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lost

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And so we reach the tail end of the worst week of my life. I realise updating this journal is pretty much useless because all of three people read it and one of them is myself but hey, why not randomly tell the internet about life.

So, dear internet, Yesterday was the funeral and it was nice and quick and small. Very hot and I cried myself into a coma but at least I finished my speech almost without incident and at the pub afterwards I only made a minimal fool of myself.
I keep going over the speech and thinking of so much more I should have said an didnt. How do you sum up your best friend in two minutes? I need a lifetime just to speak about how much she meant to me.
I wonder if she realised that. She said she knew how much she meant to me but I have to question that because if she knew then she wouldnt have jumped. I mean, I know how much I mean to my friends and family, and as it stands right now its the only thing stopping me from jumping off a bridge too.

And that just makes me laugh because yesterday someone said to me (not knowing the situation)
"If your friend jumped off a bridge would you jump off too?"
and I laughed, i think they thought I was insane.

Maybe I am. It explains my love for this journals colour scheme. Smo, you outdid yourself. I need a new header.


Hmmm, lets end this before it heads into unchartered territory. There be pirates

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I never thought that I would have to deal with my best friends suicide. Especially not this particular person. But I guess in hindsight it was all a little obvious. She wasnt depressed just unhappy and that wasnt going to change any time soon. I just wish I had one more chance to talk to her. Or at least just smack her for putting us all through this. There hasnt been longer than a week I have gone without some contact with her, we lived together for a year, and even went to Japan together. She would be unimpressed with this tribute. Oh well.