Open A Window

Dropped off my kitty at her vet for boarding while I am on vacation.

And I wonder what is going thru her mind. She knows the vets and the vet techs there. It is where she goes for her vaccinations and checkups. I bring her there when I don’t think she feels well. So she is comfortable there. When we get put in a room and I open the crate door, she comes right out and prances around. I remember the first couple times, she would stay in her crate. But now she is out that gate and swishing through the exam room.

She has boarded there before. And she always seems to do fine. They haven’t had to give her something to make her eat. We do have to sign something that says if they haven’t eaten in a couple days, they could give them an appetite stimulant. They have not.

My late partner rescued her when she was around 2 years old. He was told that she was in that shelter for almost all her life. So I wonder if there is any PTSD. If she wonders whether I am coming back. I hope not. I will always come back for her.

I have cousins that have offered to house sit. And while that is tempting, she is also older and I feel the safest place for her to be, when I am not around is her vet clinic.

Anyhoo, I just wonder if she realizes I’m coming back (that sounds like a line from one of those stalker movies LOL).

I fell asleep watching some television. I have not really had a “do nothing” Saturday in awhile. Columbus is celebrating Pride, but I don’t want to fight crowds and really don’t want to go out. I will be celebrating at my work place. They have a huge Pride party next week and I will be manning a table and handing out swag.

Anyhoo, I just woke up from a dream. In the dream I was hanging out with my friend. We were cooking chili. I told her I had to use the bathroom and as I walked away, instead of farting, I had a diarrheal explosion all over the place. It woke me up. I had to check if it dream happened or really happened. It didn’t. I remember having these dreams as a kid where I would pee in my pants and would wake up urine all over the place.

I should call some friends and see if they are doing anything. Maybe meet them for some appetizers…and volunteer to be the designated driver.

Recently I have been thinking about my late partner. Songs whether we heard them together or whether he has never heard them have made me think of him. I remember all the good times and I can’t really remember the bad times. Or maybe I have forgotten them?

I have been told that we move forward with grief, never away from it. It doesn’t hurt as much anymore. And when I think of Eric, I smile. I laugh. And I feel warm inside.

I know that I will fall in love again. I know that I will find someone.

Grief has an ugly head. But it also has a prettier one. I’m living with the prettier one now.

”So it’s the laughter, we will remember…whenever we remember. The way we were” Barbara Streisand.

Wow…I haven’t posted in awhile. I also have not stopped by other blogs for awhile.

Nothing is wrong. I got busy. And I know that has been my excuse in the past. But I really did get busy. So many things have happened. I’ve been on a few dates. Most did not work out. I didn’t feel it, they didn’t feel it. They found better connections. Etc etc.

Dating is difficult now a days. Especially when you are in your 50’s. Many of the profiles in my age group state from the start “usually date younger, but hit me up, we may work out”. I do not “hit them up”. I have a feeling that most people in my age range, do want someone in their 20s, 30s or 40s. That’s alright. I would rather however date someone in my age group. I think it is easier. Musical, sit-com and movie references don’t have to be explained.

I’m also at a point in my life where I would rather watch a movie, or just go out to dinner, without having to go to a bar afterwards. I’d rather sit on the couch and watch a streaming show or just talk. Maybe that is why no one swipes right, because I am that boring person.

None the less. My life was boring. But as I reflect on this year, boring was good.

I learned a new word today…doxing.

This weekend during a football game, an over zealous fan verbally attacked another fan. The male used some aggressive language which were not merited for a football game. A football game!!

Anyhoo, the incident was filmed. The video went viral and people identified the man and then published his place of work and some other information about him. Therefore they doxxed him.

The words he used were horrible. The team this man was rooting for banned him from future games. I believe there will be an investigation into his behavior (and not during work time). I agree that work places have a certain reputation to uphold. This man should not have acted so inappropriately. So I have mixed feelings about the doxing.

It really was horrible what he said to this fan, who was minding her own business. She didn’t reply (or at least I didn’t see her reply). One of the things he said was she was ugly. Someone’s looks have nothing to do with who they root for. I won’t use the other words which would make any proper lady clutch their pearls.

I watched the video once cause I could not bear to watch it again.

I have often been privy to much different conversations now versus several years ago. Several of you have written that people are emboldened to say what they feel like saying out loud, without consequence.

One of my friends recently posted a meme that infuriated him. The meme was a black square with the letters LGB in white letters. The person then explained that since the other letters were added, the Lesbian, Gay and Bi-Sexual community was once again a target for hatred. He stated that we had come so far, until we added the other letters. My friend then added that he blocked the owner of that meme from not only his social media, but from his social calendar and phone as well.

I grew up with all the letters LGBTQ. I don’t remember otherwise. So we have always been one community.

I don’t understand the division, within our own community.

This year has gone by so quickly.

I’m back on the dating apps. I chat with some people, but I don’t think any of the chatting is going anywhere. There is one guy I chat with a lot, but the more I get to know him, the more I think we will go to friend’s zone.

I learned today that stuffing is called stuffing when it baked inside the turkey. When it is cooked outside the turkey it’s called dressing. My favorite is Stove Top dressing. Someone told me that chances are you could get salmonella from stuffing (cause the juices of the bird drip down into it and so the center of the stuffing may contain uncooked turkey juices that contain salmonella). Is that just an urban legend, cause I have never heard of people getting sick that way.

I am not a fan of turkey—unless it’s a sandwich. But big chunks of it are not something I choose to eat. I like the sides more than I like the actual meat. I could eat a ton of dressing, lots of gravy and green bean casserole.

Have fun, whatever you do tomorrow!

I have been told by a few who stop by that my blog is considered not safe.

I am not sure how to fix this.

If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know. I swear there are no viruses in my blog.

I got back on the apps. Other than chatting with people, not much has happened.

I did go on one date. I thought it went well. He insisted on appetizers, a meal, sharing dessert and then coffee. He asked me to show him around town, so we walked through it. He drove to my side of town. I texted him good night. He replied good night. I texted him good morning…no reply. I texted him good afternoon…no reply. And he’s been radio silent since. Much like I have when it comes to blogging.

I am looking forward to Thanksgiving dinner. I’m also looking forward to the holidays. I’m not sure why I’m looking forward to them, I just am. I won’t be alone. I have my family and friends. And for right now, that’s enough.

The song has been playing in my mind lately.

It is suddenly August.

It’s been a couple months since I broke up with the guy I met on the apps. We dated for over a year. The whole time we were together I kept thinking, I would fall in love. But it didn’t happen. The companionship was nice. We had some things in common. We had some less in common. He was extremely attentive. He put me on a pedestal. He was compassionate and passionate But it just wasn’t happening for me. I thought of him as more than a friend, less than a boyfriend.

He started the ball rolling on the breakup. He asked if I felt the same way for him that he did for me. He said he was in love. He said I never told him I loved him when he would say he loved me. I don’t remember him saying it. Maybe I didn’t hear it? And when asked, I couldn’t lie.

I have never broke anyone’s heart. He told me I would be a difficult act to follow.

Switching to a different song now..”the sun still shines, the sun still sets and the heart forgives, the heart forgets…but what will I do now with al this time”? I hope he has forgiven me.