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[30 May 2005|09:54am] |
Have your joint ever gone numb, your limbs?
Ever feel detached from an entire situation? I do.
I don't feel anything when you say things, anything when I see you.
But I laugh. I do.
I laugh because I find the majority of so much you say or do to be some of the most pathetic cries for attention I have ever seen.
I laugh because I know if I ever decided to have no soul or heart like you, I could easily fight back in ways that would rock your worlds so hard, you wouldn't even know what hit.
My hand shakes with anger.
People think that for years you can stand around being smaller, not stronger
Thinking you can put all your hatred at bay, when really it is just looming overhead, waitin to strike out!
Oh, how I can not wait until the day when I tower over...
How does it feel to be someone who just lays back, I mean really?
To be the person being used...
The person people recognize as cold...
Must suck.
Suck to be.
You.
Fortunately for me, I will never have to live inside the hatred of one of your silly children's games
Better keep out - there is a storm brewing.
And that is more than I can say for any of the poor excuses of lives you each call your "own."
Irony in that word -- "own"
Because the last time I checked, my own was my mind, body, soul, feeling,
MY EVERYTHING
But what do you have of your own if you hafta share with your only everything?
With not just yourself but with all that's around you.
Through life I have heard that we all grow up, and I have allowed that to happen
Maybe we each grow at our own pace - maybe I make up for height what people lack in personality, drive, ambition, and i.n.d.i.v.i.d.u.a.l.i.t.y
And while you never can tell where life may take you,
I pray that it takes you straight to the firey pit I know you'll all go and rot in...
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[23 Dec 2004|01:21pm] |
 _lovelymods
rating community for body mods. come join ;D
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[18 Dec 2004|12:10pm] |
Hey y'all I'm new heeerrrreeee!!! :D
My name is Helena >>Sweet 15>> and I'm from the most boring country in dis world... Austria .___. *sigh*...
OMG i can't take dis...
Wuts going on with boys??
Is it just lyke... in their genes or wut??
Evrybody i kno is breakin up with their boyfriends, mostly becuz dem boiz cheated on their gurls.
Awwwww damn. These suckaz sould all fucking... dddddd..!!
Either he's a fool or he's taken.
Where are the good men these days??????
Aight dats it for now ;)
by
da hopeless case :P
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[07 Dec 2004|03:08pm] |
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[30 Nov 2004|11:10pm] |
I have a pounding headache that will not stop. Last year, 2 guys became very close to me. Not only did I develop a friendship with them, but some sort of sick twisted relationship. While it constantly went back and forth between the 2, there was always some sort of constant with each. I would get hurt by Rick, go to Roop, get hurt by him, go back to Rick...and so on. Rick hurt me ultimately sometime during Sept, very early on. I am not over it, and will not be. Your first I hear is sort of like that...rough to get over. After having this happen, I apologized to Roop for a massive blowout that had happened prior to the summer's beginning. Fortunately, we were able to move past it and come to where we now are. Two weeks ago, he and I re-established whatever it is we had had so many times before. This time, different. No drama, no gossip, no other people involving themselves, no hurt, and more talking, friendship, fun... it was what it should be. It was what I almost wanted. Being so content with one thing in my life must be a bad predecursor, yesterday I found out Roop is to be kicked out of school.
Last year, he had discussed transferring time and time again with me. It hurt to see him want to leave, but it would be best for him. After our falling out, part of me prayed he wouldn't be back, but when he was I knew it was better. I was able to get how I felt about my past indescretions off of my chest to him finally...I was relieved.
So a few weeks ago, we started to try some things again. Even though there was a bit of tension and awkwardness, I knew that for once this would be right. I wouldn't screw it up.
Last night at a meeting, a friend of mine told me that one of my friends had gotten the boot for pot. I started freaking out. Immediately, I thought it was him. I mean, no one has shittier luck than him, except maybe me! Well, he didn't name names for awhile...until he told me. (not him, not him, please don't let it be him) "Rooper." Oh god...oh no. All I could do was cry...how could I possibly face him?
Today he asked if I wanted to come over, which is a given! While he and I talked I just couldn't let the thoughts escape me...he's leaving. In a few days, he will not be here. I will need to go through finals without him to keep me sane. I will need to manage myself and tolerate all the shit I deal with without having him to go to, where he won't care and I won't need to worry about any of the bullshit. Today just seemed more right and it is te horrible reality that it won't be like this. I joked with him, "what will I do without you?" his response, "get a dildo." Yes, funny, but I mean it. What will I do? Adjust, sure. But I mean, someone I truly care for here, and who remotely gives a damn about me is going to be gone...
It was an amazing day...but there will be few of those left. We said we will make the most of it... let's just hope!
What would you do guys? Do I have a right to be this upset? I keep crying! What do you say/do to him??
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[14 Nov 2004|12:32am] |
Hi all, I'm new here!
Anyway...I just had the shortest realationship of my life. Four days. Yeah. The timeline was, he asked me on wednesday, I said yes on thursday, knew I had to break up with him on friday, went to a movie with him on saturday, angsted about him on sunday, broke up with him on monday. Isn't that pathetic? And the thing is, I really wanted it to work. He was wonderful. He brought me flowers, and after the movie on saturday, he walked me to my door and kissed my hand and quoted Romeo and Juliet at me while I went inside my house. But, I couldn't deal with him. He was there all the time, and thoguh I loved him as a friend, I didn't like him at all as a boyfriend. But I WANTED to. I wanted to like him, I wanted our realationship to last for forever. But it couldn't and it didn't, and I'm happier now that I've broken up with him, but. It's really a "I can't live with or without you" thing. There was no way I ever would have been happy in that realationship, and it's so much better now that we aren't together (we're still friends, thank God), but I wanted it to work. I really really did, and it's depressing that it didn't. *sigh*
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[05 Aug 2004|11:25pm] |
JOIN cuz_ur_so_cute..
Cuz c'mon guys, YOU ALL KNOW YR SO CUTE!!!
SO COME JOIN!
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| ok you guys...try to answer this. |
[05 Jun 2004|07:38pm] |
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i just want to tell whoever made this this is like best idea. its absolutley aweseome.
ok so this is my problem..i've been friends with this girl since 1st grade..best friends actually..and now she ditches me for all her drug addict friends. im 15, and its sad to think of change like this when we were like attatched at the hip. now when i finally like, forgot about her, [well i didnt really, i just started to deal with it], her sister comes up to my door to my house [she lives around the block] and gives me a sweet sixteen invitation to her party. if i went i'd be so uncomfortable, and i just know that her parents forced her to invite me, because they "adore me" as they used to tell me when i was always over. i know that if it were up to her and she had no parents, she wouldn't invite me. it was the type of friend where you don't even have to call to come over, you just came to their door and was like "can so and so come out?".
her parents are actually always asking me why i don't hang out with her anymore, and i don't know what to say. i try to say that im really involved with school [which i am..i just took my SAT II's and get home from all my extra curriculars late] but she knows cause i never call anymore. we were so close, at 6:30 every monday through friday i'd go over her house and we'd go to the bus stop together.
and then one day i just stopped going.
and we just stopped talking.
i want to tell her she's pretty much throwing her life away, she's like failing everything in school, smokes up, and im the complete opposite of her. im the "goody goody" who does well in school and wants to go to a great college.
and now im sitting here, with a sweet sixteen invitation for my former best friend, and i dont know what to do. what do i do? do i go? what do i tell her parents when they ask me why i haven't been over? do i tell her she's throwing her life away and to get her ass into shape?
its so frusturating.
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[19 May 2004|02:27pm] |
you guys still out there? :)
<3
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| Horrible friend. |
[02 Mar 2004|10:09pm] |
I need a little advice. I have this friend who treats me like absolute crap - I mean he makes a point out of finding things that I don't know and then saying "Oh my god, you didn't know that? well did you know that... (then he'll say something else that he knows I don't know..)" and then he's always following MY friends around and talking shit about me to them.
I want to get this person OUT of my life, but he's turned so many people against me already and he's forced his way into my life in a way that I don't want... what should I do?
He doesn't understand when I try to talk to him ... not at all. He just goes and says more shit about me to MY friends.
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[15 Jan 2004|03:40am] |
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Hah. I joined this community for the purpose of bitching about this one thing, that is annoying the bejesus out of me.
I've been with my boyfriend for three years, I love him to death and we have a great relationship. We really don't have too many problems and he's a good guy. But, oh my god, worst idea EVER on my part: getting him FF online for christmas. Now I NEVER see him. And by never I don't mean like, once a week, I actually mean never. We used to spend every day together, not just recently but since we've been together, and even before that as friends. Now he's sooo fucking inconsiderate and irresponsible. Not just to me, but I think he is going to lose his job as well if he already hasn't. He REALLY needs to spend some time with the three dimensional people. FOR CHRISTS SAKE. ^_^. Driving me fuckin' crazy.
I just spent 3 hours trying to find an AT&T Op. who would interrupt his internet connection for me so I could talk to him for the first time in about four days. That's sad. But of course he's sleeping so I am once again boyfriendless.
Haha. Now I remember what being single feels like. Sorry. I don't even see people posting in this community very often, but hey ^_^. So theres my troubles. I hope he finishs this fucking game some time soon here. I shall now collect me and my bejesus and be on my way...
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[10 Dec 2003|12:29am] |
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Men. Men are the thing I want to yell at, scream at, and beat. I'm tired of being single, and have decided that it is my fate to be involuntarily chaste for the rest of my life.
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[02 Dec 2003|03:45pm] |
I need some serious advice...
i*ve been with my boyfriend fo almost two years, but there is this girl who does NOT leave him alone...He was in love with her for 3 years before he and i started going out...and they never went out, but she said she loved him too and they hooked up and all that lovliness...anyhow the point is she is a real real real awful person and hurt him A LOT during there "relationship" if you can even call it that...and now i don*t know if she is trying to get him back, trying to make him fall into her trap once again, but she sends him love letters in the mail...I*ve read them they are absolutely sickening...and she sends him emails every day and calls him and they talk for hours upon hours...i tell him that it is totally NOT normal for them to be doing this. I don*t want them talking, i don*t want him to see her, i don*t want her to continue trying to destroy our relationship as she has done with EVERY other girl he has been with...this whole situation is KILLING me and i can not deal with her anymore...what do i do about it? I really need help, i can*t fight this anymore...
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[18 Oct 2003|09:02pm] |
so i get dumped by konrad. i was so infatuated with him it was amazing everything was good, and he breaks up with me.
then my best friend courtney tells me that he likes her and wants to hook up with her. MY BEST FUCKING FRIEND. and had to tell everyone else of our friends before me. i'm always the last to know because they think id be upset. now im fucking upset because they did this to me.
nothing is going right.
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| Just a lil' sumtin sumthin funny... ;) |
[13 Oct 2003|11:23pm] |
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alethea808: i have cramps today
Spunkywonderslug: isnt that a regular occorance?
alethea808: nope
alethea808: i usually don't get them because if you orgasm pretty frequently, then you don't get um
Spunkywonderslug: I see
alethea808: being a woman sucks
Spunkywonderslug: meh
alethea808: men get the best of it all
Spunkywonderslug: you having fun with your orgasmic cramps?
alethea808: meanie! those aren't fun
alethea808: they hurt more than blue balls (i imagine)
Spunkywonderslug: Hahah
alethea808: do those hurt really bad?
Spunkywonderslug: Veryy funny
Spunkywonderslug: No
alethea808: good
Spunkywonderslug: theres no such thing
alethea808: because then i'm right about my cramps hurting more
alethea808: ;-)
Spunkywonderslug: its a ploy
alethea808: wtf
Spunkywonderslug: to get laid
alethea808: lol
alethea808: that's news to me
alethea808: thanks for the info
alethea808: i'll remember that in case some guy ever trys that
alethea808: not like i'd care
alethea808: i'd be like "hah good for you"
alethea808: ;-)
Spunkywonderslug: =P
alethea808: what's your favorite thing about being a guy?
Spunkywonderslug: My dick
alethea808: and worst thingA?
Spunkywonderslug: My dick
alethea808: >:o
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| Hey girls... |
[09 Oct 2003|09:49am] |
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Well it's been a LONG time since I've posted in this community so I wanted to let all y'all know that I'm single and loving it. No I'm not going on tons of dates, and no I don't like any guys at the moment. Honestly I'm just focusing on bettering myself currently and it's been fun. I've been going to the gym every day. I've been spending tons of time with friends. Working on art. Learning to salsa dance. All and all it's just been really great.
Guys aren't worth all the greif and worrying that they cause, so from now on I'm not gonna give them a second thought. In the past, I would put a guy I was seeing before everything else. Before friends, before school, before myself even. Well that ish has changed for the better so I'm just gonna pat myself on the back *pat pat*.
Anyways I hope all of you are doing really well and take care.
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| Not That This Is A New Concept, But... |
[20 Sep 2003|01:14pm] |
Guys are so fuckin confusing. I am really really ready to give up on the idea that I could ever find someone honest and caring. I mean first the international students showed me that it doesn't matter how much you care about a girlfriend/boyfriend, because they all are willing to cheat on their significant others. But now, guys are showing me how fucked up and indecisive they are. Like Tim. After our first date, he asked if we could go out again this weekend. I said, sure, just call me. He couldn't go out on Friday, so I called him today and asked what he was up to, and he said he had plans to stay on the beach. I called him on that and told him that he said he wanted to do something with me this weekend. That fucker. So I said "Oh well that's ashame because I was gonna invite you to a party tonight." He said "Party?" and I said "Yea a girls field hockey party." So then he's like "Oh well maybe I can cancel my plans." What the fuck!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe him. He wasn't gonna ditch his plans for me, but for a field hockey party he will? He is such a fucking asshole. So then he was like "You think I'm an asshole now don't you." And I said "Well yea I do." So I guess he felt guilty or some shit because then he was like "Well I'll call you later, and maybe we can do something tomorrow, okay?"
FUCK I HATE GUYS!!!
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| VENTIN TIME |
[16 Sep 2003|06:04am] |
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Hey I know I haven't really vented since I joined and introduced myself that one time..well..a few things have been goin on with me lately thats just buggin the shit out of me and I just feel like I don't wanna connect with anyone thats around me..I don't even connect with my momma all that much like I was..I don't know if maybe its b/c its that time of the month and ya know its just one of those things where you feel like you wanna lock yourself up and be left alone cause you don't feel like foolin with anyone cause you just feel soo *ugh* all over..I don't know..my damn mood swings are horrid!! I mean I cried yesterday for about at least over 2 hours and it was over nothing!! I took a relaxer for the pain and I ended up falling asleep for the rest of the day and didn't wake up till 5:30 in the afternoon. I don't know whats wrong with me. Then I didn't sleep at all last night b/c I slept all day yesterday and I just feel really crappy. Plus I'm startin to have withdraws dealing with dating, I mean I decided I didn't wanna deal with any men b/c every single guy that I have hooked up with has left me nothing but heartbreak, theres no one here to date what so ever!! Then the fact that maybe I'm picky or I ask for to much out of a guy..I don't know!! I mean is it so hard to ask for a guy thats got a great personality, tall(at least taller than me), sweet, caring, affectionate, big time romantic, trusting, understanding, more trusting, loves me, and likes music. IS THAT TO MUCH TO ASK??? Maybe I watch to many romance movies or something!! I don't know what it is!! I know I don't need a man to make me happy, but I do know that its nice to have a man around to have someone to care for and love, to cuddle with out underneith the stars! I mean is that to much?? I don't know!! People always tell me I'm in love with love! Maybe I am. My family is big on romance, big hopeless romantics in my family!! I mean we're Italian of course were gonna be romantic! lol
Do I sound like a complete nut?? I mean..another thing with men is that I seriously think b/c that I have abandonment issues with me and my fathers relationship that maybe thats why it affects my relationships with dating guys! What do ya'll think?? I don't know..I've been told that, Maybe its true..I don't know.
Anyways..I'm out!! laterz hip catz!! PEACE
XOXOXOXOXOXO
Lady Ness
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