bah! i'm so bitchy today! actually i've been bitchy a lot lately ever since jim tried to get all mad at me pre-emtively fro "not doing the dishes" oh noes! its two thirty and the dishes are not done!! hey when the end of the day comes then you can bitch at me but untill then! hold your damn tounge. Then the bastard has the balls to avoid doing the half he was supposed to do for another four days till i finally got on his ass. thats not fair to be preaching to me about "i'm trying to teach you resposibility" when the most housework i can ever get you to do is by your computer and the kitchen trash!

still ended up having to do his fucking laundry..... again!

i just want some damn respect is that so hard? i come home make diner do HIS laundry wash HIS dishes and not only do i hardly get a thank you but its almost EXPECTED of ME to do EVERYTHING for him! " i cant do it, you do it better!" blah de fucking blah!

not only that the idiot takes a hundred dollars out of me checking and only after he spends most of it does he tell me how much he spent. that not only pissed me off but that surprised the hell out of me since between the two of us he's usually the better with money. stingy almost as bad as his dad is. so becasue of THAT i had to scramble to get fifty dollars to pay my student loan.

and today, oh today! he kept picking on me till i wanted to give him a black eye and remove his testicals. then i end up having to do his laundry.. again!. i'm taking a nice litle nap and of COURSE he ONLY ever decided that the MOMENT i acctually want alone time from him is when he needs to pester the fuck out of me. never mind that i had been sitting in the living room with him for the last three hours and he didn't even turn around to look at me! 

well i finally calm down and he's in the shower i decide that it might be fun to give him a litle excitement. worst idea ever. the shower is not built for two fat people the tub was gross and it was hard to breath cuz his fat kept getting int the way. well he finishes finally and we get out of the shower. I dry off with my NICE CLEAN TOWEL and what does he do promptly after i finish using it? askes if we have more clean towles then USES IT ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR! WHY THE FUCK DOES HE KEP USING MY TOWLE TO DRY OR USE ON NASTY DIRTY SURFACES?! so I got all pissed at him dor that then he got all pissed off at me for getting pissed of becasue he doesnt see why using my CLEAN towle when we had another clean one to replace it bothered me. UH CUZ ITS MY TOWEL. so now we are both annoyed at each other and the night is far from over so we shall see how much more bitchy i shall become tonight >:[

I wish I felt I was getting as much slep as I probably am. I'm so tired. Just found my best freind on livejounral, HI BEST FREIND! :) We were supposed to go Adventuring today but it looks cold and lie it might rain... we stilll might go I dont know. Turtle, what the hell are you doing? Stop being so noisy! um.. anyway.. lets see... let allison have the "finished" half of my story thoughit will probably be forever before she reads it. thats ok its terrible. but the second half.. is getting more interesting! though.. thats not good when you want people to read it.. :(

I was thinking about writing some short stories, getting them ready and published for E-book format but :/ I'm not much of a short story writer. Also I feel it will detract from my already behind schedual ( even though I really don't have a schedual) novel. and that would only be supposing that they would even bring in any money I would hope to gain from them in hopes of being able to finance my own self publshing.

holy shit jim is crabby today.

Sigh it seems that more and more people just come to me for "advice" when all they are looking for is for ME to tell THEM what they want to hear. I told my friend Megan off because the only reason she wanted to be my "friend" was so that I would agree with her that her and this boy she was "destined to be with forever" were really that. for the last TWO years I've been telling her that it probably isn't what she thought but she wasn't caring, or taking the hint. I think my biggest mistake was from trying to get her to figure it out on her own. If it works great if not, more fish in the sea and all that. well the other biggest mistake was that, probably more out of pity, he dated her. twice. Next thing you know, she's ASKING ME what he means by he doesn't feel the same as she does for him (isn't that a little obvious?) and she actually tried telling my sister that she thought he was LYING about his feelings towards her and that he really did love her. so Allison gives her tough love and sends her on her way only for her a month later to ask me: " what does he mean when he says he no longer wants me as a constant in his life anymore" ... ... By this time, as much as I may have wanted an actual friendship with this girl I realized that this wasn't going to be and instead of beating around the bush HOPING she'd figure it out on her OWN ( obviously not going to happen ) I gave her my OWN bit of tough love, sent her on her way and felt tremendously better. Haven't heard from her since. Sorry to ruin your fairy tale but that book closed and was put on the shelf Once Upon a Time, in a land FAR FAR AWAY FROM YOU! now go to the damned library and pick out a new book!

So the fighting between my finace and I is thankfully becoming less (though they are epic when they happen)so thats good news

Blegh I used vinegar to clean my house thinking the fumes would be less bothersome than the normal chemically stuff but I think my nose has pickled from them instead. but I suppose I'd rather have my house pickle from being clean than ferment from it not.

so bored and lonely the last few days its rediculus. I've started hiking and stuff more- I try and get out every day but I was feeling lazy today. no surprise there. :/ still have stupid dishes to do.. meh.

good news is that Jim's work schedual is going to start working more with mine so maybe we might acctually get to do stuff ( i doubt it he never wants to do anything i want too.. :/ probably becasue he's fatter and lazier than me)

I'm almost to one hundred pages! woo. i guess. :/ there is a lot of problems with this story. while the initial idea is pretty good there is a lot of... contradictory stuff. still thats what drafts are for so I suppose that means I should just suck it up right now and just keep going. I'm pretty proud of how far i've come with this. though i feel my mojo slowing down. a lot. I'm two pages away from my new goal of a hundred that its like trying to get me to wash the dishes. still I think that It will in the end be well worth it. Only time will tell though

ok.. maybe not ON FIRE but... i guess thats what i get for playing on the shores of Lake Superior in Canal Park on a hot sunny day. i litteraly want to take out my dried out grainy feeling eye balls, put them in a jar of water and let them seep overnight. i'm sunburned on my face too. so why am i up at three in the morning? becasue my eyes are on fire. duh. ok really i think i accidentally took more asprin then i was supposed to becasue i forgot i took a migrane pill earlier plus an ibeprofin before that. on the migrane pill box it says not to take more than two in one day or you could die... yeah.. so that was at like... three thrityi took it the ibeprofin was at like... one maybe.. then one in the morning i woke up with a nasty headache my eyes on fire x2 (thank god for eye drops!)and so i took two 500mg of these generic crap i bought at a discount store cuz i'm poor like that, forgetting i already took all that asprin stuff earlier. not that i think i'm going to die.. but accidenitly (or purposly) ODing isn't exactly on my list of things i want to accomplish within my lifetime.

However, i've really picked up on writing again. its so great. go me! i've got 6 pgs types and then another like... 69 or something hand written.. yeah something like that. new record for me i think i might finnish it if i dont get sick of all the revisions this thing is going to take after i finnish it.. i really fell in love with the whole story's concept. and no i'm not telling what it is. that would ruin the awesome line of creativity that just keeps pouring from my pen. I dont think i'll really care if i get it published ( if i was that intent on it i could always go throough Lulu.com or something..) but just the fact that I created this thing that took so much work and acctually saw it through to the end.. i think that would be worth more than any price i could get for a published book (though it would be nice :]) somewhere along the line i forgot what my main reason for writing was and thats why i think i was having so much trouble with it. i was focusing too much on the end result. in a way i am but this time its a different result. just the fact that i wrote and completed something i think has always been my number 1 goal with writing and getting a published work was second. i wasn't in it for the money, the fame or the glory. i wrote simply for the pure joy, desire, and maddening need of and for writing. and i think that somewhere along the line i forgot that. trying to copy all these different writers of their own starting/ writing process when really all i had to do was just write. though i will admit i think i learned a lot by those experiences and also adapted my writing process to work better for me. just keep plowing-don't look back and don't ask questions. i think embraceing the power of the notebook has hepled too. what a simple tool. way better than a laptop. i can write notes in teh margins- draw pictures in teh margins- scratch things out and just keep going so i dont lose the flow (forget whiteout that shit takes too long to dry and its just messy in a non creative way) plus its lightweight, comes in various sizes shapes and colors and best of all they are cheap! not to mention probably more portable than any laptop you'll ever find. though i won't completely shun the laptop. i will use the computer when i'm doing my revisions becasue a) i will be able to read what i wrote, B) it will be easier to see what needs to be done and c) i'd have to type it up anyway.

ug my left eardrum is yelling at me in severe pain. maybe i should take an asprin... jk. though i do feel like throwing up.. again... dont worry the first time was my pathetic attempt to rid myself of the 1000 mg i took after i remembered all the other stuff i took though this time might be a combo of sleep deprivation, asprin and captain morgan. i'm never getting spiced rum again. which probably didnt help my asprin situation either..... oh well i think that after four hours if i didnt have a seizure or black out into a coma i think i'm fine. i'm going to bed. my eyes are on fire, my ear drum feels like it was stabbed and i'm tired as hell. plus captain is making me ill... me being dehydrated most of the day probably didnt help ( explains the headache though...)

I swear is an epidemic. I'm finding less and less to be enjoyed every day. The internet, even with all its vastness and possibilities is boring. maybe I just dont know what i like anymore. maybe its just my depression. who knows. i just know that i even hate reading now which i thought was an impossible task. My job just made me hate it since there is really nothing else to do but read... and wait to see if anyone shows up. Maybe i should draw or something. Wish i could write but its all lifeless to me. the stuff i wrote back when i first started writing in 7th-8th grade has more life than what i write now. Bleh. all i do is nothing all day. facebook maybe then some other random sites i visit often but its all the same. I dont have many friends around here and as for internet friends... they dont exist any more i guess. oh well i hope something sparks my interest soon or i might just melt into a puddle of boredness.

any kind of dog is a good dog. as long as they are your best freind :D

i have decided to attempt to bring my story, Out for Dragons' Blood, or whatever the hell I've decided to rename it back to life. I have it written on paper because that seems to be the best way to let my demons er.. i mean muses :) out.
anyway, i have been tinkering with this since.. oh i want to say my junior year of highschool? and personally, it WAS probably one of my my best works... so what happened? i wanted to do too much too it without any direction and the beast became unmanageable. which is unfortunate becasue i liked this story. I just stopped wanting to write though becasue i could not figure out how to mold it into something workable. its like fi you took all your playdoh colors and smashed them together, sure you get an interesting array of colors but the best you can do with that afterwords is hope to blend them well enough to make brown playdoh.

I will admit though, i feel more confidant now that i left it alone to ferment a few months i have a new direction to take it and i think that i can tame the beast and have something rewarding come from it. there is only one problem...

since i started writing it out on paper i find it exceedingly difficult to re-write it out on my computer. yeah. thats something i'm going to have to deal with later but it hink that if i acctually finnish writing it out then try and type it it might go better than trying to write a few bits then try and type it out.  only time will tell how long this attempt to finnish this will last....

 several. my first was late at night i was about twelve and i saw the figure of a man at the foot of my bed. i instantly hid under the blankets. after a few min, i peeked and HE WAS STILL THERE. i hid again and told my twin sister to turn on the light and when she did he was gone. i know it wasnt a robber or anything becasue my floor boards are really creaky and you can hear everytime someone walks and there was silence.