Last night, before I posted I got really depressed. And I don't mean sad. I wasn't actually sad as such. Just felt that crushing, black fog. I couldn't think, I couldn't move. Breathing was hard and my life was worthless. No idea where it came from and within 2 hours it was gone again. I was still anxious and sad and fed up and so, so tired but the crushing had gone.
I've spent large parts of my life with depression but my mental health hasn't been too bad the last 5 years or so (relatively, I do still have times of depression and a fair bit of trouble with anxiety and I'm frustrated and sad about my health, our lack of money and the mess our house ends up with because neither of us are well enough to keep up with it)
Usually when I get these depression bouts it's not long before my period and comes along with frustration and lack of patience that makes me realise how much I have at other times of the month. This didn't seem to have any trigger really. Maybe it's just stress over the money stuff. Just can't see why it eased off again if it is.
It does make me massively grateful that my mental health is better most of the time I guess.
I'm just so tired right now. I need a break but I don't have time. There is shit that needs doing and I just want to lay in bed and read fic. Physically I'm struggling. Pain has been bad but manageable. I've been working on building up the muscles across the back of my shoulders to stop me slumping all the time. I really need to sort my posture out because the neck pain is awful, the numbness and nerve pain in my hands is worrying and awful and my shoulders wont stay in the socket properly when I hunch forwards.
I have bought a boomerang pillow to have on my lap while using the laptop or crafting that helps support my arms and raises the stuff I'm doing up far enough that I don't have to bend over to see it. Just need to sort out a decent light now.
I'm sitting at the desktop computer today and I have the heatpack behind my lower back to keep the curve of my lower back the right way to stop the disc from slipping out and the boomerang pillow behind my upper back to help keep me more upright. Worth trying right?
I also have some physio exercises to do.
My brain fog has been pretty shitty since the pneumonia too. I'm forgetting things and getting distracted and ugh. >_< I have so much to do and I can't get any of them done. They all take more spoons than I have.
Also fighting with stupid computers. Pretty sure I either want to roll back to XP on the netbook or go to Win8. A lot of the problems seem to be conflicts with graphics card, plugins like flash and java and the stupid black screen of death thing that Windows refuses to fix.
I need to edit photos but finding the card reader is too much work. I need to write blog entries for wallflowerarts but that needs more brain than I have. I need to put hats up on etsy because OMG I need over $200 to go see the neurologist and Ruth needs her glasses and the car and the garden beds in the garden need to be stained dark before September when the heritage people come round or we may have to take them out and we have baby vegetables and I don't want to lose them >_< I just want my body to function at a level where I can survive out here. I want to be able to move around my house without tripping over everything we have all over the floor and cook dinner without needing to spend all day washing up.
Enough bitching. I need to go and get some stuff done I guess. Ended up laying on the bed barely functioning at all after getting the wood up and cleaning out the ash chute for the fire. Ruth gets cold and the $700+ electricity bill means we can't really use the heater so fire needs doing.
I've spent large parts of my life with depression but my mental health hasn't been too bad the last 5 years or so (relatively, I do still have times of depression and a fair bit of trouble with anxiety and I'm frustrated and sad about my health, our lack of money and the mess our house ends up with because neither of us are well enough to keep up with it)
Usually when I get these depression bouts it's not long before my period and comes along with frustration and lack of patience that makes me realise how much I have at other times of the month. This didn't seem to have any trigger really. Maybe it's just stress over the money stuff. Just can't see why it eased off again if it is.
It does make me massively grateful that my mental health is better most of the time I guess.
I'm just so tired right now. I need a break but I don't have time. There is shit that needs doing and I just want to lay in bed and read fic. Physically I'm struggling. Pain has been bad but manageable. I've been working on building up the muscles across the back of my shoulders to stop me slumping all the time. I really need to sort my posture out because the neck pain is awful, the numbness and nerve pain in my hands is worrying and awful and my shoulders wont stay in the socket properly when I hunch forwards.
I have bought a boomerang pillow to have on my lap while using the laptop or crafting that helps support my arms and raises the stuff I'm doing up far enough that I don't have to bend over to see it. Just need to sort out a decent light now.
I'm sitting at the desktop computer today and I have the heatpack behind my lower back to keep the curve of my lower back the right way to stop the disc from slipping out and the boomerang pillow behind my upper back to help keep me more upright. Worth trying right?
I also have some physio exercises to do.
My brain fog has been pretty shitty since the pneumonia too. I'm forgetting things and getting distracted and ugh. >_< I have so much to do and I can't get any of them done. They all take more spoons than I have.
Also fighting with stupid computers. Pretty sure I either want to roll back to XP on the netbook or go to Win8. A lot of the problems seem to be conflicts with graphics card, plugins like flash and java and the stupid black screen of death thing that Windows refuses to fix.
I need to edit photos but finding the card reader is too much work. I need to write blog entries for wallflowerarts but that needs more brain than I have. I need to put hats up on etsy because OMG I need over $200 to go see the neurologist and Ruth needs her glasses and the car and the garden beds in the garden need to be stained dark before September when the heritage people come round or we may have to take them out and we have baby vegetables and I don't want to lose them >_< I just want my body to function at a level where I can survive out here. I want to be able to move around my house without tripping over everything we have all over the floor and cook dinner without needing to spend all day washing up.
Enough bitching. I need to go and get some stuff done I guess. Ended up laying on the bed barely functioning at all after getting the wood up and cleaning out the ash chute for the fire. Ruth gets cold and the $700+ electricity bill means we can't really use the heater so fire needs doing.
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