| --I love the sunset strip-- |
[12 Apr 2007|12:28am] |
and I am never fucking leaving...
except next Friday when my visa expires and I gotta go back to Sweden, but I'm coming back!
My 6 months here wouldn't have been the same without Metal Skool! I love you boys.
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| --daddy-- |
[14 May 2006|03:37pm] |
Lately everything about my dade makes me cringe and irate. My mood changes completely as soon as I get home and he's here, or as soon as he comes home.
My new boy did something really amazing for me, I get to be the singer of his band tonight for fun, he got them to come to the rehearsing place tonight. This is something I've wanted to do for 5 years now.
Anyway, when I needed to practice singing dad was always home. I got so frustrated and just wanted to push him out of the house and lock all the doors. I was angry all the time.
He's retired and has nothing to do, he quit drinking for a while so he was always home annoying the hell out of me by being pathetic and hogging the toilet, computer or TV when I needed them the most.
He finally started drinking again, it made me so happy.
However, his memory losses are starting to scare me.
I called him:
"Hi where are you?"
"I'm at the pub, do we need anything from the store?"
"yeah, cucumber, tomatoes, and your friend Lassi called from Finland."
"ok, I'll call him, and I'll go to the store now."
He came home half an hour later, empty handed.
"You never called!"
"I did call, we talked for like 5 minutes!"
"oh"
Then he went to bed. I sat up and talked to Eddi online and at around midnight he woke up ti take a piss:
"Oh, are you home already?"
"I'm still home, been home all day."
I've been drinking water all day because my voice was a bit fucked this morning. Dad got back from the bar at around 1pm. He just goes to the toilet and zones out and sits there for 20 minutes at a time with the door open, just staring into the air. I was forced to piss somewhere else...
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| --nice guys finish last-- |
[27 Jan 2006|10:59pm] |
--even steven-- says: (<---me)
...i seriously, seriously dont think I have ANY morals left. Don’t know where the fuck they went.
Andréas says:
Well first of all morals are designed to stop people from doing crazy things so that people consider consequences and ALWAYS ALWAYS think about other peoples feelings before you think of your own, in short: you can’t say or do anything stupid, you can’t say or do anything that might hurt someones feelings
but if YOU get hurt that is ok...
Andréas says:
so that is why I hate morals.. for the most part... I hate looking out for other people before myself... I hate that I’m supposed to not say and do what I want.
--even steven-- says:
aaaaaaaawh I think you’re my favorite person!!!
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| --pull pull pull-- |
[25 Jan 2006|10:52pm] |
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It's been so long I almost forgot my password.
I don't know why I suddenly decided to write, I have nothing to write about.
I can tell you what's been happening though.
NOTHING!
Or yeah maybe not nothing. What it is, is after three years of flowers and butterflies I'm single.
I got back from LA and everything just turned grey. I kept passing out, especially during conversations with people. I think listening really wore me out, I guess when you're jetlagged you have to spare your energy but then again if you don't move you shut down, so really there is no solution.
So I slept a whole fucking lot the first week I was back. When I was awake I was lethargic and depressed.
I'm sure Sweden would be good if I had the freedom and a bus card but I do not.
My mom wants me to go to Russia now but there's a problem with getting the visa. I'm still gonna go soon I just don't know when and so I can't work right now so I'm just sitting around.
I get so excited when I make plans.
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| --Fear and Loathing in LA-- |
[28 Nov 2005|07:58pm] |
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Since I got to LA I've done everything I said I wouldn't do. That's not good but I'm getting a lot out of it. I think I'll just update with pictures when I can or when I get back to Sweden. I don't want to go back yet, but the sooner I go back the sooner I'll return.
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| --jfhsfHSfg'hs'gh-- |
[14 Oct 2005|02:42pm] |
How depressing, the whole class is going out today and I got all excited and someone was like "you can come, but you're not 21" fucking hell. I'm almost at tears now cus no one really gives a shit, so many of the people here are really shallow.
I miss the poeple that I can talk about Eddie Izzard with and all that exclusive stuff, now it's just bullshit conversation.
Got to go to class, Im just sad now it's not all that bad.
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| --Hollywood-- |
[11 Oct 2005|11:42am] |
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People in LA are so nice, I've already gotten one free cab ride, a free car ride, and two people gave me 50 cents for the bus cus the busses don't have change and neither do I, and they wouldn't let me pay them back. Although it's a real adventure going to school and home again since we don't know anything about the busses, our classmate had to stick with us cus we ended class at ten and had no idea how to get home and he wouldn't let us walk around alone. I got really worried about him though because when we found a cab (the one that drove us for free even though I was trying to give him money) had to go off alone, in the dark. Our roommates are sweet too but I got a really tight schedule now and wont have time to be around them much, which they probably like haha. I love it here, it's so nice to finally speak the same language as everyone.
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| --Scandinavian Inventions-- |
[26 Sep 2005|05:11pm] |
I was dissing Swedish dairy products, comparing them to the huge variety and wonderul taste of Finnish dairy products, especially Valio ice cream. Fred got defensive and took out his patriotic book! Apparently Sweden has the most inventions in the world. I found these on the internet, couldn't find all the ones in the book:
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| --Eddie Izzard-- |
[20 Sep 2005|10:33pm] |
I havn't laughed so much or felt this happy in a while. I was sitting inbetween two men who sat with their legs wide apart, so I was centered in my seat with everything folded in order to take up as little space as possible. As soon as Eddie came on I forgot about the 'I don't care how uncomfortable your balls are I don't want your legs on me, pshh, men' feeling. I leaned forward and needless to say my smile was ear to ear and there were times when I couldn't even breathe, in a good way. It's true what they say, he really is that brilliant.
I spent some time with a wonderful friend of his as well, Alfie. He is such a kind and generous man. I just wond er why he talked to me, but I guess he values company and has an open mind about people.
Tomorrow I have to go to town to meet a pervert. He is not going to be taking pictures of me again because I don't want to be a part of his pervo shots. I need to sign a contract so that I don't sell the pictures or use them for commercial purposes. I do not know who would buy them, but either way I have to take care of myself now if I want to feel good in the future and so I will go all the way into town to sign this contract.
I was going to watch Frida now but I'm so tired. I think I'll try this going to bed early and waking up early thing that I never really managed to do with ease. Goodnight.
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| --imagine-- |
[11 Sep 2005|11:31pm] |
An often-quoted example of the tendency to emphasize negatives is that whenever a buttered slice of bread falls on the floor, people tend to remember more vividly the times that it fell buttered-side-down, since a buttered-side-up landing is of lesser consequence. Hence, one gets the impression that the bread always falls buttered-side-down, regardless of the actual probability of either happening.
when a cat is dropped from above a certain height, it will always land on its feet. In almost a canonical example of the hackish love for wordplay and cultural in-jokes, it has been noted that, therefore, if you strap a piece of buttered toast to the back of a cat, butter side up, and drop the cat out a window, it will fall to approximately a foot above the street, and hover there, spinning.
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| --you might think I'm...-- |
[06 Sep 2005|11:39pm] |
I went into town for a meeting. Afterwards I just wandered around old-town as I love to do. I was so lonely. I was so hungry. I felt like a tourist who had lost her group. I heared people speaking English and wanted to talk to them.
I bought myself a strawberry soft ice cream and sat on a bench looking through some of the pictures I had taken. An asian tourist took a picture of me, I guess it looked good, my ice cream looked really good.
I love these little streets, although it doesn't seem like anyone lives here. I never see people in their windows or coming out the front doors. Just tourists.
I went to bed when I got home and didn't answer any of the phones, because my sleepy time is more important than anyone who could possibally try to contact me.
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| --clean-- |
[31 Aug 2005|02:23am] |
Me: I washed my cat, it was so cute I put a towel on the floor for her to dry herself on and went downstairs, like an hour later I came back up and she was still licking herself.
Fred: Naawh poor cat.
Me: She's gonna have such a training ache in her tongue tomorrow.
Fred: I know how she must feel.
*training ache: ache in your muscles the day after you've been working out.
By the way, I need to get new LJ friends that COMMENT!=) Having no mail in the morning is a bad morning. You can say anything, as long as I have mail. <3
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| --walking through your streets-- |
[29 Aug 2005|09:07pm] |
We went out today.
By "out" I mean we left the house.
It wasn't everything I thought it would be.
I think I'm made out of something different than what the people around me are.
I want freedom of time, and friends that want to be special or maintain that quality if they already are. I want them to appreciate things that others take for granted such as company and being able to do something different. Just so that when we're together things are interesting with no complaints.
Unfortunately I don't have such friends, they're all special, but our timing never works in eachothers favor.
So there were complaints during our time out in town today.
Sometimes that boy makes me so ambivalent I get thoughts that the thought police wouldn't approve of.
I tried to wander around but he's not as aimless as me, I managed to walk him to this sight anyway.
This might be the most narrow street in Stockholm.
I wish I knew someone who lived there.
Fred heared a theory that there's only 6 people (max) between you and anyone else. So, if I crack the code and figure out who the six connections are, I will know someone who lives there.
It shouldn't be so hard to make friends.
Actually that's not true, some people are so paranoid or too good that they wont even say hi or answer questions once you approach them, especially on LJ.
Sometimes I know the person has read my comment but has decided not to answer the questions I asked in that comment.
I just love this area in Sweden, you feel like you're in a whole other place. Like Italy, but you understand what people are saying.
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| --push me, and then just-- |
[28 Aug 2005|11:44pm] |
If anyone has a love-drive then it's me. It seems to work in waves just like my other drive. It's almost periodical. Someone could use my sex-drive as a maths project if I was determined enough to make a chart.
Lately things have been quite slow in both departments, the expression of love, and sex on my part. It doesn't help when men don't get these waves of attraction which occasionally reach low points, well perhaps just the love one.
My boyfriend should go out with Bella Donna instead, so that everything they do is nasty cus she wants to be nasty all the time.
I want to go to clubs while they still play Shakira-La Tortura. I think I lost my ID though, and it's tough going to clubs with single people, and when there are straight guys there in general.
Last time a guy grabbed my tits from behind because he was arguing with my friend and I guess wanted to make a point about how to treat women...
There hasn't been anything going on for a while, and now all the parties that are coming up are all at the same time basically. If I go to them all I'll be partying for three consecutive days, and that's no good when one is still living with... my dad.
I havn't been to a good house party in a while so now I don't have such a good picture of them anymore, people just do stupid things because they're drunk and then laugh about it the next day. On the other hand, going to clubs doesn't usually make any memories, you just dance and talk and sip what ever it is you're sipping. Or binge-drinking, actually.
The ideal situation is having a well organized and arranged house party where people can dance. That's what I'm going to on the 3rd, but that's an annual thing and they're all ravers with plastic extentions and they play their kind of music. Oh how positive we are. I'm going to town tomorrow maybe that'll be ok.
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| --I don't care-- |
[27 Aug 2005|03:01pm] |
It's always pleasant to wake up to your kitten nibbling your fingertips.
She was the least good looking one colour-wise but had the best personality...
So yeah... my little pig. My aunt actually thought we had rats cus my cats enjoy ripping up paper and cardboard.
I realized that I own a bike that I can ride too. So I've been riding it. I thought the wheels were broken for years but I just had to pump the tires...
Fred and I watched Charlie and the Chocolate factory, we were disappointed with the Oomppa Loompas but otherwise JOhnny Depp was great as always and the movie was pretty good too.
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| --Fuck Fred Phelps-- |
[26 Aug 2005|03:47pm] |
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God hates fags?
Did you see this guy on the news?? "I'm surprised God hasn't zapped that disgusting fag loving country and whiped out those sinful Swedes. The Tsunami should have whiped that whole country out, I'm surprised Sweden is still on the map!"
Well he said all that but I might have gotten the order of it wrong. And now he's going to come here!!
Åke Green was arrested for peaching against homosexuality and there's a good chace Phelps is next. He was astonished that we dared to put a preacher in jail well he broke the law so...
godhatesfags.com is a very mature website by the way. yes I'm sarcastic.
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| --spiderwebs-- |
[24 Aug 2005|06:23pm] |
Grandma: "Alcoholics are always selfish."
Dad made some money, quite a bit actually, and I thought everything was going to change. I thought we'd renovate the house so I could finally have friends over, but no no.
He still buys the cheapest things he can find, usually second hand. When I ask him if we can fix the kicthen/sauna/hallway/bathroom... he always says "tomorrow." Meaning, "never, you idiot, I'm an alcoholic."
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| --American dad-- |
[24 Aug 2005|12:45am] |
Dad to me: Look the cat always meows at me when I walk into the kitchen and gets in my way.
Dad to cat: Am I not allowed to come into the kicten at all now?
Dad to us: I guess this is a womans room hehe!
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| --Stan says you're a cont..cont... continuous source of inspiration-- |
[22 Aug 2005|06:22pm] |
Hard to write in this thing when nothing is going on. Not even in my head. Well, maybe one thing.
Strange dreams.
Two nights ago I met Tarantino, and I was all "So sorry to bother you I hate that I'm doing this but I just had to ask fi you could please read and edit my script and then have me play a small role in the movie." He was all "Sure come have some ice-tea (???) with me and my writer." His writer (?) was some crazy asian woman who was like one of those wierdo artist, she heared voices in her head, they kept interrupting me when I tried to talk to her. Then he left us for a while at some house by a lake, I went swimming with some girls and we saw a huge fish in the water and they were like "It's tarantino!!" who was now a mer-man and swam up to me, I almost had a heart attack cus I'm scared of lakes, but when I realized it was him I calmed down, he took my hand and swam towards the shore and said I had to help him find his 50 bucks...
Last night I was at Hultsfred with Fred and his group, and we were just drinking and walking around. Suddenly I remembered that there should be some concerts going on, and everyone said all the bands suck but I didn't believe them. Then one said "Well Aerosmith is here" I got excited so we all ran to the concert, Aerosmith played one song I don't even know (don't know most of their songs just the hits) and then like Craig David and Alicia Keys and all these other people I really really don't like came on the stage and stood there cus they were gonna have some charity concert... Steven Tyler started walking trough the audience with some guards and he just walked past all the crazy fans, but I wasn't crazy I just said "hi" and he stared at me in a really nice way...
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| --it's so confusing-- |
[20 Aug 2005|07:23pm] |
Fred's ex moved to my neighborhood now she has her own place, she's having people over for drinks at the moment. Fred is there and then coming to my place when he's done. See I'm good for something, I do provide...
I wish I could have people for drinks, my house is just the ideal place for some serious partying and trashing.
Mom called yesterday, she wants me to go back to Russia as soon as possible. I cried at a shop there. I got angry at the ladies who work there, I mean I'm used to seeing cancers and shrimp and all that still crawling on eachother, but it wasn't just that. It was like sharks and whales and dolfins and catfish and seals and water turtles all crammed together on ice behind glass, moving their gills and kicking. Or not but it's all the same to me. There was this beautiful HUGE black fish type thing, didn't have scales though, with the most beautiful face, moving its gills, and it broke my heart. The women said they couldn't put it out of it's misery because no one had the guts to end it for him, and that he went wild when someone tried to grab him.
So anyway I don't really want to go back, but it was nice having such service there, mom did everything for me.
The houses were beautiful, yes it has a moat.
There aren't any good songs on the radio, Shakira-La Tortura is the only good one but they never play that song. Oh Amy Diamond is good too haha, she's this 13 year old whos really popular at the moment, aah Hultsfred memories. All the guys were singing along to her it was adorable "WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME? I REALLY GOTTA KNOOOOW. WHAT'S IN IT FOR MEE? THIS AINT A ONE MAN SHOOOW..." She doesn't really sing about 13 year old stuff. "You can't have this candy, And keep one foot outside the door, noo."
EDIT: After I wrote this they played Shakira like four times. Oh how I danced.
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