work | Conortje

It’s been over two years you know, my old friend

21 08 2014

Nobody blogs any more. Everyone’s on twitter cramming their exciting lives into 160 characters or fewer. I would struggle to seem interesting these days without any restrictions let alone in a short sentence or two.

I got a permanent job, moved to Dublin, got married and acquired a cat. I live a stone’s throw away from Rosie & Andrew and Back Pedal Brakes who are now bona fide ‘real friends’. We mind each others’ cats and have dinner parties. Our cottage is a sneeze away from Safari Kent and Annie. Safari Kent and I lend each other bottles of wine and invariably drink them together. He ensures I don’t go too insane and I encourage him to allow us both to become more eccentric. So you could almost say that my blogging life has turned into real life.

And nobody blogs any more. Right?

Wrong.

I spent more than a good few days reading Coffee Helps and became so immersed in her world that she woke up all sorts of dormant feelings and ideas in me. So much so that I wrote her a fan letter. It doesn’t really matter if nobody else is blogging – the best of the best is still at it.

Her superb writing made me so nostalgic. For the days of living in a foreign country, constantly meeting new people, travelling to new places, learning new languages…

I still travel a lot, just these days it’s for work. Which is great, but it’s still work. I usually cram in an extra evening or day to do a little discovery but I have a busy job so it’s never the same. Still, I won’t complain. This year I’ve been to India, Japan, San Francisco twice and have New York and Vegas coming up. All for work. It certainly beats twiddling my thumbs in Tralee looking forward to the arrival of the postman so we can chat about the weather.

I stopped blogging because I had nothing to say. Or when I did I was afraid to do it. Too many people I know read my blog and as I work in a very tech savvy environment it would have been clueless to write about my adventures in the workplace.

But reading Coffee Helps brought back all the reasons I loved it so much. The friends I made through blogging, being able to look back at a unique record of my days and looking at the world through the frame of ‘how could I write about that?’.

Plus My Very Own Newfoundlander and I are going back to The Netherlands for a holiday soon. It seems like a good time to start again. Maybe. I don’t know.

Comments : 10 Comments »

Categories : Blogging, Change of Season, work, writing

The Final Countdown

25 09 2009

In a dramatic flurry of excitement I handed in my notice at work. My last day will be the 30th of November I announced in a high pitched Conorsqueal of excitement and basked in the ensuing reactions and attention. Some were shocked, some cried, some hugged me, some grunted and others’ minds wandered towards what they were going to have for lunch. I had to answer questions on dates and destinations and a whole array of details big and small regarding our travel plans and did my best to paint a picture that would describe a well thought out adventure rather than the haphazard loose idea that it currently is.

It was the talk of the place for a whole five minutes and I revelled in the attention. Even though I really like my job and love my colleagues there was something so satisfying about the whole event. It felt like progress, turning a page and moving on with my life.

I sat back at my desk with a huge grin on my face and it took me a good few minutes to slowly calm down. But I noticed that everybody else had quickly returned to their work and were going about their business as usual. Hmmm I thought to myself – maybe I should do it again – only this time louder and with more pizzazz! But no, the realisation hit that while I may indeed be leaving it’s not for another two months and life goes on. Worse than that was the understanding that I am still expected to work just as hard, right up until the end.

Ah well, in my head at least, the minutes are racing towards an end.

Comments : 22 Comments »

Categories : The Big Trip, travelling, work

When I’m sixty-four

25 06 2009

I had an entire week of training at work recently. Usually it’s a welcome opportunity to get out of the office and do something a little different. This time however they wanted me to do work. Actual work! I mean really – haven’t they met me?

It was a programme to become a certified IT trainer (a concept I’d have been struggling not to laugh at if I wasn’t too busy struggling with learning how to use basic applications). It turned out to be a week of never ending assignments to prove my credentials. The whole thing culminated in an observed training session on an IT topic chosen by the instructor.

Now I find the whole IT world dull to say the very least so the week was hardly one peppered with laughter and amusement. I kept myself awake and alert by perfecting my doodling and sharpening my imagination until Day 3 when the instructor announced that she had chosen the topic on which I was to demonstrate my teaching abilities. She had also come up with an appropriate pretend target group of students. I sat nervously hoping it would be a remotely interest group so I could spice things up and make the whole charade more fun – perhaps a group of inmates from a high security prison? a bunch of luscious one-armed lesbians with tourette’s? – hey I could even make do with an Alcoholics Anonymous group – anything that would remotely raise a smirk would suffice thank you.

You will be teaching an old age pensioners club she dryly announced as my eager face fell with discontent. My mind drifted out the door on a wave of disappointment but was instantly snapped back when I heard the topic I would have to present- you will be teaching them how to insert objects! she explained.

Insert what now? I chirped in disbelief. Objects! she repeated, puzzled at my delighted reaction.

I’m teaching OAPs how to insert objects? I gushed with laughter How fabulous! – whoever said IT was boring?

Comments : 18 Comments »

Categories : IT, OAPs, training, work

In my imagination there is no complication

22 06 2009

To enter the building where I work we have to go through a security check just like at the airport – but without any promise of an exotic destination. We have to pass through a metal detector which limits what type of belts we can wear and how much loose change we can smuggle inside. We also have to ensure we’re not carrying anything remotely embarrassing in our bags as they’re all sent through an x-ray machine too. When you do this day in day out, every morning and lunch it becomes so tiresome and tedious that anything to divert boredom and entertain is grasped with startling enthusiasm. This usually involves a healthy dose of imagination and whichever security officer happens to be working at that time.

Also distracting was the announcement made at work last week that ‘The Swine Flu has hit The Hague’. And I must admit they seem to know about these things – remember this from just a few days before anyone had ever even heard of the thing? Now that there are two confirmed cases in the area they’ve made their advice more specific and published a list of what to do and what to avoid, including;

– Use paper tissues when coughing or sneezing, use paper tissues once only
– Wash hands after coughing, sneezing and blowing your nose
– Clean doorknobs, kitchen appliances, keyboards and your desk frequently with antibacterial substances
– Avoid routine kissing, shaking hands and touching.
– Wash hands after every contact with a person displaying flu like symptoms
– Call your GP and stay at home if your symptoms persist or worsen

I took all this in and found my mind drifting through the x-ray machine following my bag to the other side. As I glanced at the security officer I began piecing together the defence case I’d establish. How could the officer possibly mind if I was to grab him suddenly and bend him backwards with a flourish in order to slap an enormous kiss on his terrified face?

I’m only trying to avoid the flu! I’d plead – I’m bringing my kissing up to guideline levels and making it as un-routine as possible – I didn’t even want to kiss you, honestly, I’m only trying to stay healthy!

Comments : 19 Comments »

Categories : imagination, swine flu, work

This is to mother you

11 12 2008

The cleaning lady at my work is an incredibly sweet and friendly person. As we both arrive very early in the morning, long before most others, we usually chat away, catching up on each other’s lives. This always makes for a lovely, warm, soft launch into the day ahead. She’s Turkish but has almost no English. I am of course Irish with absolutely no Turkish. This means our conversation is conducted in our respective versions of Dutch. Both with accents you could cut with a knife we struggle for vocabulary and generally ignore annoying grammar rules which just tend to get in the way.

Even though she’s about my age she’s taken on a sort of mother’s role with me often advising me to eat more and look after myself better. As I’d been off work for a few days while my Occasionally Sane Friend was visiting she asked if I’d been on holiday. No I told her enthusiastically, I had a friend over visiting. Oh! she chirped obviously more interested than most would be at this news, and…was it a girl? Already somewhat fearful of where this might be leading I confirmed her suspicions that my Occasionally Sane Friend is indeed a girl.

Her face broke out into a massive grin and she did a little jump in the air as she sang Oh, I’m so glad. I thought you’d never get married and you’d just be lonely forever. All the vocabulary I possess in any language left me as I witnessed her very obvious happiness.

In the absence of any other idea I simply gave her a cheeky smile and a giggle of confirmation. Seeing her like that, I just knew I couldn’t go and break my kind Turkish mother’s heart.

Comments : 27 Comments »

Categories : Friends, guess I need to find myself an early morning beard, how do I get myself into these situations, mothering, mothers, relationships, work

Don’t you want me Baby?

6 06 2008

I had a blind date this morning. A blind date for a threesome no less. And to make it even weirder it was with two women! Okay actually it was a job interview but it really felt just like a blind date. What will they be like? Will they find me charming? Will they notice that spot on my face? Is my beard too long? All the same feelings as a date but without any chance of a snog at the end. Probably.

While I love my current job ….(anyone know what the hell it is I do?) …. the place I work for is going to close in over a year and a half or so. From underneath my snug blankets of denial I had a hot flush of practicality one day and looked on the internet to see what job vacancies were out there in the scary real world. I absentmindedly sent off my CV to one and before I knew it I was invited for an ‘informal interview’. Just what the Tom Jones is an informal interview when it’s at home? Does it take place in the pub? Do I turn up in jeans and t-shirt? Should I be speaking in some sort of hip street slang? Do people even use the word hip anymore. PANIC!! I decided I’d cancel – I really didn’t need the hassle of being a big bag of nerves for a job I’m not even sure I’d be interested in – but my Occasionally Sober Friend wouldn’t let me – It’ll be good practice for when you really want a job she wisely advised. And so I reluctantly went.

Informal my elbow! It was like being on Mastermind with my chosen topic being ‘How wonderful am I’. I spent an hour answering rapid-fire questions doing my best to sell myself – so much so that by the end of it I felt like I should really be ruling the world and am totally wasted in day-to-day life.

I squirmed and sweated and asked questions. Tried to seem both interesting and interested. I smiled, made jokes and tried to pretend I knew what I was talking about. And then they asked ‘What is your experience in writing?’. I repeated the question back to them slowly hoping to buy some time – I ran through my life in one swoop and before I knew it there I was answering boldly ‘I write a blog’. Their blank expressions and silence forced me to plod further into this murky region. ‘It’s a fairly good blog though’ I pleaded quite unconvincingly ‘with real readers’. The next few questions had me explaining all about my blog, what it was about, who reads it etc stopping short of showing them pictures of the history of my beard. I dread to think how geeky it all must have sounded. I’d have gotten away more easily had I just said that I’d written some angst-ridden poetry when I was 14.

Anyways I survived the whole experience but really felt like a stiff drink afterwards. I’m still not sure how interested I would be if they call me for a second interview but it’s always nice to be wanted. I wouldn’t go back again without the promise of at least a quick grope though.

Comments : 34 Comments »

Categories : Blogging, business, dating, job interviews, work, Work Experience

Pour myself a cup of ambition

4 04 2008

When you’re plodding away doing the daily nine to five (or 07:40 to 5 but who’s counting?) you grasp at anything that can to distinguish one day from the other. The man who comes to service the photocopier instantly becomes the most popular man in the building as he seems like an exotic visitor from a strange far away land. If someone accidentally shreds the wrong document the drama of it can keep you afloat for days. Sad and all as it is ‘Dress Down Friday’ is always hugely welcome. Your soft reliable jeans herald the advancing weekend and it’s fun trying to push the acceptable limits of what is too casual to wear to work. It’s even more fun to secretly snigger at the poor innocent souls who think that Disney characters on clothes is appropriate for adults.

So it was with a wee sigh this morning that I had to go and grab a shirt and tie. No dressing down for Conortje this Friday. Instead I get the delicious chance to imagine that I am ridiculously important as I have to tear across town this afternoon to attend, wait for it …… a video conference! I’m going to be connected to Rome, Paris and New York. Ladies and gentlemen I have arrived in the world of …. hmmm…. anyone know what I actually do here? Ah well, I’ll figure it out soon enough no doubt. The reality will be that I’ll be huddled into a corner of the room trying to be quiet and inconspicuous and hoping that nobody asks me anything. In my mind though we will all be waiting to hear what our great leader’s plans are so we can begin taking over the world!

Of course I am going to be ridiculously disappointed when I realise that it’s not all that exciting and nothing like a revamped version of Charlie’s Angels. Pity, I wonder which one I would have been…

Comments : 23 Comments »

Categories : business, everyone needs a bit of Dolly every now and then, office life, work

Parlez-vous français? If you do, we will be okay

8 02 2008

Well I’m back, utterly exhausted and glad to be home. It’s very tiring not speaking the language of your surroundings. And I’m not talking about French here but rather business acronyms. It seemed whole paragraphs were being reduced to nifty little initials and everyone had moved on three sentences by the time I had successfully worked out what LLR or WFO was. I soon got into the swing of things though making up my own and dropping them into conversation. The trick is to sound confident and everyone will feel too embarrassed at their own ignorance to question you. This also works for facts and figures. Mine became more and more elaborate and precise as the days went on. Bark a startling statistic in an urgent tone and everyone will just revel in the wonder of it, nodding with understanding or shaking their head with compassionate disbelief. The startling fact is that 61.7% of bloggers do this at least twice a week!

As for the real language I ended up speaking English with a dramatic French accent thinking that this made me near to fluent in the local tongue. As none of the colleagues travelling with me had any French, the few words that I did know amazed them no end. Little did they suspect that all I was saying to the waiters was that I had four sisters, a brother and a dog. If I was feeling adventurous I’d ask directions to the train station or count to twenty. The waiters were madly puzzled while I basked in the admiration of my colleagues. Throw in a flamboyant hand gesture and it’s as if you’ve lived there for years.

My lasting memory of Geneva though is smelly wet dogs. We didn’t actually see any over the few days but every single restaurant we went into seemed to have one lurking, hidden out of view. It was only on our last evening that we realised this foul aroma was actually coming from the cheese they use for their omnipresent fondue. Nasty stuff indeed. Geneva, you either need to change your cheese or invest in some better air conditioning.

Comments : 28 Comments »

Categories : fondue, French, geneva, languages, Switzerland, travel, work

Why am I always on a plane or a fast train

4 02 2008

I almost never go on any work trips, the furthest distance usually being an annual visit to the other side of the city. So I was ridiculously excited when I found out that I get to go to Geneva this week for work. This meant that I spent most of the weekend perfecting my Business Traveller look. I’ve been mainly concentrating on my bored gaze which I plan to unveil on the plane during the safety announcements. I intend to give off a jaded air of been there done that millions of times as I secretly peek out from behind my craftily placed Financial Times, hanging on every word. I must also remember to start referring to that as my FT! Other than these steps it’s all pretty much a mystery to me. I have a hunch it’s not such a good idea to get drunk at the airport or wear my most comfortable old scruffy jeans.

Geneva I expect to be full of diplomats, watches and chocolate which the natives no doubt cut up with their patriotic army knives. When I return here in a few days I will surely be world weary and business savvy. It’ll be all stocks, shares and financial forecasts around here from now on. That is unless I need to flog my computer to pay for my mini bar bill.

Comments : 23 Comments »

Categories : geneva, travel, work, work trips

I’m making pies

6 11 2007

Last year my work offered free flu vaccinations for all who were interested. When I heard this I scoffed and sniggered at anyone I knew who signed up. I accused them of being old fogies and offered to buy them slippers and hot water bottles. I lectured them about how young people shouldn’t need this and our bodies are strong enough to deal with it and one shouldn’t mess about with mother nature so readily.

I simply stocked up on paracetemol and lemon drinks as I shined my halo with vitamin C and virtuousness. And then, in March it happened. I got struck with the worst flu of my life. My head felt like it was going to implode. My energy levels sank into nothingness and my temperature kept stretching higher and higher. Every sneeze and cough felt like my head was being stabbed by blunt daggers. I was a slobbering spluttering mess. Being the selfless individual that I am I felt the need to share my symptoms with all and sundry and demanded sympathy from everyone within a 5km radius. If I felt I wasn’t receiving enough I added extra groans and additional sick lamb looks. If I had to go through this torture than the least I should get is attention and sympathy. It took me over two weeks to shift the damn thing. It’s a wonder I had any friends left at the end of the ordeal.

Last week my work sent out its annual notice regarding flu vaccinations. Guess who was first in line this year? Humble pie never tasted so good.

Comments : 17 Comments »

Categories : Bad decisions, flu, flu vaccination, humble pie, self-pity, work