codenamestasis

	Ugh, I complained in my head. UGH.
	“What?” Blake said, looking suspicious. She knew I was hiding something. What was the point? I couldn’t keep it from her forever. I couldn’t keep anything from her and, believe me, I’d tried. I’d try again anyway.
	“Whatever, Kali, you know I’ll find out.”
	“Fine!” I snapped. “I can astral project better than ever. I’m starting to understand so much but–! Everything about Soleil is blurry!”
	“Jet–”
	“Do you think he can help?”
	“Of course he can help,” Blake said, rolling her eyes. I raised my eyebrow. “He’s the most connected to Sol other than Jillian and Nina. Ask them, too. We need to understand what’s going on with her. If you can tell–”
	“We need the Fates!”
	“Kali, yes, we already know–”
	“No, we NEED the Fates.” My serious persona came out and I scowled. “They’re close. They’re so close. Damnit! Why do they have to be cloaked so thoroughly?!”
	“Because Fate and Luck would be taken out first. They have to hide better than anyone. But I have the same feeling; they’re close. The Fates and Luck. You know this, Kals.”( Read moreCollapse )

	My first ever paycheck! I was only 15 years old but, since my mother wasn’t paying child support, I got a job at a local sandwich shop to buy my own school clothes and supplies. I couldn’t have been happier; I was no longer a burden. I had that check in my greedy little hands and I was thinking of all the ways I could spend it! Two-hundred dollars! I thought euphorically. It was more money than I had ever had to myself in my life! Where would I go first? To get ice cream? Tacos? Maybe I could buy a new flute? No no, I had a perfectly good flute that my high school had lent me! I decided that, for now, I’d take Lynn to the cute donut shop on the corner of Broadway and First Street!
	Only one small obstacle; I needed a bank account and my father had to open it for me. We went to do just that, at which point I was told I had to put half of every paycheck into this account. I wasn’t happy, but my dad just wanted me to save money and not to burn through it, so I agreed. I imagined how much money I’d have saved for college in the next 3 years and sighed happily. But did I even want to go to college? I thought about joining the Navy but I wasn’t sure if I was strong enough for that. I didn’t know, but I would still save up!
	As for the rest of my newfound wealth, I met Lynn at the mall for some school shopping. She was completely decked out in her goth make-up and attire; industrial hair falls adorned her pigtails, black lipstick, heavy eyeliner, at least one whole tube of mascara on her perfectly painted features and sparkly black fingernails. She wore an all black long-sleeved net shirt with a Korn t-shirt over it and metal rings through the faux-leather shoulders, metal-spiked collars and bracelets, wide leg jeans–chains hanging from her pockets and belt loops– and combat boots. I admired her look, as usual, and she gushed over my rainbow bead hair clips; we were black and white and a rainbow and we couldn’t have been happier.
	She introduced me to the joys of discount clothing stores and then she took me to a gothy store that she swore by called Hot Topic. I ran around drooling over the Sailor Moon comic books, the t-shirts, the pins and snatched a pair of rainbow shoelaces off of a display. It was all I could afford at that point and I was perfectly ok with that. After we bought our stuff, we grabbed a soda and some candy from a nearby store then sat in front of Hot Topic, my new favorite store. We talked about what we’d buy if we didn’t have to worry about money, which was basically everything. Just then a small child no more than 2 years old ran by us and straight to the store, but her mother intercepted just before she crossed the threshold.( Read moreCollapse )

And every single time I write about Lynn, I will remember my fairy sister, Brandi Lynn.

	Ash was about to see Sera again. He couldn’t believe it; he was going to see Sera again. He would be in her presence in less than 24 hours. What was he going to do? Every time he tried to distance from her, he was pulled back violently. Her hazel eyes–always hers–they shined in his mind. Every time he was near her, no matter how fed up she was, she still looked at him with those eyes. They gave her away every time. If he messed with her this year, Eve and Bailey might actually kill him, tie him up and leave him in the desert sun or something. He never thought they’d be capable of something like that until Eve slapped him. That slap told him everything he needed to know; she looked innocent, but if someone fucked with her friends, she would curse them or Bailey would wrench their throats out with her teeth.
	Everything in him was screaming that he had to resist Sera. He wanted to break her just so she’d stay away from him. It was this pain now or worse pain later and he couldn’t bear to see her in any pain at all. That flood of light, that screaming, her voice promising that she would always protect him. It had played in his dreams since he was old enough to remember them, possibly even younger. Then a white fire burned through her soul, turning her to ash. Every time they touched he felt it. It was like an instant sunburn. Sometimes when this light was hurting her, he could take some and she’d be ok for a while, but then she needed him more. He didn’t know if that was ok either because she still shined bright for him. He was like heroin to her and he knew the feeling all too well; she was the same to him. He didn’t know what to do! He couldn’t watch her turn to ash! He wondered if his name was a warning; he believed that he hurt people and that he could only ever hurt her. But why did it feel so good when they were together? He couldn’t keep feeding off of her light, then she couldn’t stop. She’d kill for another hit and so would he.
	God, what do I do?! He cursed as he squeezed his eyes shut and held his head in his hands. Do I make her shine and stay with her? What if I hurt her? What if… that image, her bursting into white flames, screaming in pain, turning to crystals then into ash. “God, STOP showing me that!” He felt the tears. He had to stay away. It was so painful, but it was best for everyone. Then he remembered Talia; a rich girl that had been eyeing him. Make Sera jealous! STAY AWAY, you bastard! He internally screamed at himself. If he married Talia, he’d be set and that would push Sera away for good, wouldn’t it? Could he stay away like that?( Read moreCollapse )

	“I always felt like the Euterpe was my ship. It’s the first thing I said when I saw it! ‘That’s my ship!’ At least that’s what mom says.” Soleil laughed as she gestured toward the bow of an old sailing ship in front of Nina and herself.
	“Euterpe–?” Nina wondered out loud.
	“Oh!! The Star of India! It was originally called Euterpe!” It was an overcast morning and the scent of saltwater and diesel filled the air as Nina and Soleil walked down the sidewalk of the Maritime Museum on Harbor Drive. There were more people around than usual waiting to board tour ships but they managed to find an open spot next to the water just in front of the ship. Nina looked up at it in awe, then stared at another ship nearby. Soleil followed her gaze to the HMS Surprise and realized why Nina was gawking at the ship. Sol giggled.
	“Why is that ship so familiar? Wasn’t it..” Nina started.
	“Yes..?” Soleil smirked, hoping Nina would remember on her own.
	“Mermaids!” Nina shouted, making several people nearby jump.
	“You’re getting there,” Sol giggled again.
	“OH! Pirates of the Caribbean! Mermaids sank it! OH NO! Poor ship!”
	“I dunno, I wouldn’t mind being sunk if it was by mermaids,” Soleil said dreamily as Nina snorted. “Can we visit it?!”
	“Of course–” Sol started.
	“–that isn’t right,” a voice sneered from a nearby group of people.( Read moreCollapse )

	It was midnight, almost time for my pickup and the only time we could move anywhere safely. It was 110 degrees outside, but 135 during the day. Our world was burning, in pain, and technological progress was halted for everyone but trillionaires and the AI they’d created to replace us. Mom was watching the clock nervously and trying to hide it. I was 2 years from graduation and my mom was wondering if I should drop out and get a job at her tech repair yard. She put me through that school with money my grandfather left me so I could learn to be a good wife–it really was the best hope any woman had these days–but I didn't want to get married to anyone.. except him. Ash. I wondered what it would be with him this year; hot or cold? Both? Anyway, I wasn’t dropping out. I’d miss Kai, Eve and Bailey too much.( Read moreCollapse )

	I spent days, weeks meditating and studying everything I could get my hands on about the supernatural and spirit world. Pan and I stayed in the Underground, we’d been there since the day Jet found us and we honestly had nowhere else to go at that point. I’d tried with all my might to take care of Pan on my own after his father left, but no matter what I did I always just ended up in debt or bouncing from home to home. Homelessness was becoming more and more of a possibility for us and I knew that they’d take Pan if that happened. If he ended up in the system, I’d likely never see him again and that would happen over my dead body. I made a decision; people liked me, specifically men.
	I started dancing at a strip club when Pan was about 3; it paid for basics and for both of us to go to school. The issue? There were very slimy men in those environments and the bouncers for that club weren’t too friendly. I could fully admit that I wasn’t lacking in the looks department, so it became a problem for me. I sought out a better club but they were few and far between. When I found one, I clung to it for as long as I could. The bouncers became my friends and would walk me to the bus stop, daring anyone to so much as look in my direction. Unfortunately, they didn’t last long. The pressure to let the club patrons put their hands on us got pushier and pushier and the owner didn’t like that the bouncers were on our side.
	I considered prostitution but many of the pimps were extremely possessive and greedy. I decided to start my own escort service. When some of my friends from the clubs caught wind of this, they flocked to me, begging for a safe place to land. They trusted me and I realized I commanded respect and even fear in some cases and this was a great combination to protect who needed protection and get rid of anyone who threatened that. The bouncers that had been replaced with menacing brutes at our former places of employment sought me out as well; we lovingly nicknamed them Big Brothers. We ran the service, I worked within the service myself, and we only requested what we needed from the Gems to pay the Big Brothers a decent living, a fund for healthcare expenses and an emergency stash for anyone who needed it. They kept most of their earnings and that made us all extremely loyal to one another. I protected them, they protected me.
	Pan was never involved, he was never even aware until he was 10 years old, but he didn’t understand it. We didn’t face any serious threats until the development goons started sniffing around, making trouble for us. The Gems and I rented out 4 apartments in the tiny complex where Pan and I lived and were a big part of the reason the manager refused to sell. When these goons caught on, they started following us around, stalking us, threatening us with being reported and possibly picked up for prostitution. They put two of the Big Brothers in the hospital then came after me. It didn’t take them long to find out I had a son, which brought us to the night Pan grew that huge tree in Imperial Beach.
	I always felt something from Pan, similar energy to my own that I tried to ignore thinking I was crazy. That night, he exploded. He watched them grab me by the throat and punch me in the stomach. He lost it. At first they laughed as he ran at them, screaming insults, then he started glowing. They’d backed away as I fell to the ground but Pan was fighting the urge to kill them. His eyes glowed green, rose bushes exploded toward them, trees grew between us but they weren’t holding those goons at bay. I was all but helpless, watching my child put himself in danger, barely able to control whatever it was he was doing.. and then I saw them. I couldn’t believe it. Bailey.. Kai?! What was I talking about, I must have been losing my mind! Their auras, these girls I’d started seeing in my meditations–they were glowing in front of Pan as I passed out!–and I knew we were safe.( Read moreCollapse )

Inspirational Song | DJ Encore & Frou Frou, “Breathe In”

	The trip out of Arizona and into California wasn’t hot. I’d seen weather reports of these areas hitting 120 degrees and shuddered at the thought. At least it wasn’t humid like in the Hell-hole I was raised in; Florida. It was dry and it was so peaceful here. Did I really want to go to San Diego, another city? There was so much chaos in cities and I found it difficult to breathe. Miami was too much but I’d heard a lot about California, that the residents were more laid back. Some people laughed at that but it gave me hope. Though, I thought to myself, that laid back attitude was from 50-ish years ago. Ugh.
	Then I saw it; Welcome to California! I felt different when I hit that California state line, adventurous, and even more different when I hit the Devil’s backbone–a windy part of the I-8 West that took a person in or out of San Diego County through the southernmost tip of the Anza-Borrego Desert Park via some very scary terrain. So many huge rocks and boulders covered these mountains, so many clear drops; if you lost control of your vehicle and went off the edge, you would not likely live to tell the tale. It was midday and the sun was high. I saw all the black splotches where other cars had burst into flames at some point and thanked my lucky stars that it was technically winter. Coming through this place in the summer must be terrifying. I glanced at my phone and saw the SOS sign where normal bars would be. Yikes, I thought.
	I’d felt the air cool dramatically when I got out of this place and it dropped even more dramatically when I began my final stretch into the surrounding cities. The palm trees sprinkled the area, making it all look like exactly what it was; a desert meeting a beach, but with a sort of natural feel to it all. El Cajon’s sprawling lit up streets to a very small town looking La Mesa, San Diego State University towered over the I-8 from atop massive hills overlooking the area. It got busier and busier with every mile, moving from small cities and towns to suburbs and finally, the city itself. Before I knew it, traffic to my left came to a complete stop and I found myself forced onto the I-5 South trying to avoid it. I cursed as I looked over at the traffic jam, then I saw something that made me pause; I could have sworn.. had the ground just shimmered like a mirage.. into black and white stripes and back..? That wasn’t possible. But a tiny inkling in the back of mind didn’t recall seeing signs that I was getting on the I-5, the signs were weirdly glitching in a construction area. Had.. the city.. rerouted me?

	Soleil and I were sitting on a dune overlooking the beach in Emerald Isle. I hadn’t told her but–I glanced over at the house on the corner of Cedar Street and Ocean Drive–this was exactly where I used to sit when I was 12-ish. My mother taking my treasured, hand-dipped candle I bought at Tryon Palace, cutting it in half, putting it on my brother’s birthday cake played in my mind. She had forgotten to buy him a candle on his first birthday. An image of my step-father shoving me into a wall as he filmed everyone but me singing happy birthday flashed into my head. I squeezed my eyes closed and turned my gaze back to the ocean. Five things I can smell, five things I can feel, five things I can taste, five things I can hear. I opened my eyes. Five things I can see. I let the waves gently lapping, the sand in my hands and the smell of the salt water bring me back. Breathe.( Read moreCollapse )

	“You’re a GLAMPER like US!” Sera giggled. I rolled my eyes.
	“Where did you even hear that ridiculous term–”
	“From you, you nerd!” She was flat out laughing now.
	“Glamper and nerd?! I don’t remember ever talking to you this thoroughly about my studies–”
	“Sweets, you know you mutter when you’re studying, right?” Kai stretched as she joined us from the ancient RV. It was a silvery one called a CloudStream and I had no idea how Sera had gotten a hold of it. I also had no idea how we’d explain our absence from the school, either, if the nuns found out we’d snuck out to stay in a random RV in the desert. They would give us a particularly grueling detention, several weeks of it if we were lucky, maybe even the rare corporal punishment. I didn’t even care. Bring it. Going to this school was more stifling than I imagined and these nights out were such a relief, especially tonight; New Years Eve. Everyone was so free! Bailey and I laid on the ground in front of the RV looking up at the stars quietly as Sera and Kai began dancing and singing 10 or so yards away. Bailey and I were very similar in temperaments, we both basked in calmness. And then we heard strange voices. All of us froze and gasped.
	“Boys???” Kai hissed as we dove behind a rock.
	“Boyyys,” Sera sang, peering around the side with a huge grin on her face as Kai tugged on her arm. I was happy to see she was letting go of Ash but as the voices grew louder, my stomach sank. “Ash,” Sera breathed. Her smile disappeared as she whirled around, slumped next to me with her arms around her knees, and everything went quiet. We held our breath.( Read moreCollapse )

	I couldn’t stop thinking about the man in the cowboy hat. That something about him, something.. no. No way. I am not about to say supernatural. I felt like I was flying toward a light this last week. Everything seemed to be going exactly how I wanted it to go. Maybe it was the area. I always thought the desert would be desolate like on TV, but it was so absolutely peaceful. I somehow felt like I was headed in exactly the right direction. Before, everything felt hopeless, but the closer I got to California, the more hopeful I felt.( Read moreCollapse )

Inspirational Song | Angels & Airwaves, “The Adventure”