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🌸 unable are the loved to die (closed to queenofkur)
[ Songerein has been home for Hiyori for nearly two years now and she's all but reasoned awakening in her bed, in her parent's house, to her normal life and her normal family and friends might not happen. At this point, at this age, she would be in her third year in high school. She would be taking exams, or at least preparing for them, to go to college. To become a doctor and work at Iki General Hospital until she became old and gray. Mother would want her to marry a doctor, or a lawyer, and have children.
But she...
Love is a complicated thing. Beautiful and painful like a rose. Voracious and passionate like fire. It's friendships that unfold into more. It's love at first sight. Everything in between. Hiyori wonders, not the first time, if she's known both but didn't realize it until too late. Or if she's lied to herself, over and over, because that was easier. While she could never lie to other people without guilt riddling her to the core, she's much better at deceiving herself.
It's why she greets Ereshkigal with a bright smile and lifts a bag of treats as an offering. She's sporting a high ponytail and is slightly out of breath after her morning run, yet she still has the energy to convey her joy. As she normally does upon seeing her -- ah, this goddess. ]
Good morning, Ereshamaaaa--!!
[ Some silly amalgamation of her affection and respect for the Queen of the Underworld that's developed over time. ]
I brought pastries! Do you want to go to the park and eat them?
But she...
Love is a complicated thing. Beautiful and painful like a rose. Voracious and passionate like fire. It's friendships that unfold into more. It's love at first sight. Everything in between. Hiyori wonders, not the first time, if she's known both but didn't realize it until too late. Or if she's lied to herself, over and over, because that was easier. While she could never lie to other people without guilt riddling her to the core, she's much better at deceiving herself.
It's why she greets Ereshkigal with a bright smile and lifts a bag of treats as an offering. She's sporting a high ponytail and is slightly out of breath after her morning run, yet she still has the energy to convey her joy. As she normally does upon seeing her -- ah, this goddess. ]
Good morning, Ereshamaaaa--!!
[ Some silly amalgamation of her affection and respect for the Queen of the Underworld that's developed over time. ]
I brought pastries! Do you want to go to the park and eat them?
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But there is something that makes her mornings even better. Even more wonderful. Something that makes her smile when she goes to sleep because she knows she has something precious and wonderful awaiting her on the day after. Something that makes her days brighter within a split second.
And that's the human girl who comes to greet her just about every morning. ]
Good morning, Hiyori!
[ Ereshkigal beams and closes her eyes for a second. Life in this world wouldn't be the same without her. Life anywhere wouldn't be the same without her. ]
I'd love to. Just let me finish this... [She waters the flowers before her before putting down the watering can.] There, sorry!
[ She takes a step forward, giving her a warm hug (even though her skin is very cold). If it wasn't for her, she would probably not set a foot outside! It's not that she doesn't like it... She loves going outside. But she's still so awkward and easily gives in to anxiety. yet, when Hiyori's around? She manages to handle it all so much better. That's this human's secret power. ]
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If she could bottle these smells...
No, no. That's weird.
With an easy smile, she waves off her apology. ] Don't be. I like that you care about your garden so much.
[ Since she was little, Hiyori found pleasure in other people's passions. From her father's pride in his work as a doctor. To her friends Ami and Yama's obsession with their favorite shows and then to their favorite bands. Their happiness was her happiness for a long time. Old habits die hard. ]
They're beautiful! Your hard work shows, Ereshama. [ Unable to help herself, she bends down to a bundle of flowers to press her nose in and inhale deeply. Almost as good. Not quite. ]
It's kinda like you're bringing the outside in, hehe.
[ Standing back up, she offers her hand. ]
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... And she's spent a lot of time in the darkest of all places.
But surprisingly, she's not as distant with Hiyori. No, with her it feels natural by now. Hugging her feels so nice. It feels... right. Like that's how things should be. Or maybe she is so touch-starved, she's making excuse for her undignified behavior! Regardless, once the hug over she pulls back. ]
I never thought about it like that...
[ She'd been condemned to live in the Underworld and resented that fate. Could her desire for flowers have been a way to compromise? An attempt at making her "prison" more pleasant and more like the outside world? ]
Ehehe. Sometimes it feels like you understand me better than I do.
[ She takes her hand with a smile. She has been working on flowers that should be the best possible fit for Hiyori, but she's keeping it a surprise. They're far from ready and she'll only mention them when they'll be perfect. ]
Let's go, Hiyori-sama!
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[ Strange. There have been times when Hiyori thought the same about her. When she least expected it. Two years is a long time to be gone from family. From everything you knew. Two years to start another life while desperately trying not to forget memories of the first. But...
But.
It was during those times she always received a message. Or there was a skeleton delivering something.
Even if she is not at all touch-starved herself, or maybe it's because she isn't, Hiyori doesn't think twice about a hug lasting a little longer than what one would consider usual. As Ereshkigal's hand settles in hers, she involuntarily squeezes it gently as they make their trek to the park, too.
It would have gone like it usually did with chit-chat and an underlying joy of being with someone you care about. Happy to be spending time together. To exist in the same orbit as-- ]
Eh?
[ Did she hear wrong? She must have. A goddess, THE Goddess of Death and Queen of the Underworld did not just call her "Hiyori-sama". Ereshkigal has her eccentricities, as most gods do, but Hiyori always found hers more endearing. ]
EH?!
[ Probably not helping with that reaction, Hiyori. ]
H-Hi-Hiyori-sama?? Did you... um, c-call me...?
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Evidently, she had been wrong. But why?
Was it somehow offensive to call her that back?
Was she angry she hadn't found a cute nickname for her?
Would she hate her for it?
Would she pretend not to hate her to not hurt her feelings but still obviously despise her?
Would she abandon her?
No matter how many years have passed, the customs of the human world and the secrets behind socialization elude her. ]
I-I'm sorry...! I realize I overstepped my boundaries...
[ Within the blink of an eye, the entire atmosphere has changed. She's on the brink of panic and tears. But she deserves to feel awful, after what she's done! Hiyori deserves better. ]
I... I just thought it was a title you were deserving of...
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HUUUUH?? If anyone has overstepped any boundaries, it's Hiyori! Ereshkigal never complained about the nickname Hiyori chose for her. If anything, the sparkles were brighter and more abundant than ever.
Upon seeing those tears building in her eyes, Hiyori grabs both hands and turns towards her. ]
Please! I-I'm not mad!! I'm just surprised! [ Not a little. Staggered, more like. Gods don't usually refer to humans with such high respect. There's been the odd Hiyori-san or Iki-san. There's been Hiyorin. Hiyori-chan, she supposed, too. Senpai from her juniors at school.
A belated and bright blush spreads across her face. ]
I don't know if I'm deserving, but... i-if that's what you really want to call me...
[ Taking her sleeve, she reaches up to rub the tears away from Ereshkigal's cheeks with a bashful smile. ]
You can. It's okay. You might be the first God to refer to a mortal with that title, though. Ehehe.
[ But this is why Ereshkigal is so special. So amazing. ]
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She keeps her head down as the other woman wipes her tears away... Until she hears her speak of whether or not she's deserving. At which point she looks up and: ]
Y-You are deserving! You absolutely are, never let anyone tell you otherwise.
[ She should never doubt it! That she even entertains the idea that she's not deserving... Is anyone out there undermining her self-esteem? If so she'll send her Gallû Spirits after them and then trap their soul in a cage till they repent for their sin!!
... Okay maybe it's a bit extreme. That and a doubt starts creeping up. A horrible, terrible doubt. ]
I... "sama" is... [A pause.] It's a term of endearment, right...?
[ Honorifics don't exist in her language, but she's caught up on their usage and meaning. Most people call her "chan," but Hiyori is one of the few - not to say the only one - who calls her with sama. Clearly it's a sweet and caring honorific! ]
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With a bit of a flush to her cheeks, she wipes away the last of her tears. Her palms remain resting there, thumbs resting on the soft curve.
... Maybe it's a bit extreme, but it's the thought that counts. ]
Endear-- [ Cheeks coloring deeper, that Ereshkigal meant it as endearment and not with respect, she blinks a few times at her.
Oh. Oh.
Ah, that's... endearing in and of itself that Ereshkigal thought "sama" is a fond suffix. It certainly ended up being that way for Hiyori from early on. Ereshkigal-sama had changed to Ereshama before she knew it. Now, what to say...? ]
N-not exactly. It's, um, usually meant to show a lot of respect. You know, something you refer to gods with...? [ w a i t ] I don't think you can't use it as a form of endearment, though!! I think, especially being who you are... i-it's sweet.
[ She hasn't stopped blushing, but now she drops her eyes to the ground. ]
You would be the only person to have ever called me H-Hiyori-sama...
[ Meaning it's special. Unique. Just like Ereshkigal. ]
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And really-- Overall, she still has a lot of progress to make. Panicking and overreacting like that... Millennia of her self-esteem and confidence being eroded by the loneliness and pain aren't going to be undone after a few years, no matter how wonderful said years have been. ]
The only person...?
[ Nobody has ever showed her that kind of respect...? She wonders about Hiyori's life prior to being summoned to this world. She's never really inquired about it, but she keeps getting that feeling that it wasn't the happiest and healthiest life. It wasn't the life she deserved.
Or maybe she's just projecting. ]
W-Well, it shall be Hiyori-sama then!
[ She bends down slightly to look at her directly in the eyes and smiles brightly. ]
And... I promise to try and not panic so quickly in the future.
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They met that way, didn't they? Wherein Hiyori merely wanted Ereshkigal and her sister to get along and be friends. Someone needed help and she could never turn a blind eye to them.
As for her human life, maybe it's time to inquire. ]
M-mhm! O, okay! [ Hiyori-sama... said Hiyori-sama blushes as the golden goddess bends down and smiles like the sun. For the Queen of the Underworld, she glows. ]
Huh? But it would be weird if you didn't panic so quickly... [ HIYORI.
She means it affectionately!! ]
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Yet, it's having the opposite effect here here ]
Only you would speak of a flaw in such a nice way.
[ She smiles at her and takes her hand with her own once more. T-They really should get going. If they stop every two minutes because she's crying, they'll never get there! ]
Sorry, I've delayed us enough.
[ She squeezes her hand. ]
And... Thank you.
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Once her hand is taken, squeezed, and she's thanked Hiyori's stomach flips and flutters. While she's never been nervous about showing friends her affection and support, in other matters...
Far more delicate and nerve-wracking, she's at a loss. Lately, she's had the thought "I wish Ereshkigal were here" no matter where she is. Whether she had seen her just the other day or a couple of hours ago. ]
Wh-what are you thanking me for?
[ Hiyori picks up her pace, walking alongside instead of a bit because she's too in her head. ]
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For being you, of course!
[ And lo: Ereshkigal starts sparkling once again! And as usual, it's unexplainable. Maybe it's related to the authority over the sun Nergal handed over to her...? There's no telling.
Sure, it's unusual to thank someone for being them. But so many people are terrible... So many betray who they are or what they believe in. Being such a wonderful person and remaining faithful to who you are? That's worth all the thanks in the world! ]
That's worth plenty of praise and thanks in my opinion.
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While her parents often told Hiyori she could do whatever she wanted and to do what she wanted, she can't recall a time they - or anyone - told her she's...
Many people are terrible. Luckily, Hiyori has run into very few in her short life. Or so she thinks. They're on the television, sure. They're in news articles and they're throughout history. They exist. She's not oblivious to that, but the average human being is like her -- normal.
Still, having a goddess tell you as much...! Her heart is fit to burst. This happens more and more often around her. Hiyori grasps her hand that much tighter and she's the one to stop them in their tracks. ]
I...! I think so, too! Ah, wait, I mean... Ereshama, y-you're perfect the way you are. I don't want you to change.
[ So keep panicking. Keep mixing up suffixes. Cultivate your garden outside the Underworld so everyone can enjoy the sun she obviously houses in her happy face.
Once, she was told the divine favor her by this very goddess. She wants to be favored, whatever that entails. ]
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Am I really...? [A pause and a smile.] O-Of course I am!
[ Of course she is not. If there is one who is perfect... It's her sister, isn't it? Everyone loves Ishtar. When she is denied her desires, she does everything in her power to get them regardless. When faced with an injustice, she is relentless in her attempts to undo it. If people do not love her, then she'll find ways to sway their heart. And even if it's hopeless, even if the entire world stands against her...
Whereas, when she was told to stay in the Underworld... She did. When she was told to handle it all on her own, she did. When her desires were forever put out of her reach, she did not fight. When she came to realize how unjust it all was, she did nothing against it. It was hopeless, nobody cared for her, and...
Then when Ishtar saw that injustice... When Ishtar came down to the underworld. When she tried telling her:
You deserve better."
Ereshkigal killed her. How could she not? Her perfect sister - loved by all - came down to tell her the things she already knew. The things she'd spent her entire existence trying to deny. She forced her to face what she always knew:
Otherwise you will never be happy,
And no one will ever love you."
And she had been right. So right, it hurt. So right, she had needed to hide her admiration for her with hatred. So right, her only solution had been to silence her so it would stop hurting. But it never stopped. It only hurt more, more and more. Until today. ]
You know, I'm going to have and keep thanking you all day if you tell me things like that.
[ It doesn't hurt as much any more. She isn't perfect. She never will be. Yet, even so... hearing Hiyori say those words is nice. It makes her feel like, maybe, just maybe...
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I'll tell you things like that until you believe them.
[ Honestly believe them. Not the bravado she realized Ereshkigal wears on her face and heart after getting to know her more and more. Because she's a Goddess? Because she believes she has to be a certain way? The only way she has to be is herself. That's enough.
Hiyori isn't spouting pretty, empty words when she tells her she's perfect the way she is. She is kind. She works hard. She does her best, every day. Perfection was ever out of reach of humans because they're humans, but if perfection existed anywhere then surely in a god...?
Or that's her heart speaking for her. As it ever is. Whatever the case, to Hiyori, Ereshkigal is as close to perfection as one being can be.
There is one thing Ishtar had right: You deserve better.
Hiyori has... a God of Fortune. He made her happy for a very long time. It's time to pay that happiness forward. While she could never be a deity herself, she can at least watch over Ereshkigal. She can help her with a wish. To be free. To live a life of her own. To have true hobbies. To experience friendship and know love.
With the latter two, particularly. ]
... You're not used to it, are you? [ She can't help but ask and give her hand a small squeeze. ] So I'll keep telling you. Every day, if I have to. Whenever I see you. Ereshama, you're perfect the way you are. Don't change.
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W-Well... Few people have nice things to say about death.
[ Which is what she is as far as humanity is concerned. Even if she doesn't personally go out with a scythe in hand to take lives, she is still an abstract concept given form. When humans started questioning the world around them and tried understanding death...
It ceased being a formless concept.
The entity born from those thoughts, from that concept... It doesn't matter what she's like. Death is evil. It's an absolute that still holds true to this day in the collective consciousness of humanity. ]
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But you do. [And that's more than enough for her. It doesn't matter if countless people hate her- So long as there is one who doesn't. So long as the one who doesn't is someone so precious to her.] So long as you like me the way I am... Then I have no intention to change.
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In the same way that Ishtar and Ereshkigal are sisters -- twins.
It's not evil. Not inherently. She believes that. How can it be when its goddess can be so gentle? If she has nice things to say, it's because of her... ]
I'll always like you.
[ Hiyori promises, softer before she tugs them along. ]
I -- I am scared to die. Now, anyway. There's so much I need to do. But I think as I get older, when I'm old and gray, it may be like greeting an old friend.
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That's the single most precious thing anyone could tell her. Especially it that coems from Hiyori. ]
I-I wouldn't want you to die anyway!
[ No thank you! Of course, she would do everything in her power to get Hiyori's soul to her Underworld. She's not sure whether or not she would succeed... There's the matter of them originating from different realities altogether. And then if she somehow manages to get past that hurdle, she'll have to negotiate with Izanami.
And even if she succeeds... That wouldn't be the same. She wants Hiyori to live a long and happy life! Not for her to be a sad soul awaiting for reincarnation. ]
You deserve to live a long and happy life! All humans do, but you even more than most.
[ With that said, she focuses on the road. They should be arriving soon, right? T-That's a lot of emotions in only one morning! She's not sure she can handle a lot more happiness before her daily quote of joy is exceeded. ]
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She is so favored by the divine, isn't she? Just like she said before.
Silent now, trailing behind again, Hiyori stares at their moving feet. They're only interrupted by the distant sound of activity in the town square and morning birds that want their worm.
Ereshkigal is right. Humans deserve long and happy lives. Some don't get that, though. There are lives taken far too soon. Hers was nearly taken in a bus accident, but by some miracle, it only made her half-dead. The cobble stone under their steps switches to grass, then, and Hiyori finally finds the inner strength to look up at the back of her... friend's hair. ]
Gods do, too. [ Comes her voice, loud enough to be heard over birds and breeze. ]
Gods deserve long and happy lives. [ Time to extend the quota. ] Ever since you told me your wish, I - I've wanted to try my best and make it happy for you.
[ HOW IS THAT QUOTA LOOKING ]
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But she can keep it together. It's not that difficult since she's not facing Hiyori. If she was looking at her directly, then she would doubtlessly burst into tears. Is it cowardly, perhaps? She definitely should turn around. But for now... It's easier. She wants to speak clearly and she just wouldn't be able to do that. ]
You... [A pause.] You have.
[ She tilts her head down and smiles, even if the other girl can't see it. Fidgeting nervously with her hands. Of course, she's no fool. She knows Hiyori's life isn't a perfectly happy one. She can sometimes see some sorrow hiding behind her eyes...
And even so, she's been so kind to her. So sweet and wonderful. Doing everything she could to make her life a happier one. Even though... ]
More than anyone. [Another pause.] More than I could have dreamed of. Hoped for.
[ Has she done enough for her in return? Probably not. There's nothing she can do that would be enough to thank her for all the happiness she's given her. She feels so selfish. So awful. But even then... She's happy. Happy that Hiyori is here for her. ]
And that... [Her voice starts breaking down.] T-That means the world to me...
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She has? More than anyone...? While that makes her happy, she's unsure if she's done much in the long run. Then again, she doesn't know what Ereshkigal's life was like before Reverein for certain. It seemed far less happy than Hiyori's. Only having your duty must have been so lonely. That's why Hiyori makes such great strides, like she did with another God, to see her every day. If not see her, then at least send a little message in their journals to let her friend know she's thinking about her.
But when isn't she?
Hiyori wishes Ereshkigal would dream of more. Hope for more. That, whatever it is that keeps her held at bay and on such a tight leash, wouldn't restrict her so much because she can see it. There's something constantly, ever on her mind. Something that haunts her.
Yet all that falls behind her, hearing her voice crack and warble. Flustered, Hiyori rushes forward to stand in front of Ereshkigal. One look at her teary face is all Hiyori needs to wrap her arms around her and pull her in close and clutch to the back of her clothes. No words are exchanged for a while as Hiyori fights her own emotions, dense in her throat.
Seeing someone you care about cry is never easy. ]
You deserve nothing less. [ Somehow, she keeps her voice from breaking down. ] I wish more people would see...
[ As much as she did. More happiness from more people could never be a bad thing, right? ]
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For a moment, she is left stunned. Saying and doing nothing as the other girl wrap her arms around her and holds her so tightly. Why is this morning so different...? They've gone through this cute little routine of going out so many times before and never have they had emotional episodes that intense. They've had moments, but... Never like that.
Maybe because they've been getting closer and closer, day after day? There is only one thing she's sure of. She doesn't like hearing her cry. Not because crying is a shameful thing, not at all. But because that means she is sad... And she shouldn't be. ]
P-Please don't cry.
[ Finally, she closes her arms around her as well. A lot more gently and delicately, as if she's afraid. Afraid she'll hurt her or do something wrong. Yet that feels... Right, for lack of a better word. ]
I'm sorry, my hands are so cold... [Her entire body is cold. She can't help it. That's what she is, what she was born as. Death.] But I'll keep you warm even so. Until you no longer cry.
[ She was talking about her. How she wishes more people would see that she deserves nothing less. But there's another girl here who deserves happiness... And who has been denied so far. ]
Even if it's only you... I'm happy. So don't cry... [She closes her eyes and smiles, even if Hiyori can't see it.] Because you too deserve happiness.
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Hiyori would apologize for crying, but she can't. Not when it was Ereshkigal's emotions that reached her. Not when Ereshkigal's in tears, too. Songerein is like that. Since she's been here, emotions don't just influence people but their surroundings as well. Even before Songerein, though, Hiyori's been an emotional and sentimental girl. As if any kind of pain, physical or mental, is something she can feel herself.
Hiyori shakes her head against her shoulder at her apologies. As if her being cold could ever be an issue. In direct defiance of that apology, or to make up for her gentle, delicate, and fearful grip, Hiyori holds her more tightly and clutches to the back of her robes.
While she's cold, there's something comforting about hugging her. Death has ever welcomed souls into its gentle embrace at the end, but has anybody ever embraced her in return? Most people of the modern age fear it. That isn't to say Hiyori doesn't, that she's afraid of loss as much as anybody else, but is it Death's fault to take their loved ones? If anything, Death gives those we love a place to go.
They welcome our dearly departed without pain and suffering.
Once she has a better hold of herself, Hiyori leans back and takes Ereshkigal's cold cheeks into her warm, warm palms. ]
I'm happy. [ To show it, a smile tugs Hiyori's lips through her tears, which she reaches up to wipe away. ]
Wh-what a strange morning. [ ADDRESSING THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM. ] I don't know what suddenly came over me. I guess there's been a lot on my mind for a while. I'm sorry.
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W-Well, I prefer strange mornings to normal ones.
[ Sure, they could do without the crying... But at the same time, it's better than the alternative, isn't it? For there to be nothing. For every morning to be the same. For their days to be defined as the act of existing, and not the act of living. ]
When I was in the Underworld, all mornings were the same. There was no crying... But there was no laughing either. [Every day the same. There never was any reason for her to look forward to anything. It had been an existence devoid of hope, with her dreams forever out of reach.] With you, all mornings are different. Every new day is unique.
[ She's happy to wake up in the morning because she has something to look forward to.
Maybe it won't always be a good thing.
Maybe there'll be more crying in the future.
Maybe sometimes, she'll even wish the morning had not come to pass.
But she'll never wake up again knowing there is nothing awaiting her. Knowing there is no hope for her. ]
For now... I believe we should continue, right?
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[ Strange mornings aren't awful. Crying isn't awful, either, now and then. Not all the time. Whenever she felt like it before, she couldn't. There was always something to do, somewhere to go. Reverein is (usually) too peaceful for that. Mornings are different and have been different for two years.
Two... years...
One and half years since-- ]
Right! [ Hiyori cheers, cleaning her face with some napkins she grabbed and then playfully wiping at Ereshkigal's face too, as a mother might. Or doting big sister. Or a partner... ] Pastries are always best when fresh. Maybe we should just eat and walk?
[ Reaching into her bag, she pulls out a wrapped treat for Ereshkigal and holds it out with a bright smile. ]
Here! I got your favorite. Or, at least, I think it is. Your eyes get big and sparkly every time I bring one to you.
[ It's the best.
And it's no wonder, when Hiyori thinks on it as she fishes out her breakfast as well, Ereshkigal wanted to live and experience the little things in life. The things that some people took for granted. Some things she even took for granted herself. Such as choice.
Here, while they dream, there are no such pressures upon her. Choice is hers as it should be for all people. Life, or Death, sometimes isn't fair. Yet who else can do it? ]
Can't flowers grow in the Underworld? [ Hiyori asks, a bit suddenly. ]
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... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
... N-No! It's pointless to think about things like that. Especially when she can focus on treat Hiyori has prepared for her. ]
Ah...! [As expected, her eyes get big and sparkly. Even though she's been here for a while now, the taste of dust and clay is still fresh in her mind. Those delicious things humans make... They're so good! She can't imagine herself going back to the usual dust and clay after that.] Those are the best.
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In more ways than one, truly. ]
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The next question surprises her a bit though. Ah, she'd never told her about how the Underworld works, had she? ]
No. Nothing that lives can grow in the Underworld. Even Enkidu tried and failed.
[ If Enkidu couldn't do it, then nobody can. It had been a source of sorrow for her, but maybe thanks to this world, there is a solution. ]
But I have been working on a dreamotion flower. One that can grow even where there is no life. [She pauses as she takes another bite of the treat, before concluding:] The flower itself is ready. I am now looking for a way to send it to my world.
[ And that's the real tricky part. ]