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February 2013
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Which would you rather fight? 100 duck-sized horses
11(68.8%)
1 horse-sized duck
5(31.2%)
Which piece would you vote off the island? Battleship
1(8.3%)
Boot
0(0.0%)
Car
0(0.0%)
Hat
0(0.0%)
Iron
5(41.7%)
Scottie dog
3(25.0%)
Thimble
1(8.3%)
Wheelbarrow
2(16.7%)
Pick one: Orville
9(69.2%)
Cuddles
4(30.8%)
Driving down the M1 the other day, we got talking about the possibility of getting a new car. At one point, I said: "Well, I doubt we'll ever own a brand new car." My wife was taken aback by this. Turns out that whilst I don't know anyone who has ever bought a brand new car, her whole family do this. Have you ever bought a brand new car? Yes
11(42.3%)
No
15(57.7%)
Do you view buying a brand new car as a typical activity? Yes
4(15.4%)
No
22(84.6%)
"My veal cutlet come down, tried to beat the shit out of my cup of coffee. Coffee just wasn't strong
Pick one: Eggs and sausage and a side of toast
9(42.9%)
Coffee and a roll
5(23.8%)
Hash browns, over easy
2(9.5%)
Chilli in a bowl
5(23.8%)
What kind of pies? Meat
12(57.1%)
Sweet
7(33.3%)
Summat else
1(4.8%)
Pies? Do you think I'm some sort of commoner?
1(4.8%)
Pick one: Chips
12(44.4%)
Lobster
3(11.1%)
Salad
3(11.1%)
Pickles
5(18.5%)
Cheesecake
4(14.8%)
Pick one: Pablo Picasso
8(53.3%)
Rothko
5(33.3%)
Rilke
2(13.3%)
Irene is pronounced: I-reen
32(88.9%)
I-ree-nee
4(11.1%)
The instruction to a lazy student is: Show your work
9(45.0%)
Show your working
11(55.0%)
World Book Night asked people to nominate their top ten books to create a list that would feed into the selection of next year’s titles to be given away. Here is the list, usual rules apply. Will Obama be re-elected? Yes
22(78.6%)
No
6(21.4%)
Which two of these ingredients are mentioned in the name of my tea? Hibiscus (45%)
3(8.8%)
Rosehip (15%)
5(14.7%)
Liquorice root (10%)
2(5.9%)
Cranberries (10%)
8(23.5%)
Apple (10%)
2(5.9%)
Elderflowers (5%)
8(23.5%)
Natural raspberry flavouring (5%)
6(17.6%)
Have you heard of The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton? Yes
22(55.0%)
No
18(45.0%)
Have you read The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton? Yes
11(28.2%)
No
28(71.8%)
Pick one: Russia
21(72.4%)
Quatar
8(27.6%)
Pick one: Ray Winston
14(45.2%)
Sean Bean
17(54.8%)
Pick one: Cowboys
9(30.0%)
Aliens
21(70.0%)
Pick one: Ra
7(23.3%)
Zeus
5(16.7%)
Odin
18(60.0%)
Christmas Day bird? Turkey
9(25.0%)
Goose
5(13.9%)
Chicken
0(0.0%)
Duck
4(11.1%)
Game bird
1(2.8%)
Mammal
4(11.1%)
Fish
0(0.0%)
Nut roast, special flan or some other Christmassy vegetarian wrongness
6(16.7%)
Just a normal meal, innit
4(11.1%)
I really haven't thought that far ahead
3(8.3%)
Do you have an advent calendar? Yes
11(26.2%)
No
31(73.8%)
Did you get someone else an advent calendar? Yes
4(9.8%)
No
37(90.2%)
Are you expecting to have a stocking? Yes
13(31.0%)
No
29(69.0%)
Are you making a stocking for someone else? Yes
14(34.1%)
No
27(65.9%)
I'd hit it: William Windsor
2(6.5%)
Kate Middleton
13(41.9%)
Nah, mate. Nah.
16(51.6%)
Ever been Southamption? Yes
18(54.5%)
No
15(45.5%)
Ever been Scunthorpe? Yes
4(12.1%)
No
29(87.9%)
Have you ever been to Nando's? Yes
19(57.6%)
No
14(42.4%)
Pick one: Echinacea and raspberry
1(7.1%)
Blackcurrent, ginseng and vanilla
3(21.4%)
Cranberry, raspberry and elderflower
10(71.4%)
Nettle tea: GOOD
8(53.3%)
BAD
7(46.7%)
Lady GaGa GOOD
20(62.5%)
BAD
12(37.5%)
Meat GOOD
28(82.4%)
BAD
6(17.6%)
Lady GaGa's meat dress GOOD
12(37.5%)
BAD
20(62.5%)
Gillets GOOD
11(37.9%)
BAD
18(62.1%)
Kedgeree GOOD
17(54.8%)
BAD
14(45.2%)
Andrew Marr GOOD
15(48.4%)
BAD
16(51.6%)
Mah jong GOOD
27(84.4%)
BAD
5(15.6%)
Gap years GOOD
18(56.2%)
BAD
14(43.8%)
Formica GOOD
10(30.3%)
BAD
23(69.7%)
Nick Cave GOOD
26(78.8%)
BAD
7(21.2%)
Special bonus Nick Cave question: Sapho
7(29.2%)
Auden
17(70.8%)
Tick any you have read: Dryden
14(6.2%)
Pope
19(8.4%)
Swift
26(11.6%)
Byron
24(10.7%)
Keats
27(12.0%)
Shelley,
25(11.1%)
Austen
33(14.7%)
Dickens
31(13.8%)
Hardy
26(11.6%)
Pick one: Tyrone Payton
1(25.0%)
Chip Ellsworth III
3(75.0%)
Pick one: Louis Winthorpe III
2(33.3%)
Billy Ray Valentine
4(66.7%)
Pick one: Sufjan Stephens
5(100.0%)
Gucci Mane
0(0.0%)
#29 Swords & Dark Magic, edited by Jonathan Strahan and Lou Anders Pick one: Shadow-crouching
2(15.4%)
Edge-peering
3(23.1%)
Edge-tracking
2(15.4%)
Rim-teetering
1(7.7%)
Crack-following
0(0.0%)
Point-sniffing
1(7.7%)
Gap-straddling
2(15.4%)
Crevice-sniffing
1(7.7%)
Sill-perching
0(0.0%)
Rear-end-anchored-locomotion
1(7.7%)
Wall-clinging
0(0.0%)
Books: March - July Pick one: China Miéville
24(66.7%)
Morrissey
12(33.3%)
Coolest? Salman Rushdie
7(33.3%)
A Stormtrooper
14(66.7%)
Prefered Cheddar strength: Mild
4(9.8%)
Medium
3(7.3%)
Mature
9(22.0%)
Extra mature
24(58.5%)
I am some sort of non-Cheddar eating idiot
1(2.4%)
Punch is usually Hot
3(14.3%)
Cold
18(85.7%)
Pick one: Neil Young, Blur, Bruce Springsteen
26(86.7%)
U2, Muse, Stevie Wonder
4(13.3%)
Avatar: GOOD
8(32.0%)
BAD
17(68.0%)
Which is the odd one out? Franz Ferdinand
5(20.0%)
Bloc Party
11(44.0%)
The Killers
9(36.0%)
JD Salinger: GOOD
17(63.0%)
BAD
10(37.0%)
I am taking a leaf out of Pick one: Swede
12(52.2%)
Turnip
11(47.8%)
#1 Doctors & Nurses by Lucy Ellman I watched 103 films for the first time this year, substantially up on last year's 69. The reason for this is that I took out a subscription with LoveFilm. This meant I saw lots of very bad films but I also saw some very good ones indeed. Full list: It is a Christmas miracle; no one on my Flist has posted about Doctor Bloody Who! Presumably everyone is waiting for the second part but I am (thankfully) going to miss it so I will post my review now: The final two of the year... Pick one: Clocks
24(82.8%)
Moped
5(17.2%)
Pick one: Wine
13(44.8%)
Cheese
15(51.7%)
Toiletries
1(3.4%)
Pick one: Chips
17(58.6%)
Peas
4(13.8%)
Pudding
2(6.9%)
Gravy
6(20.7%)
Harry Ramsden's! Yes
9(31.0%)
No
20(69.0%)
Do you have an advent calendar? Yes
10(30.3%)
No
23(69.7%)
#56 Sex In The System, edited by Cecilia Tan Here is the ideal gift for you: A bargain at £29.95. Brought to you by John Lewis, purveyor of satanic Christmas trees. Pick one: The Battleship
3(37.5%)
The Rusty Hook
3(37.5%)
The Parrot's Beak
1(12.5%)
The Cornerstone
1(12.5%)
Which of these have you attended? Wedding
42(47.2%)
Funeral
40(44.9%)
Bar/Bat Mitzvah
7(7.9%)
If you've attended a funeral, what type? Burial
28(44.4%)
Cremation
35(55.6%)
That one where they melt you in a giant washing machine
0(0.0%)
Sky burial
0(0.0%)
If you've attended a cremation, what happened to the ashes? Scattered somewhere special
15(28.8%)
Put in an urn
13(25.0%)
Left at the crematorium
10(19.2%)
Dunno
14(26.9%)
Where would you want your ashes to be scattered? Despite reading The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (literal translation of the title: Men Who Hate Women) years after everyone else, it appears that it was actually a timely choice. The Guardian picks up on a short post by Jessica Mann: Authors must be free to write and publishers to publish. But critics must be free to say they have had enough. So however many more outpourings of sadistic misogyny are crammed on to the bandwagon, no more of them will be reviewed by me. The best approximation of the colour khaki is Sand
20(55.6%)
Olive Green
16(44.4%)
#55 The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo by Steig Larsson (translated by Reg Keeland) In Sweden approximately 4,000 people are under guardianship... Taking away a person's control of her own life - meaning her bank account - is one of the greatest infringements a democracy can impose, especially when it is applied to young people.The fact an ultra-competent investigator for a major security firm allows this situation to persist is ridiculous. It becomes even more ridiculous and extremely distasteful when she allows herself to be raped by her guardian in exchange for access to her bank account. This goes against everything we know about her skills (she could easily hack the account) and, more importantly, her character (she is a fighter, "she was never passive). This lack of passivity then manifests itself in an elaborate revenge that requires her to be (much more brutally) raped again. Larsson obviously has strong views about the endemic nature of violence towards women - it is a thread through the novel - but shoehorning this revenge fantasy into the novel gratuitous, grotesque and offensive. It makes him complicit. I almost stopped reading at this point but I was on a long, slow bus journey. It did prepare me for further childish fantasies of agency later on though. These occur after Blomvist and Salander meet halfway through the novel. Obviously, they immediately get it on. They also start to make some progress on what has until now been a very slow investigation. Turns out there is a serial killer involved which is a shocking twist for a big fat thriller like this. Weirdly though this main plot with its requisite implausibilities is wrapped up pretty quickly leaving Larsson to concentrate on a framing plot about Blomvist's journalistic career and the financial health of the magazine that he (like Larsson) works for. He is presumably under the mistaken impression that this is just as exciting as unravelling a decades long string of secret ritualistic sex murders. 53 The Crimson Petal And The White by Michel Faber #51 Underground by Tobias Hill Prefered illustrations to The Graveyard Book Chris Riddell
4(44.4%)
Dave McKean
5(55.6%)
#49 The Broken World by Tim Etchells |

