"It still makes me sad
When I think of my Grand-dad
I miss him each and every day..."

I can't believe that on friday it will have been a year. I still miss him, just as much as I did the day he passed away. I hear a song on the radio and tears fill my eyes just wanting to pour over. A smell can bring me right back to a memory of him. Sometimes, when my dad makes a goofy smile I see my grandfather's face. The holidays had a strange emptiness to them. The snail salad just wasn't the same. I have done my best to avoid his house. The smell, the feeling, the warmth is all different when walking through the front door. And his birthday, made me think of how healthy he was at that time last year. A year ago yesterday was the last conversation I had with my grandfather. I will forever remember that conversation. The look in his eyes when he nodded in reply to my question of if he knew just how much I loved him. Through out this year he has been missed, thought of, his presence wished for many times.

The year has brought much change, postitive change also. My uncle is on his own for the first time in his life. He has met someone, that the family is growing fond of. And as of March 3rd of next year at the age of 54 he will be marrying for the first time. It is all new to the family, maybe a bit rushed some may think. But the way I see it is, I have seen my Uncle smile more in the past 11 months then I have in my whole life time put together. And that, well how can that be a bad thing? Do I worry? Yes, maybe I have watched one too many LifeTime Movies and fear she will go crazy and kill him for his money. Yes I know how silly I sound. But when you have gone your whole life knowing your Uncle to never have had a girlfriend (that you have met), let alone talk to people in general, well you too may question the motive of a woman who comes into his life right after his wealthy father passes away and he gets the nice big house.

It may have possibly brought our family closer together. I have seen my Aunt and cousins more since the years before. I still have to go out on a saturday nite with Sheena, but I am working on it. And like I said my Uncle has opened up, he talks, I mean has an actual conversation, not just mumbles a reply to my "Hello Uncle Paul", "How are you Uncle Paul" or "Goodbye Uncle Paul".

We all miss him, as I believe we still should and always will. Annie and I still have tearful conversations about him and how much we think of him and miss him. For us and expecially Annie, this is the first person we were close too, that we were old enough to actually understand the pain of the loss. After seeing him the way I did at this time last year I know he is much better off. With my grandmother once again. I wish, as strange as it may sound that I was able to miss her in the way that I miss Pa. I remember very little about Nana, so it is very unlikely that a smell or song will trigger a memory and possibly make me tear up. Maybe at one point in time I did miss her this much, but can't even remember that. I do miss her though, and even more I miss the chance of getting to know her while I grew.

Pa, said to me once when I spoke of what I wished for in my future, actually it was during an argument of what my dream car should be, because he felt I wasn't dreaming enough. Anyway, said to me "God willing...". And well, "God willing..." whatever may come my way, I hope I am making both of them proud of me and what I do in my life (as corny as that may sound). And I certaintly hope that they both know how much I wish they were still faces I saw in person, instead of just the pictures I keep.

I took this from a community entry I read...

4 Good Reasons To Cry

1. You'll feel better afterward. In a minnesota study, 85 percent of women and 73 percent of men said their mood improves right after a good cry.

2. Tears wash away stress. Tears that are brought on by emotions (as oppose to pain, for instance) contain pain relievng chemicals called endorphins, according to the researcher William Grey of HealthPartners' Tear Research Center in St. Paul Minnesota. He beleives those are by-products of stress streaming down your face.

3. Crying is healthy. One study of crying patterns found that folks who were physically healthy cried almost twice as often as the patients who were ill.

4. You'll get some sympathy. In the right situation (as in the months after childbirth, for instance), a little weeping can, literally, be your cry for help. It's an effective way to tell the people around you that you need some TLC.

I knew there was a reason I was so emotional...
A "good" cry always helps. :)

Last nite Jared and I went to a Mardi Gras Party at this Club in Providence. It was a Heineken Promo, we work for Heineken, so we got the best treatment, cutting the lines to get in, getting in for free, and sitting in the VIP Section, with free Heineken, Heineken Light and Amstel Light all nite. It was a good time. The girls were a little crazy for my taste. Jared and I had gone to it last year, but we were not dating at the time. Still ignoring our feelings for each other at that point. So this time it was a little different when girls were coming up to him and doing "deeds for beeds". But I was cool with it, all that matters is that he was going home with me.

Anyway, yesterday was also our 9 Month-iversay (or whatever it is called). As you can see we don't really celebrate them. But Jared surprised me yesterday. I was up on the dance floor with some friends of ours from work and when I came back to the VIP section Jared was hiding something. He told me to sit on his lap and face the other way. I was cautious, but followed his directions. Glad I did! He put a long stem white rose with pink tips in front of me and said, "This is for the first three months", then another white & pink rose appeared. "This is for the next 3 months." and then a red rose, "And that is for the last 3 months." I honestly thought I was going to cry! See you have to understand that Jared never buys me flowers, just for my birthday and valentines day. And although those are nice & sweet and I Love getting them, it is the ones like last nite that means so much more. He put so much thought into something so simple that made me glow for the rest of the nite. He also said that the red one stood for something special. I think it is his way of telling me he does love me even though he still can't say it.

I do love this boy of mine.

X-Posted Everywhere!

the Questioner Test finished!

you chose CY - your Enneagram type is SIX. "I am affectionate and skeptical" Questioners are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative. How to Get Along with Me Be direct and clear. Listen to me carefully. Don't judge me for my anxiety. Work things through with me. Reassure me that everything is OK between us. Laugh and make jokes with me. Gently push me toward new experiences. Try not to overreact to my overreacting. What I Like About Being a Six being committed and faithful to family and friends being responsible and hardworking being compassionate toward others having intellect and wit being a nonconformist confronting danger bravely being direct and assertive What's Hard About Being a Six the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations Sixes as Children Often are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and stubborn are anxious and hypervigilant; anticipate danger form a team of "us against them" with a best friend or parent look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority and rebel are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families, and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent Sixes as Parents are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence worry more than most that their children will get hurt sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele The Enneagram Made Easy Discover the 9 Types of People HarperSanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages You are not completely happy with the result?! You chose CY Would you rather have chosen: AY (EIGHT) BY (FOUR) CX (TWO) CZ (ONE)

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 0% on ABC You scored higher than 57% on XYZ

Link: The Quick and Painless ENNEAGRAM Test written by felk on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

There were a few things I wasn't sure about. But for the most part very accurate.

So I know everone has been writing about their Valentines Day, and maybe some people are starting to think they are starting to all sound the same... But, I just had to write about mine. This was my first Valentine's Day celebrated since I was a Junior in HIGH SCHOOL! That was in 1999 People! CRAZY!!!! hahaha.
( Anyway it was just perfect...Collapse )

you know you want to :-P

I just had this made at colorbarcouples:

( Read more...Collapse )



I LOVE IT!

i don't even know if anyone even reads this anymore, my friends hardly update anymore :( that is why i have joined all these different communities, they are pretty cool and i like talking to people i have things in common with. :)
what is new with marcie lee:
my first true jared (also known as j.) came home last wednesday! HOORAY! it is so great to have him home again and i love how we can pick up right were we left off. the first nite he was back he called me and i headed to see him (he has to live & stay in ct due to his stuation but he lives about 2 minutes from me!) so i got there and most of the family was there. i helped him unpack and then we just sat and talked and talked and talked, until 3am! CRAZY! but that is what we are like, we talk about everything; funny or sad memories from the past, how important we are to each other, relationships, everything and anything. i love that boy so much! we made that silly pact of how if we are not married or close to it before we are 40 (actually 38) we will get married, so i can have my kids and my mini van i have always dreamed about and he can have a mistress LoL. i said 38 so i can get hopefully a few kids in there before i get too old, but he said he wouldn't mind adopting one of those kids angelina has, he seems cool, i would like a kid like that he said. he says if we ever got married his mom would probably be able to die a happy woman, she probably already has our rings picked out.
so we have hung out a few times since he got home. and he has fallen right back into my big brother protector title that he fits so well.
friday nite, my other jared (iannelli) and got into our first fight, and boy was it a fight of fights. YUCK! if i had written this weekend or maybe even yesterday i probably would have gone into detail, but things are better now. the simple version is, i hate that he can't verbally express how he feels. he shows, oh more then anything, he is such a big sweetheart and treats me so well and when we are together i smile and i am so happy. but that was another thing, i never really get to see him because he works so much. but anyway, things got heated friday nite, he left, i left and went to j.s to cool off. i cried and cried friday nite, so bad that when i woke up saturday morning my right eye was so swollen i could hardly see out of it. j. was so funny he was like oh no you look fine hun. yeah right! iannelli called me the next day after he got out of work at 1am sunday morning. up until that point i thought for sure we were over. but he said he wanted to meet that nite to talk things out, that he just needed some space but didn't want things to be over. our conversation sunday nite went well, i don't know if there will be any major changes but we understand our different ideas/views of love & relationships. my view on love is so simple and his is so complicated. there is so much more to it like his history and all this other stuff but everything is okay now. i could tell sunday nite that he doesn't want this to end. he told me sometimes he wishes he had met me 5 years from now when he isn't so focused on his career and such. but we will figure things out. there is so much i want to do also before i get so involved with someone. besides, it has only been 8 months. i am not wanting marriage, just wanting to see him more then twice a week. haha.

somethings i have been thinking about getting motivated to actually do:
~ walk, we are getting a treadmil so that should help motivate me, i can't blam the weather anymore or anything.
~ go back to school. i am going to shoot for summer classes to start off. i have finally figured out my finances for the most part. so i think i can at least take one class maybe two. i will have to look into it a little bit more.
~ update my resume. i have been looking in the paper every sunday for graphic jobs, and there has been at least one every week for the past few weeks. that must be a sign or something. so time to get my act together!

well like i said i am ot even sure if anyone reads this anymore but, it is alwasy nice to just write.

i need more friends on this thing! hahaha! :-P

for those that do still read it love & miss you all!