Top.Mail.Ru
moodswinglog's Journal
close
? ?
moodswinglog's Journal [entries|friends|calendar]
moodswinglog

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

As if my month wasn't bad enough already . . . [11 Oct 2005|01:10am]
BERJAYA
nathans_journal
The "Service engine soon" light just came on in my car.
post comment

Down Swing. [26 Jul 2005|02:07am]
BERJAYA
blue_lorelei
My contract with the bank ended a little over a week ago, so now I'm unemployeed.
I've been feeling uncomfortable around my boyfriend for some reason. I donno why.
I live with my ex-fiance, and even though I know we broke up because it really *wouldnt* have worked, I still beat myself up over the failed relationship/LIFE we had planned a lot.

I just hate living right now. For the past week all I've wanted was to be able to push "reset" and start over -- just forget all about this life and try again.
post comment

Mood swing ahoy! [13 Jul 2005|12:58pm]
BERJAYA
blue_lorelei
So my now-boyfriend and I didnt have a fight last night... We just didnt get along. I have "night episodes" with my depression and I had one last night. He flew off the handle about how he always feels like I'm pissed off at him and he cant ever win with me and he was going to walk home (it was 2 am). So get my shoes on and say I'm going on a walk, too, because I wanted to get the fuck out and just work off some anger. He ends up walking with me instead of walking home, we didnt talk for a while, I wanted to scream... Eventually we sat down and talked and got over being angry and walked back to my house where we made out for a while before falling asleep happily.
It was the most bizzare night ever.
I've never had such an extream low get turned into an extream high in a matter of an hour...
I hope we dont have another fight like that.
post comment

[08 Feb 2005|03:44pm]
BERJAYA
blue_lorelei
So, of course, I was in that horribly depressed mood, then WHAM I'm great. For about 5 days I didnt sleep and I hung out with this guy that I like ALL THE TIME, and I was in SUCH a great mood. It's wearing off now, and for some reason it makes me feel like an idiot to have been that happy. I guess I feel like any extream emotion is wierd, even if it's good.
Do you guys ever feel that way after a good mood? Like you were just being dumb or something?
3 comments|post comment

Nice to meet you, What's you're name? [27 Jan 2005|11:26am]
BERJAYA
blue_lorelei
[ mood | BERJAYA depressed ]

My mood swings were actually coming under control -- I was eating right, sleeping regular hours, avoiding any kind of emotional roller coasters...
Yeah, out the window. Lost my job, broke my car, started liking an inaccessible boy too much, cant sleep, cant eat... Even the valiant efforts of my friends hasn't helped -- I'm just in a funk.

And I'm never going to get out of it.

10 comments|post comment

[07 Jun 2004|07:13pm]
BERJAYA
msamehe
The other morning, I woke up unusually depressed, but I think it subsided once I got out of bed. Quite often, I wake up with a song going through my head - instead of an attack of depression.
post comment

[25 May 2004|09:47am]
BERJAYA
bitchiekittie
I'm a wreck and I can't even explain why.
2 comments|post comment

[17 Apr 2004|01:53pm]
min_baro
[ mood | BERJAYA distressed ]

Just got done with my outburst of tears. Feeling much better. Also read an email with the heading "Hi my love." Don't know if I should die laughing.

[crossposted on my journal]

post comment

[17 Apr 2004|01:52pm]
min_baro
Hormonal overload!
Can't stop crying.
post comment

[16 Mar 2004|12:37am]
min_baro
BERJAYA
post comment

[15 Mar 2004|10:49am]
BERJAYA
bitchiekittie
HAHAHA!

oh god, no one in particular, I just hate hate hate.

and earlier today, I was watching a woman cross the road. she approached a man coming towards her and moving off into the same direction, and smiled. she linked arms with him and began to talk, her lips curved upwards in pleasure. he looked giddy, perhaps a little shy, and they walked off together that way, happy in each other's presence. it made me feel lovely.

how quickly and evilly things can change.
post comment

[12 Mar 2004|04:26pm]
BERJAYA
hardqore
Now I'm depressed. Everyone's out to get me.
1 comment|post comment

For my first swing post... [23 Jan 2004|08:22pm]
BERJAYA
odalisques
[ mood | BERJAYA crappy ]

I'm feeling demoralized.

Supposed to be meeting a guy who works as a bouncer in the usual Friday club. Was going to meet up with a bunch of friends as well, but they've all pretty much changed their minds tonight. Now I've got to deal with stinky boys (it's the ex's usual club, as well) all by myself. No relaxing or catching up.

I'm still going (damn it), but it feels like work. Got to put on my game face. Not excited in the least any more about dancing, or the very cute new skirt I picked up for a song today, and for no real reason I suddenly feel fat.

Blergh.

2 comments|post comment

[20 Jan 2004|02:51pm]
BERJAYA
bitchiekittie
I was feeling so good earlier. I was a cheerleader, I tell ya, a cheerleader! I kicked the air and said things like "WHEE". I wrote everything EXTRA CAPTASTICAL!

now I want to punch someone in the eye. I hate you fuckers.

also I was hot in this sweater, all tight and BOUNCY BOOB FILLED. now Im just fucking fat. Im coming down hard.

still with the caps, though, there's something.
6 comments|post comment

I SHOULD JUST GET USED TO BEING INSANE [20 Jan 2004|02:09pm]
BERJAYA
hardqore
[ mood | BERJAYA dirty ]

First moodswinglog post. Am I doing this right?

So, yeah. Early this past summer, I took a comprehensive survey of my psychological condition. I was all fucked up, obviously: "talk therapy" was working, sort of, but my "life" was "falling apart". Do you know what I mean by all these quotation marks? I hope so, because I'm not sure I can "explain" them. Anyway, I needed to attempt a quick turnaround, like an evasive maneuver, so I pursued the pharmaceutical option. I was under supervision, I was cautious, I was realistic...

I broke up with my girlfriend, who I still love a lot and hate being apart from. I stopped talking to most people. I had trouble leaving the house. I decided my bike was my only friend.

You know, I have this idea that I'm not real. Psychotics, supposedly, or should I say "supposably", believe that nobody else is real, or so I've read... I have no opinion on anybody else, but I'm pretty sure I'm an artificial construct, a delivery system for my genes, which is, like, broken. "Broken", I should say. So anyway I'm not psychotic, I don't think. Close to, maybe.

I think the drugs may have made me psychotic... a little bit psychotic. I forgot that I wasn't real. Maybe this is my "coping" mechanism, this idea that I'm not real. Now I'm not taking the drugs. I dunno. It's crazy, this business. And now I'm working at a bank again, which is so very unreal, and yet, and yet...

Hello. What have we learned?

1 comment|post comment

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]

BERJAYA