Eponine/Enjolras: Quite possibly the most fucked-up pairing possible in this fandom, short of...I don't know, Joly/Mabeuf or something.

Let's start by going through everything wrong with it.

1. Enjolras is about as interested in romance as Professor Snape. It's a major part of his character, and to involve him in romance would be to completely defeat the purpose of his character as Hugo intended it.

2. Eponine is a raggedy, smelly, scrawny, toothless wretch. Granted, she's got that "I am not afraid of anything," "pure of heart" thing going on, but no guy is going to look at her and be all "Liek OMG I'm in luv!!1" Especially Enjolras, probably because Enjolras did not talk in netspeak. But if a guy who was not Enjolras or any of his flagrantly slashy lieutenants was going to fall in love with her, which is entirely possible, it would take time. And time is not something either Eppy or Enjy has, what with the whole martyrdom thing.

That said:

Granted, this story does make use of the whole "nobody's going to fall in love with Eppy right away, it would take time" thing. However, no matter how much time he is given, Enjolras is never, ever, ever going to fall in love with her. Ever. Am I right? I mean, come on, what's the reasoning behind Eponine/Enjolras? "Like, if Eponine can't be with Marius, let's, like, just put her with the other hot guy! Like, kickass rebel streetwise chick plus hot rebel leader = truluv OMG!"

Title of Fic: "I Love You." (Ten points for originality.)
'Author': EnjolrasIsMine (*sporksporkspork*)
Link to Rest: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1633608
Name of Suzette: Our very own Eponine Thenardier.
Suzette-o-Meter Rating: Bad.
Notes: The writing isn't horrible. It's the authors' notes, the pairing and the way she tries to justify Eppy's looks that gets me.

( Look, Monsieur Enjolras, my hair is healthy and shiny!Collapse )

I was informed that the last Suzette was, in fact, a parody. I should have known--nobody who actually wrote like that could possibly have read the book closely enough to catch the Patria thing. Thanks to mhari and ladybretagne for catching me before I made too much of an idiot of myself.

So, an actual Suzette. Not as cataclysmically horrible as the last one, but bad enough. It's a self-insert Suzette! Joy!

Title of 'Fic': "Time"
'Author': modernPonine (oh, this looks promising.)
Link to Rest of Fic: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1270578

( Like OMG, it's the pageant queen!Collapse )

( So, this beautiful angel is stalking us...Collapse )

Name of Suzette: Amy. (At least it's not Patria.)
Origin: Is a college student, blatantly based on the authoress (isn't she a bit old to be writing stuff like this, if she's a college freshman?) who apparently...almost runs over "the Les Amis" with her car. But only the cool ones. Half of them are mysteriously absent.
Connections to Canon: None, really. Apparently, she's starring in a production of the play. Or something.
Suzette-o-Meter Rating: Painful.

Welcome to Mizziesues! Here, we're dedicated to mocking, bashing, belittling, MST-ing and generally showing our displeasure with all the badly-written Mary Sue fics out there that make our fandom look bad. The Eppy-Sues, the Patria-Sues, Feuilly's sister, Grantaire's sister, Javert's rescuer--you know the story.

If you find a really awful Mary Sue that I haven't found, send it to me!