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[ | | Friday October 1st, 2010 | posted at 12:15 AM] |
"He awoke each morning with the desire to do right, to be a good and meaningful person, to be, as simple as it sounded and as impossible as it actually was, happy. And during the course of each day his heart would descend from his chest into his stomach. By early afternoon he was overcome by the feeling that nothing was right, or nothing was right for him, and by the desire to be alone. By evening he was fulfilled: alone in the magnitude of his grief, alone in his aimless guilt, alone even in his loneliness. I am not sad, he would repeat to himself over and over, I am not sad. As if he might one day convince himself. Or fool himself. Or convince others--the only thing worse than being sad is for others to know that you are sad. I am not sad. I am not sad. Because his life had unlimited potential for happiness, insofar as it was an empty white room. He would fall asleep with his heart at the foot of his bed, like some domesticated animal that was no part of him at all. And each morning he would wake with it again in the cupboard of his rib cage, having become a little heavier, a little weaker, but still pumping. And by the midafternoon he was again overcome with the desire to be somewhere else, someone else, someone else somewhere else. I am not sad."
— Jonathan Safran Foer (Everything Is Illuminated)
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[ | | Saturday September 25th, 2010 | posted at 1:12 AM] |
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Own it.
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[ | | Monday May 18th, 2009 | posted at 8:11 PM] |
The World at Large by Modest Mouse is the best song ever.
I like songs about drifters - books about the same.
They both seem to make me feel a little less insane.
Walked on off to another spot.
I still haven't gotten anywhere that I want.
Did I want love? Did I need to know?
Why does it always feel like I'm caught in an undertow?
The moths beat themselves to death against the lights.
Adding their breeze to the summer nights.
Outside, water like air was great.
I didn't know what I had that day.
Walk a little farther to another plan.
You said that you did, but you didn't understand.
I know that starting over is not what life's about.
But my thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud.
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[ | | Sunday April 12th, 2009 | posted at 1:34 PM] |
It really disturbs me when children under the age of twelve have Facebook accounts.
I guess, with a stretch, I can understand handing them a cell phone at eight, but only with a stretch.
This probably just means I'm old.
My wisdom teeth came out as planned. I still don't understand how sedation works, I keep forgetting to look it up. Apparently I was conscious the entire time, I just can't remember anything. That's not creepy at all. It makes me think of Men in Black and the memory erasers.
Mostly I've just been lying in bed, slurping yogurt, not writing papers and contemplating my own demise.
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[ | | Tuesday March 31st, 2009 | posted at 12:51 AM] |
Today in acting class, the professor brought in a professional to lead a workshop on physical theatre/ Dell'Arte shit. Afterward, the lady asks to speak to me. She proceeds to ask me if I've ever considered becoming a clown and goes on about she can see me doing some Cirque de Soleil shit and how I have the right facial expression and features. Can I juggle?
Splendid. Turns out this whole time while I've been unable to find an ideal career, it's merely because I belong in a circus! Of course! It's all so clear now. I do enjoy a good charlie chaplin film and scaring children. Also, Maigan always tells me I look like a clown whenever I try to wear make-up. Didn't know she was being literal.
I mean, I can see the resemblance.
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[ | | Tuesday March 24th, 2009 | posted at 11:59 PM] |
Melon called "E."
(that's me, that's me.)
in other news, still hate school. besides music theory. i like music theory.
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[ | | Wednesday February 25th, 2009 | posted at 1:49 AM] |
A few weeks ago at a party, Anya and I convinced multiple people that we're together, she has a baby and I'm originally from Sri Lanka. So easy.
I need to step it up, this is so preliminary. My skills have regressed.
I have a scary test tomorrow for music history. I'm supposed to have a bunch of terms memorized, the life history (with dates) or beethov, mozart and haydn and have all four movements of beet's 4th, haydn's 103rd, and mozarts 39th all memorized and ready to discuss and compare. i don't know where the recapitulation is for mozart because i don't have scores, this is so ridiculous! the last three movements of haydn all sound exactly the same! i will never remember anything! i don't know where strun un drung happens because i don't really know what it sounds like! i'm only guessing! i'm also supposed to juxtapose important historical events...not gonna happen.
this morning anya cut her leg shaving and a whole chunk of skin fell off and it bled a lot and after that i took a shower and i found her skin just sitting on my shampoo bottle! it was so gross! she went to the nurse to get a bandaid and she swiped a huge bottle of gummy bear calcium multivitamins. the calcium i've consumed today is comparable to six glasses of milk.
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[ | | Thursday February 12th, 2009 | posted at 1:54 PM] |
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it's my birthday! 42 people have written on my facebook wall today!
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[ | | Thursday January 22nd, 2009 | posted at 2:27 AM] |
it's 2:30 and i did 1/6th of my work for tomorrow.
i'm tired now.
i have to read the labels of everything i eat now
i think i'm obsessed.
there's a closet at the end of my hall full of pillows and i took sixteen.
so now i have sixteen pillows.
plus two.
eighteen. i wonder why it isn't eightteen.
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[ | | Friday December 19th, 2008 | posted at 10:10 PM] |
boy don't try to front
i-i-i know just what you a-a-a-are.
well, sluggers, i've done it again.
i'm managed to completely annihilate any chance of having
a healthy relationship.
i really suck at relationships.
also, i hate being home.
i really can't stand being alone for such extended periods of time.
i get lonely.
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[ | | Sunday November 30th, 2008 | posted at 3:25 AM] |
Earlier today I was deep in thought about what it means to be. The verb "to be."
It's a standard philosophical question, I suppose.
Is your perception of me who I am? Is my perception of me who I am?
Are there multiple "me's"?
The standard modes of identification: occupation, religion, gender, familial role, age, location, accomplishments.
But why are these standard -- why is it perfectly acceptable to identify yourself by an otherwise meaningless name and occupation.
But who _are_ you? You are you can't possibly be a physical attribute or occupation or extent of education or list of personal struggle...
What if people were described by a color, or a musical key. What if I am C sharp and you are the color burgandy. Why isn't that just as acceptable? Why is it okay to associate yourself with a career choice but not with your favorite key?
I don't know. I don't think anybody knows anybody.
And I'm not making sense.
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[ | | Wednesday November 12th, 2008 | posted at 1:01 AM] |
i drank my coke and vodka with a straw and my camel's on the box all have broken backs.
the past year a blur.
i almost cried, but i'm too old now.
and bertha mason dropped her cigarette.
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[ | | Thursday October 16th, 2008 | posted at 1:47 PM] |
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[ | | Tuesday August 12th, 2008 | posted at 2:26 AM] |
i feel that i think too much.
i think that i feel too much.
things that appeal to me:
archaeology; psychology; cognitive science; literature; ecology; biology; drug design!;
ecopsychology; religious studies; philosophy; things that do not involve talking to people all the time;
digging up old stuff; discovering new stuff; art; animal communication; design; music;
labs; helping people; international relations; public policy.
one time i took a short class at this duke tip shindig about dystopian literature and it was boss.
another time i took another duke tip class about biological systems and i dissected a cow heart but afterwards i sat outside with a jewish boy and we talked about perspective vs. reality for an hour and i liked that better. we also had to answer an ethical question about who deserved an organ transplant the most and i didn't understand how you can judge the value of someone's life. i still don't.
in 10th grade i went to a dinosaur dig site in tennessee and i wanted to stay longer.
when i was six i thought i found a dinosaur bone in my yard but it was really a rock.
when i was seven i got mad at my brother because he told me that dandelions were weeds and they are clearly flowers.
i can't identify trees anymore.
i want to learn greek and hebrew and latin and arabic. magically.
i am not all that impressed with obama, nor am i persuaded by mccain.
red pill blue pill red bill bed plue.
my life is a-okay.
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[ | | Monday January 14th, 2008 | posted at 10:08 PM] |
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What are you worth if no one's looking?
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[ | | Tuesday December 25th, 2007 | posted at 2:24 PM] |
The longest place-name still in use is the name of a New Zealand
hill:
Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapiki-
maungahoronukupokaiwenuakitanatahu.
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[ | | Thursday November 29th, 2007 | posted at 2:15 AM] |
Ambient.
Am Bent.
(Bien?)
Be.
To be is to be bent.
We live in a
cro
[ ok ]
ed
world.
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[ | | Sunday November 18th, 2007 | posted at 3:54 PM] |
“The narrative ends in the rubble and it is left to us to create the counternarrative [...] People running for their lives are part of the story that is left to us” because “they take us beyond the hard numbers of dead and missing and give us a glimpse of elevated being.” An event like 9/11 cannot be bent to “the mercies of analogy or simile.” Primal terror — “the cellphones, the lost shoes, the handkerchiefs mashed in the faces of running men and women” — has to take precedence over politics, history and religion.
“There is something empty in the sky."
- Don DeLillo from his article "In The Ruins of the Future."
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[ | | Thursday November 8th, 2007 | posted at 1:42 PM] |
i'm a city of zipcodes of twos and sevens
2 7 6 0 4.
= 19 = 1+9 = 10.
2 leaps to 7
attempts perfection
slides to 6;
crashes;
moves to four.
which is still not quite ideal.
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[ | | Sunday October 28th, 2007 | posted at 1:39 AM] |
I tried to stick an earring through,
and it bled in protest.
pushing, flowing the sting away.
red stain the pores and creases.
fingertips, I
break
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[ | | Friday October 26th, 2007 | posted at 12:05 PM] |
Maigan compiled a list of the best Professor Laufer Quotes thus far:
"It was after my teacher shot my first dog that I was like, 'Damn. This guy is serious!"
"It's familiar, like a pair of warm, comfy slippers..."
"Mozart's in the closet, get 'im out, get 'im out, get 'im out...
"I never realized I had a class of Tourettes kids."
Class: "You have a djembe?"
Laufer: "Actually, it's a trash can with a rubber band stretched across the top. Yeah, we had some budget cuts..."
"Pleae sign up for your ritual beating. Appointments will be in my office."
"This is why you never shake a baby."
"Franklin the narcoleptic horse."
"Near... Far!"
From a test we took in September:
11. Do you like puppies?
SKratchE PaPPEr (picture of a short bus) Fore U!
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[ | | Wednesday October 3rd, 2007 | posted at 2:28 PM] |
Mid-terms this week.
I've been breaking new ground in the field of
Balloon Animal Science.
So far my theories have just been a bunch of hot air.
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[ | | Tuesday October 2nd, 2007 | posted at 7:07 PM] |
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The irony of containment is that you spill out everywhere.
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[ | | Wednesday September 26th, 2007 | posted at 11:40 PM] |
PLEAse
don't be typical.
ruINed.
out-witted.
emphasis;
listless.
empathy.
emPATHETIC.
(regret it).
I covet
the unconventional.
(Intentionally).
I have been conned with a shiny
cold coin.
A convert to
the convenient.
(the AC unit)
is so cold today.
i needed to vent.
with no clear intent.
mint mint mint mint
condition.
I am conditioned.
(the air is so cold).
I am partitioned.
Pardoned.
(no).
In which direction are we headed,
lassitude,
longitude,
can't you see
i'm fond of you?
Fawned,
of you.
Conned,
of you.
Pond,
skipped to you.
of, to, through, few
just new.
apocalypse.
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[ | | Wednesday September 26th, 2007 | posted at 9:57 PM] |
Isn't a bit ironic how
big
irrelevance
is?
(Or perhaps just [ir]reverent.)
Parenthesis are so awfully kind.
As a simple aside,
(Would you pull me aside?)
you have kind eyes.
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