I have just finished watching the Queen's Diamond Jubilee Concert (we recorded it). What a glittering event! I only wish I had won one of the tickets to be there in person...
When we Brits decide to throw a party, we certainly do it in style. A crown-shaped stage around the Victoria Memorial on The Mall, Buck House outstretched behind - and in a stroke of genius, used as a big screen onto which film of the Queen's reign and other images were projected - a dazzling line-up of billion-selling artists, a range of music spanning six decades, an audience of tens of thousands... What could be better?
Opening the show accompanied by a huge miltary band, Robbie Williams rocked
Let Me Entertain You like a child throwing his toys out of the pram, but that's exactly what we love him for! We shan't, however, mention the next few acts - that's what fast-forward is for. Will.i.am, Jessie J, our organiser Gary Barlow duetting with "Cherl Kerl" (Cheryl Cole), JLS, Sir Cliff Richard. Ewww.
The inevitable classical section rescued us from absolute musical crucifixion, thankfully, opening with the brilliant Lang-Lang ("the musical Panda"?) and his piano virtuosity, which calmed matters down a bit - well, until Alfie Boe (on next) decided to turn
O Sole Mio into some kind of pub-rock number. Speaking of piano geniuses, Jools Holland and Ruby Turner were fabulous as always, singing Billy Preston's
You Are So Beautiful.
However, even Miss Turner's flowery frock couldn't compete with the stunning magnificence that is Grace Jones! At 64, the diva proved her mettle by hula-hooping throughout a gutsy rendition of
Slave to the Rhythm, and I was on the edge of my seat!
Unfortunately, as is the nature of such an event, the ups are followed by downs.
Ed Sheeran is a boring little tit, and was completely out of place on this set. I think even the Royals popped out the back for a pee and a fag at this point. A big surprise followed, for despite the glittery frock and angel wings the lovely Annie Lennox was surprisingly off tonight, as she struggled to reach the notes she used to on
Must Be An Angel (Playing With My Heart). Renee Fleming had no such problems with her beautiful rendition of
Un bel dì vedremo from Madam Butterfly, however.
The first sign of a true crowd-pleaser was the magnificent Sir Tom Jones singing a rollocking version of
Mama Told Me Not To Come, and of course
Delilah - which had thousands in the crowd singing along! Only fitting for such a musical icon, of course.
The interlude saw the arrival of Her Majesty (gawd bless her - especially since Phil has been taken to hospital), looking fab in a black cape (last seen on her in a 1968 Cecil Beaton portrait). And just in time for the lovely Robbie's return, this time on
Mack the Knife (rather good it was too). Unlike Gary Barlow and Andrew Lloyd-Webber's "official tribute"
Sing - massed chorus or no massed chorus. But who cares about "official tributes" - it was DIVA TIME!
Resplendent in a glittering white chiffon number, Dame Shirley Bassey it seems only had one song to sing - but by god she certainly
sang it! And what else would she choose on this special occasion but
Diamonds Are Forever? Sublime...
No sooner had one great gay icon glittered her way off (stage left), but in from stage right skipped our own Pearly Queen Kylie! Accompanied by girls in silver crown dresses and faux-guardman hats and bouncy boys with sequinned crown t-shirts, she bowled the audience over with a stunning medley of her hits -
Spinning Around,
Can't Get You Out Of My Head,
Step Back In Time and
All The Lovers. Wow!
Coming back down to earth a bit, and realising that by now it had got dark, the focus shifted to Buckingham Palace itself, illuminated with flowers. There, on the prestigious balcony, Alfie Boe and Renee Fleming sang a beautiful rendition of one of my all-time most beloved songs
Somewhere. Truly lovely...
Back to the stage, and it was the turn of the sparkly pink wonder that is Elton John! Evidently still recovering from his recent bout of pneumonia, he was slightly croaky but nevertheless every inch the showman on
I'm Still Standing,
Your Song and
Crocodile Rock. He was followed by the equally legendary Stevie Wonder (a man in whom I have never really seen the appeal), who got even the Royal box tapping its feet to
Sir Duke. However, from there it went downhill (with the godawful
Isn't She Lovely and a duet with that bloody creep Will.i.am), so I moved on.
Of course, next up was one of the great anticipated highlights of the evening, as Madness performed a selection of their classics (including
Our House, complete with projected image of terraced housing across the front of the Palace, and
It Must Be Love with hearts) - on the roof of The Queen's residence! Incredibly clever, and rather fab.
Sir Paul McCartney (the most successful of all the artists on the bill) was the inevitable headliner, with a selection of Beatles and his solo hits; from
Magical Mystery Tour through
Let it Be and
Live and Let Die to the finale of
Ob-la-di, at which point everyone (Charles, Camilla and the Queen herself included) took to the stage.
To finish, Prince Charles (who called The Queen "Mummy" much to the joy of the crowd) made a speech of thanks to everyone; the crowd did a shout-out to the ailing Philip and a big "three cheers" to HM; thousands of voices sang the National Anthem through an ocean of Union Jacks; Her Majesty placed a large jewel into a rather Bond-like apparatus and the Official Jubilee Beacon lit up - and then the whole world exploded!!
A totally and utterly remarkable occasion...
Diamond Jubilee Concert
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