Mt. · Inglefield · Preparatory · School
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"I'm bored," Kellen groaned. "Join the god damn club," I returned "Is there anything you want to do?" Kellen asked. "If there was, we'd be doing it," I returned. "That's what she said," Kellen grinned. "Shut up," I growled and tossed a pillow at Kellen. "You wanna go?" Kellen prodded, trying to be gangster but failing. "You really are bored," I commented. Abruptly, Kellen's phone buzzed. He grabbed it and read the text message before I could get to it.
"I gotta go," He said excitedly.
"Why?" I whined.
"I'm gonna get some," He winked and raced out. I groaned. Now I was alone, bored and not getting any action. This day was getting worse by the second.
I stretched out on my small couch. The ceiling was a boring, off-white colour. There was no way I could find hidden patterns or shapes. Inglefield existed to bore me. It was a prison.
I sighed. I hate being lonely. When I've got nothing to do, I think. And I hate thinking. It never ends up in a good place. By the way if you haven't noticed,t his is a thinking entry. So buckle your seat belts. I don't think like this usually.
But despite myself, I kept thinking instead of turning on the tellie (I'm gradually adopting British culture) or going out.
Have you ever wanted to have a, y'know, purpose? To feel needed or important? I hate saying shit like this but I've got no where else to say it. And I've got nothign better to do.
But anyway, have you ever wondered what your purpose is? Some consider it their career and if thaat's the case, then I'e already go tmy life figured out. I'll never tell anyone this but I want to be an actor. I like entertaining people and acting so it's a good combination.
But just knowing my line of work doesn't make me feel any less empty. All I do is sit around and do nothing all day or screwing with freshman, barely living. And knowing what I'll do later in life doesn't help me. I want to know my actual purpose, why I'm alive. Some people may say that I'm alive because two people loved each other very much but that's not what I mean. I mean why do I deserve to keep living? What am I meant to do? Who am I meant to meet? Where am I meant to go? It may be fate. It may be God. It may be all up to me. I just have to take it day by day and see what happens. All I really know right now is I want to get out of this school and get on with the rest of my life. If you haven't noticed, I hate this school.
Luckily, I have a feeling I'm going to find my purpose. Hopefully.
Nut right now, my short-term purpose is to find a kid whose clothes I can cover in raw eggs and sequins. Because that is sooo much better than thinking.
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 pensive | |
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Genevieve and I were sitting on the floor of my room, "working" on our scene. When she arrived, we both decided we didn't feel like working. Currently, we were building a house of cards. I'd knocked down her house at least three times. It was funny when she glared at me. She hadn't attempted to knock my construction down but I was waiting for it. "So, how goes it with the boyfriend?" I asked. "It goes." I returned. "It goes well. Why?" "Well," I began. "Doesn't he seem kind of not into women?" "He's not gay, Ryuu," She spat. "I'm surprised you even noticed." "It's pretty obvious," I mumbled. "What was that?" She practically snarled. "Don't snarl," I said. "You'll ruin that pretty little face." My voice was dripping with sarcasm. She noticed. "He isn't gay," She said again. "We don't have to continue this conversation, you know." I returned. "We can just leave it. You don't have to prove it to me." "I know," Genevieve told me pointedly. "I just want you to know that he isn't-" "Either you cant hear me," I began, "or you really need to prove to yourself that he isn't gay." "I don't have to prove it to anyone." She was getting embarrassed now. And mad. I don't want her to ever know this because hell hath no fury like a woman scorned but it's funny when she gets mad. "Then maybe you need him to prove it to you," I replied. "He has." "Yeah, yeah, in your pants, I get it." I chuckled. To my surprise, Genevieve laughed, as well. "You are so crude," She told me after her laughter died down. "Yeah, I thought that was so hilarious," I retorted. "Whatever," She mumbled. I knocked her house of cards down again. "I am going to kill you!" She shouted. I couldn't help but laugh. |
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I've never really mentioned my schedule before but this year I'm taking theater. And so is Ryuu. He says his mother forced but I think he does enjoy acting. And this isn't just pointless rambling. I'm setting up for today's story. "Okay, class!" Mr. Anderson bellowed cheerfully. "Pair up!" I looked around the room for a partner. I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned to find Ryuu behind me. "Wanna be partners?" He asked. He didn't sound as... empty as he usually did. "Yes," I replied. We sat dow, waiting expectantly for Mr. Anderson to continue. "Midterms are fast approaching," He began. "Instead of taking a test, you and your partner will be performing a scene from a famous play musical performing a scene from a famous play, musical or movie in front of the whole class." I glanced over at Ryuu. He didn't seem nervous, but excited. It was weird that he had suddenly... changed into this... I can't even explain how weird this is. "You get to pick your scene but it can't be more than ten minutes and it has to be a minimum of five." Mr. Anderson continued. "You'll get some time in class to work on it in class but mostly you'll have to practice on your own time." There was a collective sigh resonating throughout the class. "You've got ten minutes to decide on what scene you'll do, then it's back to work." I turned to Ryuu. "So, do you know what you want to do?" "I've got a few ideas," He returned. "Care to share?" I inquired with a raise of my thin eyebrow? "We could to a scene from any number of Shakespeare plays but I guarantee you that everyone in this room will pick a Shakespeare play so I want to do something else."
"Thank you for telling me what you don't want to do," I retorted. "Now maybe we should focus on what we will do."
"Is there anything you want to do?" He asked.
"No," I returned. "I can do anything."
"Okay, then I thought that we should do a scene from 'Phantom of the Opera' where the Phantom rapes Christine."
"What?!" I shrieked. "I don't think Mr. Anderson would allow that and I don't think I want to do that either and what do you think Charles would-"
"Genevieve!" Ryuu laughed. "It was a joke. I was joking."
"You are not funny," I pointedly informed Ryuu. "Now what do you really want to do?"
Ryuu looked at me with a you-are-such-a-buzz-kill face. "Well, I was thinking of the first scene from 'Death of Salesman' when Willy comes home and talks to his wife." Ryuu informed me.
"You just want to be married to me, don't you?" I asked.
"Yes, exactly. I'm so in to you that I would do anything, including acting in a scene where we're married." Ryuu spat. "Or maybe I just really like this play."
"Well, okay." I returned. "I'm okay with that." After I answered, I eyed Ryuu warily.
"What?" Ryuu practically snarled.
"You just seem different."
"Sorry to disappoint."
"It's not disappointed. It's... new."
"That's what I was aiming for."
"I like it." I told him. "Stay this way."
"I'll make you proud!" He said, giving me a thumbs up and a fake grin.
Mr. Anderson called the class back to attention and we once again were quite and focused on our eccentric theater teacher. Ryuu has changed a bit, but somethings just never change.
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"Kellen, you've got friends, right?" I asked after taking a long drag on my cigarette. "Yes," He told me bitterly. "Unlike you." "Aw! You are so mean!" I cried, punching him the shoulder and sniggering. "Anyway, that's going to change." "What are you talking about?" He inquired. He got that look in his eyes where he knew I was planning something and he was absolutely dreading it. "Get some of them to come over." I answered. "And tell them to bring money." "You're not going to-," I slammed the door as Kellen finished his sentence. I wasn't worried that Kellen wouldn't get his friends to come over. He always goes along with my schemes even if they don't make sense to him until they play out. I rant into my room. Hogarth was texting someone. He was probably trying to find a nasty homoviper fuck buddy. I grabbed a paper bag. Inside were my playing cards, poker chips and all the money I had, which amounted to about 140 euro. I grabbed a new pack of cigarettes. I go through them like candy and they are essential to my appearance during a poker game. When I returned, Hogarth was there. I guess Kellen had texted him. Ew. Doesn't he know I see enough of Homogarth in the dorm? Two other guys were there. The blonde one was Max and the dark haired one was Sam. "Okay, Ryuu," Kellen sighed. "What do you want?" "We're gonna gamble and play poker. It is the ultimate male bonding experience." Everyone eyed me oddly. "I have all the stuff we need." Kellen rolled his eyes(his answer to everything I say) but we all settled down at the table. I rolled a joint. "Puff, puff, pass," I informed everyone as I passed it around and dealt the cards. Soon, the first joint was gone and everyone was starting to feel the effects. Smoke lingered in the air and it felt like we were in the back room of a bar. I pulled out a cigarette and walked over to the stereo system Kellene had in his room. I plugged my iPod in and selected a blue jazz number. "Blues?" Hogarth questioned. "I fee like the Godfather is going to walk in." I was really starting to literally feel the music and I could tell that Max was, too. "You come to me on the day of my daughter's wedding..." I quoted in a really bad Italian-American accent. Sam chortled. Isn't that word so weird and disgusting? Chortle. it sounds like that's how a pig would laugh. Ew. "I never... took you for a... blue jazz kinda... guy," Kellen mumbled, gnawing on my cards during the pauses. What the fuck was he doing? Did they taste good or something? "Dammit!" I shouted, snatching the card out of Kellen's hand. "What the hell is your problem?" I didn't want to have to deal with Kellen and his idiocy. The music was crawling through my skin and swimming through my veins. I just wanted to sit on the floor and absorb every sound get lost in it. "Hey!" Kellen Barked. "I had a royal flush!" "This is the last time I get any of you high," I snapped. But despite all of them being annoying as hell, I was having a good time. When I wasn't focused on the feeling of the music, I was laughing and making fun of everyone else. We ended our game a few hours later. I cleaned up my stuff, Kellen watching me scrutinizingly. "Why did you do that?" He asked. It seemed that the pot was wearing off. Isn't it so weird that he can back to normal after he stopped chewing my cards? "I don't know," I shrugged and walked out the door. That was a lie. After I was shot, I went through a power hungry stage of my life where all i wanted to be was strong and all I wanted to do was fight. When that ended, I felt the need to close myself off. I don't know why, truthfully. I guess i just felt that everyone else was beneath. Now, I think I'm ready to try something new.
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Journal,
I was almost finished with "Oedipus", despite how distracting Mrs. Done's voice is, when Athea, a secretary in the main office, walked into class. I'd noticed Athea, or Ms. Bradley as I was supposed to call her, before. I'd been in the office enough times to know everyone up there, but Ms. Bradley was the only one I payed attention to. How could you not? She's the only one there that's not decrepit, at only 26 years old, and she's fucking hot.
"Xavier Beckingham," Mrs. Done declared in that annoyingly high pitched voice of hers, "Ms. Bradely needs you to come with her."
"I bet she does," I whispered under my breath as I bent down to grab my bag. Behind me, Charles snorted.
"There's a call for you in the office," Ms. Bradley explained as we walked down the eerily-silent corridor. "Some woman, sounding completely deranged, demanding Xavier Beckingham. You in trouble, Beckingham?"
"I can't possibly think who would be calling for me," I said, though mentally I ran down a list of about 5 girls from last month who might want to have a strongly-worded descussion with me.
"I'm sure you can't," Athea smirked.
"What are you accusing me of, Ms. Bradley?"
"Something completely innocent," she remarked, and I smiled.
We reached the main office and one of the other, less boffable secretaries held out a phone to me. "Crazy," she mouthed to me.
"Hello?" I asked, fearful that maybe I had finally knocked some poor slag up.
"Darling," the voice on the other line cooed, slurring the r's together.
"Mother?!" I balked.
"I suppose. How are you? Feeling well, I hope?" she continued.
Ms. Bradely looked at me sympathetically and I turned away from her, whispering into the telephone. Suddenly, I wished that everyone in the office would just go away. "I haven't heard from you in a year. I figured you were dead, and I sure as bloody hell know that you didn't call to enquire into my health. If you want money, I don't have it," I hissed into the reciever, and carried on, a bit quiter, "If you want drugs, I'm not giving you them."
"It's your father, Xavier," my mum carried on, completey undetered. My heart dropped.
"My father is dead," I replied, voice completely devoid of emotion.
"Did I tell you that? Silly me," Mum giggled.
"Did you find some poor bloke off the street and convince him he was my dad for child support?" I asked. "I'm not going along with that. I won't call him "Daddy" for your scheme.'
"He found me," my... she-bitch continued, "The last time I saw him he was so messed up. He just left me. I was still pregnant! Now, it's funny. I'm the messed up one living in Los Angeles and he's the one that has it all together. He wants to meet you. I told him where you were."
"Oh really, now?" I asked, dis-believing. It sounded like some story my mother would concoct on a three-day payote trip.
"He's married," she added. "Haven't met the wife, but she sounds nice. You should meet them. He's coming to London in a couple of days."
"You're lying," I whispered, my voice cracking and my facade dropping. "My father is dead."
I hung up the phone and turned back around, smiling at Ms. Bradley.
"Family showdowns, I bet you get them all the time."
"Is everything alright at home?," Ms. Bradely asked, sounding truely concerned. Just when I was about to say that I was dandy, another thought struck me.
"I don't want to bore you with my problems," I sighed.
"I would be glad to listen," Ms. Bradely insisted, leaning forward to pat me sympathetically on the shoulder. Low cut shirt, I see.
"Maybe I should tell somebody," I whispered, as if I was debating it with myself. "No, I must be getting back to class."
"Come by later, Xavier," Ms. Bradely insisted. "I see troubled youth such as yourself, and I have to do somehting. You just need someone to listen, and I want to be that person for you."
I looked up forlornly. "I guess I can tell you about it, Athea."
"Of course you can."
As I walked back to class, I grinned widely. Ms. Bradly could "listen" to me all night long. |
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Sasha and I were sitting at a cafe table, sipping at our drinks. We were talking about school work and the teachers. "I could care less," She explained. "I thought so," I returned. "I guess I like school. It's a bit of distraction for other things but it's not like I love it."
When I finished my sentence, it looked as if Sasha had seen a ghost.
"What is it?" I asked.
"I have to go use the bathroom." She hurriedly spoke and stood up. When she left, I turned around to see what had her so worried. I could see a guy walking towards our table, but I didn't know who he was. He sat down in Sasha's seat.
"Why did Sasha leave?" He asked.
"She had to use the bathroom," I told him, giving him a wary look. "Why?"
"I wanted to say hi and see if she was busy," He answered.
"Obviously she was busy," I responded. She was hanging out with me. Isn't that being busy? "Why do you need her?"
"I'm Dave," He said. "I'm sure you've heard of me."
"Yeah, I have," I replied. "So, you're Dave."
"Yeah." He said. "And you are...?"
"I'm Genevieve," I told him, sticking out my hand. He shook it just as Sasha walked out. It looked as if she had reapplied her makeup. I smiled.
"Hi, Dave," She said as if she hasn't rushed off to powder her nose in a frenzy.
"Hey," He returned with a wide smile. "Busy?" He asked. Sasha looked at me. I nodded. I might as well let her have time with her man. Who knows? She might even do it tonight if I did.
"Not busy at all," She said. Dave smiled and they walked off.
I wonder about those two some times. They seem so... awkward and cheesy around each other. But I guess that's why they fit together.
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Today was a weird day. In class today I actually paid attention and was NOT hungover. That's a shocker right there. Later on in the afternoon I went walking, job and booze searching when I saw this really old bench. It was so dirty and I was tired when I hear familiar chatter. I look up and Genevieve and some kid, who was very very cute. ;) I went back to staring at the bench and she walked up to me. I actually jumped when she said something. We actually talked though. It felt nice....having someone to talk to. I think things between me and her are finally solved. I have an idea though. Tomorrow is Friday. Genevieve has to know about a party right? She's going to take me. I need to get out in this damn world, and that's how. She also might introduce me to some guys, i need testosterone in my life. Laters,
Sasha
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accomplished |
Current Music: |
Tip of the Iceburg | |
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As I stood waiting for the door to open, I knew what a terrible idea this was and that I would be totally embarrassed. But there were perks. I got to see Kellen's utterly shocked face. When he opened the door, there was a quick flicker of surprise, which is all I needed. Then it turned to pure annoyance. "What do you want?" "The enthusiasm dripping from your voice is killing me, just killing me," I shot back sarcastically as I stepped into his dorm. I glanced into his bedroom, looking for any signs of action. "You don't seem to be getting any lately. Have you been?" I called into the main room. "It's none of your business." He retorted. "It's only not my business because there is no business," I told him, nodding at his junk. Kellen bit back a growl. "I repeat, what do you want?" He asked through gritted teeth. "I can't believe I'm telling you this but," I began, drawing out the sentence for as long as I could. "I am really bored. Like, out of my mind bored. I am going insane just being this bored." "What do you want me to do about it?" He inquired as I sat down on the couch, sprawling out my legs and arms. It was a bit more dramatic than I was aiming for, but it worked. "I don't know," I returned. "Be entertaining or something. Break out some pot or throw out a crazy idea. Anything. I can tell you're bored, too." Kellen eyed me for a moment, a smile playing on his lips. God, he was going to rip into me so bad. "What exactly did you come here for? Did you expect me to be your... friend?" He asked with mock surprise. "Stop being such a tosser," I spat. "And just be cool for a moment, okay?" "So by insulting me, you hope to gain my friendship," Kellen mused aloud. "It sounds like you've got a crush." I tried my best not to attack him. If I did attack him, he wouldn't do anything with me. And if I did attack him, it'd be obvious that I liked him even though I really don't. Self control really blows. Instead, I rolled my eyes. "I'm really offended, Kellen, I am." I told him. "Even if I was some homowhatever, I wouldn't have poor enough judgement to fall in love with you." "Well I guess it's for the better, then," Kellen sighed. "If you did fall for me, I'd have to break your little homowhatever heart." "You wouldn't break my heart," I told him. "I don't have one and I don't plan on getting one in the near future." "That's probably for the better," Kellen informed me. "You in love would be terrible to deal with, like a bitch in heat or something. And I'd feel bad for whoever you liked." "Ouch, Kellen," I returned. "The empty hole in my chest hurts. It does have feelings, you know." "Hmph," Kellen mumbled, getting up. He poured himself a glass of water. I knew he didn't want to say anything to me, but ribbing him was so much fun. I could provoke him all day. "So are you getting any?" I asked with a sly grin after a few moments of silence. He had a somewhat annoyed look on his face but I could tell he was hiding a laugh by the way his shoulders were shaking. "You think I'm funny." I observed. "Honestly!" He breathed with slight anger. "Your ego is the biggest ego I've ever had to deal with!" He slammed his glass down into the sink. I could tell our little "bonding moment" was over. "Yeah, my ego," I agreed, letting my eyes drift towards my ever-loving crotch. "You know, for a homophobe, you can be pretty homosexual," Kellen commented. "Kellen, it's a called a joke," I retorted. "Yeah but you wouldn't joke like that around a girl," Kellen replied. "Because I know the difference between a friend and a potential one night stand." Upon realizing what I had just said, I groaned inwardly, cursing myself. Kellen would never let me hear the end of this. I just admitted I thought he was my friend. It was bad enough just admitted I had a friend at all. I was supposed to be the loner who was too good for people, too badass and just didn't want to have to talk to anyone. Now Kellen had ammo against me. "Did you just say I'm your friend?" Kellen asked with a grin. "I might have mentioned that we have the potential to have a slightly friendly relationship, yes," I told him. God, I really hate myself sometimes. "You've got a friend? Me?" He asked again, as if he couldn't wrap his fucking retarded brain around the concept. "Yes!" I almost shouted. "Stop pretending to be such an arse and get over it. Is it really hard to believe that I might actually be able to bear someone?" "Yes, actually," He said, actually being serious this time. "It was bound to happen eventually," I mumbled, looking away from him. I could tell I was blushing a little. "Well, golly gee!" He hooted in a really bad American southern accent. "Wipe that smirk off your face before I smack it off," I demanded. "Yes, sir," He said, his voice grave but a smile broke out on his face. "God, I hate you so much right now," I told him with disgust, not sure if it was aimed at me or Kellen or God. All I knew what that it was going to be a long day. "You loooove me, my little homowhatever," Kellen replied with a goofy voice. Oh my god, I am going to fucking kill this kid.
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I'm ready, You're willing, Just turn out the lights. Dear Diary, Xavier Beckingham is my best friend, let me make that clear. Nobody treats me like he does. He's the only one that doesn't treat me like I'm breakable. For reasons like this, I adore my best friend and will defend the fact that he, sometimes, is 100% FDA approved douche. However, somedays I really want to feed him to the ravenous teen girls (and boys) that want his head. Today was one such day. This morning, I walked past Xavier's dorm room on my way to Jake's and I decided to stick my head in. I half-expected to see some perverse scene including handcuffs and edible thongs when I opened the door, but instead the situation that greeted me was decidedly tamer. Melody was sitting on Xavier's bed, writing in a notebook. Xavier was nowhere to be seen. "Oh, hello," I greeted Melody. Her head shot up in surprise, then she waved meekly. "Xavier's..." "I'll come back later," I nodded. I ducked out of the room and continued walking down to Jake's dorm, which was four doors down. This time, I knocked on the door. Jake answered the door in duckie boxers. That image is point, click, saved. He blushed when he saw me and mumbled something hurriedly about how he had just showered and that was why he was half dressed. "Last time I saw you," I explained once Jake had invited me in, "the fact that my parents were separating was all I could think about. I'm sorry I snapped at you. When I told you that I wanted us to be friends, I really meant it." Jake nodded in agreement and opened his mouth to say something. "Wait," I said and raised my index finger to his lips. "I'm not totally done. I want to say something." Jake nodded, looking slightly scared. Of little ol' me? "Every time we get into an argument you can't just throw Xavier Beckingham in my face. I'm not him, and I don't care what issues you have with him. I'm not shagging him. So please, when you get mad at me, get mad at me. Not me and Xavier. Promise?" "I'm sorry," Jake said and then looked at the carpet for a few seconds. "But you don't know how it was like, Marie-Claire. To be desperately in love with you and have you always wanting him." "I didn't want..." I assured him. This time it was his turn to cut me off though. "But now you have him, and you're still in denial. When the other shoe drops, am I still always going to be the stupid dope clinging to you? I don't want to cling to you anymore, Marie-Claire. I have Melody, and I really like her. At the same time, I don't want to go through you abandoning me all over again when you finally get with Xavier." "I don't like him that way," I wanted to say, but I knew that this wasn't actually about Xavier. It was about me and him, and it needed to remain that way. Plus, I couldn't help but be awed that Jake had finally... verbalized these feelings. Mute Boy has come a long way. "I promise I'll turn the bitchmeter down if you promise to let go of this silly notion." Jake grinned. "I promise that the next time I'm mad at you, it will be all you. 100% focused on Marie-Claire." We would have laughed, we would have chatted like old mates, this story would have ended right here if I hadn't supidly said what I said next. "I'm so glad we can hang out now when Melody and Xavier are hanging out. I hate being ditched by them." "Melody and Xavier don't hang out?" Jake said, his grin dropping faster than Melody's pants in the room four doors away from Jake's. Jake tried to make the sentence sound like a statement, a definitive "I know where my girlfriend is" statement, but the inquiry in his voice painfully showed through. "Not recently," I quipped, trying to cover my ass. "I'm sorry," Jake murmured, pushing past me. "I have to go." With that, Jake jogged out of the door and headed toward Xavier's dorm room. "Jake!" I called after him, sprinting to catch up before Jake could stumble in on the completely innocent scene of Melody and Xavier studying and blow it totally out of proportion. "I was being facetious!" Jake jiggled the doorknob of Xavier's dorm furiously, but in vain. "Open up, Beckingham!" he yelled. "Jake," I gasped for breath. Running is not my thing, but at least I'd caught up to him. "Calm down, it's not what you think." When I said that, I noticed Xavier standing in his doorway, looking at us like we were on crack. Jake pushed past Xavier and stormed into his dorm. I grimaced at what he would find, and surprisingly he found nothing. No handcuffs, no edible thongs, no... Melody. "What's up your arse, Curious George?" Xavier sneered. "Nothing," Jake said, giving the room a once-over again. "Nothing, I'm sorry." I stared at the floor as Jake walked past me and back to his dorm. I'd wish that he had found Melody, studying on Xavier's floor completely innocently. But he hadn't, meaning that whatever was going on between Xavier and Melody wasn't... completely innocent. I noticed a pair of toes sticking out under Xavier's curtains. "You pushed her behind the curtains?" I spat at Xavier, who was walking around his dorm room nonchalantly. "She pushed herself behind the curtains," Xavier smirked. "She rather likes it there. She'd rather be there than with her adoring boyfriend." "Melody..." I mumbled, trying to get her to come out. "We're not quite finished yet," Xavier hissed. "Now, if you could please leave." With that, he pointed to the door. "For once in your pitiful life can you not fuck everyone and everything up?!" I shouted and tore out of the room. Poor Jake. How am I supposed to keep this from him? That fucking Xavier Beckingham. I tried not to think about what Jake had said, about me still being in denial, and maybe that was part of the reason that I was so furious at Xavier. But Jake was wrong about a lot of things, things like Melody. And right now I couldn't manage to feel bad for anyone but him. |
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I sat in my room, intent on not doing anything after class today but homework. I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone or go out. I just wanted to simmer in my own feelings for a while. Someone else had other plans. There was a knock on my dorm door. I sighed, hoping it was for Alice. But I just haven't had the best luck these days so I could only predict it was for me. It was Charles. He looked a little sad. I tried not to smile. I've never seen him look sad because he never opens up to me. But I took this as a sign that he was actually going to talk. But at the same time I was worried. He was probably here to end it with me and go jump Xavier. "I feel really bad," He said. I could see that he hadn't been sure what to say when he saw me and that he still wasn't. "I don't know what I've been doing these past couple of weeks, but I know that it wasn't with you." I stepped aside and let him walk in. "And then yesterday, with the Xavier thing... I just feel like you deserve more and-" "If you're apologizing, this really sounds like a break up speech," I said. I was a little worried but I couldn't help a small laugh. Charles smiled, too. "I love it when you're being impossible with me." He said. "So I take it this isn't a break up?" I asked. "No," Charles answered. "It's just more... attentiveness on my part. I need to be better. If you don't mind, I still want to be with you. Yeah, you'll have to deal with me being an idiot sometimes but-" "I'll try," I breathed with a joking tone in my voice. "Brilliant," Charles replied. I tried not to laugh. He's not the best with words or being subtle. He took a step forward and soon his lips were on mine. Thank God all of this nonsense is over. I missed him a lot.
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