Open A Window

I haven’t written in awhile. It’s mostly because I find my life humdrum. Nothing really exciting to write about.

I am still seeing the same person that I’m not in love with. I am having a lot of fun. A lot of fun. The sex is magnificent. But I don’t feel the butterflies and the fast heartbeat that happened with my late partner. The first date with the late partner had me on cloud 9. I wanted a second, third, fourth, fifth (and so on) date. With my phone buzzed with a text, I was hoping it was him. He was one of the first dates that I gave a personal text tone to, so that I would know that the text was from him.

I am still enjoying work. I love what I do and although I don’t like the thought of having to work in general, I like going to the office. I have been given the option of working hybrid and working from home. But I like going in. I like seeing the other employees as well as my department colleagues. I don’t mind the drive to and from the hospital. I don’t even mind having to occasionally eat in the “healthy” cafeteria.

It’s autumn now and I’m enjoying the temperatures that this season brings with it. The gorgeous change in the leaves. I live in a condo, so the HOA takes care of raking (except for my small fenced in patio area).

My fur babies are doing well. One them had to have some teeth extracted. But that went well, and they are now back to their usual self. I thought the change in personality was age driven, as they are now entering their twilight years, but now I realize it was probably the pain associated with the infected tooth. Anyhow, they are happy and playful again.

Friends have moved closer to my neighborhood, so I can pop in and see them anytime. In fact we just had a delicious dinner together.

Oh and my favorite candle store had a sale. I am stocked for a bit–both to make my home smell nice and also in case of a blackout.

It’s just a silly phase I’m going thru….

Is it a silly phase? I don’t really have feelings for this person. I like spending time with him. I like spending a few nights with him–here and there. I’m quite happy that our schedules don’t allow for more than a few nights a month. I like that there is some distance (about an hour and half drive).

When I met my partner years ago, I knew on the literal third date that he was the one. I would get butterflies whenever I heard his voice. I couldn’t wait for him to call or text. Even after a few years together, I still got butterflies. I would get giddy when he texted spontaneously throughout the day.

Even after he passed away, the memory of his laugh could make me smile. I still can imagine his scent, and even the scent of his smelly feet after he took off his Crocs after walking our dog (and it never bothered me).

So I don’t think this new guy is the one. I enjoy the company. I enjoy the nights under the covers. I am not sure I would enjoy this for the long term.

There is a but. I would like to remain friends when the sheets get cold or I no longer want him to spend the night. And I hope that will be the case…that the friendship would remain.

I don’t know where to begin. I’ve been so busy. Among things was buying a house, getting to know a special someone, more responsibility at work.

Where to begin…it will have to be a later post.

To be honest, a message from another blogger, an “I miss you”, opened my eyes and I realized that what has been missing these past few months is all of you folks.

I will stop by more often. This I promise you!

One of my good friends filed for bankruptcy and is awaiting a judge’s decision (or something like that–waiting for a decision to be made, I think. I am not sure how it works). Anyway, it is based on the fact that he has too much credit card debt.

My first thought was you got yourself into this. You spent money not wisely. You bought a lot of things and while you don’t have to pay back the credit card companies, you get to keep the stuff you bought.

Anyway, I did apply for student loan forgiveness. Having worked for a hospital for almost ever, I was told I can apply for loan forgiveness because it’s a non-profit.

So can I really judge my buddy? I mean he’s applying for forgiveness for his debt. I am kinda doing the same right? I mean I have been paying on my student loans, but now asking that they be wiped out. If I don’t get forgiven, I do plan to pay them off. From what my buddy tells me, his debt will be wiped out and he won’t owe it? Again, I am not sure how the whole bankruptcy thing works.

I spent my easter with some good friends, the same friends that have invited us to dinner since the day we moved to Ohio. It’s comforting as we all remember my partner who passed away. I can occasionally think of him without breaking down. Grief is still that funny monster that can rear its ugly head. But it can Jekyll and Hyde with memories that make me laugh out loud at sometimes most inappropriate times.

I have been dating someone. And I don’t know if this person is the one, but I am having a lot of fun. He has said the “L” word. I have not returned the sentiment. I’m not there yet. I told him that I wasn’t there yet, and may not get there. He thanked me for my honesty and replied that he was already there. I don’t know what to make of that conversation. But I am having fun. The sex is good.

Spring has sprung in Ohio and the temperatures are in the upper sixties and low seventies. However still very chilly in the morning. I don’t know if I’m turning on my AC yet. But I have turned off the heater.

I had no idea what to title this.

I’m excitedly going on a date on Saturday.

Yes, I guess I’m dating again. I got the Mpox vaccine (I decided to get it when I started perusing the dating app again…more about that later).

He’s wonderful. On paper and on the phone.

Now lets see if he’s as wonderful in person.

I’m giddy. I’m excited. I’m nervous. I’m going to throw up.

I bring no excuses, other than I was lazy. And I always intended to check in on you guys but then didn’t.

There was televisions shows I was obsessed with. One of them being The White Lotus. The other is the reboot of Gossip Girl. I may be channeling my inner teenager. I did fall out of love with reality shows. I got bored. And not because there wasn’t drama, but it just seems like it is the same sort of drama, just a different city.

Some things have happened. And they are fodder for a different post. But I do promise I will post that fodder.

Happy New Year everyone. And as Shifely says “I will do better”.

One of the dating apps I have been using is Bumble. And I don’t understand their algorithm. I have put I am a man interested in meeting other men. I have on my profile that I am out and proud.

Several times they have shown me women’s profiles. I have checked off that other things that are deal breakers and yet, those profiles show up as someone I can choose to swipe left or right to. I am about to give up and close or delete my profile. I wish they would fix that algorithm.

Again, I am going to blame my absence on business. I believe in my last post I griped about not being able to say no to volunteer commitments. I am tired and exhausted and would like a weekend to myself. Just to take a break.

I hope everyone has been doing well. And I’m catching up on blogs and enjoying your posts.

So in an effort to keep myself busy, I have said “Yes” to all volunteer activities. And these past three weeks have taken its toll on me. I’m just tired. I haven’t gotten to use the treadmill. I haven’t done anything socially related (dinner with friends, drinks–except when I get home from said volunteer activities and I have a glass of wine or three or the whole bottle).

I believe I may have written a post about learning to say no.

I have gained weight, which I plan to lose. I need to get back in shape. I need to use the treadmill more and I need to eat better.

Monday–starts a new week for me!! After all I have to eat all the junk food in the freezer and cupboards before I buy lettuce, kale and broccoli again.

I was shopping at a local grocery store and when I got through the checkout line to the register, the bagger was having a conversation with the cashier. He was using his hands to talk emphatically and was speaking quite loudly.

Here is what I heard:

Bagger: “No bad, VERY bad. Not good”

Cashier: “Was it parked far away”

Bagger: “In our parking lot. Broke window. Took everything”

Cashier: “Oh that is sad”

Bagger: “Yes Bad. Very bad. He so sad. He so angry”.

Mind you, the cashier is Asian. The bagger caucasian.
I only heard a hint of an accent from her. Her English was quite good. So I wonder why the bagger had to speak louder than normal (like she was hearing impaired or 10 feet away) and why he was using hand signals like he was trying to land a plane.