Bertie demonstrates the WFT beard swirl

Gail tells me that we are about to set off for England for a few days, to see friends and relatives for the first time in over 16 months. Apparently there is a heat wave Down South and I am supposed to be grateful she just spent an arm and a leg getting the A/C in her car finally fixed, especially for me.

I think I'm worth it, don't you?

Blog service may be interrupted over the next week,

How to keep your human occupied....

I'm guessing that many of my readers, both canine and human, are suddenly having to adapt to changes to their lifestyle, and there is a danger that some humans might be finding themselves with time to fill.

As always, you can rely on your friend Bertie to come up with a useful suggestion to help you while away the empty hours!

Gail and I are back in Aberdeen now, but on Monday we were supposed to meeting one of her cousins down in England. When the cousin cancelled late the previous evening due to concerns about coronavirus, Gail was in danger of being under occupied for a few hours.

So in retrospect it was thoughtful and generous of me, in the early hours of Monday, to make sure Gail was not at a loss for something to do later that morning.

You know how it is when, for some unexplained reason your bladder goes into overdrive?  That's what happened to me at about 5 a.m. I gave Gail a little nudge (we were staying at Janet's house, where I am allowed on the bed, or at least have been so far....).  But my dear owner seemed to want to ignore me and pretend she was still asleep. Instead of making a big fuss and insisting on being let me out, I decided it would be better all round if I simply squatted down to relieve myself, copiously, on the nice absorbent quilt.

I can report that Gail roused herself all of a sudden when she realised what was going on...

So  thanks to me, Gail was then busy for the rest of the morning, washing the sheets, covers and 'mattress protector' and  taking the big quilt to the launderette - an experience which, by the way, not only filled a couple of otherwise empty hours but also enabled her to mentally time-travel back to her student days in a house without a washing machine.

But can you believe, Gail has yet to show one tiny flicker of gratitude to me for my efforts on her behalf?

At least the whole day was not a 'washout'. We went across town to check up on Human Granny and Granddad's final resting place, visited an old family friend and then had a pleasant stroll along the nearby River Trent.

I think I am almost forgiven. Gail says we are fortunate indeed that Janet is such a kind and tolerant host.

And OK, I'll admit that peeing on a bed belonging to one of your best friends is perhaps not such a great idea after all...

A visit to Nottingham

Gosh it's been quite a while since I went on a long railway journey. Gail was worried even that I might have forgotten my "train manners" but of course that was not the case.

On finally arriving at Janet's house in Nottingham, I was pleased to discover a colourful new cushion and set about making myself at home right away.

Yesterday we went to see Human Granny and Grandad. I must say, they have a lovely spot for their final resting place. The parish burial ground is green and tranquil, and the warm (for February) fresh air was alive with birdsong as the sun fell gently on HGY's newly minted headstone.

We paused a while beside the graves, then after a romp across the heavy clays of the arable Nottinghamshire fields, our outing was concluded with a most satisfactory visit to the Old Ship Inn in Lowdham.

The day before, we had visited my poodle and human cousins. Gosh I think I could take some lessons from young Jonathan in the matter of rolling in the dirt...

Gail says she is sure Jonathan "scrubs up nicely" for his day job at Barclays Bank in Canary Wharf, and that however dressed, Human Granny would still think him the most handsome and wonderful young man in the world. However, we are both grateful to be travelling home to Scotland on a comfy train, and not in Jonathan's BMW 'track car' with its stripped out interior and, at the moment, no functioning shock absorbers...

Thank goodness she packed my boots

So Gail and I are still in Nottingham, although you could be forgiven for thinking we had relocated to the Arctic these last few days.

First of all the snow settled on me....

... and later also on the street where we are staying with our lovely friend Janet.

At least Gail remembered to pack my new boots.

I think you'll agree they make for interesting paw prints.

If you followed Gail's footprints instead of mine, you would see she has been making lots of trips to the hospital to see Human Granny.

Last night she cuddled me close and told me that my beloved Human Granny has enjoyed a fine, long and interesting life but that it is now drawing to a close.

I did feel very sad, but then I remembered my important role as 'Cheerer-Upper in Chief', and bounced around until I was rewarded with a smile.

Definitely not Aviemore...

Er, but Gail, I thought you said we were going to Inshriach House, near Aviemore in the Cairngorm Mountains this weekend?

I do believe you have taken a wrong turn. This is most definitely not the Cairngorm Mountains.

I see. There's been a change of plan?

I must say I did not think it should take eight hours to drive a distance of less than a hundred miles...

Oh dear, you say Human Granny is in hospital again and is very seriously ill, so we have come down to Nottingham?

Well Gail, I guess we're now in the right place then.

And at least I won't have to deal with hyperactive border collie Hemp!

Gail, would you feel better if I gave your face fond lick?

PS from Gail: Difficult times. The blog may be quiet for a bit.

News from Nottingham

What do you like to do on a cold, wet Saturday morning in early February?

Speaking for myself, I, Bertie, would be quite happy these days with a long lie in, but as usual Gail has different ideas.

So we are still in Nottingham, staying with our lovely, kind friend Janet, and Human Granny is still in hospital (where I am not allowed to visit her, boo hoo). And before heading off to see if HGY had had a good night, Gail took me for a walk this morning along the River Trent - a longer walk than necessary I thought, given the conditions, but Gail seemed in need of a good leg stretch.

And believe it or not, some humans are even nuttier about exercise than my owner! I don't know if you can spot the big crowd of runners in the background of the picture below. Apparently they gather at the same place every Saturday morning, come rain or shine for this 'Park Run' business.

Most inconsiderately, they follow my favourite walking route, and I am not allowed to mingle with them.

Even though it is many years since I last attempted to grab a juicy morsel of jogger's calf muscle for a post-breakfast treat.

No dogs on the trail? It's an outrage! Oh, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

While Gail and I have been down in Nottingham our dear neighbours Yvonne and Neil have been touring New Zealand's South Island in a camper van.

I do believe that Gail has been a little envious. Me, not so much, at least not since I read the latest Antipodean dispatch from Yvonne's iPhone.

Yvonne hiking up to Fox Glacier, NZ.

I shall spare you the typo strewn text (no doubt it's hard to use a smartphone keyboard upside down). The gist of the message was that that Yvonne and Neil had hiked up to Fox Glacier but NO DOGS WERE ALLOWED ON THE TRAIL.

I'll be straight with you, Gail has related similarly shocking stories about trails in National Parks in the USA but I'd always assumed she was fibbing in order to make me feel better about having been left behind when she goes gallivanting off on vacation.

Now I am beginning to wonder if she has not in fact been telling the truth?

Back in the UK the weather was dull and wet yesterday when Gail took me for a walk around the Nottingham University campus (alma mater to both Yvonne and my late beloved Human Grandad).

The Southern Alps it is not. But at least I could roam free as I circumnavigated the University boating lake (while being regaled with alarming tales of Gail's misspent teenage years in her home city...)

PS We have now said goodbye to Nottingham and to Human Granny for a few weeks and are heading back to Scotland for Hogmanay.

PPS Wishing all readers of this blog, old and new, all the best for the New Year. Bertie will of course be celebrating at the Blogville New Year's Eve Bash...

Bertie's Christmas good deed

Gosh I was really quite shocked when I went to visit Human Granny a couple of days ago and found that she was still writing her Christmas cards.

Although Gail had bought her a wide selection of nice cards back in October, it seems that HGY had only completed five out of her list of forty some.

Well you will be pleased to know that once I, Bertie, took charge, and told HGY that Santa only brings Thornton's Special Vanilla Fudge to old ladies who have written and sent all their cards before Christmas Day, things speeded up considerably (OK, so Gail did help too. She really can be quite bossy 'assertive' at times, you know..)

Happy Christmas to all our lovely blogging friends, and may you have a Simply Splendid 2018.

Nottingham morning routine

Well I've now been in Nottingham long enough to have established a regular morning walk. Perhaps you would like to join me?

Before heading down the road to Beeston lock, it is important to check there have been no overnight trespassers in Janet's wee front garden.

When we reach the canal, I like to inspect the houseboats, and contemplate an alternative life style.

The river Trent flows beside the canal here, and yesterday, when Gail was admiring the reflections of the willow trees on the far bank, I inadvertently stepped into to water that was deeper than anticipated and nearly had to be rescued. (Gail was too shaken to take any photos of my wet and muddy self).

To continue the circuit we cut through the grounds of the Nottingham Casuals rugby club. Human Grandad used to play for this club in the 1950s.

Just a few days ago Gail asked an old family friend, the wife of one of HGD's erstwhile rugby club pals, about the origin of the name 'Casuals'. The reply came back thus: "Well I don't think they took the game too seriously Gail, they were all a bit hopeless really, and mostly interested in the booze..." And then she went on the describe the pub on the edge of the Lace Market (in the days when that part of Nottingham was derelict not trendy) where the rugby players and the braver of their girlfriends congregated after the games, and how it always smelled of cat pee.

Those were the days...

Back to the walk. Finally, we return along the embankment on the other side of the canal.

Although this stretch is best avoided on Saturday mornings when the 'Park Run' fraternity meet.

It is, of course, a good place for making friends. And as Gail is always reminding me, Nottingham has long been famed for its surplus of pretty girls...

Well apparently our summer sojourn down in Nottingham comes to an end tomorrow when, after calling in to wish Human Granny Happy Birthday, we shall be setting off home to Scotland.

It's been fun.

It was all going so well...

So the second leg of our drive to Nottingham started so well when Gail, for once, actually ordered a 'proper' breakfast AND even agreed to divvy up the bacon into something approaching equitable shares (weight for weight at least).


Then we had an early lunch in the agreeable town of Richmond, North Yorkshire, where at the Crossview Tea Room on the market square the waitress recognised how I was on the verge of collapse through starvation and brought me my very own plate of sausage.


Approaching Nottingham, Gail decided we should go for a walk beside the River Trent before calling in to see Human Granny, and as we passed tbrough a field where cattle had recently been grazing, I saw fit to adorn myself with some locally sourced pastoral perfume, as for sure HGY would want to meet me smelling my best...

But Gail saw things differently and I was subjected to an uncalled for dunk in the river. It was small comfort to learn that the Trent is now, unlike when Gail was a child in Nottingham in the sixties, relatively clean and so I was unlikely to catch some nasty pollution related illness. When we returned to the car I was pleased to note though, that the smell of manure still lingered.

Imagine my shock and disappointment when we arrived at Human Granny's care home and  I was made to stay all alone in the car for the duration of Gail's visit...

A TRUNK WARMER ??

Have I ever introduced you to Edward Elephant?

This somewhat inanimate fellow shares the bed with Gail and me. Apparently he has been around since Gail was a wee girl.

If you are wondering about that hand-knitted dark blue thing covering his trunk, let me explain.

Edward has the large ears typical of an African elephant. He is built for the savannah, not the perennially chilly climate of Northern Scotland.

This is why, now that he is getting on in years, Edward wears a trunk warmer.

It is totally logical and scientific, and not at all silly.

(At least that's what I promised Gail I would say on this blog.)

PS We are heading off to Nottingham today to check up on Human Granny, and are looking forward to some warm(er) weather Down South. So it's goodbye to Edward for a few days.

Top notch Easter Weekend

As my regular readers know, I have come to expect excellent service on the East Coast trains when I travel between home in Aberdeen and visiting Human Granny in her Care Home near Nottingham.

But I must say, the conductor on yesterday's train back north excelled himself. After noticing that I was languishing on the floor while a seat was available next to Gail, he patted the empty seat encouragingly,  saying "Come up here Bertie; you'll be much more comfortable", and he lifted me so I could cuddle up to Gail. Then he took a nice photo of us (see below) and offered to fetch a bowl of water any time I should feel thirsty.

This is what I call Top Notch customer service.

In fact, it was all round a Top Notch Easter Weekend in Nottingham. Of course I got to spend quality time with Human Granny (whom we found in good spirits), played lots of tug-the-roadkill-fox with Gail's friend Janet, and on Easter Monday visited my poodle cousins Coco and Percy in Derbyshire.

I also met a most agreeable WFT called Teddy when out and about in Nottingham.

And finally, when taking a stroll between trains at Newcastle, I had good cause to feel grateful that I am a dog not a human...

Yes all in all, it was a totally spiffing Easter weekend.

PS Gail is betting that somewhere in the world someone is offering colonic irrigation for dogs...

Short but sweet

So several passengers could have slipped unnoticed through the ticket barrier at Aberdeen station while two of the staff kept me entertained and another disappeared for a few minutes and came back bearing shortbread..

It is a long train journey to Nottingham. For the first part of the ride, the Edinburgh and Newcastle bound Hen Parties kept me entertained...

But after light refreshments kindly provided by Virgin trains at Newcastle (although where were the complimentary dog biscuits Mr Branson?)...

...I settled down for a wee snooze. Which Gail assures me is the best way to travel through Doncaster.

Of course I was impatient to visit Human Granny...

And we enjoyed a mutually satisfying half hour together comparing notes on poorly paws.

Then Gail spent some time - actually quite a long time - instructing HGY in use of the laughably named 'EasyCall' device linking her hearing aid to her mobile phone...

And all too soon it was time to depart.

We head home to Aberdeen tomorrow. Gosh I hope it is not too long before I visit Nottingham again.