It burns, mummy.
Title: Artemis Fowl and the Missing Fairy File
Author: SleepyBunny
Punishment for the Mary Sue?
five neutrino shots to the head. i'd say more, but i don't want to ruin my bandwidth.
Name: Whitney Devou or something. Her last name is only mentioned in the summary and in a brief email to her friend.
Species: Human.
Hair: "Wavy blonde hair that looked darker on the top." Her highlights are fading, I guess.
Eyes: "Swampy green eyes." Which of course will make you think of Wild Thing.
Markings/Clothing: Not mentioned, but we are told that she forgot her underwear. We are also told that she went out to buy them, with BUTLER.
Does the LEP stand a chance? No. She'd tell them stupid jokes about underwear that don't make any sense and they'd run off, very, very afraid of her.
Origin: She's Artemis's Cousin Kate’s best friend’s daughter who's coming to Ireland for the year. One the count of three, everyone laugh heartily.
Connections To Canon: ... she's Artemis's Cousin Kate's best friend's daughter. Weren't you reading?
Special Abilities: The power to talk about underwear in strange situations and get away with kicking Artemis's shins right underneath Butler's nose. Also, Juliet seems to have the power to magically collect dust now. One minute it's there, another it's gone...
Traits: She's annoying, and Artemis hates her for it. I love you, Arty.
And she's an ass. She really, really is.
Final Thoughts: This story has to be seen to be believed. The paragraph breaks are miles apart, grammar and spelling are BUTCHERED, and the story makes no licking of goddamn sense. "Your Cousin Kate's best friend's daughter?" What the hell is that?
Artemis hates her (good boy, have a boi biscuit), but will undoubtedly fall in love with her. Why? Because Angeline Fowl says so, dammit.
Sample:
I do not own Artemis Fowl and I do not own anything that is familiar in the story. But I do own Kate, and Kate’s best friend and Whitney…
This is my very first Artemis Fowl fanfic and I’m just testing this out so please don’t flame me too badly…sorry!!! I’ve tried to get all of the facts right, but if I’m missing anything please fell free to tell me. Enjoy!!!
P.S Artemis Fowl is 17…just so ya know…=>)
~~~***~~~
It was the 7th of June, on a beautiful Monday morning and Artemis Fowl was eating breakfast with his parents. Mrs. Fowl kept on smiling and looking at Artemis, while he glared at her.
“Stop it Arty,” Mrs. Fowl smiled at him. “I just got a call last night after you went to bed that your Cousin Kate’s best friend’s daughter is coming to Ireland for a year!”
Artemis looked at his mother and then thought, this has to be one of her stupid matchmaking schemes. “Oh, really,”
“The girl is just around your age! Isn’t that great?”
Yep, definitely matchmaking. “Why of course mother,” Artemis replied with sarcasm is his voice. He wasn’t in a good mood.
“Her name’s Whitney,” And then Mrs. Fowl drowned on and on about this stupid girl.
Artemis was thinking about his file on his computer labeled LEPrechaun. It contained all necessary information about fairies, trolls and dwarfs and many other creatures that live under our world.
Just last year had he yet again discovered the fairies and learned that his memory had been whipped, so he asked Foaly to give him all of the information. But only for a price-never to meddle into fairy business unless asked. So he had agreed.
“Are you listening to your mother?” Mr. Fowl asked him.
“Yes of course,”
“So also you must remember not to make Whitney feel uncomfortable because she hasn’t been any where except home. And we need to make her feel welcome here too.” Mrs. Fowl added.
“Of course,”
“And she’s coming tomorrow!”
“Yes, yes…” Artemis quickly excused him self and went to find Butler in the kitchen drinking a glass of milk.
“Good Morning Artemis,” Butler greeted him.
“Good morning,”
Then he and Butler went into business in the computer room.
~~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~THE NEXT DAY~~~***~~~***~~~***
Around 4 pm Artemis, Butler and Juliet were at the airport waiting for Whitney to arrive.
“Look, I think that’s Whitney!” Juliet looked over and pointed at a girl who had wavy blonde hair that looked darker on the top. And from where they were standing, she had swampy green eyes.
“I’ll go ask,” Butler went over and chatted with the girl and she followed him.
~~~FROM WHITNEY’S POV FROM NOW ON~~~~
As we walked toward a girl and a boy, mind you the boy just glared and said let’s go. But Juliet seems really nice.
In the car we talked about all kinds of stuff.
“So where are you from Whitney?” Juliet asked me.
“I’m from Florida,” I replied.
Just then Artemis glared at me.
So I decided to be such as nice to him as he was to me. “Are you undies showing?”
“No,” He said.
“Would you like them to?” I snapped.
Juliet covered her mouth and looked like she was choking.
“No,” Artemis just looked out the window.
“That-was-so-funny!” She hiccoughed.
“Thanks, I think he’s a bit over spoiled…” I whispered into her ear. Juliet nodded. “So I thought that maybe we could pull pranks on him…” Juliet again nodded but this time also smiled.
“We’re here,” Butler called over to me and Juliet.
“Okay,” I said and then looked out the window. It was a very cool looking house, I had to admit. “Cool house,”
“Thank you,” Artemis just glared at me again.
“Are you mad at me?” I asked innocently.
“No, but you are diabolic,” He replied.
I shot Juliet a questioning look but she shrugged.
Once we were inside the manor, Mrs. Fowl came over and squished me into a hug. “Wonderful of you to come Whitney!”
“Uh…thank you Mrs. Fowl,” I was trying my best to breath.
“Show her to the room that Artemis chose,” Mrs. Fowl ordered Juliet.
“Of course,” Juliet smiled. “Come on!”
So I followed her to the highest floor of this manor and she opened the door. The room it self was very nice, it had wooden floor and the bed was placed into a corner and there was a TV and table very near it.
“Don’t mind Artemis’ taste of style,” Juliet said sadly.
“I don’t mind it, it’ s just…” Then I sneezed. “Dust,”
“Don’t worry; I’ll get rid of it.” So she did. Then I was all alone in this weird room and soon discovered that there was a bathroom right outside my door. Juliet had warned me not to undress in my room because of Artemis’ security cameras placed all over the manor.
I sat on my bed and took out my wireless laptop and started typing emails to my friends.
To: “Courtney Mancher” <lalamanchula45@mancher.com>, “Anthony Demain” <anthony888777@aol.com>, “Sara Gaze” <crystalball59@yahoo.uk.com>
From: “Whitney Devou” <evilangel73@hotmail.com>
Subject: Evil Artemis Fowl…
Hello everyone!!
Me here, as you probably noticed. I just got to Ireland and have decided the Artemis Fowl is the most evil person on this planet…besides Howie. I did that weird joke thing Sara told me about… the underwear and Fowl just looked at me with a TON of hate and said no. and then Juliet started laughing. Juliet is this really fun girl who lives here. My b-days tomorrow and I can’t wait to turn 16!
Bye!!
Whit by Whitney
I also typed emails to my parents and my friends. Then I realized it was around 9pm (it had taken 3 hours to get back from the airport) and I had decided not to have dinner. I started undressing and I was in my bra and pants and then remembered the cameras and but my shirt on and took my clothes and ran into the bathroom, hoping that this was not mentioned the next morning.
At seven I was woken up by a rough sake and I stupidly muttered thinking that it was my brother, “I see pink underwear in your ears…” and I rolled over and fell back a sleep then AGAIN I was shaken and I woke up to find Butler there smiling.
“Was that thing you said an accident?” He asked amused.
“What thing?” I crossed my fingers behind my back.
“Never mind, Artemis wants you down there ok?”
I nodded and thought that tonight I will play a prank on Artemis.
“By the way Butler, how many cameras are in this place?” I asked innocently.
“A ton. But the only thing is during the night a few cameras shut down and I can’t say anymore then that sorry.” Butler then left.
“Thank ya Butler…” I murmured and went into the bathroom to change into my clothes. And then I went down stairs after getting lost 5 times I made it down.
“Finally you’re here.” Artemis said looked as grouchy as usual.
“Well I got lost like a million times…” I started.
“You can’t get lost a million times, it’s not likely possible.” Artemis replied.
“You're ugly but you intrigue me.” I replied thanking Anthony for that one.
Juliet looked at me and replied, “I think Artemis is very lucky to finally have someone talk back.”
“I am not!” He said. “I’m as lucky as…”
“I think you 2 should stop it now…” Butler was looking at me and Artemis fight over what Juliet had just said.
Man this guy’s horrible! I thought and then did what I had to do. I kicked him in the shins. Artemis now looked mad. And he tackled me to the floor. (A/N: I know that’s a bit off character, but I’m telling you this won’t happen again…) Soon Juliet was cheering me on but Butler was trying to get Artemis off me. I think he was really mad and didn’t say anything.
Artemis had sent Butler shopping with me because Juliet had to stay with Artemis because it seemed he was plotting something. But I had no clue what.
When Butler and I got back from grocery shopping and from the mall (I forgot to pack my underwear, so I had to ask Butler not to come into the store…) Juliet was in my room waiting for me when I returned and we began to talk about all kinds of things, forgetting that there was a camera watching us.
“You know something?” I asked Juliet when we were sitting on my bed and munching on M&Ms that I had brought from the states.
“What?” She asked.
“Is Artemis always like that? I mean about tackling someone onto the floor?”
Juliet smiled widely for a second and looked like she realized something. “No…”
“What do you think about Artemis anyway?” She asked me.
“Well…” I then started saying. “He’s not even close to being normal he’s a bit…pervert.”
“Why?”
“One word, ‘camera’.”
Just then we hear foot steps coming toward us. I quickly put the M&Ms under my bed and someone knocked no the door.
“Come in,” Juliet said.
It was Butler.
“Sorry you two, but I was monitoring the cameras while Artemis was in the living room talking to his parents and I heard your conversation.” He said.
“Damn,” I replied.
“I know, so anyway I deleted that part about you saying that Artemis is…” Butler trailed off.
“Are the cameras off now?” I asked.
“Yep,” and then he walked away.
“I think I will go bother Artemis now if you don’t mind Juliet.” I smiled.
“Why of course not…just don’t get him too mad!” She smiled and continued, “I want to watch wrestling on T.V so I won’t bother you.”
“Thanks,” I walked off and then decided against bothering Artemis. Instead I went off to find where the cameras were hidden. But when I was walking down the hall way I bumped into…
~~~###~~~
TBC
Author: SleepyBunny
Punishment for the Mary Sue?
five neutrino shots to the head. i'd say more, but i don't want to ruin my bandwidth.
Name: Whitney Devou or something. Her last name is only mentioned in the summary and in a brief email to her friend.
Species: Human.
Hair: "Wavy blonde hair that looked darker on the top." Her highlights are fading, I guess.
Eyes: "Swampy green eyes." Which of course will make you think of Wild Thing.
Markings/Clothing: Not mentioned, but we are told that she forgot her underwear. We are also told that she went out to buy them, with BUTLER.
Does the LEP stand a chance? No. She'd tell them stupid jokes about underwear that don't make any sense and they'd run off, very, very afraid of her.
Origin: She's Artemis's Cousin Kate’s best friend’s daughter who's coming to Ireland for the year. One the count of three, everyone laugh heartily.
Connections To Canon: ... she's Artemis's Cousin Kate's best friend's daughter. Weren't you reading?
Special Abilities: The power to talk about underwear in strange situations and get away with kicking Artemis's shins right underneath Butler's nose. Also, Juliet seems to have the power to magically collect dust now. One minute it's there, another it's gone...
Traits: She's annoying, and Artemis hates her for it. I love you, Arty.
And she's an ass. She really, really is.
Final Thoughts: This story has to be seen to be believed. The paragraph breaks are miles apart, grammar and spelling are BUTCHERED, and the story makes no licking of goddamn sense. "Your Cousin Kate's best friend's daughter?" What the hell is that?
Artemis hates her (good boy, have a boi biscuit), but will undoubtedly fall in love with her. Why? Because Angeline Fowl says so, dammit.
Sample:
I do not own Artemis Fowl and I do not own anything that is familiar in the story. But I do own Kate, and Kate’s best friend and Whitney…
This is my very first Artemis Fowl fanfic and I’m just testing this out so please don’t flame me too badly…sorry!!! I’ve tried to get all of the facts right, but if I’m missing anything please fell free to tell me. Enjoy!!!
P.S Artemis Fowl is 17…just so ya know…=>)
~~~***~~~
It was the 7th of June, on a beautiful Monday morning and Artemis Fowl was eating breakfast with his parents. Mrs. Fowl kept on smiling and looking at Artemis, while he glared at her.
“Stop it Arty,” Mrs. Fowl smiled at him. “I just got a call last night after you went to bed that your Cousin Kate’s best friend’s daughter is coming to Ireland for a year!”
Artemis looked at his mother and then thought, this has to be one of her stupid matchmaking schemes. “Oh, really,”
“The girl is just around your age! Isn’t that great?”
Yep, definitely matchmaking. “Why of course mother,” Artemis replied with sarcasm is his voice. He wasn’t in a good mood.
“Her name’s Whitney,” And then Mrs. Fowl drowned on and on about this stupid girl.
Artemis was thinking about his file on his computer labeled LEPrechaun. It contained all necessary information about fairies, trolls and dwarfs and many other creatures that live under our world.
Just last year had he yet again discovered the fairies and learned that his memory had been whipped, so he asked Foaly to give him all of the information. But only for a price-never to meddle into fairy business unless asked. So he had agreed.
“Are you listening to your mother?” Mr. Fowl asked him.
“Yes of course,”
“So also you must remember not to make Whitney feel uncomfortable because she hasn’t been any where except home. And we need to make her feel welcome here too.” Mrs. Fowl added.
“Of course,”
“And she’s coming tomorrow!”
“Yes, yes…” Artemis quickly excused him self and went to find Butler in the kitchen drinking a glass of milk.
“Good Morning Artemis,” Butler greeted him.
“Good morning,”
Then he and Butler went into business in the computer room.
~~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~THE NEXT DAY~~~***~~~***~~~***
Around 4 pm Artemis, Butler and Juliet were at the airport waiting for Whitney to arrive.
“Look, I think that’s Whitney!” Juliet looked over and pointed at a girl who had wavy blonde hair that looked darker on the top. And from where they were standing, she had swampy green eyes.
“I’ll go ask,” Butler went over and chatted with the girl and she followed him.
~~~FROM WHITNEY’S POV FROM NOW ON~~~~
As we walked toward a girl and a boy, mind you the boy just glared and said let’s go. But Juliet seems really nice.
In the car we talked about all kinds of stuff.
“So where are you from Whitney?” Juliet asked me.
“I’m from Florida,” I replied.
Just then Artemis glared at me.
So I decided to be such as nice to him as he was to me. “Are you undies showing?”
“No,” He said.
“Would you like them to?” I snapped.
Juliet covered her mouth and looked like she was choking.
“No,” Artemis just looked out the window.
“That-was-so-funny!” She hiccoughed.
“Thanks, I think he’s a bit over spoiled…” I whispered into her ear. Juliet nodded. “So I thought that maybe we could pull pranks on him…” Juliet again nodded but this time also smiled.
“We’re here,” Butler called over to me and Juliet.
“Okay,” I said and then looked out the window. It was a very cool looking house, I had to admit. “Cool house,”
“Thank you,” Artemis just glared at me again.
“Are you mad at me?” I asked innocently.
“No, but you are diabolic,” He replied.
I shot Juliet a questioning look but she shrugged.
Once we were inside the manor, Mrs. Fowl came over and squished me into a hug. “Wonderful of you to come Whitney!”
“Uh…thank you Mrs. Fowl,” I was trying my best to breath.
“Show her to the room that Artemis chose,” Mrs. Fowl ordered Juliet.
“Of course,” Juliet smiled. “Come on!”
So I followed her to the highest floor of this manor and she opened the door. The room it self was very nice, it had wooden floor and the bed was placed into a corner and there was a TV and table very near it.
“Don’t mind Artemis’ taste of style,” Juliet said sadly.
“I don’t mind it, it’ s just…” Then I sneezed. “Dust,”
“Don’t worry; I’ll get rid of it.” So she did. Then I was all alone in this weird room and soon discovered that there was a bathroom right outside my door. Juliet had warned me not to undress in my room because of Artemis’ security cameras placed all over the manor.
I sat on my bed and took out my wireless laptop and started typing emails to my friends.
To: “Courtney Mancher” <lalamanchula45@mancher.com>, “Anthony Demain” <anthony888777@aol.com>, “Sara Gaze” <crystalball59@yahoo.uk.com>
From: “Whitney Devou” <evilangel73@hotmail.com>
Subject: Evil Artemis Fowl…
Hello everyone!!
Me here, as you probably noticed. I just got to Ireland and have decided the Artemis Fowl is the most evil person on this planet…besides Howie. I did that weird joke thing Sara told me about… the underwear and Fowl just looked at me with a TON of hate and said no. and then Juliet started laughing. Juliet is this really fun girl who lives here. My b-days tomorrow and I can’t wait to turn 16!
Bye!!
Whit by Whitney
I also typed emails to my parents and my friends. Then I realized it was around 9pm (it had taken 3 hours to get back from the airport) and I had decided not to have dinner. I started undressing and I was in my bra and pants and then remembered the cameras and but my shirt on and took my clothes and ran into the bathroom, hoping that this was not mentioned the next morning.
At seven I was woken up by a rough sake and I stupidly muttered thinking that it was my brother, “I see pink underwear in your ears…” and I rolled over and fell back a sleep then AGAIN I was shaken and I woke up to find Butler there smiling.
“Was that thing you said an accident?” He asked amused.
“What thing?” I crossed my fingers behind my back.
“Never mind, Artemis wants you down there ok?”
I nodded and thought that tonight I will play a prank on Artemis.
“By the way Butler, how many cameras are in this place?” I asked innocently.
“A ton. But the only thing is during the night a few cameras shut down and I can’t say anymore then that sorry.” Butler then left.
“Thank ya Butler…” I murmured and went into the bathroom to change into my clothes. And then I went down stairs after getting lost 5 times I made it down.
“Finally you’re here.” Artemis said looked as grouchy as usual.
“Well I got lost like a million times…” I started.
“You can’t get lost a million times, it’s not likely possible.” Artemis replied.
“You're ugly but you intrigue me.” I replied thanking Anthony for that one.
Juliet looked at me and replied, “I think Artemis is very lucky to finally have someone talk back.”
“I am not!” He said. “I’m as lucky as…”
“I think you 2 should stop it now…” Butler was looking at me and Artemis fight over what Juliet had just said.
Man this guy’s horrible! I thought and then did what I had to do. I kicked him in the shins. Artemis now looked mad. And he tackled me to the floor. (A/N: I know that’s a bit off character, but I’m telling you this won’t happen again…) Soon Juliet was cheering me on but Butler was trying to get Artemis off me. I think he was really mad and didn’t say anything.
Artemis had sent Butler shopping with me because Juliet had to stay with Artemis because it seemed he was plotting something. But I had no clue what.
When Butler and I got back from grocery shopping and from the mall (I forgot to pack my underwear, so I had to ask Butler not to come into the store…) Juliet was in my room waiting for me when I returned and we began to talk about all kinds of things, forgetting that there was a camera watching us.
“You know something?” I asked Juliet when we were sitting on my bed and munching on M&Ms that I had brought from the states.
“What?” She asked.
“Is Artemis always like that? I mean about tackling someone onto the floor?”
Juliet smiled widely for a second and looked like she realized something. “No…”
“What do you think about Artemis anyway?” She asked me.
“Well…” I then started saying. “He’s not even close to being normal he’s a bit…pervert.”
“Why?”
“One word, ‘camera’.”
Just then we hear foot steps coming toward us. I quickly put the M&Ms under my bed and someone knocked no the door.
“Come in,” Juliet said.
It was Butler.
“Sorry you two, but I was monitoring the cameras while Artemis was in the living room talking to his parents and I heard your conversation.” He said.
“Damn,” I replied.
“I know, so anyway I deleted that part about you saying that Artemis is…” Butler trailed off.
“Are the cameras off now?” I asked.
“Yep,” and then he walked away.
“I think I will go bother Artemis now if you don’t mind Juliet.” I smiled.
“Why of course not…just don’t get him too mad!” She smiled and continued, “I want to watch wrestling on T.V so I won’t bother you.”
“Thanks,” I walked off and then decided against bothering Artemis. Instead I went off to find where the cameras were hidden. But when I was walking down the hall way I bumped into…
~~~###~~~
TBC
