( InceptionCollapse )

( SupernaturalCollapse )

( Harry PotterCollapse )

I still need to add some things to this, but look! It's a master post!

Good God almighty, I feel like I have been working on this story for DECADES. I was so close to finally getting it done, and then I decided, fuck it, I'd rather move halfway across the world and start my life over! Again! (FYI, this is my instinctive response to everything from lousy blind dates to being called for jury duty.)

Anyway, this thing is a shambles, but so am I, so there you go. Sigh. My poor ugly baby. We've all had ugly baby stories, right? You know, objectively kind of hideous, but it's yours, so you love it anyway. But anyone else is going to look at it and go, "HOLY SHIT, that is - I mean, uh...hrm."

Look at my ugly baby, everybody. LOOK AT IT.

Title: in this part of the story
Pairings: Arthur/Eames, brief Eames/other
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 22,299
Summary: “You’re looking quite smart for a dead man.”
Warnings: canon character death, discussion of suicide, references to off-screen violence
Note: Inspired by Sonnet LXVI. [English]

in this part of the story (at AO3)

THIS FUCKING STORY. Dear God. Don't get me wrong, I loved writing it, but it was cursed from literally two days after I claimed the prompt. Like, build-your-house-on-an-ancient-burial-ground cursed. Natural disasters, hard drive implosions, family emergencies, hospitalization from the kind of disease that makes people ask, "Wait, that still exists?" - on and on and on.

The good thing is that at this point I can't even spare the energy to be embarrassed about going public with this, even though it's titled after a John Legend song and reads like...well, like something saved to my computer as doms have feelings too.docx. Anyone who's got a problem with that can get in line behind the demonic force that has been screwing with me for the past five months.

Oh, and real life friend who reads my stuff sometimes? You should probably give this one a pass. ♥

Title: this just might hurt a little
Pairing: Arthur/Eames, referenced Arthur/Other
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 24,056 (of course my epic D/s ~*~romance~*~ is the longest thing I've ever written, OF COURSE IT IS)
Summary: You'll never know what you're missing till you try.
Warnings: D/s (not super hardcore, but best avoided if it's not your thing), references to a seriously unhealthy D/s arrangement (non-pairing). Also FEELINGS.
Note: Originally posted to inception_kink as a response to this amazing prompt.

this just might hurt a little (at AO3)

There are a number of reasons this took so long, not least of which is the way the government keeps blocking LiveJournal because they are bastard-coated bastards with bastard filling – ha ha just kidding please don’t arrest me – but in the end, I think I’m going to blame the ghosts. See, that’s the thing about living next door to a crematorium: whenever anything goes wrong, everyone’s always like, “Eh, angry dead people, what are you gonna do.” It is a surprisingly flexible explanation!

Anyway, this is a story about love potions. I regret nothing.

Title: and the doors are open
Pairing: Arthur/Eames, very brief Eames/other
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 14,900
Summary: “Yusuf,” she says, dangerously, “did you give my point man a love potion?”
Note: Title from Stockholm Syndrome by Yo La Tengo. Cut text from Yerbatero by Juanes.

( Le traigo el remedio para ese mal de amor que le estremece...Collapse )

Oh hi, LiveJournal! How’ve you been for the last…two years…? D: Oh God, you guys, I’m so sorry. I am the worst. Literally, I am trying to think of worse things, and nothing is coming to mind. Hitler, maybe. Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.

So in even more embarrassing news, apparently I write Inception fic now. You know, like every other person on the face of the planet. SORRY MOM. SORRY GOD.

No but seriously this is ridiculous. Gay action romcom meets torture porn meets actual porn. Indefensible.

Title: a contraption, armed to the teeth
Pairing: Arthur/Eames
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 6,100
Summary: “Just once,” Eames says, “I wish you’d let me come round when I’m not in mortal peril.”
Warnings: Torture, graphic violence, language.
Note: Title and cut text from Neruda’s Sonnet LXXIII.

( Maybe you'll remember that razor-faced man...Collapse )

A while ago, someone brought up the idea of a crossover between Supernatural and the incomparable Lemony Snicket books, A Series of Unfortunate Events. I was intrigued by the possibilities presented by some kind of intersection between the worlds of the unlucky Baudelaire orphans - inventive Violet, clever Klaus, sharp-toothed Sunny - and our own attractive but fairly stupid Sam and Dean Winchester. I remember thinking, How cool! What terrific potential there is for such a story! Too bad it would probably get written by some idiot with no sense of style or characterization, which would completely defeat the purpose of writing such a thing.

Friends, Romans, countrymen: that is me. I am that idiot.

Title: The Deadly Deal
Author: guns_and_butter
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Rating: PG13
Word count: 8,910
Spoilers: through Mystery Spot. All available A Series of Unfortunate Events canon is fair game.
Note: Many thanks to my superb editors rejeneration and sirryluv, whose support has been essential in finally bringing the tale of the Winchester brothers to the general public.
Disclaimer: I could not have completed this report without the resources graciously provided to me by Mr Lemony Snicket and Mr Eric Kripke. One of the accompanying photographs was procured from the archives of marishna.
Summary: Dear Reader,

If you are in the mood for a heartwarming tale about the thrilling adventures of two handsome and carefree brothers, I regret to inform you that you have made a most unfortunate miscalculation. This particular story documents the trials and tribulations of Sam and Dean Winchester, the simple fact of which is enough to make it one of the most unpleasant stories in all the world.

The plot, I’m sorry to say, includes such miseries as missed opportunities, lime-green bathtubs, an unfamiliar code, stolen gasoline, a mysterious disappearance, and clowns.

I am compelled by love and executive decree to record the ghastly and ghostly details of the Winchester brothers’ lives, but you are under no such obligation, so I urge you to close your browser at once and go do something productive with your life, or at the very least select another story.

With all due respect,

G. N. Butter

G. N. Butter

( ‘People aren’t either wicked or noble,’ the hook-handed man said. ‘They’re like chef’s salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict.’Collapse )

This has been Kripke’d six ways from Sunday by pretty much all of S3. Also, there’s no sex. Also, it’s deathfic. Wakka wakka!

Title: woke up new
Author: guns_and_butter
Pairing: Gen with a dash of canon. (Read: references to Sam/Jess; also contains the “heterosexual” brothers/life partners/mutual ass-checker-outers who even my mother thinks are doing it.)
Rating: Adult
Word count: 5,281
Warning: Deathfic
Disclaimer: Nothing here is mine, except the brain damage. Title shamelessly stolen from the Mountain Goats song of the same name.
Summary: The first day Dean is dead, Sam’s pretty sure, is the worst day of his life.

Thanks to veronamay for the beta! ♥

( And I got ready for the future to arrive.Collapse )

This story has been my main source of entertainment for the last three weeks. Judge me not. Some people juggle geese, yo.

Title: high fantastical
Author: guns_and_butter
Pairing: Dean/Sam
Rating: Adult
Word count: 8,844
Disclaimer: All due apologies to Eric Kripke and William Shakespeare, and anywhere else I stole stuff from. This story bears no actual resemblance to Supernatural or Twelfth Night, but I would still like to beg forgiveness for abusing your clever plots and characterization in such a naughty way. I mean, I’m probably going to do it again, but I feel really bad about it.
Summary: Dean Winchester wakes up just in time in drown, and things only get worse from there.
Note: I suppose this is AU after 3x03, not that it matters much. This is not the canon you are looking for. (OH HOW I WISH.)

Huge thanks to sazzlette, who is so brain-damaged that she actually found this entertaining, or at least lied about it so I wouldn’t feel bad.

( What country, friends, is this?Collapse )

This is sazzlette’s fault, but I made her beta, so it works out. ♥

Title: and the night is enormous
Author: guns_and_butter
Pairing(s): Sam/Dean
Rating: Adult (hard R)
Word count: 4,377
Summary: The boys head to Arizona to check out a string of disappearing children. It’s not about the job.
Note: Spoilers through Season 2—but unless Kripke is crazier than I'm giving him credit for, nothing past that. Title from the serendipitously named Brotherhood by Octavio Paz.

( God, give us love in the time that we have.Collapse )