Wikipedia:Diffusing conflict

This is a humorous essay.

It contains humorous advice or opinions of one or more Wikipedia contributors and isn't meant to be taken seriously. This is not an encyclopedia article or one of Wikipedia's policies or guidelines and may not represent community consensus.

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This page in a nutshell: Most people who say they're "diffusing conflict" don't really mean it. And some other wreckage thrown in for good measure.

Diffusing conflict

Now and then someone undertakes to "diffuse" a conflict budding somewhere in the project. Probably they really mean they want to defuse the problem, as in "remove its fuse" – like from a bomb – to avoid blow-ups. Diffusing a conflict would be to spread it over a wide area, which is presumably not the intention.

Sometimes people write lengthy posts at WP:ANI, or propose Arbcom cases, or use the images on this page, in hopes of defusing a situation; however, the ensuing drama often means the conflict is diffused instead.

Smoke can be seen diffusing at left. Next time, call the bomb defusing team.
Avoid blow-ups
Next customer!

External links

"12 tips for diffusing office conflict" (especially recommended – from Pest Management Professional)
"How to Diffuse a Difficult Situation - in Just Five Words" (for those in a hurry to begin diffusing) - "There's a simple sentence that can help you to diffuse a difficult situation, and stop a fight before it begins." Possibly that's "with all due respect".
"The 1 Skill Leaders Need To Diffuse A Conflict Between Employees" (for when the diffusion need is urgent)
MANAGING CONFLICT AND DIFFUSING ANGER (for advanced diffusers)

Casting dispersions, inciteful comments, and so on

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Closely related concepts include:

duel citizens
casting dispersions, casting of ass Persians, veiled ass Persians, or even unnecessary ass Persians
Casting aspirations
making inciteful or half-hazard comments
hoisting blame
being foist with one's own pittard
(not) supporting something in good conscious
sewing chaos
receiving carpe blanch
maintaining a civil and constructive manor
venturing where angles fear to tread
their abouts which have never been found
pedaling bogus arguments
committing sudoku
being or resulting or acting for all intensive purposes
feeling loathe to do something (or maybe doing it weather or not)
throwing out the baby with the batwater
much adieu about nothing
editors who have aired on the side of caution
having the gaul to do something
Non-consensual editing
the no personnel attacks policy

Making inciteful comments
We can't support you in good conscious
Sewing chaos
An effluent neighborhood
Much adieu about nothing
Having de Gaulle to do something

A civil and constructive manor
She's going to work weather or not
Breeches of civility
The right to bare arms
Buy in large
Aired on the side of caution

Duel citizens (and see also )
Where angles fear to tread
Pedaling bogus arguments
It's a doggie-dog world
My curiosity
was peeked
My curiosity
was peaked^{[citation needed]}
For all intensive purposes
Non-consensual editing (Not illustrated: sensual editing)

Casting

Ass

Persians

Casting of ass

Persians

Repeated

ass

Persians

Buttle

Rebuttle

Veiled ass

Persians

Unnecessary ass

Persians

Retraction of ass

Persians

Baseless

Pussy-grabber
(Formerly ass but someone objected )

Persians

Persian asses

Democratic ass

Republican ass

(With proper care and feeding this ass-Persians gag can be milked for years.)

Casting

aspersion

Applying solutions

Shortcut

WP:DIFFUSETHEBALMWP:DIFFUSETHEBALM

Diffusing the balm

Conflict is inevitable when dealing with other editors, so knowing how to apply the proper solution is key. When discussion looks like it's about to explode, it's important to diffuse the balm, before things get out of hand.

Univalved administrators

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A univalved, inveterate admin. This one's "running" for Arbcom.
Then, of course, there are the unevolved admins.
Rouge administrator
Cetacean needed
NOTBURRO (i.e. don't be a jackass)
Long-term tendonitis editing
Assume good faixa
No personnel attacks

Significant coverage

"I have now also added sauces to the page"^[1]

Significant coverage in multiple independent sauces
Significant coverage in multiple independent saucers
Significant coverage in multiple independent sorcerors
Significant coverage in multiple independent salsas
Significant coverage in multiple independent sawsedges
Significant coverage in multiple independent sawstops
Significant coverage in multiple independent sawtooths
Significant coverage in Kabul, Afghanistan (not Iran, so we are not casting as Persians)