i won't be updating this journal much anymore.
i've moved on to a different site.
if you want the link, don't be afraid to ask me for it.

it's frustrating.
I get HTML. I know tags, formatting, etc., but....
I have so much trouble compiling it.

agghhh.
i guess i just have to start practicing and take a look at other codes.

...i chose to learn HTML now because.....?

aha. I just thought of something else to journal about! It'll be a short one, but here it is:

my friend lent me a book a few weeks ago, and I have to say, I'd srsly go out and purchase this book. I'd read it over and over and over again.
books: Witch & Curse, two books in one, but Nancy Holder and Debbie Viguie.
god damn. I love these books so much, man.

want more.

yay for me slacking and not updating this journal! I'm terrible at this shit. I kinda want to write more, but I'm lazy and my life isn't that interesting. I need to make it interesting. How? I dunno. Steal?

......lol the life of rika from jail. funny. not.

BUT ANYWAYS. I'm getting distracted. on to the entry...

Parents. They love when their child can do something absolutely amazing. And sometimes, they just want to help. But there's helping and just being plain annoying and pushy; sometimes verging on exploiting their child's talent. Like my dad. (well, he's not at the exploitation part, but I dunno, he could get there).

I draw. And, I think I'm fairly good, BUT, I still suck monkey balls. and that's okay. Because I'm not taking it as seriously as I should xD I just draw for pleasure, and that's it. Nothing more, nothing less. And that means I don't really draw that often, because I'm sometimes caught up in one of my other interests. Lately, it's been writing. (I like writing :B)...but anyways, I'm not interested in selling any art, and frankly, I suck at doing commisions and so on (I procrastinate a whole bunch, something I really need to work on in the next year.) I just want to draw for myself. and no one else.

But my dad....he thinks otherwise.

Lately, he's been pushing me a lot. Pushing me to draw more, telling me to draw things that I, frankly, do not find interesting, telling me to PRINT MY PERSONAL DRAWINGS AND POST THEM ALL OVER THE HOUSE, and to sell my artwork.

...all of those I do not want to do.
(he also keeps asking me 'how's progress coming? I WANT TO SEE RESULTS! no. fuck you. I work at my own pace and you're making me want to work less and less.)

(aha, nother bracket: he recently wants me to print off a picture of my personal character, Jake, to post around the house. no. She's staying on my computer, kthnx.)

(note #3: by personal drawings, I mean drawings that are of my characters, gaia av art that I've done (....um, only one xD), and all that stuff. and I'm heavily against doing so. Because they're so personal, and the only people I want them to see is my best friends. that's about it, really.)

yep. and it's basically annoying that he keeps pestering me in this way. I don't care that I could make money off my work; the big thing is that i don't want to. and if I say something, he'll probably call me stupid for passing up an opportunity like this. But not everone wants to make money off of their art, and I'm one of them. And also--not everyone wants their shit up allll over the house. Maybe the only place I would want my stuff is in my room. He'll also say that I'm wasting my talent--but how is not wanting to profit, or any of that, a waste of talent? :/ please, someone tell me. I want to know.

Yes, I know I should  have things for people to admire, but at the same time, I don't. Like, it's cool if you see me drawing and ask about it. but that's about it. I don't want it hanging all over the house. The stuff I draw isn't really for that.

I know you're proud of me, dad, but please. back off. You're not helping my inspiration in any way.
I haven't touched my drawing of Deon Rexroat from Anberlin in ages because I feel a little burnt out. And this is a drawing that I desperately want to finish and I dunno, put in a portfolio.


...rant over, I guess. And I need to talk to him about this, but I'm really afraid that he'll say things like i'm being stupid, or that my talent's going to waste.

; w; i hate this.

k. well. tomorrow I'll write about something else that's on my mind~

laterrr

This doesn't necessarily mean that I am going to do it. Though I should.
Anyways, I guess my plans for the summer are:
- draw, draw, draw. and then draw some more. Draw whatever I can; bands, flowers, trees, etc. Also, experiment with different media. I should do a pencil crayon drawing. That would be pretty cool
- start redesigning my room. Yeah, so I probably have a year left here, but come on. I need a change. Even if its just moving my stuff around.
- exercise like a motherfucker. bike rides. treadmill. DDR. toning exercises. walking outside. Just do it all~ .....I want pretty clothes, damnit >:U
- get a job. even if it's at dairy queen (that's the only 'fast food' place I wouldn't mind working at~).
- practice me some graphic design. magazine layouts, advertisements, whatever I can think of.
- do stuff with my friends, instead of just sitting here on my ass all day in front of the computer.
- read read read. I plan on living in chapters this summer. Build a book collection.
- it would be really cool to start learning a new language ! :D but no. I wouldn't know what language to learn.
- learn HTML/CSS? fuck, will I even have time for that?

and I think that's all. sound fun? I dunno.
but hell, I think I will be busy this summer~!

...oh wait. I forgot something.
GO THE FUCK OUTSIDE!

I think that's all.
peace!
(:
 

Holy shit, school's almost done.
I still have no job.
The economy's still shit.
I graduate next year.

Also, by the end of college, I will most likely be addicted to coffee.
I don't even like coffee. >:(

this is also true for everyone going to college  / university.
caffeine and energy drinks. Possibly sugar.

Geeze, I so dread college. for doing homework well into the night is not wanted.
doing nothing well into the night sounds better.

also, find mate in college. stop being a hermit. you're too awesome to be a hermit.


and that is all :D
rofl, this was such a pointless entry.

Hum. If I could have one wish come true this month, it would be to pass english. just pass english, and resume getting good marks in english once again, and hope i don't have the same teacher next year.

and that is all :D

2 more weeks of school until I'm free for the summer!

No more English.
I hated that class, and I'm probably going to pass on the skin of my teeth, and thats not good D:

but, I just cant wait to be freeeeeeeeeeeeee!
 

fuck off, I'm not religious.
I don't want to go to church.
I don't believe in god, jesus, or the bible.

science > religion
I don't need people to tell me what to believe, and everything will be okay if you pray.
it's not going to be okay if you pray.
Because your prayers will not be answered by 'god'.
Does not exist.
give me scientific proof that he does. (bible doesn't count--who is to say the bible wasn't written by a 40-year-old man living in his mother's basement?)
even so, i still won't believe.
creationism is a big crock of shit. evolution and the big bang theory make more sense than a barrel of retarded monkeys.

That prayer meeting (we all know it was bible thumpers anonymous) made me uncomfortable as hell.
I wanted to smack the lady who was touching and shaking me.
You had no right to do that, and it made me sick.
your yelling and screaming hurt my ears, and I think you spat on my foot doing that.
you nearly broke my $400 glasses.
if you had broke them, you'd be paying for that shit faster than you can ask for your god for forgiveness.

oh, yeah, i'm not going to be your prayer buddy, warrior, whatever the fuck you said.
I lied about the whole thing
:)

yeah, you.
No, no no. NOT YOU. YOU , OVER THERE.
yeaahhhhh.

GO FUCK YOURSELF.

It's not your FUCKING hair. IT'S MINE.
DON'T YOU DARE try and talk me out of MY DECISION to get MY OWN FUCKING HAIR cut.
IT'S NOT YOUR HAIR.
IT'S MINE.

GETTING MY HAIR CUT'S NOT GONNA FUCKING KILL ME.
IT'S JUST HAIR.
what, did you forget that HAIR GROWS BACK!?

IDGAF IF SO MANY PEOPLE WANT LONG HAIR LIKE MINE.
I WANT A CHANGE. I WANT IT GONE.

stop acting like i'm gonna shave my head bald.
thanks.
have a nice day.
:)


also, now that this is going on and I'm going to go and get my hair done myself / pay for it myself, working at the movie theater doesn't seem so bad anymore. (note--I went to go hand in my resume at the theater, and the smell of popcorn overwhelmed me D: but still hair cut > the ssstttttrrrrooooonnnnggggggg smell of popcorn)