| new song |
[27 Aug 2004|10:06pm] |
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mood |
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 creative |
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repent this sinand begin
cut flow and go below
What's within? You wanna know.....
laughing delicatly across this heart
fuck meover, that's a start
chase these clues youll find the soul'
chase these cluse,piece together a hole
a holein a heart
a hole in time
[chorus]
a spacein time, this space is mine
woahhh woahhh woahhh
we want to see
we want to speed
and race back to your eyes
fucing clouds and racing doves
what has happened to this love?
breathingdeep and sighing shallow
youre eyes and fingertips are hallow
What you want what you give
i knowi have no right olive
HERE
[chorus]
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[25 Aug 2004|10:40pm] |
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mood |
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 crappy |
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I'm so fucking mad right now. luis thought that i would like him more if he got stoned off his ass and cmae calling at mike's in the middle of the fuckin night. so mike was sleeping and he woke up when luis was pounding on the door reciting shitty love poems and grabbed his gun. He was just gonna scare Luis with it but then when he noticed Luis was butt naked he got really pissed off. I started screaming becauseI thought Mike was going to kill Luis and Mike realized I was upset so he stopped.I hate that Luis is trying to ruin this new life for me. Im trying to get
away ok?
smooth september
rubbing up and down
smooth september
tempting me to drown
listen to the willows
swayign in the breeze
i long to ask for life
to beg upon my knees
smooth spetember
showing me some heart
showing me another
whos life to break apart
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| fuck you luis fuck you to hell |
[18 Aug 2004|07:52pm] |
Your full name:: lola lola may
Age:: 16
Height:: 4'9"
Natural hair colour:: blond
Eye colour:: gray
Number of siblings:: 0
Glasses/contacts?:: nash
Piercings:: ears tongue belly button
Tattoos:: no but i want a black rose with a pirate flag on my ankle. ooh and a butterfly on my tummy with blood dripping off it
Braces?:: braces are so mean
FAVOURITE
Colour:: gray a shady mist of gray
Band:: marilyn manson, the cure, tori amos, kittie, jewel, good charlotte, tool, slipknot, mudvayne, twwiztid sister.......to name a few
Song:: safe-kittie
Stuffed animal:: poosie floosie the tweeity bird
Video game:: uhmmmm......silent hill
TV show:: the osbournes, history's mysteries, fear factor
Movie:: the crow, rocky horror (of course!!!!!), nightmare on elm street, the excorsict, the notebook :'(, finding nemo, donnie darko, may
Book:: harry potter books, girl interrupted, wiccan warrior, the wiccan handbook, faery folk, wicca
Food:: rainclouds
Game:: truth or dare with mike
CD:: marilyn manson-smells like children
Flower:: rose
Scent:: puppy breath
Animal:: dragon
Comic book:: sandamn
Cereal:: count chocula
Website:: livejournal...hottopic's site
Cartoon:: daria
DO YOU
Play an instrument?:: i sing if that counts
Watch TV more than 60 hours a week?:: no way
Like to sing?:: yes i've been told i do it well
Have a job?:: urrrnooooo but i need to get one soon or i'm fucked
Have a cell phone?:: ashe and i sorta share one
Like to play sports?:: fuck no
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?:: ........
Have a crush on someone?:: ...............
Live somewhere NOT in the united states?:: nash
Have more than 5 TVs in your house?:: mike has one adn ti only gets one channel
special talents/skills?:: i can lick my elbow
Excercise daily?:: i do yoga
Like school?:: i like homeschool with ashe</3>many preps</u>
Been to niagra falls?:: yes
burped in someones face?:: nash!!!!
Gotten the chicken pox?:: yes
WHENS THE LAST TIME YOU
Brushed your teeth:: an hour ago
Went to the bathroom::don't pay attention toi that
Saw a movie in theaters:: long ago
Read a book:: last ngiht
Had a snow day:: um. like next week?
Had a party:: never
Had a slumber party:: right now is sorta like one
Made fun of someone:: five seconds ago
Tripped in front of someone:: d/r
Got sick:: im always a sick girl
Cursed:: FUCK
PICK ONE
Fruit/vegetables:: fruit
Black/white:: they are both so necessary to bad i have only black in my head
Lights on/lights off:: off
TV/movie:: movie
Car/truck:: car
spray cologne/powder cologne:: powder is very romantic
Cash/check:: cash
Pillows/blankets: pilow
Headache/stomach ache:: headache
Paint/charcoal:: charcoal
chinese or mexican:: chinese
Summer/winter:: winter
Snow/rain:: rain
Fog/misty:: fog
Rock/rap:: rock
Meat/vegetarian:: meat
Boy/girl::mik-er i mean luis
Chocolate/vanilla:: vanilla
Sprinkles/icing:: icing
Cake/pie:: pie
French toast/french fries::french guys
Strawberries/blueberries:: blue
Ocean/swimming pool:: ocean
Hugs/kisses:: kisses
Cookies/muffins:: muffins
Wallet/pocket:: pocket
Window/door:: window
Emo/goth:: goth
green/blue:: blue
Cat/dog:: dog
Long sleeve/short sleeve:: long
Pants/shorts:: pant
Winter break/spring break: winter
Spring/autumn:: autumn
Clouds/clear sky:: clouds
Moon/mars:: moon
FRIENDSHIP
How many friends do you have?:: 2 maybe 3
Close friends?:: 2
Do you have a best friend?:: 1
Have you ever liked one of your friends?:: *****
Do you have more guy friends or more girl friends?:: girl
Have you ever lost a friend?:: yes
Have you ever gone to an amusement park with a friend?:: yes
Whats an inside joke between you and a friend?:: hehe that girl is sooooo preganant!
Have you ever gotten in a big arguement with a friend?:: yes....
Whats the nicest thing youve ever done for a friend?:: given him my body
Do you miss any of your old friends?:: yes
What friend have you known the longest?:: ashe....we were old souls in egypt together
Do you regret anything youve done to a friend?::yes
If so, what is it?:: i had mike start shit with luis and i know it was totally stupid
How often do you spend time with your friends?:: all the time now
Do any of your friends drive?:: yuppers
Has a friend of yours ever died?:: they're all dead
Whats the dumbest thing youve done with a friend?:: umm one time we stole this little kids cand on halloween....i know it was horrible i feel really bad about it lololol
How do you think your friends think of you?:: comatose
Have you ever been in love?:: wasnt this asked earlier?
If you have, with who?:: FUCK YOU
Are you single?:: YES
Are you in a relationship?:: NO
If so, for how long?:: .........
Do you believe there is someone for everyone?:: ...........
What is your idea of the best date?:: flowers and pantyhose
What was your first kiss like?:: magickal
How old were you when you got your first kiss?:: 11
Do you think love is a load of shit?:: maybe
Whats the best experiance youve ever had with the opposite sex?:: dont ask me this now.........
If you are single, have you ad any boyfriends/girlfriends before?:: yeah
Have you ever been dumped?:: yup
Have you ever dumped someone?:: nash
Whats the most sexual thing youve done with the opposite sex?:: uh.....sex?
WORD ASSOCIATION
Slippers:: meat
Hats:: heads
Hardcore:: ashe j/k
Race:: ist
am:: trak
want:: luis
need:: love^
crave:: .LUIS
love:: you
hate:: life
did:: it
feel:: dead
miss:: ugh
am annoyed by:: the tv
would rather:: be dead
am tired of:: life
will always::.be depressed
SILLY STUFF
What is your favourite genre of music?:: rock
What time is it: 8:21 pm
Whens the last time you called smeone?:: earlier
How much money do you have right now?:: 2 bucks
Are you hungry?:: never
Whatcha doin?:: crying
Do you like parades?:: no so many peole and loud noises
Do you like the moon?:: love it
What are you going to do when youre done with this?: listen to the street cars
Isnt cup a funny word when you repeat it over and over?:: hellz yes
If you could have any magical power what would it be?:: i'd disappear from all of this
Have you ever had a picnic?:: no
Did you ever have one of those skip-its when you were young?:: yes....mine broke
What about sock em boppers?:: the other kids would hit me with those
Are you wearing any socks right now?:: yes
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE
funny?:: is misery really funny to you?
pretty?:: no
sarcastic?:: NAW
lazy?::no
hyper?:: no
friendly?:: with few
evil?:: yes
smart?:: yes
strong?:: i'm broken all the way through
talented?:: yes
dorky?:: yes
WORD ASSOCIATION
high:: as a kite
skip:: all thsi shit
dance:: in the dark
lonely:: luisless
pen:: heart
flower:: mike
window:: rain
psycho:: norman
brain freeze:: kiss
orange:: lipgloss
sassy::and fat
suicide:: now or later?
love:: forgot me
drunk drivers:: easy
airplanes:: no
war:: evil
canada:: blame
united states:: bomb
rock music:: =)
gay marriage:: personbally i think its gross but to rach his or her or its own
school:: oppresses
surveys:: are without point
parents:: just don't understand
cars:: death
killing:: me
britney spears:: fuck her
coffee:: souls
pants:: sweaty
WOULD YOU EVER
Sky dive?:: i would touch the angels
Play strip poker?:: yes
Run away?:: .....
Curse at a teacher?:: done it
Not take a shower for a week?:: maybe
Ask someone out?:: never again
Lie to someone to make them think better of you?:: no
Visit a foreign country for more than a month?:: im scared
Go scuba diving?:: yeah id touch the demons
Write a book?:: YES!
Become a rockstar?:: i coudlnt
Have casual sex?:: no
LAST QUESTIONS
What shampoo do you use?::horse stuff
Whens the last time you did something sexual with the opposite sex?:: uh
What kind of computer do you have?:: idk
What grade are you in?:: junior
Do you like to throw popcorn at people in the movies?:: no
Or just make out?:: sure
How many posters do you have in your room?:: no room
How many CDs do you have? 5
What time is it now?:: 8:29 pm
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[14 Aug 2004|06:50pm] |
so much has happened......i ran away and im sleeping on mike's floor now alongside my soul sister, ashe. things have been alot better since all that happened but i still sort of miss home.
and
even
bigger
things
i lost my virginity to luis....and i feel wilted and putrid. i thought he loved me but it turns out i was just a piece of ass. i feel disgusted with myself and him. i feel
withered.l
.
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| Your teeth are like a strong sweet song biting at my nipples |
[11 Aug 2004|07:47pm] |
I'm getting out of here. I'm going to Mike's cuz he says I can sleep on his floor or in the bed with him. I don't know him that well but whatever i can't take this life anymore. I'm sure my fucking mom won't care cuz she knows i'm to far gone.
a rose parade went by today and told me what you said
so i grabbed a gun
put it in my mouth
and blew off my sweet head
you know i could have been saved if you only acted true
held me
cut me
squeezed my wrists and said "hon, I love you....."
♥lola♠
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| knash the teeth and gash the skin you an di are whole again |
[10 Aug 2004|02:31pm] |
My moms calmed down a bit though she still cries alot. In a way i feel bad liek im the bad guy here but nobody understands. i can't just sto doing this to myself. its at the very core of who i am. who would i be without my strawberry core? i'm just lucky to have my friends an dmy razor blade......thank you isis for saving and loving me even though my dad still gets here later to upset everythign again. i know your strong eancient egyptian wings will guide me thorugh this blood drenched desert wasteland. i know your paibnted eyes look in on me at night..........just to make sure im sleeping soundly. you are my heroine.....
x.lola.x
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| you blush at the site of me, of my battle scars and losses........ |
[09 Aug 2004|07:56pm] |
I can't even describe how i feel right now. Luis called.....I reacted.....I promise my mom i wouldn't do this stuff to myself anymore but she found in the bathroom bathing in my own crimson tears. i'm so upset. Why did i do this you ask.....LUIS. he called me Lasy night at like midnite i think he was stoned off his arse and he asked me to tell him henselty how i felt about us. I told him the truth. about my love. Then he told me that he would love me if i wasn't such a freak. if I didn't hurt mydelf. if i wasn't crazy. my mom called my dad crying and hes coming home early from his trip tp florida.im locked in my rom and im not supposed ot be on the comp. i just wantto be normal. i want to be sane. I'm so scared. i've been praying to isis to make this pain go away and im tiking about doing a spell to banish all the bad energy in this house and in this soul.. I just need to find a spell online. Does anyone know one? I'm sorry most of this is spelle so badly.............that happens when a lonely little girl gets her heart broken.
X.lola.x
x.sweet.x
X.lola.X
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[08 Aug 2004|10:12am] |
You Are Myca
You Adore The Power That You Find In Other Peoples Eyes Since After All They Are The Keys To A Persons Soul Almost As Much As You Adore Your Brother And His Lovely Play Toys, You And Your Brother Are Seriously On The Fucked Up Side.Which Character From The Crow Are You?
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[08 Aug 2004|09:44am] |
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mood |
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 cynical |
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I took a clye form a few of my friends on here and started a thinspiration notebook. it will definityl help me attain my perfect ideal-beauty. Skinny beauty no less. So today I'm just going to sit around and lofe. Hopefully push some more poetry out. Lol. That makes it sound liek I'm consipated. I should take some poetry laxatives.......yesssssss!!!! Tho laxatives do help people lose weight.....
X.Lola.X
A thinning line of inspiration fues me now
Fuels me to care
Fuels me to burn
These calories and consequences out of my life
You can do no wrong
with a little bit of thinspiration.........
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| a snow white bird told me you lied |
[07 Aug 2004|08:59pm] |
i heard it from a little birdy
that you rained upon the other whore
before i could not get past
your eyes
your snow white smile
but this little fucking bird
had to shoot me dead
with your pistol of lies
Today was pretty good. I went to ocean park with mike ashe and luis. luis acts so estranged around me anymore. does he know the way i really feel about him? do i know the way i really feel about it? its a twisted complicated maze. a web of tangles and smiles.
i am such a loser. =P
x.Loa.x
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| This yearning, this burning, this deep cryptic rore..... |
[05 Aug 2004|11:27pm] |
I might go out with Ashe to Mike's house. He's this really kool older guy that we can get drunk with. I have to say I need a break. Mike thinks we're kool and beautiful for our age. I'm tired from work. People were so rude to me today. I hate when the world assumes it knows you, feels your inner core with it's slimy torrid hands. I try to hold hands with the world, but it's dying. And so am I. I've got to think about school again soon. Its even worse there.
Seration+Oblieration
Adagio.
Unstable mind.
no room for logic.
Whispers of deth and butterflies.
Pick up the flower,
Hope for the courage.
Happiness is nonexistence.
Dolphins beckon,
Or is it the sharks?
Taste the breeze
Consider your demise.
Sounds hevenly.
Prepare to jump.
Rose petals fall on snow
Melting to reveal the
True face of death.
What is happiness?
What world is this?
Do I dare venture toward the vale of permanance?
No.
Climb back down.
Put the knife back in the drawer.
XlolaX
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| What momentary silence are you speaking of? I've only got one big gaping one to share..... |
[04 Aug 2004|08:28am] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
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I'm so fed up with this place and this time. WHy is Bush in office? If he gets elected again I'm moving to Canada or killing myself. Anyone want to come? I cut because of the world around me. I don't think I'm angsty.I'm just depressed. I have enough reason. Funny stares from people who don't understansd.....SNickers from family and friends when I read my creations aloud.....I want to die.
I want to escape all of this....
x.Lola
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[03 Aug 2004|03:43pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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creative |
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so this is my new venting well. i just needed a place where i could really be me and hopefully i can support other people or get support through livejournal. i pretty much slept all day. my mom wanted me to go job hunting but the way the light peered into my room through the slatted blinds just made me ralise how beautiful it is to just sit and be. i turned on the tv and watched the news about iraq and the war. i hate bush so muh. how can he do these terrible things to the innocent children of iraq? how can he do this to me? this is such a dissapointment. it made me an emotion that ive never had before. an emtion that can only really be described as terribly sad!
All is not well in the land of TiriRa-Nog,
The looking glass is but a veil between the worlds,
But it still cuts like glass
Fire shatters love,
What can be saved?
Don't tell me I haven't go a heart, honey,
It goes away sometimes, but I assure you it's there
Maybe I am anemic,
Just another marble I have to search for in the heads of others
I didn't lost my marbles
They were taken from me
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