Happy Beltane/May Day (NSFW)

Once again it is BELTANE/MAY DAY,

when horny pagans around the world

do their duty to ensure the fertility of the Earth

by celebrating with May Pole dancing,

bonfires and outdoor sex.

Not every religion, of course, has

such a liberated or freewheeling attitude to

ESS   EEE   EKS.

Her Royal Highness the Cat 

tries to keep a paw in 

EACH camp, of course.

But I know the REST OF YOU

will gladly join me in some

NSFW humour!

Fertility Rites in a Time of Pandemic

Happy May Day, everyone, and a Blessed Beltane to you all!

Alas, there will be no pagan sexual rites 

conducted in person this year out in the 

forests, meadows and fields to encourage 

the fertility of the earth.

Social distancing must be maintained, you know.

I'm afraid that in 2020 all we can do

is enjoy some NSFW memes and LOLs.

Oh well, better than nothing, I suppose.

Beltane Blessings!

The pagan festival of May Day or Beltane is when the Lord and Lady . . .

. . . the Goddess and the Green Man . . .

. . . the Goddess and the Horned God . . .

 . . . however you want to characterize them . . .  get together to perform the *ahem* Great Rite, as it is known, to ensure the fertility of the Earth in the coming months.

All good pagans are encouraged to do the same with the partner(s) of their choice to help the process along, so to speak.

So what are you hanging around here for? Get out in those fields and do your religious duty!

It's May Day!

So go find a maypole and dance around it! You can take that as literally or as figuratively as you want.

Beltane Blessings to All

Okay now, you know what to do! Get going!

Happy May Day!

No, I don't mean the airplane disaster Mayday. What kind of sicko would wish you a happy one of those? Sheesh, gimme some credit.

And I don't mean the militaristic Soviet-style International Workers' Day May Day because that was never no fun for nobody (ooo, triple negative score!)

I mean the good old-fashioned pagan festival of running around nekkid in the fields with a horny goat god May Day!

Have fun!

Happy Beltane!

Hey, what the hell are you doing here reading this post? Shouldn't you be out somewhere nekkid in a field encouraging the fertility of nature? It's Beltane, for Goddess's sake! Get going, you crazy pagan!

My Annual Beltane Snit

Every year at the beginning of May, I go into my annual Beltane snit. This is why.

The pronunciation of Celtic words is impossible to figure out just by looking at them. They are never pronounced the way they look. That's why you need to put a bit of effort into determining how to pronounce them correctly.

But it's a losing battle here in North America (and maybe even in Britain, for that matter). Every pagan I know pronounces Beltane exactly the way it looks (BEL-tane) instead of its correct pronunciation (BOWL-tan-a), which I learned years ago from The Magickal Year's pronunciation guide to Gaelic/Welsh mythological and pagan words.

But this will be my last Beltane snit. After many fruitless years of attempting to lead by example, I now concede that it is impossible to stand against this tide of popular mispronunciation. So I hereby throw in the towel and from now on I will celebrate BEL-tane like everyone else. It's just easier to go with the flow.

*heavy martyred sigh*

Beltane / May Day

Every year around this time, my Rare One waxes poetic and recites (seemingly incessantly) a little verse that she learned during her youth on the Canadian prairies:

Hurray, hurray, the first of May!

Outdoor screwing starts today!

Now, as poetry, this doggerel ranks right up there with the equally popular rhyme from the hippy era:

If this van's a-rockin',

Don't come a-knockin'!

Nevertheless, the first of May verse does genuinely express the pagan spirit of Beltane, when Celtic people traditionally had sex outdoors in the fields and woods to encourage the fecundity of the Goddess and the Green Man. Did this verse have its origin in the ancient pagan rites of the Old Country or is it simply a randy 20th century expression of campground horniness? Who knows?

Enjoy your maypole dancing, everyone!