Paperback 1119: The Baroness #4: Hard-core Murder / Paul Kenyon (Pocket Books 77918)

Paperback ___: Publisher number (PBO, 1974)

Title: The Baroness #4: Hard-core Murder

Author: Paul Kenyon

Cover artist: Uncredited [Hector Garrido]

Condition: 8/10

Value: $25

[from Stomping Grounds bookstore, Geneva, NY (6/24/25)]

Best things about this cover: 

• The kind of book where I take one look at it and I'm like "yup!" No hesitation. Redhead in a bodysuit karates ancient Romans and their tigers? I'm in. Even when I (eventually) noticed that the action seems to be taking place on a movie set—still in.
• Pink. This book is very pink. I mean, Pink. 
• I cannot tell you how badly I need Baronesses numbers 1 through 3. 
• The Sexy Superspy who entertained the crew by making shadow puppets with her giant spatula hands!

Best things about this back cover: 

• "Makes the scene!" Nobody "makes the scene" anymore. Real loss to the culture, imho. I mean, I get that it's a movie pun, but still ... people used to "make the scene" and now they don't and we are all the poorer for it.
• Yes, I paid $7.50 for this. As you can see, it's "worth" a bit more (based on prices at abebooks). Not that I really care that much. 
• Baroness Penelope St. John-Orsini! That's ... quite a name. My wife is named "Penelope." I don't think I could get her to wear that outfit, but I'm gonna start calling her "Baroness" and see what happens.
• A porn film that will bring down the American government, eh? I don't think anyone's tried that one yet. Whatever it takes!
• "Sully Flick" was born Sensual Motion Picture IV but thought it sounded too aristocratic for the movie biz so here we are.

Page 123~

Frankie found his favorite place, the table near the display of leather-and-chain books, that had all the real hot stuff on it. It was very educational.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and BlueSky]

Paperback 977: The Weirwoods / Thomas Burnett Swann (Ace 87941)

Paperback 977: Ace 87941 (PBO, 1977)

Title: The Weirwoods
Author: Thomas Burnett Swann
Cover artist: Stephen Hickman

Estimated value: $5-10
Condition: 8/10

[Part of the Laura R. Braunstein Collection]

Best things about this cover:

• Where woods? There woods.
• Slow your roll, fantasy fiction Teri Garr.
• That dress is pretty hot.
• She doesn't have Fear Hand™but somethin' ain't right.
• "Welcome ... to the Land of Towering Sex Toys. The pegasi will be here shortly to take you to pleasures unknown..."

Best things about this back cover:

• Those are some respectable blurbs right there. Makes me wanna read this. LADY OF THE BEES also sounds promising.
• This back cover's sense of the boundary between reality and fantasy seems a little feeble. Rome, real, Etruscans, real, Centaurs, uh ...
• Well, sure, you name a guy Lars Velcha, what do you expect him to become?

Page 123~

She skittered down the trunk with the speed of a hungry squirrel.

~RP

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Paperback 965: Ruby MacLaine / John Roeburt (Hillman 151)

Paperback 965: Hillman Books 151 (PBO, 1960)

Title: Ruby MacLaine
Author: John Roeburt
Cover artist: Uncredited

Estimated value: $6-9
Condition: 3/10

Best things about this cover:

• So ... that is a plausibly human head, torso, and backside. After that, the wheels come off. She would have to have 10-ft-long legs for that foot size to be right. Also, no one can stand like that and not put at least *some* pressure on the bedclothes. But mostly, the problem is perspective. The bed looks like it's for a child, and the lamp and bedstand are comically small. Trump-hand tiny. Dollhouse tiny.
• Still, credit where credit is due: the backside makes it highly unlikely anyone's fretting too much about the mini-furniture.
• "FEEL MY MORBID POWER!" exclaimed a drunk and exultant John Roeburt as he stumbled along Broadway, a rumpled New York Times in his hand.

Best things about this back cover:

• See. Back cover designer knew what to do with that front cover: CROP.
• "Backstreet"? Take that, N*SYNC!
• "There'll be compensations" is an utterly implausible bit of dialogue. Also, I was proposing ... asking ..." makes no sense. You were proposing or you were asking, but you were not proposing asking. Although maybe a guy who ruffles a girl's hair as a come-on has bigger problems than grammar.

Page 123~

"I want to be admired for my mind," Ruby said winkingly.
Coulter looked critically at her. "That was on the square," he said slowly.
She looked levelly at him. "I want resources other than just my sex."

Later, Coulter says, "I get the dig." That makes one of us, Coulter.

~RP

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P.S. the first line on the first (teaser) page of this novel is: "They made their agreement in a motel." I probably would've bought this book on the strength of that premise alone.

Paperback 882: Murder for the Bride / John D. MacDonald (Gold Medal R2116)

Paperback 882: Gold Medal R2116 (Unknown ptg, ca. late '60s)

Title: Murder for the Bride
Author: John D. MacDonald
Cover artist: Uncredited [some booksellers credit Milton Charles, whoever that is]

Estimated value: $8-10

[Donation to the collection from L. Gagne]

Best things about this cover:

• Pretty safe. Except for the shocking pink border, pretty safe.
• She has Gibson Girl hair. Weird.
• The lady was so bored by the cover concept that she fell asleep.
• Gold Medal did this annoying thing starting some time in the '60s where it stopped giving printing information, including publication date :(

Best things about this back cover:

• Check box 1 for "Angel," box 2 for "Tramp" ... what? No, there are no other boxes, you tramp.
• Hey, looks like John D. finally caught that fly on the ceiling that was bugging him. He looks so content.
• I kind of want to disappear to a remote beachside hut and read only John D. MacDonald for like a week.

Page 123~

"Alligators bellering at night."

~RP

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Paperback 861: The Case of the Cautious Coquette / Erle Stanley Gardner (Pocket Books 4527)

Paperback 861: Pocket Books 4527 (8th ptg, 1963)

Title: The Case of the Cautious Coquette
Author: Erle Stanley Gardner
Cover artist: [Robert McGinnis]

Yours for: $10-12


Best things about this cover:

• Here's the thing about McGinnis women: dead eyes. They freak me out a level at the face level. At a certain other level (Not Pictured), I find them delightful. So, in short, this cover does little for me from a Great Girl Art perspective.
• From a Holy Crap Pink perspective, it's quite arresting.
• Also, from a hair perspective.
• Also, with the exception of a small tear on the back cover, this book is in like-new condition. Shiny and crisp. The pink is a pure '50s variety rarely seen in the wilds of today.
• Also, a "Girls With Guns" cover is a "Girls With Guns Cover"—I'll take it. Check out these other covers of the same title:

[Silly]

[Whoa!!! Winner]

And now today's back cover:


Best things about this back cover:

• Tire tracks! That's a pretty damned good design element, especially as a way of introducing the idea of a "hit-and-run."
• This is the last time in U.S. history that "$100.00!!" was presented as a compelling figure.
• Della goes next-level with her wordplay banter (from metaphorical "angles" to literal "curves"). And then the cover copy brings the imagery full circle back to the tire tracks. Well done, everyone.

Page 123~

"Della, run out and scout the corridor. Let me know if it's clear."

In case you were wondering who the badass was in this little relationship.

~RP

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Paperback 846: Bachelors Get Lonely / Erle Stanley Gardner (Pocket Books 4604)

Paperback 846: Pocket Books 4604 (1st ptg, 1963)

Title: Bachelors Get Lonely
Author: A.A. Fair (Erle Stanley Gardner)
Cover artist: photo cover

Estimated value: $10-15


Best things about this cover:

• I can confirm the basic premise of this title.
• I find this cover oddly sexy, if wildly implausible.
• Pink. I dig it. At least it's different.

Best things about this back cover:

• You had me at "Stripper Daffidill (sic!?) Lawson"
• What an odd photo choice. Random stock photo, faded and blued.
• Lam's pretty light-hearted for someone trying to catch a murderous voyeur.
• "Swell."

Page 123~

"The walls are terribly thin," she whispered. "People will know that … that I'm having a visitor."

~RP

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Paperback 616: Cop / Jack Karney (Pocket Books 898)

Paperback 616: Pocket Books 898 (1st ptg, 1952)

Title: Cop
Author: Jack Karney
Cover artist: Stanley Zuckerberg

Yours for: $10


Best things about this cover:

• I love this cover so much it hurts. Where to begin? 
• The framing! They're apart, but together, but apart, but ... and such a contrast in tone. Male/female. Calm/kinetic. White/pink. Dressed/undressed. Professional/domestic. On and on. And on. And their expressions! Revealing but enigmatic. Is he here to arrest her? Sleep with her? Both? And how does she feel about that? Excited? Headachey? Feels like there's a thousand pages of subtext in this one shot.
• The pink! Such a bold color choice, and the last color you'd expect to have "COP" written over the top of it. 
• The title! Bold, simple, and apparently, by its slight angle, printed on the surface of the door ...
• The detail! The careful positioning of his hand, the texture of the metal fixtures on the door, the stockings, the cigarette. A thousand points of awesome.
• Total lack of blurb / cover copy. Exactly the right choice for this cover. I'll supply my own overheated blurb, thanks.

Best things about this back cover:

• "Get wise!" I love how this book talks. Stop making me love you so much, "Cop"!
• OMG, the back cover is talking not to me, but to Joe! And I'm just eavesdropping, I guess.
• The problem of Joe's "conscience" says a lot about that front cover—shake her down? Take her to bed? Walk away? Does it matter? 

Page 123~

For the next five minutes the cab driver told Joe what he thought of cops in general, citing cases to prove his point that the hackie and the policeman were natural enemies. When he finished, he said, 

"I can smell a cop a mile off. Fact, I just look at a guy and can tell how he makes a buck. You look like a lawyer."

Swing and a miss, hackie!

~RP

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Paperback 583: Rape of Honor / Willi Heinrich (Permabook M-4247)

Paperback 583: Permabook M-4247 (1st ptg, 1962)

Title: Rape of Honor
Author: Willi Heinrich
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $10

Best things about this cover:

• Rape of Honor! It's like regular rape, except not at all like regular rape and made up by some emasculated douchebag.
• Like I want to read a book about rape by a guy named "Willi."
• If you killed the color Pink and left it to rot in the woods for a week, it would look like this.
• Willi Heinrich is also the author of "Crack of Doom." Willi needs a new translator (his current translator, fyi, is Sigrid Rock)

Best things about this back cover:

• "Yes, I know. I'm even less sexy up close."
• Sartre *wishes* he wrote dialogue this bewildering / existential.
• I assume that when she flings her gown open, she reveals that she's wearing her lucky Tweety Bird t-shirt.

Page 123~

Rupert stared aghast at her indifferent face. "You're married to the father of your husband?"

Seriously, Willi, fire Sigrid, 'cause this shit makes no sense.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Bonus picture—a preview of forthcoming Pop Sensation books (all pulled out of a bookstore in Ithaca yesterday)

Paperback 512: The Restless Romeo / J.X. Williams (Ember Library 346)

Paperback 512: Ember Library 346 (PBO, 1966)

Title: The Restless Romeo
Author: J.X. Williams
Cover artist: someone having too much fun

Yours for: Not for Sale (gift to the collection from Doug Peterson)


Best things about this cover:

• Romeo got restless, so he did what any restless young man might do: he used his car to hunt women for sport. Really calms the nerves. I hear.
• "These eyes ... fry every night ... for you."
• Who runs with their arms like that? Or is she doing crazed, doped-up calisthenics in the desert? I see: her boyfriend isn't trying to run her down—he's slowly backing away. Yes, her body is pretty amazing, but you do *not* want her attention when she's like this. "Please don't around please don't turn around please..."
• I believe this is the picture for which the phrase "hopped up on goofballs" was invented.

Best things about this back cover:

• "Romeo," eh? I must have missed the part in Shakespeare's play where Romeo snatches Juliet and takes her to the basement of his villa.

Page 123~

Waves of heat invaded his body. Thoroughly stimulated by her weight, he dug his fingers into the blooming bottom and squirmed until she had difficulty holding him. Her cheeks, feeling damp and massive, began a tortured and rhythmic writhing.

Since when are "damp and massive" butt cheeks sexy? Not sure what I should expect from a guy who (on the previous page) describes breasts as "lurching mounds," but ... I mean, there's unsexy, and then there's The Opposite Of Sexy. Yikes.

~RP

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Paperback 483: The Gay Detective / Lou Rand (Saber SA-18)

Paperback 483: Saber Books SA-18 (PBO, 1961)

Title: The Gay Detective
Author: Lou Rand
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $100

Best things about this cover: 

• Not sure how legible the cover copy is, so I'll transcribe: "Francis and Tiger [!!!!!!!!!!!! ... ?] had found out what they needed to know. The trick now was to get the nude Vivien out of the bathhouse [!] and to safety."
• Of all Vivien's failed attempts to get a man, this one was perhaps the most spectacular.
• The bathhouse employed the most strapping and vigilant head lice police the world had ever known.
• Come on, even the queerest of the queer aren't going to be able to stomach that much pink.

Best things about this back cover:

• Have we seen Saber get biblical before!? This is perhaps my favorite of Sanford Aday's responses to the legal harassment his business was suffering in the late-50s / early 60s. 

Page 123~

The man is—we heard many times—a muscular masochist and confines his pleasures to young and attractive men.

"We heard many times" — that's what happens when you keep asking witnesses to "tell us the one about the muscular masochist again!"

~RP

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Paperback 447: Queer Patterns / Kay Addams (Beacon B259)

Paperback 447: Beacon Books B259 (PBO, 1959)

Title: Queer Patterns
Author: Kay Addams
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $60


Best things about this cover:

• What's amazing about this cover is how unsleazy it is. The colors and lines are all incredibly soft, and while the picture suggests imminent sex ... I don't know, something about this scene seems sort of sweet (thus at odds with the "Perversity" allegation).
• "Queer Patterns" is an oddly unhot title. Like it's a novel about avant-garde knitting.
• This is one of my Desert Island Books ... or maybe Burning House Books, i.e. if I had to save 10 books from certain destruction, this would be one of them. It's from the dead center of my collection, time-wise (1959), it's in fantastic condition, it's a near-perfect specimen of the "lesbian fiction" pulp genre, and, well, those are nice boobs.

Best things about this back cover:

• "FRANK!"
• "NETHER!"
• That is one of my favorite opening lines of cover copy ever.
• "Reckless paroxysms of desire" — why couldn't this copywriter do *every* back cover?
• "Consoling cozenings"! Wow, that should win some kind of Ambitious Alliteration award.

Page 123~

"This is insanity," I said one night.

"Love is insanity." She lifted her head from where it had been. "Let me show you just how insane."

[standing ovation]

~RP

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Paperback 429: The Right Bed / Lee Walters (Saber Books SA-14)

Paperback 428: Saber Books SA-14 (unknown ptg & year, orig. 1959)

Title: The Right Bed
Author: Lee Walters
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $20


Best things about this cover:

• "Homosexual demons, I cast thee OUT!"
• Original title: "Sexy Phrenologist"
• Wanda struggled to remember exactly how to treat a choking victim...
• Hey, Bill, if you want to avoid the Twilight Life, maybe you should move out of The Pinkest Apartment Building In the Universe.
• Conservative columnist Bill, humiliated that he'd been caught watching "Maddow," collapsed to the floor. Wanda knew how to save him from the temptations of liberalism—take him to "The Right Bed" (American Flag bed sheets, portrait of Reagan on the ceiling, etc.) and give him a taste of that sweet, sweet missionary action.
• ... and introducing: House Plant!

Best things about this back cover:

• Where's the stuff about Floyd (!) struggling with his sexuality!? I was promised a "twilight life" on the front cover.
• "What did Jill think of all this?" — of all What? The more you read this description, the less coherent it gets. So ... his ambition is realized through her ... and her ambition is him ... so the conflict is ... what? Nothing. This is a short story at best.
• I like how the writer takes his own metaphor literally: "Jill was his key ... With her he would open many doors." Maybe that's what we're seeing on the front cover: after trying repeatedly to stuff Jill into the keyhole, he collapsed in a pile of rage and shame.

Page 123~

Johnson roamed the paths of the party like a stray buffalo [1], big, almost shaggy, a look of massiveness [2] about his broad face.

• [1] "... like a stray buffalo, knocking over hors d'oeuvres and end tables, wondering how he got into a 5th-floor walk-up."
• [2] You cannot have a "look of massiveness." Something is either massive or it's not. "Your face looks strange darling. A bit ... massive." No.

~RP

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Paperback 140: Carnival of Death / Day Keene (MacFadden Books 50-239)

Paperback 140: MacFadden Books 50-239 (PBO, 1965)

Title: Carnival of Death
Author: Day Keene
Cover artist: photo

Yours for: $10


Best things about this cover:

• "Shhhhh. Keep quiet, or it's curtains for you, pillow!"
• Title sounds like it belongs to a "Kojak" episode.
• My favorite Carnival of Death can be seen in "The Killing Joke"
• Yet another girl who prefers to pet her gun rather than hold it properly. Where is her thumb? Her finger is behind the trigger!
• This cover is like one of those perception-skewing pictures: depending on how you look at her, she is looking either at the pillow or toward the noise coming from the next room. If you stare at her long enough, you can actually make her eyes head in opposite directions.
• This cover turns sleazy into SLEE-ZAY'. Something about the photo just looks low-rent and tawdry. The roughly-handled book doesn't help (or helps a lot, depending on your affection for SLEE-ZAY')

Best things about this back cover:

• OK that balloon is flat-out awesome. I can't hate on that.
• Anywhere a clown is throwing things at you ... that's somewhere you don't want to be. Trust me.
• Sadly, "gay scene" meant something different in '65.

Page 123~

A moment later the light in the living room came on and, peering through one of the leaded glass panes in the front door, Daly could see a tall, attractive, bare-legged, black-haired girl wearing a baby doll nightdress trying to slip her arms into the sleeves of a matching negligee while she held a crying infant in one arm. It made a pleasant, homey picture.

O man, I was with you until the crying infant. Worst peeping tom letdown ever. The fact that the infant pleases this guy makes him far creepier than your average peeping tom, in my book. "That's it ... burp the baby ..."

~RP