All dressed up and no place to go

So I saw "Caithness Field Course" marked on Gail's calendar for 17-19 August.

Yippee, another geology field trip! I had so enjoyed the previous jollies educational excursions to Lossiemouth and to the Isle of Skye.



I put on my hand-knitted sweater and searched out my geological hammer and my specially designed hard hat.

I checked the weather forecast and decided a scarf and my new winter jacket might come in handy too. So there I was, all kitted out and raring to go...


...Only to learn that this trip is…..gulp…..how can they do this to me….this is...

A "NO DOG FIELD TRIP"

It gets worse.

Yep. You guessed.

Prison here I come.

Now I know why Gail was being so nice to me last weekend, buying me doggy ice cream at £2.99 at tub, and so on.

Guilt.

I wonder how she can live with herself.

Eeeek! New worries about Skye field trip

Elgol, Skye: photo by Santa Cruiser on Flickr.com

Thank you all my friends for your useful comments which have helped me come to a decision about which hard hat to wear on the Isle of Skye geological field course.

Yes it will of course be the 'cricket box' as proposed by Riley. In the end it was no contest. But I am a bit confused about ClimbingMandy's assertion that I will need to bring a thick skin to handle the ribbing from Gail's workmates. Why would anyone tease me about such smart, sleek protective headgear? (Other than perhaps from jealousy.)

So no worries on that score.

No, my new concerns arise from a latest peep at emails circulating in Gail's workplace, about the field course accommodation.

On learning that the bunkhouse will, contrary to earlier information, supply 'one bath towel each (not a large one)', a certain colleague, who will remain anonymous but is not at all junior, responded thus:

"Good, I was going to go native, and use an otter or other similar local furry animal for that purpose".

I would like to remind anyone in this bunkhouse who is short of something suitable with which to dry themselves that I am a WIRE-HAIRED fox terrier, hand stripped to preserve the COARSENESS and WIRY-NESS of my coat which very effectively REPELS water and is not at all absorbent. I also have teeth.

Got that?

We head west to Skye on Sunday. Wish me luck. This blog will be quiet for a few days.

A flurry of emails (you couldn't make it up)

First a confession. I was so anxious about this Skye geology field course* business (see 4 June post) that I hacked into Gail's work emails. I found this exchange between Gail, her boss Alison and course leader Jim. 

What a relief to find out that someone has been taking my needs seriously...

Gail
 We will be staying in a bunkhouse with 4 rooms so everyone will be sharing.
I'm wondering how this affects Bertie's sleeping arrangements
 Rgds
 Jim


Hi Jim

Thanks for thinking of Bertie!

Tricky on many levels. Alison has already volunteered to share with me and Bertie, but presumably there would be others in the room too. And for this reason many bunkhouses won’t take dogs. If I had my car Bertie could perhaps sleep in there – a familiar environment, although I have never tried him overnight in it.

Cheers, Gail.

Gail
 I suggest that you take your car. We have hired 2 MPVs so I don't think it would be a good idea to have Bertie in these.
Ali 


Ali
Do you have a list of attendees? Depending on number of females you, Gail and Bertie could have one of the rooms. Alternatively the adjacent hotel may have a room we could hire for Gail.
 Mhairi - Please check if bunkhouse in the  hotel takes dogs
 Rgds
 Jim
Sent from my Blackberry

Bunkhouse are ok with it and once we get the final list we can canvas the girls and see what they think. 

Hopefully no one will mind. 

Ali

Sounding promising...

Gail.

from:   Alison   Sent:   Fri 6/7/2013 1:28 PM  To:   Gail   Cc:   Subject:  Bertie a definite go go - 5 ladies do not mind sharing with him.

Folks

This e-mail is to confirm your attendance on the Skye fieldtrip 1^st-3^rd September.......................
.........................We are also to be joined by a very special guest – geology hound Bertie who is a seasoned field tripper (no hard hat requirement).

Any further questions etc. just yell.

Cheers

Ali.

Ali, Jim,

That's great.

Bertie has promised to show his gratitude at being included in the field trip by providing a report on the proceedings in his own inimitable style...

Cheers,

Gail.

* I am under firm instruction always to refer to this excursion to Skye as a field 'course' in order to emphasise that it is a serious training exercise and in absolutely no way whatsoever to be considered a company 'jolly'...

Observe. Describe. Interpret.

"He's brilliant. He's been a star. Every field trip should have a Bertie."

These words from Jim, the leader, at the end our our two-day geological excursion to Lossiemouth are still singing in my flappy little terrier ears.

Oh I can't tell you how much fun I had, I am so, so grateful that I was allowed to take part. To show just how happy I am, and that I learned lots, I am going to present this report according to Jim's rules for geological field work.

So first you will have an observation (in the form of a photo), which I shall describe carefully and only then shall I propose an interpretation.

(1) At CoveSea East, the first outcrop

Description: The leader Jim is standing in front of some sandstone cliffs discussing the rocks with three members of the field party. A small handsome terrier is on the move.
Interpretation: Rocks are very fascinating, for sure, but sometimes one must attend to important sniffing business.

(2) Further along the shore at CoveSea

Description: In front of the cliff, some of the geologists are looking at the rocks and others are admiring a handsome wee terrier.
Interpretation: Geologists may need a break from struggling with the concept that back in the Permo-Triassic Scotland was a desert with dunes and all.

(3) At Hopeman

Description: The field party  relaxes besides colourful beach huts. There are no rocks in sight.
Interpretation: It was that time of day when stomachs were starting to rumble. Oh and I absolutely must point out Victor, the nice geologist on the left in the green shirt. Apparently back in his homeland of Romania, he too has a fox terrier.

(4) Interesting sedimentary feature

Description: A handsome wee terrier, for once sporting a lead, although this is not attached to a human, is standing on some wavy rocks.
Interpretation: The fact that many of the field party had taken a photo of this feature even before I stood there tells one that it must have a particular geological significance. But who could argue that the feature is greatly enhanced by the presence of a handsome wee terrier, and not just because he is providing a 'scale'? (Shoulder height 42 cm, for the record).

(5) Art work

Description: Handsome wee terrier sitting in front of a concentric pattern of differently coloured pebbles, arranged on the shore near Hopeman.
Interpretation: Geologists can be a tiny bit philistine, just possibly, as none of them came over to look at what most would consider a rather attractive human artwork.

(6) A demonstration

Description: Jim is kneeling on the beach with a small red bucket in his hand, in front of some failed sandcastles. A handsome wee terrier is also present.
Interpretation: The notion that this is 'serious field work' stretches credulity. Does Jim truly expect me to buy the line that he is attempting to demonstrate an important principle of soft sedimentation? I think that the short video below says it all, really.

(7) At the Skerry Brae hotel, Stotfield

Description: Handsome wee terrier is resting on the only bed in a basic but comfortable hotel bedroom. His food and water bowls can be seen bottom right.
Interpretation: Keeping the troops entertained during a long day out in the field is an exhausting business. Oh, and I wonder where Gail is going to sleep?

(8) The next morning at Burghead

Description: An encounter between geologist Iain and wire-haired fox terrier Bertie, half way up a sandstone rock face.
Interpretation: Iain proposes that these rocks are different from the ones we saw yesterday, in that the sediments appear to have been transported by an ancient river, rather than being part of a system of wind blown dunes. Bertie is not yet convinced.

(9) A closer look

Description: Bertie joins the other geologists for a closer look at the rocks.
Interpretation: You know, Iain could be right. Isn't geology just intriguing? Yes, those larger pebbles must have been transported by water not wind, don't you think?

(10) And a little bit of history

Description: Fox terrier examines a sign telling all about the history of Burghead, site of possibly the largest Iron Age Fort in Britain, where the native Picts gathered to defend themselves against the marauding Viking hordes.
Interpretation: Warring tribes? Marauding hordes? Well the rocks here may speak of a different environment in Northeast Scotland in times past, but frankly that sounds just like Union Street, Aberdeen on any Saturday night...

(11) More interesting features at Clashach Quarry

Description: Geologist, with can of Irn Bru in left hand, is pointing at what look like tyre tracks on a slab of rock. Handsome terrier inspects.
Interpretation: Conclusive proof here that this field trip is taking place in Scotland, as nowhere else on earth would Irn Bru be considered a potable liquid....Oh and the 'tyre tracks' were apparently left behind by some Permo-Triassic reptile dragging its tail across the sand. The 'eye of faith' will also detect the ancient beast's paw prints. Wow!

(12) A new role?

Description: Wee fox terrier stands confidently besides leader Jim, in front of some knobbly, partly crystalline rocks at Stotfield Bay.
Interpretation: This has the look of a promising partnership doesn't it? Wire-haired fox terrier has proved his worth as geological field assistant, one feels.

(13) And finally

Description: Gail is standing in the main street in Lossiemouth, holding a cone of Miele's vanilla ice-cream. Fox terrier is sitting by her, patiently, but with tail wagging furiously.
Interpretation: It is the end of the field trip. Fox terrier knows that he has played a blinder, having been on best behaviour throughout, and has every expectation of being rewarded with a tasty fragment of ice-cream wafer.

(14) Yes! Result!

Office life?

Gail, I have been thinking...

Oh no, Bertie, I fear you have been spending to much time with my mother. This favourite phrase of hers usually precedes some unwelcome pronouncement.

Well Gail, I have been thinking about the job you started a few months ago. I overheard you yesterday talking about your new office, and how the environment was friendly and relaxed.

Er, yes Bertie, it is, mostly.

And that there was plenty of space in the nice big light room where you and three others work.

That's true too.

And that your colleagues are mostly energetic types who enjoy outdoor activities, and there is even a group that goes out walking in the hills one evening a week in the summer.

My Bertie, those flappy little ears of yours hear well.

And that your boss adores animals and owns two horses.

I think I am beginning to see where we're heading with this...

Oh and did you say something about there being a coffee room just down the corridor with free biscuits available every morning? And that just behind the office there is a beautiful riverside path where lots of people exercise their dogs? And that you miss me during the day, and that I'm always well behaved these days when you are working at your computer at home, lying in a quietly encouraging fashion at your feet. And that one of your colleagues brought her cocker spaniel into the office for a couple of hours last week before taking her for a grooming session? It does sound a perfect environment for a wire-haired fox terrier...

Bertie, for a pup with small, beady eyes almost covered in fuzz, you can put on a most effective pleading expression. But the sad truth is that dogs and offices in general don't mix. 

Oh. Oh. Are you quite sure?

Dear little chappie, there's no need to look so downcast. You will meet some of my new workmates next week anyway. We are going on a field trip to look at some rocks near Lossiemouth, and you have been granted special permission to come along too, and even to stay in the hotel with us for one night. 

Really! That's brilliant! Oh I am bouncing with excitement, I just can't wait! A real geological field trip!

Now Bertie, I promised the leader that you were a well-behaved dog and wouldn't be any trouble at all. You won't let me down will you?

(Bertie looks away, insulted at the mere suggestion.)

OK Bertie, I'm so sorry, I'm sure you'll be fine. Now if you'll just stand still a minute while I measure you up for a hard hat...

Back home after an eventful field trip..

Gail, please can I come on your lap and have a cuddle?

Bertie, dear darling Bertie, you come here. You're looking quite down in the mouth. What's all this about?

(Big sigh) Oh Gail, it seemed such a good idea at the time. A Highland geology field trip with my pals. How did it all go so wrong?

Little Bertie, I'm sure it didn't ALL go wrong... OK, I admit, reading your previous post, that I was a mite concerned you had bitten off more than you could chew. It was a big project for such a wee man. Where do you think the trouble started? Oh little Bertie, please don't cry, you can tell me all about it, no-one else need know.

Well Gail, let's see, I think my first mistake was to let Uncle Eric drive the bus. Yes, I know, I had been warned.....Then the incident with Stella at the airport didn't help did it? Although, as it turns out she is a deluded fantastist, perhaps we were perhaps still better off without her? Despite all Ludo's whinging. I mean, you'd have to be deluded to imagine that a holiday on Lake Como with George Clooney would be more fun than a Highland geology field trip in the pouring rain, wouldn't you Gail?

Wouldn't you?

(Gail seems distracted, a bit dreamy eyed,  for a just moment).


Er Bertie, yes you're right, quite right there. Of course you would. 

And then Gail I'd always thought that at least my bassett Aunties Martha and Bailey were respectable and responsible types, despite being from the Glasgow area. How could I have known that they'd organise a lock-in in the hotel bar, behind my back? It was supposed to be only me and George that had access to alcohol...

So you see it was late the next day by the time we got back to the bus, and we saw that it had all but disappeared into the bog!  All the terriers, big and small, plus of course Kira and Riley and the rest, they all dug and dug and dug, but the bus just kept sinking deeper.

And that Mango, when he eventually turned up, was a hindrance not a help. Honestly Gail, knocking poor Toby over that ledge of Torridonian sandstone with his purple manbag while dancing the Highland Fling indeed! At least nurse Asta's unexpected appearance meant that little now not so little Toby went home to South Africa with his wounds neatly dressed...

As if all that wasn't enough, George and I had a bit of a barney over the merits of geologist Sir Roderick Murchison, who, as everybody knows, got his Highland geology all wrong. You know what he said at the end of it? "That's the last time I'm letting you share my secret beer supply Bertie". Boo hoo.


Oh my poor chappie, could it have got any worse? 

Yes it could! I can't believe that, of all dogs, it was Jake and Fergi who led the mutiny after I suggested we hike on over to Ardnamurchan to look at the volcanic ring complex. Then Jazzi, who I thought was such promising student, flagged down a tour bus destined for Aberdeen, saying she'd heard that the 'Oil Capital' had some Mexican restaurants to cater for all the Texan roughnecks. You know, that was when I realised I'd totally lost control.


Bertie, Bertie, Bertie, I just hate to see you all upset like this. (She wraps a blanket around her beloved, distraught young wire-haired fox terrier). Was there anything else? 

Only that Uncle Eric insisted on a diverting the bus to the Walkers shortbread factory in Aberlour, and forced us all to take part in some dumb competition. Then when we finally reached Aberdeen, and I tried to tell  everyone about the very interesting Rubislaw Quarry, source of the granite that built the city, and one of the biggest man-made holes in Europe, they all threatened to throw me right into the big hole if I didn't immediately show them the way to Chiquitos....


Now little Bertie, don't take it so hard. Surely there must have been some bits that were fun? 

Well Gail, OK, I guess it was rather lovely to have Katie and Fergi in my room late at night, looking so cute in their jimjams. Even if George did seem a bit miffed that they insisted on keeping them on. (That's the story we agreed, isn't it George?). Yes, that was pretty nice. Mmmmm.


And Bertie, I'm sure you learned a lot. So there's no need to be downhearted. Do you plan to carry on with the science lecture series? Maybe you need a bit of a break?


I've been thinking about that, Gail. I've decided I will take a break for a few weeks, and then I'll perhaps try something easier than geology.

Good idea Bertie, good idea. So what subject do you plan to tackle next?

Quantum physics would be suitable, I'm quite sure. Yes, definitely, it's going to be quantum physics.


Oh Lord give me strength.....

Gail?  Gail?  Er, I thought you said you were an atheist?

??

LATER, AFTER BERTIE HAS HAD A GOOD LONG SLEEP

Oh and Bertie, just one more thing?  I really want you to make it up to Stella. For Hamish's sake. She and him were such good friends. And I'm sure you and Stella could be too if you would only show her a bit more respect. Will you do that for me? Please? 

OK Gail, I will. I promise. I like Stella too. A lot. I'll tell her I didn't mean what I said earlier....