Home Is Where The Dogs Are

We made our trip home or, should I say, we visited the place that used to be home.

It was hectic, fast and rather hard on this introvert but we packed in a whole lot of love. My mother’s sister, who is the most wonderful, wise woman, is still living in the home that she has been in as long as I have been alive. She and her husband are getting close to not being able to care for themselves. Two of my sisters have stepped in to help, most assuredly prolonging their stay. When their tenure inside this home that holds so many memories is over, their son will move them closer to him in the San Diego area. If and when that happens I will probably never see them again but I won’t go down that rabbit hole. I dread that time but, of course, want whatever is best for them.

I schemed and managed to get my three sisters and their spouses, as well as my youngest daughter, into my aunts home in one afternoon. We had lunch and conversation. It warmed my heart. 

We golfed twice! It was fantastic to be back on the course in one of the most beautiful cities in the world.

Our dear friend Nancy was also a two-fer, having lunch one day and dinner on another. We try to spend as much time as we can as she is now 98 and starting to get a little frail. She still dresses smart, puts on full makeup, always has jewelry in place and is ready to discuss the latest bit of literature she is into. We don't take our time with her for granted.

Spent some sweet time with my youngest too♥

Finally my brother and his wife hosted us for a few hours. We sort-of spent the night by going to bed at 9pm but leaving for home at 3am. They were so gracious about that and they sent us home with a big bag of avocados which is always a treat.

All total, we were gone for 8 days. Three of those days were eaten by travel. We made the trip home in a straight 17 hours of driving. 

Not bad for two old coots.

We are home! We are where we are suppose to be and it feels good to know that.

A Change Of Heart

Back from out trip. It was amazing and amazingly fast. Not nearly enough time to do all that we needed or wanted to do but we did what we could.

It was a comfort to know that as we headed back to Oregon, we both felt that we were headed "home". This last year and three months have been tumultuous and heartbreaking but there have been many good things that have emanated from the chaos. Boy Scout and I have taken our relationship to a level that I, with my damaged heart and severed trust, never thought would happen. We are stronger and more solid than we have ever been before. I chock some of that up to a renewed and flourishing relationship with myself. Loving myself is a far better foundation than building on another person. I can love him, and others, much more freely as I develop a genuine like for the person I am, not despite all my flaws, but because of them. I am perfectly imperfect.

We decided to put a ring on it. Nope, we didn't get married but we did have a little ceremony expressing our hopes and dreams as we walk each other home.

He got a traditional gold band, strong and solid, and when I think of it, it makes me smile. I, on the other hand, went a little less traditional. I don't care for diamond rings much because they just don't suit me. Instead, me and my girl went hunting. We found a little shop in Ventura and got a bit of sea glass set in silver. My girl bought my ring and she joined us as we exchanged our promises. Having her there added so much to my joy. How perfect. That little town by the sea brought us together and even though we no longer live there, a little piece of the town will stay on my finger, reminding me of love. Love for my Boy Scout, for my kids that were raised there, for the community the I left behind but miss so much, and for the promise of renewal. Like the ocean, life is ever changing.

I've had a great lesson on embracing the change.

I Have Learned

In ACA meetings, we are suppose to talk about our experience, strength and hope in the expectation that relaying our walk will, somehow, help a fellow traveler. It often does. It can bolster my resolve and renew hope when I am despairing.

Yesterday my girl texted me that her partner's job ended unexpectedly. So many things are going through my head.

I am worried about her. I always worry about her but this layers on a bit more.

I am worried they will move. My boys have left this little town and I can't say as I blame them. Ventura is a wonderful place to live if:

• You can make an above average income. This is a beach town and not very affordable.
• You have a pretty significant safety net. You need a lot of back up to keep life on track when things go wrong.
• You do not have a very specialized career. We are a small town and an hour or two from big industry.

So, my girl and her man have hunkered down and are talking about options and I am here wanting to scream, to give input, to advise and above all to KEEP HER CLOSE. But in all honesty, I cannot. I want her to stay but I want them to be free to make their choices without my influence.....only my love and support.

The things we are called to do as parents....sometimes it feels like surgery, cutting out pieces of our hearts.

I have learned to keep quiet, to support when asked, to love unconditionally and to go to my God to soothe these feelings instead of trying to change the outcome in order to be soothed. And, most importantly, have learned that out of disaster and messes, come beautiful things and great growth.

Don't Go Away!

We have had glorious rain and I am refreshed, my soul washed clean by it. The plants in my tropical garden surely are confused to have gone so long without a drop of this precious matter. It goes by many monikers; water, H2O, aqua, drink, dew, moisture....  Whatever you call it, we've got some and boy do we need it. The cities of Ventura and Santa Barbara have been under close watch with voluntary evacuations put in order. Not something we are taking lightly. 

View from Grant Park - Cross

This storm is almost over and tomorrow it is expected to be sunny and back into the 70° range. I will welcome a little bit of sun but have enjoyed this weather tremendously and wouldn't mind if it headed back out direction real quick.


PS  I would be remiss if I didn't mention that on January 9, 2018 our local cities were digging out of horrific mudslides, not because we had an especially lot of rain that season but because we had had the terrible deforestation of Thomas fire that burned 281,000 acres, followed by a strong storm and then a storm surge that dropped a 1/2 of inch of rain in 5 minutes time. The result was a massive mudslide, 21 people killed and $227,000,000. in property damage, emergency response and cleanup. This has been a very hard year for this place we call home.

Rebuilding From The Ground Up

Hi all....

This has been an unusual holiday. Our beautiful city is still blinking their eyes with wonder at the horrific fire that swept through, destroying everything in its path then staying around enough to darken the skies and make the landscape look snow covered for two weeks.

I've found myself thrilled beyond belief that we had all four of the kids home for the Christmas. One night, as we ate a delicious dinner that my Boy Scout prepared, I found myself catching my breath and my heart squeezing with love and gratitude (there should be a word for that feeling). The four kids with two of their partners were in the dining room while the Boy Scout and I ate in the living room. They sat and talked and laughed, just enjoying each others company. It was such a sweet moment.

In all the good and wonderful, there has been a shadow....a shadow of all the friends and fellow Venturans that have lost everything. It has been a time to grieve. My boy and I went up to our old street. It was right I went with him as he too loved that silly house that didn't love us back. We cried... for for the devastation and perhaps for the memory of the painful time the led to the leaving of that big green house and maybe even the loss of the special times we shared when we worked side by side in the yard but it felt healing too....like shedding a wet dirty sweatshirt after some good hard work. Grief is a funny thing...it comes up and bites your butt when you least expect it.

In this video, the house that held my heart is front and center at 1:47. I hold each and every neighbor in my heart and wish them peace, happiness and healing in addition to a good architect and an honest builder in the very near future.

Happy Holidays to you and yours!

The City I Love

Good and bad, I love my city. It is where my heart is.

Ventura is a very laid back, relaxed town. Culturally diverse, fun and funky...

There's about 106,000 people here....76% white, 31% Hispanic, etc.  At the last count, of those 106K people, 306 were homeless. That number seems a little low to me but I'll take it. With all its beauty and great location, it is not cheap to live in Ventura. A young family of 4 needs to have an income of $82,000.00 to live modestly. Childcare and housing being the largest expenses in a budget, averaging around $1150.00 for childcare and $1500.00 for housing, minimum wage jobs just don't cut it.

That being said, if you are one of the lucky ones who can afford housing, food and other basics, there are many things to enjoy about our town;

30 Things to Love About Ventura 

According to a Washington Post article in 2015, Ventura County is the most desirable place to live in America for climate. I can't argue with it. Our warm months are from June to October where we see an average high of 73°F (22°C). We will see a spike of a few weeks in the summer where we all suffer through it and go to a lot of movies because very few people in Ventura have A/C. The cool months are November to April with an average high temp below 67°F (19°C) and rarely going below the 50°'s. We get a May-June gloom that I am not overly fond of but some people enjoy. 

All in all, we have the beach, mountains, good food, great weather, decent schools and loads of brewerys for you beer lovers. I love it mostly because it is where my people are and where my person is.

Welcome!

Mission San BuenaVentura - founded in 1782
(That's REALLY old for us Californians)

View from City Hall

Famous Two Trees♥

One of the lucky ones that can afford to buy a home.