There really is hope!

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5 years ago I was working out at my gym when I looked up at the TV screens when on the treadmill and saw this…

I was devastated. I got off the treadmill with tears streaming down my cheeks. I just couldn’t believe my eyes as I adored Notre Dame so much.

I’ll never forget first seeing Notre Dame while walking the streets during my first ever trip to Paris. The moment I first saw her, I knew her, even though I’d never even been to Paris in my life, I really knew her. I was suddenly transported as if into a long lost memory of the construction of this historical cathedral. I then felt the feeling of falling to my death from the scaffolding surrounding her construction. Could it be I had been there? Been part of her construction? Had I taken a fall and died as part of the hundreds of workers and artisans who built this unbelievable structure? I shivered even though it was a warm June day in Paris. I then shook it off. This wasn’t something possible, not something I believed in.

However my mourning her loss was deeply felt. I feared that I, nor anyone else, would ever get to walk through her doors again surrounding oneself in the artistic beauty of her interior, feel the serenity within her nor would anyone be able to climb the stairs to the lookout atop the two front towers to marvel at the views of Paris. The feeling of loss was much deeper than just a tourist who had visited her a few times, but more like the loss of something that was a part of me. The thought entered my mind about my first experience. Why was my connection as a non religious person so deep?  Was there a possibly a chance that I had lived another life before? Could that falling to my death feeling have actually been a memory?

Today this video popped into my feed. Paris has actually done this. Paris has actually brought her back to life. I have hope, I have hope that I, and millions of others, will once again walk through her doors and experience the magnificence of her presence, her beauty and her serenity.

My meditation for today

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Today I will be grateful for just being me. I choose to find good, find beauty in what is around me and for what I have.
From my gratitude, I will see and attract more I can be grateful for.

No matter the circumstance, there is always something I can be grateful for or something I can appreciate in some way. I’ll start with one thing and from that one thing, I will find more. I just have to be open and be willing.

Life is good, the story

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This past summer I had the fortunate opportunity to hear Bert Jacobs, co-founder of Life is Good, speak at a seminar I attended. He filled the room with light and joy as he shared a longer version of the story in this short clip below.

The message I took away is that good things start within each of us. We just have to remain open and to start from a place of love. It reminded me of a book I read once when seeing a career counselor titled Do What You Love, The Money Will Follow.
The Jacobs brothers’ story embodies this perspective. The real key to their ultimate success is that they walk the walk and give back to those who need it most. They share their success to the betterment of others.

So I ask myself: What can I do today to positively impact at least one person or place I encounter today? For a better tomorrow starts with just one good act today.

May peace, love and light be yours today, and tomorrow.

I needed this reminder

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Once again I’m going to post a video that I posted in my past blogging. However restarting my path to a more positive life in the face of what I fear may become adverse to me, I’m going back to some roots of my past that kept me out of darkness and in light.
Since I have trudged out of darkness before, it is vital that I stay in the light and not allow myself to even entertain darkness. I know me and I can easily slip into darkness and end up wallowing in it.
So to keep me on a better path I’m reaching into my tool bag and picking up tools that helped me before. This particular video was one of them. It reminds me to be me, to show my flaws and realize that they are an asset. My strength comes from challenges I’ve previously overcome. By being vulnerable and showing my true self, I can grow stronger and hopefully I can also help others that may have similar experiences to overcome.
I am currently reliving a frightening memory in my mind and may share about it soon. It’s not an easy story to share nor a comfortable one for others to learn about. However it is a story that shaped me and shows up in how I react to instability in my life. So stay tuned as it may come out of me in the future. I do not know when or even if it will, but I’m going to write about it in private first and then just take it from there.

Anyhoo, today I post this video as it was good for me to watch it again. Maybe it will help one of you on your journey as well.

May peace prevail on earth as well as in your life.

 

Good Morning Starshine

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I’ve posted this Sesame Street scene from 1969 before and have decided to post it again. As a young boy I was often left out and felt very isolated, fearful and different from my peers. Sesame Street offered me a place where I could fit in. I started watching Sesame Street in 1969 which was the year it premiered, and the same year Oliver released this song. I remember this song playing on the radio as I also vividly remember the first time seeing this performance by the Sesame Street cast.

This song is warm and loving. I adored it. Every time I heard it I felt safe and ok. Seeing it on screen in this clip I felt included, part of and loved. To this day I cannot hear it without feeling those same feelings. I can often be heard singing it to myself when I need a lift. Needless to say with all that has gone on with me these past two weeks, I need this song more than ever.

Thus I will start my week with Good Morning Starshine, both the Sesame Street version as well as the original by Oliver.

Good Morning Starshine – Sesame Street Cast – 1969

Oliver – Good Morning Starshine – 1969

May your coming week be filled with light, love, peace and joy.

BERJAYA

Handsome Beard (I remember as a young gay man I was told to always wear only Levi’s 501 button fly jeans and to always leave the bottom button undone as this was a signal to other gay men that I was gay. I still to this day follow the wise direction I was given, and it’s good to see others following this tradition.)

Beard of the day

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A little getaway

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It only lasted an hour but I needed it. Gladys was resting well and  didn’t have any work I absolutely had to this afternoon so the husband and I drove over to the beach and sat on the seawall for a bit. Sunny and 67 degrees F, it was beautiful.

BERJAYA

Mission Beach San Diego

BERJAYA

May you find beauty in your day as well.

Gladys update 11/8/24

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BERJAYA

Gladys resting at my side

It’s been a week since her emergency surgery and she is steady and stable. Last night she was restless, but today is resting well. Her eye doesn’t look as good as this time from first surgery but her surgeon warned me that it wouldn’t. He said it would be hazy, red, irregular and off more so than before as her stitches had to be larger and more irregular stitching it up a second time.

She takes her drops well and her meds well. Her spirit is happy and joyful. She craves attention and I try to give her as much as I can. I hope, I pray and I give her comfort that she heals well, her eye is saved and that she has some sight out of it in the end.

Thank you for walking this journey with us. The setback was pretty traumatic on us, but we are moving forward. Keep us in your thoughts, and please send healing her way. I adore her.

 

13 years Sober

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Thirteen years ago today I came to out of a drunken stupor for hopefully the last time in my life. When I came to that morning I was laying almost naked on the cold hard tile floor of a bathroom of Las Vegas hotel room, again as this wasn’t the first time this had happened. I was in pain physically and emotionally. I had no idea how I had gotten there, nor did I know how all the bruises and scrapes had occurred that were all over my body.

I pulled myself up off the floor and saw a man in the mirror who wasn’t the man that I had intended to become. I actually didn’t even know who that man was any more. I had to get showered, dressed, checked out of the hotel and to the airport to catch a flight home. I didn’t drink that day and the next day I asked for help. The hand of AA was there for me and it worked. I stopped drinking.

Fast forward 13 years all the way to today and I am a happy sober man who is becoming the man I had always hoped to be. One day, one step at a time. I hope to always continue to grow and although I might not ever be exactly who I’d like to be, at least I’m headed in the right direction. I have my home, my beautiful husband, 7 (yes seven) rescue dogs and a loving family by birth, by choice as well as in AA.

I am forever grateful to all those who have helped me trudge this road toward happy destiny and am grateful for those who I will meet along the way as I progress. I couldn’t do this alone, and I haven’t had to do this alone.

Now having written this I’m all verklempt from the gratitude I feel for the life I have been given. Talk amongst yourselves.
BERJAYA

With clouds come rainbows

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I have clouds in my world today. It’s kind of dark.
I am going to find someone, somewhere to whom I can be kind today.
If my world is dark, I can brighten it by brightening someone else’s world.
I’ll be a rainbow in someone’s clouds today.
In turn maybe a rainbow will appear in my clouds in a few days.

Creating good

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Earlier in the beginnings of our blog Fearsome Beard, one of our goals was to inspire, to share good, to grow, to create, to learn and to always look for the positive.

Fearsome (the beard) has reminded me in the last 24 hours that it’s time we maybe went back to those roots, revisit this goal and maybe lean more in that direction.

Don’t worry as the pictures of handsome bearded men will continue, but we thinks it’s time we maybe wrote more, shared more good news, found inspiration and promoted more of what we want to see in our world.

Stay tuned as we don’t yet know exactly what this will look like. We hope it can bring peace, joy, love and growth to all who visit here as well as ourselves, Fearsome and myself (the worker of this keyboard).