loud, execute us as we play, reach for a wallet or even whilst we’re already restrained.
Aren’t you tired!
Tired of…
the ever growing list of photo captioned names, beautiful children and women and men that prematurely and unjustly were taken from their loved ones far too soon. Aren’t you tired?!
of their names
temporarily trending as a hashtag followed by heated discussion and waves of rage that quickly simmer until it happens again. Aren’t you tired of the many ways to justify; digging up and searching for any offense to slander them in death. Aren’t you tired of those that say, despite it caught on “tape” wait until the whole story comes out, don’t rush to judgment.
I
have BEEN tired
and angry
and hopeless
and
helpless
I think of…
my sister’s, brothers, uncles, cousins, nieces and especially my nephew’s.
My absolutely amazing nephew’s, the youngest being THREE weeks old as I cradle him in my arms, holding him…
CLOSE, completely in love, frozen-in fear. My perfect nephew WITH increasing melanin, knowing that no matter how much I nurture him, by the time he is 9, 10, 11, or even 12 years old, many will no longer see him as a child-remember Tamir Rice? Tears form in my eyes as I kiss his tiny feet; feet that I’ve been obsessed with since the day he came home from the hospital, knowing I have to prepare him for how the world will perceive his “blackness.” I am in complete awe that he has grown TEN inches in 18 days and yet simultaneously shudder, knowing that similarly to George Floyd, he will be a gentle giant. And then…
I’m helpless
AND
aNgRy
all over AGAIN…….
as I hold him in my arms and whisper in his ear, “let the world burn, I will kick in every system rooted in racism, I won’t lose you, you will grow up in a world, where your life, matters” I am tired and…no matter your ethnicity, you as a human, should be tired of this injustice too!
Thinking Out Loud 
