| moving |
[Sunday
August 13th, 2006 at 5:15pm] |
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Although I'm quite fond of this journal
I need to start fresh
add the new journal
 ohclosedcaption
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| The Mind thinks to slow and The Mouth thinks to fast |
[Friday
August 11th, 2006 at 3:00pm] |
there really are no words anymore
I've failed so much and so hard and yet.......
I'm still failing. I can not fathom with everything I've failed with, friends, family etc.
why is it that when I'm failing, I'm exceeding in photography and my writing? Is it true that you must go through something so unforgetful so you can write and take pictures that actually mean something? Maybe....
I don't want to make anything right, I don't want anyone to fix it and I'm not running away from it. I just want it to blow through, by itself. Who knows if it'll be today, tomorrow, next week or next year. Oh I hope to god it doesn't take that long.
My best friend and I are moving further and further away from each other. Not in out of state wise, more like we aren't keeping in touch much. Especially since he's still in hs and i'm moving on to college. I wish things would stay the same, cause I don't know what I would do without him. He's my rock, he knows me all to well and yet still knows me more than I know my self. It seems all my friends know me more than I even knew about myself. I'm still trying to find myself and yet they look at me knowing who I am going to be and what I'm going to do. It scares me and yet I just look at them in amazement.
It doesn't make any sense. Why don't I know anything? and the ones that do, still don't even know how much they have touched someone? I can't tell them what they've done to me, if I do my mind thinks to slow and my mouth moves to fast. Until it becomes so jumbled I hardly make any sense to myself.
I'm much to alone right now and i think it's going to stay this way for awhile
now something for you to look at
brittany, this girl is quite amazing
devin
someone I hold to close to me
these have been taken over a course of two to three months
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[Friday
July 28th, 2006 at 9:37am] |
you know very well right before you think something amazing will happen...you fall sick and when I mean sick, I mean STILL sick for almost two weeks now. It's to the point that I put my two weeks notice in at the kennel and picked up ANOTHER job at hollister in the local mall. What the hell am I getting myself into? I finally got my ass in gear and I am attending the local community college for a year and then either transfering to UNM or either Florida State or somewhere in New York. My heart isn't here anymore, what am I talking about, it hasn't been here since we moved here 9 and a half years ago.
Finally it's come to a point where I need to listen to it and move on. The thing is I care about others to much before I do anything for myself and when the time comes for me to do something for myself sadly I fail.
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[Thursday
July 6th, 2006 at 8:09pm] |
I really have no idea anymore
i want what i can not have
i push away what i do not want
i take what isn't there
shit.
I need to go back to fun loving, shit faced amanda
only without the shitfaced
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| I've fought you |
[Sunday
July 2nd, 2006 at 5:58pm] |
I'm missing you far to much
& yet you've confuse me to the point of reasoning
something is not right
my rock (best friend) is in california and i'm alone....again
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