I'm someone who's always been really interested in the paranormal and believed in it, but I never really realized I had any kind of gifts until a little under a year ago. A close friend of mine whom I had known since fourth grade killed himself a couple months short of turning seventeen. I really missed him and though I told myself that this was the end I really wanted to talk to him. He died in July. Our two families are both pretty small but pretty close, and for years the tradition was that Thanksgiving dinner was at my house and Christmas dinner was at his. A few days before Thanksgiving dinner I got a book about looking into your past lives, another fascination of mine. There's one meditation in it where you start at the top of a staircase. You go down the staircase and from there you find a mirror, etc. Garland's mom and grandfather had already gone home, so I decided to try it. I thought about the staircase, and then I thought, "Garland has a staircase at his house." I imagined myself at the top of his staircase and walked from there to his bedroom. I thought of us playing our games when we were ten, eleven years old. Then I felt him come up behind me. We stood in the doorway watching our younger selves play games, until I finally asked, "Why?" He said, "Don't ask that question." "We all miss you. Your mom misses you." He got kind of sad when I said that. "I know." Those were really the two things I wanted to say to him since he died. After that he told me very kindly to go back out of the meditation, and when I didn't want to go he walked down the staircase and ended it for me. My older sister came to town for Christmas dinner. She took his death really hard and thought a lot about what he went through. I told her about Thanksgiving and everything, and since then she believes me when I say I talk to him. We went up to his room that night, and just looked at everything. I was happy because looking at his things made me remember the good times we had, but she was sad because it made her remember that he had killed himself. We sat on his bed at one point, and she asked if he was there. Maybe it's because I grew up with him and knew him so well, but I know what he feels like. His "signature," as I call them, is one that I can recognize as soon as he gets near me. He was sitting on the bed with us, and he was looking really close at my sister, touching her face with one of his hands. I have to close my eyes to see this, though. He was looking at her so intently because she was still so sad after almost half a year. "She doesn't understand, does she?" He asked me this, but he never looked away from her. "No." "I'm not even sure you fully understand." Then our parents called from downstairs that dinner was ready, so we had to go. I told my sister what he said, but it's something she doesn't really understand, I don't think. She belives what I tell her, but she can't feel him or the emotions that radiate from him. I can't really describe to her how he felt when he was looking at the sadness on her face.
The next time I talked to Garland was in February. I did a lot of past life exploration since then, primarily on one in seventeen hundred's France. I was there, and he was there. We were in love, but it was forbidden because we were both men. Sometimes there were battles to be fought somewhere out of town, and after we turned fifteen we started going to them with our fathers. Nrum(Garland) was killed in battle when he was sixteen, and Jean(me) died in battle roughly a year later. Jean had a big influence on my currentl life at the time, so I went through a lot of planet meditations to sort things out. After the first couple meditations, Nrum started appearing in them as well as Jean. The moon meditation was extremely emotional because Nrum forced Jean to confront the battle where Nrum died. They started yelling, and then they kissed. From what I hear the two are finally together again. I got to know Nrum pretty well, and sometimes he would follow me to school or stay by me in my room. Then I was starting some brainstorming for an English paper one night. The subject matter made me think of Garland, and I asked Nrum if I could talk to him. I thought that it must be possible for me to let him use my hand to write something. He sat down behind me, and I turned once I felt him. I asked him if he wanted to write something to me, to his mom, to anybody, and finally he agreed. He didn't pull the pen off the page, and the handwriting was horrible, but I understood it. He says that I was giving him too much hope that he might be able to communicate with people like his mom who need to know he's okay, so in his little message he tried to push me away saying that he was dead so I shouldn't talk to him. I figured he was right, and had a good cry over it. Then about half an hour later he comes back and apologizes. Nrum made him come back. Later on Garland explained that Jean and Nrum had been in a game of cat-and-mouse for over the past 250 years or so. Jean had always had a hard time coming to terms with what he felt, so after he died he avoided Nrum, who was continually trying to make contact with him. The moon meditation I did made Jean stop running, and finally got them back together. I guess Garland pushing me away made him think of the past couple centuries, and that's why he made him apologize to me. After that Nrum kind of left, and Garland and I became very close again. We spent a lot of time together, and eventually the Elders, as I call them, decided to intervene. The Elders are those who have lived many, many, lives, and who have gotten out of the live/death cycle. They look over the ones who are still in that cycle, and they control lots of stuff concerning that. One thing that's important is that they have to be unanimous on the decisions they make. When Garland and I were showing to be a bit closer than most pairs of a living and a dead life, there was the question of whether to seperate us or to bind us. Both sides had a lot of backing, so one morning a bunch of them come into my room and ask me which I want: seperation or binding. I honestly considered seperation, but I chose binding. They did something and stuck us both in my body. I can describe what they did, but I'll leave that off for now. Three days later they came back and decided to permanently bind us.
I don't know if any of you will believe this, but he's alive, and we share my body. He's a good balance for me. I get into some down moods sometimes, and I always have him to be there. I found out a couple days ago that the Elders consider us to be married, which I guess makes sense. This is a pretty solid union. I've only found one person who I can explain all this to. My sister won't understand that he's alive, but my friend Keri understands it all. I've been wanting to know that someone out there doesn't think this is insanity, because let me tell you if it is, it's pretty deep insanity. Garland can knock me on my back when I'm sitting on the couch and not let me get up, and oftentimes I can feel him put his arms around me. If you've read this far, please tell me what you think.
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relieved
disappointed
confused
bouncy
contemplative