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I wrote this in my actual journal yesterday... Its pretty ironic, but whatever. Here it is:

"I'm inspired. Been reading 'THE EARTH, MY BUTT, AND OTHER BIG ROUND THINGS' and I'm so energized. Its such a feel-good book. I feel so spazy I could fall into a seizure at any moment. This is one of the best books I've read in a long time.Since I'm feeling random and spaztic I've put in the soundtrack to HAIR and I went to write my thoughs before I wake up from my trance and realize I'm full of shit. So, as of this second, this is how I feel:
I feel like no one controls me. I don't care what anyone thinks about me. I feel loved because I love myself. I want to dye my hair some funky shade of blue-green. I want to tell all the people who've wronged me to go fuck themselves. I want to tell the guy I like that I like him and not care when he says he doesn't feel the same way about me. I want to sing so loud the entire world can hear. I want to scream until my throat is so raw I can't swallow. I want to do something so crazy and bizarre that no one, not even me, expects it. I want to dance. I want to change my entire image in 3 secons and act like its always been that way. And then I want to smack my sister for her idiocy because she said HAIR was boring.
Well. I feel so much better right now than I have in a long time. I'm on Cloud 9 and I dare you to try and bring me down!!!"

After I wrote this my mom came into my room, yelled at me for having my music too loud, smacked me in the face and took my book away. I've stopped believing in happiness.

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Mmm...
Well, I suppose I'm starting this for 2 reasons.
1.) Because its a new year and a time for new beginnings.
2.) I wanted a journal none of my friends knew about. A journal where I can be myself and not worry about what they would say or think.

So this is it then. Perhaps I can make some friends through LJ that wont criticize me... I hope so.

***

Back to school tomorrow. I'm REALLY excited. I know, I know, school blows and all that...But I can't wait to go back. I miss everyone. I hate having so much free time because when I have free time my mind wanders and I begin to doubt everything. I'm extremely paranoid, and I have OCD so you do the math. I doubt that my family loves me, I dobut that people care about me, I even begin to doubt myself. So, no more of that. I have this thing i have to do for drama tomorrow...I think I've got it down but i'll practice some more tonight. I'll probably put my monolouge under my pillow so I can memorize it by osmosis or something. It won't work, lol, but it'll give me a false sense of assurance so maybe that will help. ...

A lot of shit's been going down lately. The world is a strange and horrible place, indeed. My friend Sarah's ex-boyfriend, Cory, died in a car accident on the 1st. His sister, Brittany, died too. I didn't know Cory, but I knew Brittany pretty well. I didn't even know I knew her until someone described her to me. We were pretty close in 7th grade...*sigh* But life's like that. One thing that irritates me, though... Sarah, being the drama queen that she is, is acting like she's the only one affected by the tragedy. I wonder if she's stopped to think about his family, his other friends and all of that. I know its a horrible thing and of course Sarah's upset but she dumped him for crying out loud. And now, even though this tragedy is plauging Cory's friends and family, Sarah has made it all about her (as usual). I'm not going to say anything to anyone, but it seems my friend Lindsay is one step ahead of me. I think Lindsay and I are the only people who see Sarah for who she is, but she's going through such a tough time right now I dare not say anything. Besides, I've tried to tell Sarah before but she doesn't listen. I don't know what to do with her. *sigh*

I guess thats all for today. More whenever.