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1.place you grew up: Ex-town, New Hampshire!

2.place you live now: Williston, Florida. Yuck.

3.favourite cartoon: DUH!

4.favourite food: I love bagels!

 
5.favourite drink: Snapple Elements Juice: RAIN! (agave cactus)

6.favourite song: Pool Shark

7.favourite smell: Strawberries or Vanilla!

8.favourite shoes: pink chucks

I honestly never imagined how much I'd miss people. No one can even begin to imagine how much I long for my 18th birthday. The day I can move back to everything I love. Man. I miss Cara and Kalen. And I miss Mary and Amanda. And I miss everyone that I even spoke with. I miss walking down the hall in school and atleast recognizing people. I've made a few friends at Williston. To tell you the truth, there really are some cool people here. But nothing is ever going to change how much I miss my real home.

I love all you ex-towners. Don't forget about me in the next two years! : (   please?

Here. Some pictures to remember me by! Haha.

( tons of pictures. slut.Collapse )

I got bored the other night...

( ...so i pierced my tragus.Collapse )

Florida sucks. I think it's only cause I haven't met anyone yet, though. I miss you all like mad crazy.

It's been a while since I updated. Hmm...so what's happened?

Before we were leaving on saturday Kalen came over and then a little while later Amanda showed up. It was early and I was happy that they really came to see me. We cleaned out the upstairs hallway. Amanda took my sister's fish cause she gave it to her. I gave her a bunch of video games too. Well...we found a bunch of old film. So Amanda and Kalen dropped them off at walmart so they could get developed. They came back and a little while later we went and picked up Cara and all her stuff. Then later, when Kalen had to leave, it sucked. Very emotional. We kept crying. And then laughing at each other for crying. And that went on for a while. And then later Amanda had to leave. I was very very sad but I was all cryed out, and we had cryed earlier that morning when she got there. Well, we set out on our way to Florida on saturday (aug. 21st) and we got to plaistow and the fucking bus (don't ask) broke down. So we ended up having to get it towed and we went home. Well...actually, Cara and I went to her house. She taught me how to drive a standard. I did well. Then TIMMY!!! came over (to cara's) and he hung out with us for a while and then we all (me, cara, and kalen) slept over Cara's house. Kalen had to leave early in the morning and she woke me up and was like "i gotta go, bye" and i was just like "bye". I totally forgot the fact that i wasn't supposed to see her again for a long time. But we ended up seeing her later that day cause we went to Water Country to pick up our checks. We ended up staying there for a really really freakin' long time, mostly hanging out at the dough tent with Erin, Kyle, and Mike. I love those boys and I love Water Country. : (    Anyways, it was getting late so Cara and I decided to leave. On the way home we were driving along and I remember glancing at the speedometer and I thought "oh shit, we're going way to fucking fast" and then right after I thought that we go around a curve and Cara starts to lose control. I saw a telephone pole and I was thinking "oh my god, we are going to hit that". Cara told me she saw it and thought the exact same thing. From then on it was all a big blur of both of us screaming "oh my god" and then boom. We hit. I was knocked out for a few seconds but then I opened my eyes, looked around and it was the scariest thing that ever happened to me. I was covered in my own blood which was dripping from my head. Cara was lying across me not moving. I tried to get my door open but it was stuck so I just kind of sat there helpless screaming "no" and "cara" and saying "oh my god". I honestly thought she was dead. I saw a lady running towards us screaming for help and then she opened my door and sat there with me and then cara started kind of moaning in pain and then she woke up. She was really out of it at first. It was so scary. Then the medics came and took me away to the hospital and Cara was taken in a diff ambulance. I remember asking for her and crying and yelling at them when they cut my clothes. I got to the hospital and laid in my bed alone for a while. People kept asking me questions that I didn't know the answer to. They brought me to ex-rays and then when I got back my parents were there and so were Cara's.  Then Kalen came which made me happy. My sister came a while later. We were there for a real long time and then when they said I could go I wanted to go see Cara but she was getting more x-rays or cat scans or something. We went to walgreens to get my vicodin and then I slept over Kalen's house since my house was empty. She made me a grilled cheese sandwhich and soup. I love my Kalen. We went to sleep and my mom picked me up at like 9 am cause Kalen had to work. Me, Kalen, and my mom went to go see the car. I saved everything I could. Which wasn't much. I got one of Cara's shirts, a bunch of change, my check, the remote to her stereo, and a cd case. Anything else in the car was buried or out of reach. Seeing the car was really scary by the way. To see that my best friend and I could be dead. Damn. I went to the bank, cashed my check, went to walmart. I bought Cara a talking donkey (donkey from shrek), 2 hersheys with almonds (huge ones), a pair of pants and a skirt cause they would be easy on her hips. Oh yeah, Cara fractured her hip and a vertebrate in her back and she got a bruised lung. I got out with a huge bruise and a huge welt (that wont fucking go away) on my leg and a bunch of cuts. I feel kinda guilty that she got so hurt and I'm pretty much okay. Anyways. I went to go see Cara and she was sleeping when we got there but her mom was there this time and so we sat there and her mom and mine were talking about Florida and Cara wakes up, not even knowing I was there, and the first thing she said was "I wanna go to Florida". It was cute. So yeah. We had to leave (with out cara :'(  ) and it took 5 fucking days to get here because of the bus was so slow and shit. We left on a Monday and got here on a Friday. Oh man. So yeah. I start school on tuesday and Cara is coming down as soon as she gets off crutches. I can't wait! And then I'm (hopefully) flying to NH on the 18th of December and flying back (with Kalen) on the 24th. Hah HAH to all you NH people's, I get a longer vacation than youuuuu. haha. So yeah. I think I'm done typing for now. I'll post pictures of the car and shit in a little while.

I love you all very much and I miss you more than you'd know!!

It's one day short of a month since I updated. And that wasn't even a true update. You know nothing about what has happened so far. I'm done with drivers ed, except one class and 4 more driving times. Supposed to get my license on the 17th. I hope I don't fail. Dear lord, don't let me fail. If I do fail, it's over. I don't get a second chance. We're out of here the 22nd and theres nothing I can do about it.

I was supposed to go see Josiah tomorrow with Cara. But now I can't cause I have to go to drivers ed in the morning. I'll find a way to get to him. I will....I hope.

Justin comes back from camp in two days. That's pretty cool. I want to see him again.

There are so many people that I'd like to see before I go. But truth is, I don't think they could care less whether they see me again or not. That really sucks.

I don't want to leave this place. I can't do it. I'm trying to be strong. I really am. I'm trying to look at the bright side of it all. I want to get excited about it. But I can't. I can't stand the thought of losing everything I have. Most people may not see it as a lot. I don't have that many friends but the few that I do have, well, I can't live without them. In the world, I don't feel accepted. But to my friends, it's like, I know they don't give a shit about what the rest of the world thinks. They care about me, and goddamnit, I care very deeply about them too.

I really don't know if I can do this. I can't start over. I'm not strong enough.
This boy at work, Adam, he's a cool kid. We were folding pizza boxes and i was telling him that I was moving and he was just like "aww and you have to leave your friends...etc etc" but then he was like
"but then you'll get down there and you'll make tons of friends. You could be the most popular girl there."
I was just kinda like
"yeah, right"
and he was like
"No, really, you never know, they don't know you past or anything. You might be the hottest thing they've ever seen"
and even though it's not realistic at all, it was comforting that he said that.
But even with that, even if I did think that could happen, it's not going to be the same. Nothing's ever going to be the same to tell you the truth. I know I'm not going to lose touch with who I have here. I love them more than anything. I'd do anything for them. I'd die for them. But even with that, it's not going to be the same.

My sister is screaming about how much her life sucks and how no ones life is worse than hers. Holy fuck. She's 18 and she's worse than I was at 13. She's a moron and needs to get a grip of reality. So many people are worse off than her. She MAKES her life bad. Basically by staying with Stevie. Fucking moron. I hate her so much sometimes. She makes me realize what this world is fucking coming to. Stupid ass woman staying with controlling men who beat them and make them feel like shit. Everyone, if you love me, never let me end up like that. Knock me senseless until I realize shit.

I think I'm done now. I have today and tomorrow off from work. I want to get my LJ up and running on a daily basis again. I'm going to do a new lay out soon too. Don't know what yet though.

I love you all. Take care and be happy. Please, seriously, be happy.

i'll update about my summer soooon. i promise. in the mean time heres some pics that have been sitting around for a while.

( pictures!Collapse )

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wow so...quite a while since my last update, eh?

i can't really think of all that has happened since i last did a reaaaaal update. probably nothing too important.

well, i'm failing economics for the year. oops. whatever. i hated that class with a passion. i'm hoping its not needed in Florida to graduate.

I still haven't signed up for Drivers Ed. Jesus H. Christ am I ever going to fucking get my license!!!

I started work this past weekend. Oh how I love water country. It's kind of sad this year though. Hardly anyone came back. Well, hardly anyone that I knew/was friends with. Tom came back. Which is very sweet. I love Tom. And he works in the ocean this year! oh man. That's so overly awesome. He's probably going to be tired if he works today though, cause he went to the kickass show last night that I couldn't go to.

So I'm hoping some new kids will start today. New...hot guys. Haha, that would be awesome. we need some new "pimps" since ben, chris, and timmy are gone. I'm gonna miss those 3 boys so much. I still get to talk to timmy. cause he's a cutie but chris and ben are just gone forever. which is very sad. i'll never see them again. damn.

My mom just restarted my fucking laundry so she could put hers in. what the fuck. i have to fucking leave in an hour. it's not going to RE FUCKING WASH and dry in an hour and 10 mins. god she's fucking annoying.

Okay so since that was off topic, lets jump back on the ship....

yesterday was my last day at exeter, EVER. How depressing. but. i figure i'll be able to come up in 2 years and see all my friends graduate. It sucks that I can't graduate with them. Hopefully next summer i'll be able to come up here and stay with my sister for the summer. oooh how i hope i can. i don't wanna spend the damn summer in florida. that'd be such a drag. and i wanna be here and work at WATER COUNTRY. since it rocks so hardxcore.

anyways. so yeah, we went to the beach after finals yesterday. mary and i walked around. a lot. i like walking around the boardwalk a lot better than sitting in the sand. sitting is so boring. i should made a sandcastle. how sweet would that have been. when we came back from one of our walks, they had buried colin (rich) in the sand and they were putting boobies on him. ohh poor poor boy. oh well, it was kinda funny none the less.

hm. i'm not quite sure what else there is to say. i have work for the next 4 days and i dunno what my schedule is like for next week. hm. i really hope more people start working and less people start coming to the park. haha i know that won't happen, but whatever.
i'm out. i needa go look for my belt.

peace.

p.s. i love you.

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I haven't done anything allll weekend. Damn. oh but...( aw jeeze. do this. i loved it.Collapse )</b>

spread the love kids.

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ninja pirate representin', fool.

damn straight.

this weekend + kristen + me + pirate love = t-shirt party!
wa-herd.

i got my job for the summer.
i'm about to sign up for drivers ed.
i have a camera to take pics of people tomorrow.
school's almost over!!

things are lookin up. things are definitly looking up.
i'm so excited for summer. you have no idea.

i can't wait. 6 more class days and then 3 days of finals and i'm done. NOT to mention, my sister graduates the 11th, i start work the 12th (i think). nothing else really special.
i'm just really happy.

it's so cool.


someone told the best story today in english class. something to do with trolls, acid, missing child in a closet. i could tell the whole story but i don't feel like typing it all out.

ohh well i'm out. cause i'm gonna go to bed now.

spread the ninja love.
cause i love you.





and you.

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ugh. fuck. i want to give up all these bad things i do.

i went to bed fucked up last night. had so many nightmares. fuck. i hated it.

one of them. i was in the woods. and this guy was chasing me and he caught me and was trying to rape me but i kicked him in the balls and ran and ran and ran. i don't remember the rest.

the next one, there were these pirates. and if they caught you, they'd kill you. but there was a catch. they were all blind. so whenever they were around, you just had to stay still and not make a sound and hope that they didn't touch you. i had a baby in this dream. i was more scared for it than myself. there was this guy, and i guess he loved me. during a raid, he put my baby in a plastic bag so that if a pirate touched her, they wouldn't know it was a person. and then he laid over me so that no matter what they couldn't get me. he had a blanket over him. and then a pirate touched the blanket and started feeling around us. he touched my lips but didn't know they were mine and he took the guy that was protecting me. i could hear them kill him. when they left, i knew they'd come back shortly, but there was no way to get out of this room we were in. so i took my baby and i went inside a couch from the back. a pirate heard me go back there and started screaming "there's a bitch behind the couch! get her!" but they couldn't find me cause the hole i went inside the couch from was small and they didn't know it was there. so we were safe. i woke up after that. and wouldn't go back to bed. i didn't want another dream like that. i know it doesn't sound very scary. but it really was. it was horrifying. damn. i'm a loser.

i hate it.
i'm out.
later.

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ohhh jeeze. so first off. we finished pig disections today. and damn, did we rip that sucker apart. ours had a blue liver. lovely. i don't thin we found half the parts that we were supposed to (ex. pancreas, ovaries, etc.). oh and the best part. amanda, being the total genius that she is, looking for the brain, beheaded our piggy. ohh poor willy! (yes, i named our pig willy. even though it was a girl...) it was the one thing that grossed me out. i screamed and had to walk away and stand in the corner. i was laughing my ass off. but about to pass out at the same time. and THEN! i still wanted to see the brain, so i did it the right way by cutting into the skull with a razor blade. when there were just slits in the skull, i squeezed it to see if the hole would open, but all that happened was brains oozed out of the cracks. glorious. i screamed. and dropped it. wicked. oh. amanda and i peeled down the side of the face and she popped out the eyeball. yummy. so. that's basically all that happened with the piggy. then we threw her away. guts and all. and then washed up. i swear i left my arms under hot water for sooo long, cause i was afraid i got pig guts on me.

so at the end of the day. jenna had sean leonard pull his shorts really high up and he had a belt and his shirt tucked in and he rolled up the bottoms so that they were shorter and then he made his backpack really high up and connected the chest clip thing and had his sleeves rolled up. we payed him 5 bucks to leave it like that all the way to his car. his poor gf...


go should all go to this. even if it isn't your kind of music. it isn't mine either. but it'll still be rockin awesome. GO!!

Rock 101 Summer Sky Show
Bands: Shinedown, Tantric, Lacuna Coil, Gary Hoey, Dropbox, Crossfade and The Burden Brothers plus: I, Dogfight, Sed, Josh Logan & Nobody's Business, DCM (feat. Roadkill from The Buzz), & Sonicult
When: Sunday May 30
Where: Arms Park 500 Commercial St. Manchester
FREE SHOW!!!


lately things have been lonely and unhappy for me. how emo, eh? haha. so whatever. i've been singing a lot. stretching my voice. i'm getting to be able to sing higher. yes! score. i'm excited. i love to sing. i want to sing in an actual band. nevermind the stuff we used to do in kalen's basement. that's obviously over. i need a real band, damnit. i'd prob be too much of a pussy to perform though. but i'd get over it. i have the need to sing. with people. i need to get better first.

and guess what.

nevermind. i'll let you wonder ; )

peace out kiddies.
i love you!