Transitions
Exactly a year since the last post, let's see what's changed. I have a new laptop now, and I love it. However got problems with it right now, more on that later.

Yes I'm still INFP which is in actuality Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving. Pretty self explanatory. I didn't even spell Narcissistic correctly before. My F and T (Thinking) traits are nearly split evenly which really makes me also INTP, so is my extrovert/introvert. So really I'm INFP/ENFP/ENTP/INTP. I knew I was complicated, lol :P They say INFPs hang out at libraries, bookstores and such. Don't think I've ever met one...yet.
Apparently you really have to understand the traits to begin to assess someone's type on the fly. And it's usually just an educated guess, I should have known. Here I thought there was some big secret, I all about precision I guess.

That's about it, that was a short post, maybe I'll cover some of the other stuff from last year and give updated information. maybe, but not today, sorry.

This entry is not about glasses that change in sunlight. It's about times in life where there are more changes than others. I like transitions in life because they give me hope I won't always be where I am. Change is good, and when it's not, well, you have to find something good cause it's usually irreversible.

I got a friend who added me on here so yay! Everyone in church got involved in relationships this past year. So I find myself hanging out with the young teenagers, which is kinda strange but cool. At least we like the same things. My hard drive failed, I seriously think it was a sign cause I'd been needing some distance from the computer and God gave it to me. I've been attending 2 different bible studies for a couple weeks now, I feel like I may or may not fit in. They went for ice cream after and it seemed fun. Then I went to a barbecue but a lot of the people were different there, and it was sort of boring.

I'm taking a look at the Anime club at the college, think I might attend. I'm not big into Anime but I like the ones I have seen so far. Just plugged random things into Google search cause it's impossible to find any club names on the college's website.

Talked to the girl at the bank today. There was this huge line, it moved pretty fast until I got to the front, there were only 2 tellers, one consumer and one commercial. I was thinking about asking her about school again. I saw that there was 2 people in front of me waiting in her line and one in the other guy's. This may sound silly but I prayed that if I was meant to talk to her today, the other line would move faster. both girls at the tellers were taking forever and there were 2 in front of her so I didn't think it would happen but all of a sudden she was asking for the next person and that other girl was still over there. She asked me about my day, then started asking about the person on the check I was cashing. I think I was technically in the wrong line but she didn't care. So she asked me about what I do, she always talks to me more than most. She ended up mentioning that she went to school for GA again, she's kind of cute. Well, it was nice, I can think of a couple things I want to ask her. I forget her name, I should find out.

Got my HDD enclosure to try and retrieve data from my dead hard drive but it was the wrong kind. should have known better than to trust a circuit city employee.

Bible study tonight, I saw one of the guys that comes at Best Buy. Saw Transformers last night with my Pastor's 13 yr old son. He's like the only friend I have here right now.

Re-committing to my work for gamesare, I've been wasting way too much time with games, like I've been in a depression. Feels like the winds are beginning to change though. I needed my computer to die. New acquaintances, new friends, new commitment to the things that matter. I'm hopeful that this Fall will be better than the last.

Current Mood: hopeful

(1 Comment |Comment on this)

Sunday
Today
I felt crappy and so I didn't go to church, at least that's what I told myself. my head is feeling hot now, and my eye hurts a little. Well, I tried to rid my pos laptop of a virus but it won't even let me connect to the internet anymore because of a port it keeps opening. I think it's trying to dial up some paid sex site cause it always pops up this window, luckily that's not happening. i'm gonna let it go and just wait til I get a new computer, I'll just have to deal with it being a pain in the ass for now.

I recently learned that I'm an INFP that's an Introverted narcissitic, oh wait, it's not NARCISSITIC, but I can't remember what is is either. Okay so I'm a Introverted, N - something, Feeling, Perceiving. Whatever that means, I think it means I'm deep and sensitive, and thinking while social, okay that probably misses the mark. Once more a little light shed upon the many twisting, tumbling factors that comprise my psyche. SO I'm INFP and I'm a Leo, and according to Ansir.com I'm also a kinsmen - healer - sentinel, so all i wonder how all those things have harmonized.
I also took a test on OkCupid.com which tells me my perfect match according to my answers is another INFP, I wonder if I've met one before now, looking back and who they were and, how to spot them in the future along with other personality types.

That's the rambling roll of the tumbleweed today, I'm gonna check my messengers, haven't talked to Abby in a while who got me on this thing in the first place, pity.

O

(4 Comments |Comment on this)

What now?
I need to make at least one friend on here so they can pester to me to be regular in my posting(s).

Right now, is one of those times in my life where I feel that I need to make some kind of change, take some kind of risk on my part to get to where I want to be? I don't know what it is, but I know what I lack. The last thing I needed to do was get off my duff, which is what I've done, been jogging regularly now and I actually see the results as I model in front of the mirror shirtless. The next thing is I'm feeling a social need. My current friends at church feel like little more than casual friends, and with most of the being girls, I don't have friends to call up and go out places. I feel like this is one of those problems that I'm determined to solve through excessive thinking. It's become a burden to me now, which means my mind will likely chew on it until I have a breakthrough or revelation.

Identifying the problem:

Most people will tell you this is half the battle, and as we know our minds can play tricks on us, so I determined this much about what I'm missing. At first I thought I need a girlfriend or a love interest, but what I really want is just a friend. Like a close friend, or even a group of semi-close friends like cool, mature, open-minded people I can talk to and have lunch with and ask advice of. That's what Heather Hammit, Rick Conway, and David Gruntmier were to me, they were a totally odd crew like straight out of a sitcom, man those were the days. But Phoenix is a long way away, and I'm a realist. Besides, they were older than me, maybe I'm more compatible with people that age. I'll look into that... I've never gotten along as well with my own age group. Furthermore, there has to be friends like that here, it's just a question of finding them. So far, my ideas for meeting peeps is going to The Door on wednesday, I feel really uncomfortable about that which is probably a surefire indication that it is indeed the best idea, I have to fight this internal urge to withdraw into hermit-crab mode. Man that can't be healthy.

My other thought was college night at the mesa theatre, however that could just be depressing. I can see it now, I sit in the corner nursing a drink, keeping to myself, fearful of making contact because I have no idea what the person might be like, all the while seeming extremely strange and introverted. God knows what I appear like to others that way, I need a kick in the ass from someone there to be more outgoing. I may have to learn to kick my own ass maybe this is just what I need. Maybe I just oughta do something really embarrassing to break the ice. okay, maybe not quite that radical. I think maybe a karaoke bar is the order of the day, at least then I can mix my rather good singing, with poor tempo and stuttered lyrics; at least I'll earn respect, it may loosen me up a bit too. I might see someone I know after all, gotta find out what night they do karaoke.

Why is it so easy to talkto this blank page but hard to talk to people. Maybe I'm an open book but I certainly don't volunteer my personal thoughts at any given moment, and no one usually asks, or tries to pry it out of me. I need to meet someone who give a care. Anyhow, I need to be optimistic about social situations. Best-case scenario, I see someone I know who introduces me to a circle of friends and we all become busom buds. No wonder pessimists are more interesting, but hey that would be cool or even part of it. A pinch of optimisim never hurt did it? I think not...

(Comment on this)

Um...
I have very little to say today, in fact i don't know why I'm doing this, perhaps I should wait until I actually have something to say...nah! never stopped me before, right? right? of course I'm write, you know better than to argue with me.

Oh hey I've been listening to this awesome song by My Chemical Romance, "Helena", since the only person to read this thus far knows all about it, I won't bore me, or you or her; you guys, with the details, their other songs aren't quite the same style, this song really stands above the rest, but I hope they continue to make songs like this. I listened to it at work but my stupid computer at work is all jacked up and driving me crazy, the sound effects in windows is turned off but it sounds like the voices are really barely audible, so I'm forced to pick an fx, and the closest to normal is "room" which makes voices sound far away and echo slightly, it really ruins my music experience.

Could not focus today at work after I skipped out to pick up my step-dad for the airport. I was supposed to be doing web research but I kept looking at the doomworld forums, naturally I go over to my timer and tick off a few minutes cause I don't want to goof off on paid time and pretty soon my day is getting very very looong. I had to mow the lawn today, it's okay because now I feel awake, more or less. Man this thing is boring today, I sound like a normal human being, what is up with that?

Oh yeah I found some Smashing Pumpkins Mp3s online, I hadn't heard them in forever but today it just wasn't doing anything for me, surprisingly they didn't even remind me of my ex...I guess thats a good thing. i'm either gonna work on my map, draw a weapon, or kill somebody..err I mean talk to people, or column F which would be, waste time and wonder where it went. Where was I? Oh yeah I was on a forum inquiring about ADD but I forgot to go back there :$

I'm really done saying anything of value but I feel like typing nonetheless still, i'm kinda tired, maybe I should stop. Oh crap, I can't I may have to surgically remove my fingers from the keyboard, oh wait, there it is; scalpel. Toodles.

IN OTHER NEWS:

Which is actually not unrelated enough to merit its own category but I always felt like using that heading, so the news was...oh yes, I put a video on my live...no no no, my myspace profile page, yay for me
(insert applause here) I had put a really cool song on there for a second, but I didn't want to be a nerd and copycat. Okay so am I nerd, but I'm okay with that, nerd I can live with, copycat? out of the question my young apprentice, now attend to your studies and bother me not. where does this random garbage come from?? seriously...I mean sewiously.
Right, so I put up a song by Postal Service instead, still very good, not my favorite, but it was the only one working, so meh! :P

Current Mood: which is not even a f*ing mood

(Comment on this)

Ponderances...if it were a word, it would be today's WORD
Okay, so today was church day, but today's entry is on a more serious note. I've felt a kind of spiritual renewal the past couple of days, I've been seriously slacking in any kind of reading and prayer life, I had been doing really well with the porn thing for a couple weeks now, but I'm house-sitting for mother dearest now and temptation is much stronger when your completely isolated so I've faltered a bit there, however yesterday I made it free and clear, and almost today, but not quite, because the days not yet over :P
I can resist that, but not the other thing, and I was surprised how many times I had to compensate, like 5 or 6 times. Besides the visual stuff gets less and less appealing to me.

I felt at peace when i started this prayer journal thing, I even started getting a rein on my language, that is until I fired up my mom's DvD to watch the new Dawn of the Dead, It was colorful, I really hate that machine. The movie wasn't bad, one thing I always retain in my list of guilty pleasures is Zombie movies, yea for me. Too bad the schedule I planned in my book all went to hell when I became obsessed and read my doom builder tutorial all day. define pathetic: spending countless hours reading about a program that creates maps for a 10-year old first person shooter. I get in these grooves, sadly i will probably become bored with it before I even make one decent level, pity.

I am off to babysit my nephews, because I have nothing better to do and I get paid, okay so maybe its just for the pay, but they are getting funner. Oh yes, in other news i offended someone online today, again...curious.
I realized today that I don't really like any of the girls in church anymore, well they are okay, but not really good friends and I'm not romantically interested, okay this is turning into a ramble- CUT IT!

Current Mood: thoughtful

(Comment on this)

G-Day the beginning
My very first entry, there should be someone to christen the vessel as it embarks on this momentous journey through time, likely to never ever be repeated. Or continued for that matter given the fact that every time I start one of these infernal things it lasts for two days prior to sputtering out in a pathetic discharge of gas, flame, and inexcusable laziness.
Fortunately for me, only the bold will have made it this far into said entry thus separating the men from the men and women that have too much time on their hands.

I suppose I should hearken to the present date and begin recording my daily existence on this rock lest I be not allowed to leave a gaping scar that singes the psyche of any "normal" upstanding citizen...

(at this point the author begins ranting incoherently about universal truths and anecdotes on the meaning of life, fearing people would be bored out of their skulls and experience inexplicable epileptic seizures we thought it important to leave only the least inconsequential murmuring. Unto this purpose we have truncated this entry considerably)

So I woke up late today, and I had another headache which plagued me throughout the day, I thought perhaps, this one might not turn into a migraine- that was wishful thinking. I ended up crashing in my 2-year old nephews room on the floor with a blanked and a pillow for the majority of my workday. I find it hard to focus even more so than usual when I feel like crap so prior to that I hadn't even clocked in and was wasting my time chatting and browsing the web.

I awoke and had a horse-pill of ibuprofen that my sister claimed would "knock it right out of me", didn't happen exactly like that. We discussed the fact that the difference between prescription and non-prescription drugs is the miligram (Mg) dosage and that basically, in turn your physician saying: "Ignore what the bottle says, take twice as much" makes perfect sense since the recommended amount barely elicits a tingle from my body. I had an espresso also which would wake a normal person, but since I'm wired top to bottom naturally, it wigged me out to no end, feeling like I was going to jump out of my skin, plus the drugs made me dizzy and feeling less than wonderful.

Played with the baby, talked to my niece, proceeded to salvage what 2 hours were left of my entire workday and then had dinner at dads, only without dad... it was a somewhat pleasant experience. I got to read a story to my two little brothers, though their attention was seriously waning by the time we reached the vocabulary words at the back.

Then it was back to housesitting and no Amanda today, me cries, but not really, its a bummer because her mouth runs like a garden hose, it's quite refreshing, very unlike the municipal water that actually runs from a garden hose. An old friend dragged me into this journal thing, can you believe it!? Okay, who the hell am I talking to? something I always wondered with these things. Anyways she'll probably be spitting fire when she reads this, but actually not. Speaking of which I dled a Prodigy Mp3 of Spitfire, it's pretty cool, in fact I think I only made the former statement because I was thinking about this.

Where was I? Oh yes, pissed off another person today, a local, girl I talk to on the internet, sometimes I'm pathetic, she wants to meet for coffee and I make excuses, I was busy writing this damn thing and you know how long it takes me to shutup! damn where was I again? oh yes, back to chronicling episodes from the whirling anomaly that is my life. I'm basically done now (amazing isn't it? this could be therapeutic, or the very thing to drive me over the edge) I think I might play DOOM tonight since I', feeling old skool lately and back into that, plus I can always win and feel good about myself.

Current Mood: Moodful

(2 Comments |Comment on this)