Idle Eyes and a Dormy

And, finally, I am moving to Arizona…

I woke up at 8:30am feeling under the weather (in addition to the lingering soreness from the fall and finger) so I stayed in bed another hour. I got up for a few minutes but felt awful and went back to bed. That’s when the nausea and upset stomach hit. After a few trips to the en suite and some nausea meds, I felt slightly better, so Jeffrey brought me a piece of peanut butter toast and some ginger ale, which I consumed slowly and cautiously. I finally felt well enough to move out to the sofa, but not well enough for much else. We have decided to spend the day inside watching the X-Men movies in chronological order (based on a list I found on the interwebs.)

It’s a gorgeous day out, so maybe I’ll take a break between movies to sit outside and soak up some vitamin D.

If I can stay awake, that is.

Happy Friday, all!

I’m sure you’re all dying to know what incredibly creative and exciting and fun activities I’ve been up to since getting back from Provincetown.

WELL, let me tell you:

Nothing fun. I’m still recovering from the fall so I have not had full use of either hand. Right hand is still all bandaged up and my left hand is still all bruised with limited mobility. So picking things up and putting things away has been a little bit of a challenge. And every little bump into anything reminds me how bruised up the rest of my body is. I swear I’m discovering a new bruise, scrape, or sore spot every day. But I am feeling a little better today than I was a few days ago, so at least I’m headed in the right direction.

Over the course of the last two days I did manage to unpack everything and get most of it put away without Jeffrey’s help, but there were a few things I needed his help for. I’ve also (slowly) been doing a few small chores throughout the day to try to get the house back in order. I can only do some light cleaning and dusting, but I’m doing what I can. I may be overdoing it a bit because, by the end of the day, my hand is throbbing from overuse, but I am resting at night and keeping it elevated. I have a follow up with my primary care physician on Monday to take a look at it. Hopefully it’s healing and looks good and I’ll get a slightly better brace for it.

I have also made a little time to relax, nap, read, and make some plans for the near future.

Of course, my favorite part about being home all day is spending the day with Harvey, although getting him to go potty outside has been more of a challenge lately. He does not seem to want to go to the bathroom outside anymore, no matter what we do. So we’re utilizing a combination of:

1. puppy pads (which he prefers to pee or poop right next to instead of on top of);

2. doggy diapers (which he wiggles out of every time because he hates them);

3. taking him outside every hour on the hour (where he just stands and stares out into the yard for several minutes before doing nothing and coming back in); and

4. Wiping and mopping up the messes as needed.

While the volume isn’t too bad (since he’s an itsy bitsy teeny weeny little puppy dog,) the frequency is still quite annoying. The one silver lining is that he (so far) doesn’t seem to enjoy going on the carpet. Clean up is easier on the laminate, tile, and hardwood floors.

Sigh.

Aside from the chores, dislocated finger (and associated pain), and the constant cleanup of dog feces and urine, retirement has been awesome so far!

We made it home safe and sound. While we’re all happy to be back, I think Harvey is the happiest to be back in familiar surroundings. He started off the trip home this morning with one of his heart breaking seizures, but it only lasted a few seconds and everything was smooth sailing from then on.

I overdid it a bit, helping to unload the car. Jeffrey yelled at me to stop but it was a lot for him to do alone. Now I’m paying for it with throbbing hands and feet, so I’m going to take it easy the rest of the evening and the next few days.

At least I don’t have to go to work tomorrow.

I managed to get a really good night sleep last night. Today I woke up basically as sore as yesterday, so not a whole lot of change yet. I did manage to unwrap my hand to get all my fingernail polish off and get into a shower without too much pain and discomfort. (Not NONE, though!) The bandage we put on my scraped head last night decided to stick to the wound so that was no fun getting off. (OUCH!!!) But otherwise things went relatively smoothly, and I was able to get everything cleaned and dried and wrapped back up. Then we spent the day inside watching TV although for most of that time I was napping. I guess when you fall down the stairs and you’re 55 it takes a lot out of you.

I feel bad because I wanted to leave the condo today so Jeffrey could get out of the house but I just wasn’t feeling up to it, not to mention I felt very self-conscious about the ugly head wound I have. I look like a gay Gorbachev.

We ordered dinner and Jeffrey just ran out to get it so at least we’ll have a better dinner tonight than we did last night (We just had ham and cheese sandwiches we made ourselves, although they actually were really good. We had not eaten much most of the day, as we caught up on sleep from the night before.)

We talked a lot about what we thought happened leading up to the fall. Things are just not adding up in my head. I just can’t imagine any reason why I would’ve blacked out. I know common sense says I fell down the stairs and banged my head. But I really feel like there’s something I’m missing (aside from my memories, smart asses.) I know this is gonna sound paranoid and super crazy, but I’m wondering if someone slipped something in my drink that night. I just can’t account for this memory loss and losing a big chunk of the night. When we talked with Ken, he gave me details about the night that I do not remember. Apparently I was sitting up and talking after the fall, apologizing and expressing how embarrassed I felt and acknowledging that my finger was dislocated and it hurt. I have no recollection of any of that. Why would I not remember that even if I totally forgot the moment of the fall itself? Ken and Jeffrey said I was completely awake and coherent and talking to The EMS folks as they strapped me into a chair and brought me downstairs and put me into the ambulance.

Am I just being paranoid? Is there any point wondering about this since it seems I’ll never know the answer? I feel like I’m driving myself crazy trying to make sense of it all.

Maybe I just need to let it go and accept it is what it is and focus on healing. Beating myself up for being clumsy and screwing up the last two days of our vacation feels a little more par for the course than giving into a crazy theory that I had been drugged. I just can’t help feeling I lost something very precious to me: moments, and memories of those moments, of my life. Maybe that’s just all part of the amnesia.

Or maybe my mind is just being merciful and blocking the trauma of the moment from me. If only it could block the actual injuries ( or at least the pain from them) too.

Oh well.  At least I don’t have to worry about going back to work with a useless right hand  and a roadmap for a hairdo.



So this happened:

Apparently, I did my best impression of a slinky on the staircase last night.

We were walking home after dinner last night. I was slightly ahead of Jeffrey and Ken (the BFJ’s hubby) and got to the condo first. I remember unlocking the door to the condo. The next thing I remember is being strapped to a gurney in the back of an ambulance. An hour later, we were at the nearest hospital in Hyannis. Jeffrey had followed behind. Two hours, an x-ray, and some bloodwork later, I was banged up, bruised, bandaged and on my way home. I have a dislocated, right pinky, severe scrapes on my head and back, and my left hand is bruised. I also lightly twisted my left ankle and I’m covered in bruises and scratch. However, nothing is broken and there are no signs of a concussion.

By some uncanny stroke of luck, Harvey was not hurt at all.

I do not remember what happened. I don’t remember climbing the stairs or getting Harvey, but by time Jeffrey opened the front door to the condo, I was laying in heap on the ground at the bottom of the stairs with Harvey in my arms, babbling a bit. I don’t remember any of that. The best we can surmise is that I must have slipped while taking Harvey downstairs to bring him out to pee, took a pretty hefty tumble down the stairs, banged my head, dislocated my finger, and the knock on my head, gave me a bit of amnesia. I had only had a couple cocktails over the course of four hours, and I was totally fine walking home so this was not an alcohol related accident. I think it was just a mis-step and a terrible fall. I’ve never had any kind of amnesia before, so it is very weird to have no idea how this happened or any memory of the fall at all. If it weren’t for the wounds and being sore all over, I wouldn’t even know I fell.

It’s been raining since we got up, so it’s a perfect day to rest and recuperate. Jeffrey ran to CVS to get me some medicine and gauze to treat the scrapes, and we’re just resting and watching movies for the day.

I guess I can cross “safety instructor” off my post-retirement second career ideas list. maybe “Gravity tester”?

And I wish I could get the song “I’ll tumble for you” out of my head.

Well, it FINALLY happened. After 3 decades, I got hit on in Ptown. Car slowed down and they yelled out the window “very cute!”

Of course, it was a lesbian. And we were walking Harvey. And she was talking about him. But then she added “All 3 of you are.” So I’m counting it!

I have been waking up every morning at 6:30am like clockwork. (That was my work from home wake up time.) No biggie, just an interesting observation. I do love sipping coffee during an early, quiet morning, especially on the Cape.

We had coffee and breakfast in the condo, then I laid down on the couch with Harvey to enjoy the breeze from the open patio doors and fell asleep to the white noise of traffic. I napped until a little after 1:00. I guess I needed the rest.

Harvey seemed restless, so we took him for a short walk but, apparently, he did NOT want to go! It is not a good look for two big bears to be dragging a 6 lb puppy down Commercial Street at the end of a leash, so we gave up and came back to the condo, which is a shame because it is be-a-U-tiful out, “gently” sunny and in the high 50s. My kinda weather.

We just got text from the BFJ’s husband, K. He wasn’t going to make it back this weekend (he had jury duty), but that got cancelled so he will be coming into town later today after all, and the three of us will have a later dinner.

Just another peaceful, enjoyable day and evening in Ptown. I can’t get enough of them.

Well, today it’s official official. My last day of “being on vacation” and on the payroll was yesterday. Effective today, I’m completely disconnected from my professional life. And somehow I actually feel it today. I’m free. And it feels fucking fantastic!

I was hoping to have even more amazing news to share. Alas, it did not pan out. We recently found out about a lottery for a new affordable apartment complex being built in Provincetown. Rents will be regulated to make them more affordable. We filled out an application and our household made it into the lottery. Unfortunately, there are only 58 apartments and there were 655 applicants. Our number was 345 in the lottery. So we didn’t make the cut. We were seriously bummed for about a day, but we adjusted our mindset and just accepted that it is what it is. Our next adventure will just have to take us elsewhere. At least we tried.

We are a little over halfway through our vacation. We’re having a great time, alternating between being in the moment and discussing what comes next. The weather has been mostly cooperative with sunshine and higher temps…and just a little rain. We’ve taken some nice long walks through town with Harvey, played games, read, napped, listened to music, and had some great laughs. Our friend Dave was here visiting with his dog Logan from Sunday to Wednesday, and now we’re on our own until Sunday.

The BFJ was supposed to come back on Saturday AM but work and life issues have come up so he won’t be able to make it back this weekend after all. Bummer.

The only solid plans we have for the rest of our time here are dinner reservations. Otherwise, we’re playing it by ear and seeing where the days take us.

That seems like a pretty good plan, going forward.

Forgive my silence…I’m having a great time with Jeffrey, Harvey, and a rotating cast of friends in Ptown and just want to soak up every ounce of joy I can while this trip lasts. There may be a bit of overindulgence but absolutely no regrets. Not even deciding to paint my nails purple for the week!

Let the celebration continue!