With myself.

So the past two weeks I have not exactly been myself. I was at first, then slowly I became the person I hate to be. The person I keep locked inside myself because she is not rational and she takes a thread and unravels the whole sweater instead of cutting the thread off.

She's been clawing her way through the enitre week, and just yesterday she decided to go back inside. She decided she hates it out here. She can't handle the pressure and the responsibility that goes with being outside. She's a backseat driver but really, she couldn't drive.

I'm glad that I (the rational part) am back to the forefront. It's so much easier to win the argument against myself. I was high tempered, agressrive in this temper, and generally much too chaotic with her in the driver's seat. It was horrible. I was watching all of it happen, but I could do little to nothing about it. I couldn't win. I couldn't calm her down and I couldn't forgive and forget as easily.

I hope this never happens again. I hope she stays there. She hopes she stays back, in the shadows where she rightfully belongs. No needs to hear her foul mouth and see her foul mood. She loves to agrue and be spiteful. Thankfully she didn't get away with everything she wanted to. Of course, she was too caught up in just yelling to actually do much anyway. She made some bad decisions that I have to clean up. Unfair, but fair. She is a part of me, so apparently I wanted to do some of the things she did. In a way. But usually I can check myself to see that it never happens.

I'm sorry for my outrageous behavior.

I'm sorry for putting a huge rip in some of my friendships, if I did at all. (because I feel as if i have, but perhaps that's just the rain talking today)

I'm sorry she got out.

I will try very hard for this never to happen again.

She doesn't want to come back out, seeing the real world for the first. She hates it. So hopefully it won't happen. We've come to kind of agreement that it won't happen. Never trust yourself to keep your promises though.

Thanks for putting up with her.