The shiny walled box thingie
 An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.

The lad asked, "What is this, father?"

The father, having never seen an elevator, responded, "I have no idea what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.

The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."

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CIA Job Hunt

The CIA job hunt

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists — two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

“We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.” The first man said.“You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife,”

The agent replies, “Then you’re not the right man for this job."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent replies, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. So I had to beat him to death with the chair.”

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bad girl
 

Little Carol came into the kitchen where her mother was
making dinner. Her birthday was coming up and she thought this was a
good time to tell her mother what she wanted. “Mom, I want a bike for my
birthday.” Now, Little Carol was a bit of a troublemaker. She had gotten
into trouble at school and at home. Carol’s mother asked her if she
thought she deserved to get a bike for her birthday. Little Carol, of
course, thought she did.

Carol’s mother, being a Christian woman, wanted her to
reflect on her behavior over the last year, and write a letter to God
and tell him why she deserved a bike for her birthday. Little Carol
stomped up the steps to her room and sat down to write God a letter.

LETTER 1:
Dear God:
I have been a very good girl this year and I would like a
bike for my birthd ay. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Carol

Carol knew this wasn’t true. She had not been a very good
girl this year, so she tore up the letter and started over.

LETTER 2:
Dear God:
This is your friend Carol. I have been a pretty good girl
this year, and I would like a red bike for my birthday. Thank you, Carol

Carol knew this wasn’t true either. She tore up the letter
and started again.
LETTER 3:
Dear God:
I know I haven’t been a good girl this year. I am very
sorry. I will be a good girl if you just send me a red bike for my
birthday. Thank you, Carol

Carol knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going
to get her a bike. By now, she was very upset. She went downstairs and
told her mother she wanted to go to church.

Carol’s mother thought her plan had worked because Carol
looked very sad.  “Just be home in time for dinner,” her mother said.

Carol walked down the street to the church and up to the
altar. She looked around to see if anyone was there. She picked up a
statue of the Virgin Mary, slipped it under her jacket and ran out of
the church, down the street, into her house, and up to her room. She
shut the door and sat down and wrote her letter to God.
LETTER 4:
I GOT YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE
BIKE. 
Signed, 
YOU KNOW WHO

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The Virgin

A virgin girl is on the phone and asks her boyfriend to come over and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it’s his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. 

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he’d like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

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