Why is everything in this world just being dropped into overdrive?

This weekend has been amazingly fast paced and eye opening. I'm a new person.

Things are so crazy.

Needless to say, this journal is done. I hate to do it, but it has to happen. I need to adjust my way of thinking.

So The Ups Guy is no more. I'll be around, just not here. If you find that another name you don't know has added you, it's probably me. And for no other reason than I want you in on the workings of my mind. But this is the end here.

You all have been wonderful, and don't take it personally if you aren't added elsewhere. No offense intended, I just probably felt that we had moved apart and had little left to talk about.

See you on the other side.

-Christopher

And in one afternoon, you'll feel completely different about anything.

No rehearsals tonight. This has made me a happy Christopher. That and the fact that I am currently eating spaghetti and drinking Sprite. And listening to old Poe. I feel good. (Except for the massive welt on my arm and neck from where an ant bit me while I was laying outside reading. Bastard.)

Today was a long, long day that followed a long, long night. I had a lot of work in Survey, a lot of work in Theory, a test in Geo and the singing part of my SightSinging exam. I'm currently ready for Survey test tomorrow, working on Theory for tomorrow, done with the Geo test, and sporting a 95% on the sightsinging business. Needless to say, those things went well.

In our kitchen we have these teeny tiny bugs that Rob calls weevles. They look like mini ants, and they are horrilbe little creatures. They aren't consistently around, but we have discovered that something they really like is my cereal. Because it's sugary and wonderful, and they think that it's their right to eat it. Unfortunately, we can't both eat it. So they won this time. I had to throw out a half of a box of Lucky Charms, and an almost full box of Frosted Mini-Wheats. They don't eat any of Rob's food because his food is healthy and tastes bad. Silly. Either way, a man said that he came and sprayed for them, but they were back again today, so I don't know what to do, except for keeping all of my sweet food suspended in mid air. Stupid bugs. I will have to call the main office again tomorrow and complain. Again.

We ran the show for the first time yesterday. It was pretty rough, but I remember it always being that way the first time that you run a show straight through. It was very helpful for me, because now I know where I need to be vocally at the end of the show. Make Them Hear You was surprisingly good for having to come at the end of the show... it was good for gauging how I needed to delegate vocal power through the show.

I would really like to sing an aria right now. I think I will...

I'm really itchy and I don't know why. I think I am going to go and take a shower in a moment to fix that. Danny IM'd me tonight, and he's ok. This is good.

Faust is one of the best operas ever written. Really.

I'm going to go and lay in my bed and study for the Survey test tomorrow. I thought that there was more that I wanted to say, but I don't remember any of it. So I'm off to study. Night.

Someone will forever be at war with someone else.

And the mediator will always die. It's the way of things.

As I've been taught.

Yes, it has already been that kind of Monday.

"What a jumble! What a jumble! I must tidy up my mind. Since they cut out my tongue, another tongue, it seems, has been constantly wagging somehwere in my skull, something has been talking, or someone, that suddenly falls silent and then it all begins again- oh, I hear to many things I never utter, what a jumble, and if I open my mouth it's like pebbles rattling together. Order and method, the tongue says- and then goes on talking of other matters simultaneously-- yes, I always longed for order."

If there is one person you can't stop thinking about, post this same exact sentence in your journal.

P.S. Tonight was a good night out. I'll divulge more later.

I died my hair black tonight. It's hott. I look about four years older.

I saw Troy with Rob. Why was every single person in that movie hot? Even the old people; you could tell that when they were younger they were foxy. I missed the whole first hour of the movie because I was oogling at everyone. The woman who played Helen? Whew. Everyone. HOTT.

Then I went to Lindsay's with Rob. There was a whole funny thing about there being too much noise and us having to leave and then come back and then leave and blah blah, but it was fun, I think.

Tomorrow I might go out with them again. That would be nice.

Someone who is much older than me has a crush on me. I think its a talent crush (which is all I'll ever get for the rest of my life) but even that's something. More on that when I find out what the heck is going on.

I also went grocery shopping today. I can't tell you how great that was for me. It's amazing having food in my kitchen--- like, right now if I wanted, I could go in there and eat. It's a glorious thing.

I also went to lunch with Sean today. We talked about a lot, and I think he's that much cooler. Now if he wasn't such a fool in Theory class we'd be ok. It's a lot of fun.

I like Beck. Sea Changes is a great album.

I'm tired, but I was complimented on my hair, my cologne, and my outfit a couple of times, so I'm going to bed happy.

Rob's sleeping already. I will be too soon. My eyes are having trouble staying open.

This is the color of theupsguy That's black by the way. It doesn't show up on my black background.

How fitting.

The bank won't let me sign for my loan because I'm not 18. In other words, until I'm 18 I can't get loans. Which means that if my mom can't get a loan of equal amount, then I can't finish summer school. The only option that I've currently wrestled with is having this summer's tuition deferred until next fall. I ought to get enough financial aid then to take care of it. Edit: I spoke with the man and he said that I was deferred. If I'm lucky, I can have it put off for a long time.

Mom wired me some money, but I, of course, have no way to get to a Western Union to get it. Hopefully Rob will be home soon.

I was asked to be a policeman in the Consul this summer, and agreed. I won't get to sing in the opera, but just helping out with the department will win some of the favor that I need to do well there in the coming three years. I am hoping that the conflicts aren't too great so that I can do both that and Ragtime, though Eric tends to get a little antsy about people not being there. We will see after I speak with Professor Lata.

I spent a lot of time with Fran yesterday when we were blocking Sarah Brown Eyes, and we talked alot and I enjoyed it thoroughly. We talked mostly about girls and their stupidity. How they like to play games (and how I ought to not even try to rationalize why...) and about how I need to not rush into finding one at this poitn--- she did assure me though that the older I get (and the older the girls I like get) that they start to get sick of the games, and instead want someone like me who will do his everything to make sure that she is loved and taken care of. And I can't wait for that time.

I wrote a research paper on Igor Stravinsky over the past week for Survey of Music Lit, a paper more specifically on his 1919 Firebird Suite. The piece isn't his best work at all, but it is the pivot point upon which at least his fame rests, and it is a very entertaining suite. The ballet is fantastic, so fantastic that when it opened it got nothing but wonderful reviews and is the basis upon which he was commissioned to write two more ballets in the three years, his Petroushka and The Rite of Spring which has become one of his most popular and analyzed works. All of them are astounding, and if you have a good music library near you I highly suggest you get them and listen to them (I'd also really recommend his Capriccio for piano and orchestra, it's a great work). What started as a project on Stravinsky as a composer has lent itself to becoming more of an infatuation with his work. He is one of the groundbreaking pioneers in atonal work, and was known after his death for never being classified as one type of composer for more than three years at a time. He was considered a Neo-classicisist, Neo-romantic, Modernist and Nationalist among other things, and was nothing more than one of ( if not the) most influential composer of the twentieth century. His music represents for me the juxtaposition of so many emotions and ideas, while the score itself represents in its aural chaos a perfect order and reason and purpose. The man was brilliant, there's no other way to look at it. I imagine he will do for me what Schumann has done for Rob, and I can only imagine that this project won't be the last time I do extensive research on his work.

Today in Geo we watched a short film about the Bushman of the desert of Botswana. They are a fascinating people, and though the film had a hokie narration about a Coke bottle falling from the sky and systematically breaking down the peaceful and quiet almost utopian society they'd built, introducing concepts of jealousy and ownership and anger into their lives, it was a wonderful opportunity for me to step outside of myself and imagine the relative ease of my existence in comparison to those who must search high and low daily just for water to survive. A very sobering and fascinating film. I believe he put the link to the movie online in our Blackboard sites, so when I find it, I'll post it here.

Franny is coming to take me to the check place and then to get food, so I'll end this here. I hope the world is still turning out there. It's certainly stopped doing its job down here.

P.S. I am so relieved and honored to know that I have so many great LJ friends. It's strange and delightful all at the same time that more people responded to my last ridiculous cry for understanding were people I've never met in person over those that I have. I appreciate it a lot.

P.P.S. I got an A on my Theory test and an A on my sightsinging quiz.

I'm stranded in the library on campus.

Why do you ask?

Because my ride FORGOT ME.

FOR. GOT. ME.

And I have no way to get to my very far away home right now.

Motherfucker.

At least this time the depression hasn't attacked my self-image issues.

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I talked to Michael on the phone last night at about ten and then I went to bed. It wasn't the most wonderful sleep that I have ever had, but it was sleep and I think that at this point that is all that matters. I slept so long, almost eight whole hours. There were stupid college kids downstairs that Rob went and fixed for me, but aside from that, I might not spend all of today as tired as I have been.

School is driving me nutty. So much to worry about. I have to have a long drawn out and rather bothersome talk with the folks in the financial aid office, and I think that I will go and get that done today at some point. I also already have homework and I was only home for a little bit yesterday.

I need to get ready to go. I just realized as I was in the shower that I have a lot that I would like to write about, but that will all have to wait until tonight when I come home. I do have a great deal to say about a number of things, but it'll have to wait. Anyway, school is fun right?

I have come to convince myself that during the nighttime and the daytime I am two totally different people. During the day I'm everything that you see, but at night I am so consumed in my own thoughts that there are few layers, and instead a raw core of being, a very realistic and honest representation of who and what I am. It seems that in the nighttime I am most honest with myself and others, and that I am simultaneously most at peace or most distressed when it is dark outside. The most obvious reason for this would be the lonely quietness of the night which encourages introspective delves into one's own psyche, and in my particular case the absence of any regular sleeping schedule keeps me up and working at thoughts in my head until it is daytime again. I tried going to sleep tonight and it didn't work. My thoughts were flying through my head at such a speed that I couldn't keep up with them, and instead of growing sleepy I grew frustrated. Needless to say, I have been out of the bed since about one o' clock playing online, hoping that something will make me sleepy. Nothing's been working.

I did however, do something very brave.

And it's not going to help me sleep tonight per se, but it'll help take some things off of my shoulders.

I did a very brave but very scary thing tonight.

And I don't know what'll happen.

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I would like to make it known before I post this that the "drinking" that is referred to is hardly that--- I've never been drunk, but this is too funny not to share. Rob says in a post-it on my computer screen yesterday afternoon:

Christopher, where have you been??? Just how long is rehearsal? Six hours??? Do you have any idea what time it is? If you went out drinking with those hoodlums again, your fanny is gonna have a change of color from brown to red.

This is why my roommate is cooler than you and why this summer will not suck.

if you need a smile.....click here.

God bless you.

The weather is absolutely stunning today. We had a big storm yesterday which I think washed everything off and calmed down the humidity. It's so clear and breezy and cool, I don't know what to do with myself. Believe it or not, I have a window open. I think that that is as far as I'm going to go though...

I have been downloading music like crazy. It's great because it seems that it goes so much faster here. Finally, my step into new music is consummated. I have found a wealth of new stuff that I can't wait to get through, Of Montreal being my current favorite new thing. Some of my LJ friends like them, so I downloaded some of their stuff and I'm in love.

I still don't have a telephone, and I still don't have a way to rehearsals at 5:30. Something must be done about this soon.

My mom is probably dying with worry. Cassie says she called her though, so I won't worry too.

Watched Big Fish with Danny last night. It was very good, I cried at the end. It wasn't the best movie I've ever seen (or even on my list of favorites) which isn't to say that it wasn't great, but it just wasn't breathtaking to me. It was good though. I much enjoyed the visual effects.


So... I'm taking a cab to rehearsal and tomorrow morning will be having a stern talk with the manager of the complex. And the only way I'll even have the taxi is the miracle of text messaging. I can IM Cassie's cell phone and she'll call them for me. That's all for now.

Edit: I accidentally posted this in a community. I'm so dumb.

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This post is dedicated to the coolest first floor composer, Jared Jaworski (ograel). I'm sorry if I slaughtered your name...

I signed the lease for the apartment that Rob found for us the other day. They still haven't cut the Singers checks, so I have to get on him about that or I'm not going to have the money to pay for rent on Saturday, and that would make me quite unhappy. Quite unhappy. The Singers picnic was today, however, and that did make me happy. I played grass volleyball and did horribly, jumped on a trampouline (with Brandon Martin) for the first time in years, and ate a lot of food. It was a very, very enjoyable outside day, and for me to be saying that you know that it must be true because I hate being outside ever, much less when it's a million degrees.

I ran a lot of errands this morning (I was up independently at about 9:30...AM...you know the world must be changing) and feel very accomplished for it. I have a significantly lesser amount of things to spend the rest of this week worrying about, and for that I am very very grateful. Things are slowing down, I actually have shoes to dance in tonight, I have money for food tonight, and I have the prospect of a very good evening ahead of me.

I have been spending a lot of time with Jason lately, and he's a neat guy. I like hanging out with him, he's funny and when he and Cassie start acting silly, it makes me laugh. We might do something tonight, and for this I am happy. I haven't seen a movie forever, or had a real meal at a real restaurant. Ideas.

Exam grades show potential class grades as piano= A- (certain), Math=A, USingers=A, Voice lesson=A, Sightsinging=A (even with the absence of a large chunk of Practica Musica...) and Theory=B (though my exam grades are all really good and might push me to a really low A), Astro lab=B, Astronomy=C (I hope, for my GPA's sake...), I think I'm satisfied with these even though I know that I can still do better than that. The only reason that things turned out nicely is because I had this sudden burst of effort towards the end of the semester, and studied my litlle brown butt off. I hope it paid off and that Mr. GPA doesn't start frowning at me. Think happy thoughts.

I've been drinking SO much water lately. It's quite good. I have sort of been losing my taste for coke all the time. Every now and then it's good, but for a while water was the only thing that my wallet was allowing me to drink, and I sort of got used to having a bottle of water with me all the time. Come to find out not only is it good to you, but you don't know how good genuine hydration is until you're very, very dehydrated and coke isn't making you feel any better.

I make the best depression mixes. That's a lie. I make good ones... good enough for me at least. Though Cassie's Music for my Death and Destruction is pretty good...

I found a perfectly good roll of electric tape outside today. I stole it. I don't suppose it's really stealing if it was just sitting there, but I haven't decided what I want to do with it yet. I can't imagine that there's too much that you can do with electric tape.

The lack of genuine romantically affectionate human contact has turned me into a grumpy, yucky, nasty old Ice Prince. Who still has crushes. And wishes that they would change all that. But is a disgustingly idealistic (and legally too young) basketcase who is preparing himself for a lonely and cold future because he doesn't EVER take chances for fear of rejecting and heightened states of depression and angst. Eh.

Thought that maybe'd we'd fall in love over the phone
Thought that maybe I'd really love being alone,
Everybody but heaven knows how I was wrong
Oh Lord, what have I done to myself?
What have I done to myself?
In this vicious world
Such a vicious world.
There isn't anything you can do
In this vicious world.

Cassie and I shall take a trip now. To Chik-Fil-A and Wal-Mart. Pictures shall be developed soon, and they shall then be shared here.

Things must start moving forward soon... and I must set them in motion. Wish me luck.